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This is very hard for me to admit.  Something I know I shouldn't be ashamed of, but I am.  And it makes me incredibly sad. 

I am craving the touch of another.  It has been so long, I fear that I have forgotten what that feels like.  I fear that I may never have it again.  I fear that it's been so long, I will just learn to live with it and will shy away from any contact from any other person.  And I don't want to be like that.

It has been almost one year since I was intimate with my husband (whom I'm separated from).  No hand holding, no hugs, no cuddling, no sex. 

It has been 7 months since the last time I had sex.  Yet, there was no real intimacy with that. 

Thinking back to the few hugs I've gotten from friends, I now realize that I felt a little uncomfortable with that kind of touch.  Was it because I didn't want to get too into it because I was craving it?  Or was it because I was becoming awkward with that kind of touch?  

This lack of intimacy, touch, the safety of being in someone's arms, the feeling of being wanted is beginning to physically hurt.  And it's emotionally killing me slowly. 

I just feel so alone.

CuriosityKitten CuriosityKitten 31-35, F 109 Responses Jan 12, 2009

Your Response


Geez, you're worried about a 7 months? Try your whole life. I am 30 and have never been in a relationship. I have never had a man express any intimacy, love, care, or affection for me. I did not lose my virginity until I was 26 because I hoped to wait for someone who loved me. Didn't happen and I finally gave in out of curiosity. Now I am back to being celibate as I have found empty sex to be lacking. I have gone for months at a time without a hug, even a platonic one, because I have no friends and my family is far away.

((((( Holding you close in my thoughts )))))
If we live close I would hold you for as long as you wanted to be held.

Hello CuriosityKitten,
roososo has great advice. You might try getting massages (even if you never did before), exercise classes, dancing classes, church services. Go where other people are and get connected. Get away from the house/apartment! Ask for those hugs !! Friends love to provide them! Just ask. Take care.

CuriosityKitten, this makes me so sad for you! I know that through the years there have been long patches without sexual intimacy, but that I have always been able to rely on platonic physical intimacy from my friends. This is a human need, and I do feel that to go such long time without fulfilling it is like not using a muscle; that part of you dies a little bit when you don't exercise it! I encourage you to acknowledge your need to your friends, and ask for good, strong, lingering hugs. If they love you, they will oblige, and even be happy to reciprocate your affection. Start small, a handshake, a hand on a shoulder. Feel your way into it, but make it a definite goal and keep your progress in mind. Even those things we sometimes take for granted are life skills, and we always have to develop ourselves! Hugs

That gotta work xx

Try and find yourself a nice man but if you can't...<br />
Get your hair and makeup done leave your panties at home and find a guy to S h a g you if still undefeated get your T I T S out xxxx

I crave my husband's touch all the time. He is never home. When he does come home its for a quick week of sex and time with the children. I miss the dating and the excitement. He is my world but I sure and lonely.

I understand how you feel i got a husband but he never take notice of me .he only wants me if he need someting
i feel alone and lonely that sometimes i just want to give up ..

Sweetheart, find yourself a nice man.

God made us to crave one another, it's sad when this feeling overwhelms us.<br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing.

understand you feelings

lets have sex, what's ur address.....m coming over

I snuggle with my parents cats when I feel like that. They are way better than any therapy and any serious talks with friends. Also they are cheap (they require cat food).

It seems you have built walls around yourself without realising. You are afraid of being hurt again. I found this deeply moving and I wish I could just hug you this minute. Do you live in the U.K.? I hope one day you will find happiness and my heart goes out to you. Millions if kisses xxx

I know this feeling & I think it is very brave of you to open up like that.<br />
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Maybe the hugs from others feel weird because, you have been made to feel unworthy of affection. Thats how I feel. My partner has brow beaten me and with held affection & attempts to blame it on me when I ask to be close.<br />
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Don't deny urself pleasure... u deserve it.<br />
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best of Luck

are you still there? I will send you hugs and kisses all the time. Maybe we can just be there for each other? i would tackle you and smother you with kisses if we ever meet just to make you feel good...Hoping we become great friends!<br />

So how r u now after 3 years, kisses

If there is any way you can keep yourself from shutting down then do it. I'm past the "shut down" phase and I have no idea how to get back and I regret every second of it. I wouldn't wish this kind of inner pain on my worst enemy.

Try massage. The power of tough can be very healing. A professional massage need not be personel, but you will be feeling the touch you crave.

