Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device


This is very hard for me to admit.  Something I know I shouldn't be ashamed of, but I am.  And it makes me incredibly sad. 

I am craving the touch of another.  It has been so long, I fear that I have forgotten what that feels like.  I fear that I may never have it again.  I fear that it's been so long, I will just learn to live with it and will shy away from any contact from any other person.  And I don't want to be like that.

It has been almost one year since I was intimate with my husband (whom I'm separated from).  No hand holding, no hugs, no cuddling, no sex. 

It has been 7 months since the last time I had sex.  Yet, there was no real intimacy with that. 

Thinking back to the few hugs I've gotten from friends, I now realize that I felt a little uncomfortable with that kind of touch.  Was it because I didn't want to get too into it because I was craving it?  Or was it because I was becoming awkward with that kind of touch?  

This lack of intimacy, touch, the safety of being in someone's arms, the feeling of being wanted is beginning to physically hurt.  And it's emotionally killing me slowly. 

I just feel so alone.

CuriosityKitten CuriosityKitten 31-35, F 109 Responses Jan 12, 2009

Your Response


Geez, you're worried about a 7 months? Try your whole life. I am 30 and have never been in a relationship. I have never had a man express any intimacy, love, care, or affection for me. I did not lose my virginity until I was 26 because I hoped to wait for someone who loved me. Didn't happen and I finally gave in out of curiosity. Now I am back to being celibate as I have found empty sex to be lacking. I have gone for months at a time without a hug, even a platonic one, because I have no friends and my family is far away.

((((( Holding you close in my thoughts )))))
If we live close I would hold you for as long as you wanted to be held.

Hello CuriosityKitten,
roososo has great advice. You might try getting massages (even if you never did before), exercise classes, dancing classes, church services. Go where other people are and get connected. Get away from the house/apartment! Ask for those hugs !! Friends love to provide them! Just ask. Take care.

CuriosityKitten, this makes me so sad for you! I know that through the years there have been long patches without sexual intimacy, but that I have always been able to rely on platonic physical intimacy from my friends. This is a human need, and I do feel that to go such long time without fulfilling it is like not using a muscle; that part of you dies a little bit when you don't exercise it! I encourage you to acknowledge your need to your friends, and ask for good, strong, lingering hugs. If they love you, they will oblige, and even be happy to reciprocate your affection. Start small, a handshake, a hand on a shoulder. Feel your way into it, but make it a definite goal and keep your progress in mind. Even those things we sometimes take for granted are life skills, and we always have to develop ourselves! Hugs

That gotta work xx

Try and find yourself a nice man but if you can't...<br />
Get your hair and makeup done leave your panties at home and find a guy to S h a g you if still undefeated get your T I T S out xxxx

I crave my husband's touch all the time. He is never home. When he does come home its for a quick week of sex and time with the children. I miss the dating and the excitement. He is my world but I sure and lonely.

I understand how you feel i got a husband but he never take notice of me .he only wants me if he need someting
i feel alone and lonely that sometimes i just want to give up ..

Sweetheart, find yourself a nice man.

God made us to crave one another, it's sad when this feeling overwhelms us.<br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing.

understand you feelings

lets have sex, what's ur address.....m coming over

I snuggle with my parents cats when I feel like that. They are way better than any therapy and any serious talks with friends. Also they are cheap (they require cat food).

It seems you have built walls around yourself without realising. You are afraid of being hurt again. I found this deeply moving and I wish I could just hug you this minute. Do you live in the U.K.? I hope one day you will find happiness and my heart goes out to you. Millions if kisses xxx

I know this feeling & I think it is very brave of you to open up like that.<br />
<br />
Maybe the hugs from others feel weird because, you have been made to feel unworthy of affection. Thats how I feel. My partner has brow beaten me and with held affection & attempts to blame it on me when I ask to be close.<br />
<br />
Don't deny urself pleasure... u deserve it.<br />
<br />
best of Luck

are you still there? I will send you hugs and kisses all the time. Maybe we can just be there for each other? i would tackle you and smother you with kisses if we ever meet just to make you feel good...Hoping we become great friends!<br />

So how r u now after 3 years, kisses

If there is any way you can keep yourself from shutting down then do it. I'm past the "shut down" phase and I have no idea how to get back and I regret every second of it. I wouldn't wish this kind of inner pain on my worst enemy.

