This is very hard for me to admit. Something I know I shouldn't be ashamed of, but I am. And it makes me incredibly sad.
I am craving the touch of another. It has been so long, I fear that I have forgotten what that feels like. I fear that I may never have it again. I fear that it's been so long, I will just learn to live with it and will shy away from any contact from any other person. And I don't want to be like that.
It has been almost one year since I was intimate with my husband (whom I'm separated from). No hand holding, no hugs, no cuddling, no sex.
It has been 7 months since the last time I had sex. Yet, there was no real intimacy with that.
Thinking back to the few hugs I've gotten from friends, I now realize that I felt a little uncomfortable with that kind of touch. Was it because I didn't want to get too into it because I was craving it? Or was it because I was becoming awkward with that kind of touch?
This lack of intimacy, touch, the safety of being in someone's arms, the feeling of being wanted is beginning to physically hurt. And it's emotionally killing me slowly.
I just feel so alone.