I think you are going to be ok. You are writing of your fear,so I believe you are being pro active instead of just holding back your feelings, Next step is to make your feeling known in person one you trust some-one who may be able to help. Not some pimp just an introduction to someone you will enjoy the company of. I am in the same situation in a way, I have moved on got sober then became ill lost a leg and am dealing with poor health. I was fine without intimacy for a long period but now feel as I am missing out on a lot that life has to offer.

I spent 25 years in a sexless, no touching, no kissing, no nothing marriage. The best thing I ever did for myself is leave and begin to take charge of my own life. I have met a couple of men, but nothing lasting. I really want someone to hold me. I love to kiss and cuddle, but am alone and crave the contact of another person. I keep trying online dating without too much luck. I suppose if I only wanted sex I could go to Craigs list, but that is a little scarry. Right now I think I would even like to do phone sex if I could at least talk to someone.<br />
Still, being alone while alone is better than being alone while with someone.

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

I recently met my perfect soul mate. I am 9 years older and wonder if the age difference is so important as we are both over 70. Unfortunately for me she believes that I am and has returned to her estranged partner. They are both strong minded and seem to quarrel frequently but she says that she loves him and especially the sex. The frustrating thing is that I had the opportunity 8 years ago of meeting her (only met her as we were visiting a friend in the hospital at the time) - If only I had known then!<br />
What would you do?

omg you explained ALMOST exactly what i feel

That decision is in your court. Sometimes you just need to make a booty call and you may find that one of those booty calls will turn into so much more. I think you are feeling insecure because you are separated and probably will be going through a divorce, but I am telling you there is life during a divorce and lots of life after a divorce. There are those of us who need exactly what you are seeking, so try to find a giver and then give back. We only receive what we are willing to give to others.

Everyone says "don't accept this" or "take back your life"! Great advice, but you're forgetting one thing. How...

Sweety I was so in love with my x wife i went down the same road for a while.When I finaly turned loose it was so amazing I want ever go their again.

All I can say is that I understand. It's been over 5 years since I have been intimate with my wife. Even today she shys away from any physical contact, Yes, I too wonder if I'll ever experience it again.

Good Day, I hope this note finds you encouraged. Life, marriage, future or even where you presently stand is a decision to where you can choose to fold or to continue to FIGHT for your dreams. life on all sides ought to incorporate fighting for that which you desire. <br />
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I see that families, marriages, relationships, government... is being impacted greatly to the point where those things you were accustomed to living and being apart of has a missing link and many are doing their own things only to experiencing lack, failures, poverty, heart aches, hopelessness. but I desire to experience and live and give my family LIFE and LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY. That is what is promised to me and for me and for my family. But I must make a conscious decision to FIGHT and equip myself and associate myself around or with people who can help to lead me to places where they're, but help to bring me to where they're and better yet for me to surpass them, so I can leave a legacy for my children and my children's children.<br />
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I have started with the basics, music/media. I'm careful what I watch and who I listen to because these things can potentially influence me for negative. My marriage was on the rocks like Ck is experiencing, but my wife and I saw where we were heading and she didn't dig it and we had to fight our postures and our thought processes and direction in which our lives were going because if we didn't seek change and HELP, then our child's life is going where we were going. Thankfully however, our path was and is being changed daily, because we sought help from a pastor from our church and I confessed to hidden sins and problems we were facing.<br />
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In our home, we were like roommates and my wife hated it, not intentionally, but looking at our histories on my side, my grand folks slept in different beds, so did my mom and here it was I was doing the same things. So my wife asked that we NOT do that. Some nights its tough because our media is in the living room where you can find me most of the time. That when I come home from a long day, I have to unwind and I do so in front of the tv and I would fall asleep there as well, when my wife is inside the bedroom doing her homework, she would fall asleep there.<br />
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Our resurrection comes through much prayer, prayer, prayer, that has given us hope to see and to be in love today. I almost lost my darling, anything of value is never easy, but they make you stronger. So we make certain life music is being played in the car, our mp3's, at home, at times we fall asleep listen to it. Its an effective system, for the same is true for pregnant mothers. We listen and read the bible often, my wife does well and my reading is improving, our prayer times are different and we come together at times to pray.<br />
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God is faithful however to keep us in his will and he constantly sending others to encourage us and to let us know that he is indeed for us. So despite where you're CK, there is HOPE. Today make a decision to not become overwhelmed and seek to look elsewhere, instead FIGHT gurl to love and be loved. Music: Prayer.Counseling: 1.800.759.0700<br />
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