Try massage. The power of tough can be very healing. A professional massage need not be personel, but you will be feeling the touch you crave.

I think you are going to be ok. You are writing of your fear,so I believe you are being pro active instead of just holding back your feelings, Next step is to make your feeling known in person one you trust some-one who may be able to help. Not some pimp just an introduction to someone you will enjoy the company of. I am in the same situation in a way, I have moved on got sober then became ill lost a leg and am dealing with poor health. I was fine without intimacy for a long period but now feel as I am missing out on a lot that life has to offer.

I spent 25 years in a sexless, no touching, no kissing, no nothing marriage. The best thing I ever did for myself is leave and begin to take charge of my own life. I have met a couple of men, but nothing lasting. I really want someone to hold me. I love to kiss and cuddle, but am alone and crave the contact of another person. I keep trying online dating without too much luck. I suppose if I only wanted sex I could go to Craigs list, but that is a little scarry. Right now I think I would even like to do phone sex if I could at least talk to someone.<br />
Still, being alone while alone is better than being alone while with someone.

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

Curiosity Kitten, I feel for you. I am very touchy/feely. It's not about sex...but human to human, body contact is good for the body, heart, soul, and our mind (peace) as well. I wish you were relatively close to where we could throw a blanket down at a park or the beach here in sunny So. Calif. to cuddle, embrace, relax, and recharge your batteries. Say hello sometime...I would love to chat with you!

I recently met my perfect soul mate. I am 9 years older and wonder if the age difference is so important as we are both over 70. Unfortunately for me she believes that I am and has returned to her estranged partner. They are both strong minded and seem to quarrel frequently but she says that she loves him and especially the sex. The frustrating thing is that I had the opportunity 8 years ago of meeting her (only met her as we were visiting a friend in the hospital at the time) - If only I had known then!<br />
What would you do?

omg you explained ALMOST exactly what i feel

That decision is in your court. Sometimes you just need to make a booty call and you may find that one of those booty calls will turn into so much more. I think you are feeling insecure because you are separated and probably will be going through a divorce, but I am telling you there is life during a divorce and lots of life after a divorce. There are those of us who need exactly what you are seeking, so try to find a giver and then give back. We only receive what we are willing to give to others.

Everyone says "don't accept this" or "take back your life"! Great advice, but you're forgetting one thing. How...

Sweety I was so in love with my x wife i went down the same road for a while.When I finaly turned loose it was so amazing I want ever go their again.

All I can say is that I understand. It's been over 5 years since I have been intimate with my wife. Even today she shys away from any physical contact, Yes, I too wonder if I'll ever experience it again.

