Sad Wife

My husband isn't physically attracted to me. He told me so. He also told me he would have to get drunk to have sex with me. So of course I am hurt. Anyway the physical interaction I am craving isn't sexual. I just want to be hugged, held and feel love. Somehow my four year old son knew. This morning he gave me a hug and he said " I will hug you everyday." It truly warmed my heart. I know my sons love cannot replace my husbands. But it felt good to hear him say exactly what I needed to hear.
sadipooh sadipooh
36-40, F
9 Responses Oct 1, 2013

I just found this site. What are you doing with him. I know it's hard, but no matter what you deserve someone who will be with you that thinks you are the best in the world. and I understand it has nothing to do with sex, just hugs. I get you. get out while you can, if you baby notices then you need to go.

Don't get a boyfriend (it makes you feel worse) and dont become a swinger. I've experienced both with my husband. It will ruin the marriage. But on the other hand. If your husband tells you that he has to be drunk to make love to you...he isn't your true mate. That's simply cruel. Just know you are worth more hun. If a man/women doesn't love you regardless. They are not you're soul mate.

im spike. my wife and i need another female! we will give u physical attention that u need. u just need to clear ur mind.

Ummmm no. I'm not here to hook up.

I want kids you

Okay this will probably get me negative feedback but oh well. I told my ex that before. Same about the drinking too. I will be honest and say that she was beautiful as hell. We just had other problems that were getting in the way. Like trust issues with her and what not. My point is that he married you so he is attracted to you physically. There just might be other things in the way that are making him not feel attracted to you. Hopefully you guys can sit down and talk about what that is and try to work on it. I know things will change if that happens. That's why he wanted you back after the separation. HE IS STILL ATTRACTED TO YOU. When you are separated all of those negative feelings aren't there. I've went through that as well.

No negative feed back here. That was an honest answer. I appreciate it.

Some people marry people they are NOT physically attracted to. A desire to hide being gay, to get back at a lover who dumped them, or a desire to have more material things may be the reason for the people to marry someone that they aren't physically attracted to.

That is valid but not the case here. He definitely was attracted back then.

I'll let you girls on in a secret. Guys need to feel close to have sex too. Most won't admit it but it's true. For guys usually though it's respect. Woman want to be loved and guys want to be respected.

Wow!!! It is awesome to get valid advice from a virtual stranger.

Haha! No problem. What's the point of saying anything if I'm not going to "keep it real" so to speak. I promise you that something else is bothering him and it's probably not your looks. Just talk to him and tell him no more bs. Demand honesty. It might take a bit of coaxing but be patient and understanding. Maybe he's insecure. Who knows.

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I know a lot of people will say this but i really understand what your going through. My husband tells me he doesnt like touching me. He will say 'hey ugly' when i call him. So I understand what thats like. I almost have to beg him to ouch me. YOur husband's telling you that so you feel bad about yourself. I understand there are many reasons why a person stays. But you deserve better than that. I understand its hard, i have to tell myself that everyday and most days I still dont believe it. But you are young, dont spend your life with someone who treats you like that. I know I havent seen you, but the way you wrote that I can tell your beautiful. I truly understand you have reasons to stay but you are worth and deserve more. Again something I'm trying to learn myself.

Stay strong.

Thank you. I am not ugly and neither are you. I know that. So when he says these things I don't feel like I an unattractive person. I just feel rejected by someone who once made me feel beautiful. It feels like a betrayal.

My husband has also told me the same type of things in the past. We became separated not too long ago for various reasons and now all of a sudden he wants to work on things. And says things like I'm beautiful.... We've been together for 6 years and he hasn't said anything complimentary after maybe 5 months in... So why now and does he even truly think nice things? I don't really think so.

You should be with someone that loves you as a person. I know it is hard. I also have a 4 year old son and I know it is hard to move on when I child is involved. But perhaps that would be better. And with what Mettamomma said is true that he is emotionally abusive to you. You don't deserve that. :)

Thank you. I know I don't deserve it. It is cliche but true. I really love this man and he loves me too but it isn't always healthy. We are either going to grow or fall a part.

I'm married to the same sort of affection-averse person, but she just hasn't come out and told me so, in so many words.

Yes, there are many reasons to stay, despite all that . . but it's a physical, emotional, and psychological challenge, for sure.

He told me this when I confronted him about it so I don't think he was being spiteful. Just a very harsh cruel truth. And him having said that makes it that much harder to try and initiate intimacy on my part.

Why stay with someone who promises you so little? If you leave him, you become open to getting into a relationship with someone who is attracted to you and loves being intimate with you.

Honestly, because it hasn't always been that way. I will see if it changes.

He has said some excruciatingly hurtful things to you about why he has not been intimate. If those things are true, when he was intimate, he was hiding his true feelings. If what he said was a lie, then is is an emotional abuser.

An emotional abuser sounds correct. Thank you for your insight.

Physical attraction never means one has to be physically perfect. It is about so much more a mental connection is key. Look around you at couples that are still hot for each other. This is his way of abusing you so your confidence withers away. Surprise him and start doing things for yourself like joining a gym or group (bowling) without him. Watch how nervous he gets when he realizes you will meet new people. That show you your value and his own dislike of himself passed on to you has nothing to stand on. You go girl show him what you got!!!

I think he is acting out because I do have a social life. He works long hours and often on Saturdays. I usually meet up with my girlfriends for brunch or take my children to the park with other Mommy friends. It isn't anything mildly inappropriate and I always check with him first before I make these plans.

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