Good Day, I hope this note finds you encouraged. Life, marriage, future or even where you presently stand is a decision to where you can choose to fold or to continue to FIGHT for your dreams. life on all sides ought to incorporate fighting for that which you desire. <br />
<br />
I see that families, marriages, relationships, government... is being impacted greatly to the point where those things you were accustomed to living and being apart of has a missing link and many are doing their own things only to experiencing lack, failures, poverty, heart aches, hopelessness. but I desire to experience and live and give my family LIFE and LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY. That is what is promised to me and for me and for my family. But I must make a conscious decision to FIGHT and equip myself and associate myself around or with people who can help to lead me to places where they're, but help to bring me to where they're and better yet for me to surpass them, so I can leave a legacy for my children and my children's children.<br />
<br />
I have started with the basics, music/media. I'm careful what I watch and who I listen to because these things can potentially influence me for negative. My marriage was on the rocks like Ck is experiencing, but my wife and I saw where we were heading and she didn't dig it and we had to fight our postures and our thought processes and direction in which our lives were going because if we didn't seek change and HELP, then our child's life is going where we were going. Thankfully however, our path was and is being changed daily, because we sought help from a pastor from our church and I confessed to hidden sins and problems we were facing.<br />
<br />
In our home, we were like roommates and my wife hated it, not intentionally, but looking at our histories on my side, my grand folks slept in different beds, so did my mom and here it was I was doing the same things. So my wife asked that we NOT do that. Some nights its tough because our media is in the living room where you can find me most of the time. That when I come home from a long day, I have to unwind and I do so in front of the tv and I would fall asleep there as well, when my wife is inside the bedroom doing her homework, she would fall asleep there.<br />
<br />
Our resurrection comes through much prayer, prayer, prayer, that has given us hope to see and to be in love today. I almost lost my darling, anything of value is never easy, but they make you stronger. So we make certain life music is being played in the car, our mp3's, at home, at times we fall asleep listen to it. Its an effective system, for the same is true for pregnant mothers. We listen and read the bible often, my wife does well and my reading is improving, our prayer times are different and we come together at times to pray.<br />
<br />
God is faithful however to keep us in his will and he constantly sending others to encourage us and to let us know that he is indeed for us. So despite where you're CK, there is HOPE. Today make a decision to not become overwhelmed and seek to look elsewhere, instead FIGHT gurl to love and be loved. Music: Prayer.Counseling: 1.800.759.0700<br />
<br />

You will meet somebody and you will soon and will not have to crave to be touched.

I know that I am a guy and maybe this is inappropriate to comment on, but you have to start by loving yourself. Not being happy in your skin can make it harder to be relaxed and content so when the new Mr Right comes along it will not be a knee jerk reaction from you. I went through something like this for a long time and I found several ways to like me again and you know what, I don't think I am that bad now, and the Mrs Right I am married to nowadays was well worth waiting for!!!<br />

Ooooooooo CK, a BRILLIANT well stated topic. I know every BIT of what You speak. Frankly, the very words of emotion and sentiment You used are identical to mine. Wow...Thinking I'll never be touched again; should I shut down, allllllll of that has haunted me for three solid years since CHOSING to start dating again....only to be disappointed in that too. I have not been intimately touched IN 30yrssssss try THAT ONE on for size..Efreakinggads...Ack. <br />
<br />
When I'm in a calm, settled head space, I can look at and enjoy what the world has to offer; the love between Young couples, movies to that effect etc....BUT WHEN the longing goes on and on and on and on..and my home life becomes a BATTLE GROUND for survival and peace and money goes away and people run off because I'm just TOO SAD.........When THIS happens then I do certain things to avoid the sobbing lonely pain and fear of having lived for nothing........BY NOT watching romantic movies...No sexual images at all...NOT EVEN MY OWN...I don't watch anything violent, I avoid going where young lovers might be....I switch the TV to "how to" or animal related programs......(Sheesh lol I'm even bothered if the ANIMALS LICK AND MATE each other--can't cope with the thought, it's TOO painful)) I stop listening to sexy or romantic or FUN reminds me of what I'm missing. Too painful...<br />
<br /> a poster in here said; DO NOT STONE HARDEN YOUR HEART........NO MATTER WHAT...FEEL, ALWAYS FEEL Your emotions and sensitivities even when painful or incredibly heavy...If You close off Your heart as I did over the last 30, I wouldn't have noticed, probably didn't notice any OTHER EYES on me...I was oblivious and tamped down tight into a hidden little walled off world..<br />
You ought be cautious about whom You desire, Yes. Be sharp about with whom You cast Your lot, Yes...protect Yourself from predators and ne'erdowells but never go cold stone..You'll miss an opportunity as sure as the sun comes up in the East and likely when You LEAST expect it....<br />
<br />
Good Luck CK...........ty for posting this ♥

its a very painful feeling i too know this feeling so well...I'm on the darker side however; i was a rebound of a man that was married and leaving his wife; not because of me. (that was long over before I was there). however on his little test drive to a new life....i was broken along the way. I was with him for little over 3 years, I called the wife to apologize...not to ask for forgiveness for i knew i would never get it - I just maybe was being selfish and just wanted to clear my own conscious . I wanted to easy my mind, my heart for any part of any pain this man caused her or even me. <br />
I have not love another since, maybe its because i'm ashamed of myself for falling for this man....and in a sense of punishment because I dont feel like i deserve to be loved after such heartbreaks, knowing in my heart that it was wrong, Im embarrassed even speaking to my priest about it and have only snuck into the church to light an occasional candle for ill friends. <br />
I've tried to justified everything in my head..even thou their marriage had been over for 5 years before i step in...doesnt make it any better.<br />
I long have always longed for someone in my life for so many years....its countless. I dont date, havent been out on a date in 2 years...I'm nearly sickened when a man, comes on to me or trys to touch my skin....<br />
my fear is that i may be ruined for all men. the women that want to judge the other" women...i say...maybe we are already in our own punishments, there is no need to spit at us, no need to hate us...we do a good enough job at it ourselves.

I know well what this like. I miss this so much that I have given into despair. I used to work and live for this and when I realized that it could be taken away I didn't want to live any longer. But I have gone on and sometimes feel that I want to take the risk again and then worry about the harmful effects of it later. After my first wife died it went and never returned although I am married the second time.<br />
<br />
Writing stories has helped me struggle through, but I need to talk with someone, male or female, through email and then by phone.

LOL..people read the story and then comment without reading the comments...

find someone new to share with.there are many people who are looking for friendship,for love ,<br />
for that closeness and intimsey that we all need and crave throughout our lives.<br />
i suffered from this very thing a short time ago.i was married to a lovely lady for 37 years. she passed away (heart attack) . I was/am an advanced age and i was grieving and depressed and alone and i wondered in my heart if i would ever find any one to ever really love me again. after a while(months)<br />
later i began to date again . look for a possible companion. luckily i found a wonderful lady and we have been married for nearly 5 years now.and i am so glad that i don't have to be alone any more.

Happy to tell everyone, I'm now receiving the most amazing love I've ever felt. I'm definitely on the right road now!! <br />
<br />
My love does everything right. I couldn't ask for anything more.

1 year??<br />
I'm 300% ahead of you! imagine how I feel :|

I have found the most amazing man ever.

this thing as far as boyfriends n stuff is kind of the same about me,too.I mean i havent had any relationship for more than a year n a half.I feel disappointed,aswell as u do.Although i know im a good-looking girl ive started to feel that something's wrong with me.N all this studying n stuff is making things worse(cause im at an age where i have to study a lot).So id recomend ya to get in touch agin with ur friends n ask somebody to introduce u someone..

Thank you.<br />
<br />
And I have found my special someone. I will be feeling his skin very, very soon.

I hope you find a special person to have physical contact with. Also, ditto to what roaring20s said!

Good luck, unlimit. Be safe and well.

That means a lot to me. Thank you.

CK, Your right, when they can no longer give you what you need, it's truly over. Was in the exact same situation your in, had to wait because of financial reasons. Already filed for divorce, 'cause I have wasted enough of my young life. You need to live for now. I applaud your incredible strength through this. "Whatever you wish for in life, that is what I wish for you". Go to your happy place in your mind, and let it bring you closer to the one who will be there for you emotionally, spiritually and physically, and bring joy and tenderness to your soul, until the day when they arrive! You are beautiful, and beauty will come. We're all here for you. Cuddles, hugs and support!

Thank you, Max. I hope you're able to find a cuddle friend soon, too.

Dear Curiosity,<br />
<br />
I understand your craving. It has been 3+ years for me. <br />
<br />
Find someone to hold you, don't deprive yourself. I have found that the longer I have gone without, the more intense the cravings. So much so, that is has become obvious. Give yourself a break. Don't wait!<br />
<br />
Hugs and Cuddles,<br />
<br />

I very much understand about just wanting a hug sometimes, but also know what you mean about hugging friends not really doing it ... I bugged my kids for hugs when they came home from school for Christmas, its really nice but not the same. <br />
<br />
I have been through alot this year and it sounds like you have to. So as much as I may miss the hugs, I know its not gonna be easy to find that person I love to hug. <br />
<br />
I don't remember how long ago I last shared a hug with my Matti, maybe 7 or 8 months ago. The last time I touch her was 6 months, 1 day 19 hours, and 22 minutes ago (approximately) I am optimist so I believe that one day we will both find someone else special to hug, the kind of hug that makes you forget all your worries and feel warm inside, a hug that makes the world seem right again. I am sure we will find someone to share those hugs with again. <br />
<br />
At this point I think I'd be happy to just hold someone's hand again and take a walk ... <br />
<br />
I am sure there will be plenty of hugs in the future for both of us when the time is right. For now I'll just send some (((((hugs))))) your way - guess you'll just have to close your eyes and imagine a big, warm, tight hug being sent you way

I'm sending you hugs back, keeman. Thank you.

I just need to be held.

So very often...situations such as you discribe do not change until you work through to a point of neutral balance . ie: -you are no longer the 'effect' of the situation and are no longer trapped between repulsion and desire or desire and desire or regret and fear then self pity ...I can understand the difficulty you face ..know this : there is ALWAYS a way to resolve a situation. (in a natural way) you have the right to your own life ,karma is one thing, once you you've had enough bullshit ...get creative and do somthing about it.

Marcus, you are a sweetheart. Thank you, hun. Thank you so very much. <br />
<br />
I know I'm not alone. I just feel lonely.

You have to talk to your husband about it,dear.You both chose each other to be together for the rest of your livies,to share all good and bad together,help each other and be physical as well-touched,kissed,hugged,caressed...if this part is missing-your stress will kill you.Talk it or break it.

CK:<br />
<br />
It's not sad. It's very common. It happens probably a lot more than many people might be willing to admit.<br />
<br />
I went for years without sex and intimacy. <br />
<br />
But I managed to get past that by letting go of those fears that no-one might ever want to hold me again by imagining someone holding me and enjoying that thought.<br />
<br />
I kept replaying that tape in my head at least a few times a day, even though it seemed rather silly at times.<br />
<br />
When I started dating again a few years ago, I imagined that things would work out well and that I would end up in a nice situation, and that actually worked - allowing for the possibility of a positive meant that when a positive emerged, I was able to embrace that.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that it's going to be an overnight fix, hon, but allow yourself the possibility of hugs and love heading your way, and if it doesn't happen right away, hug yourself, smile in the mirror, be positive, and stay strong by talking to your friends.<br />
<br />
Practice makes perfect...and you are NOT alone...hear?<br />
<br />
*much hugs for you!*<br />
<br />

I'm not sure. But, it won't be for long. We're separating. Well, we are separated. <br />
<br />
Thank you, hun.

O noes honey. I'm so sorry to hear this. I didn't even know you were married. Did you ever tell me that? <br />
<br />
Love you *snuggles you*

This is just kind of sad now, isn't it?

CK, Me too.

mewold, that means a lot to me. And, I think you've made me cry. <br />
<br />
Yup. Crying.

CK, I love you and I just want to hold you until we both stop crying. You are such a special person to me that I can hardly stand to hear this. If there is anything possible I can do, I will be there for you.

I'm totally down for a cuddle party with you, my friend, CC.

Rog, it's over between us. He couldn't give me the things I wanted or needed. And it hurt. It still does

I am married, but separating. He's moving out in 2 weeks. We've been living as roommates since June 2008. It's been extremely uncomfortable. But financially impossible for us to live alone until now.

I am are married...but you are waitng to meet someone else?<br />
<br />
*Brut wonders*

I think I might have found the one that could break this and save me from certain complete shut down. I just have to wait and see. The waiting is killing me!!

and that is what is a sadness. and a longing. but you are so great someone is just waiting just for you and it will be soooo worth the wait and aggrivation.

Thanks, MG. It helps to know I'm not alone in my sadness.

you will never shut done sweetie. it is just something we all go through when contact is not a constant. i know what you mean perfectly.

I put on a brave face during the day. Not letting on to how desperate I am, how much this past year has taken a toll on me. <br />
<br />
I'm clinging to the feelings I had the last time I was touched. It just feels like I'm forgetting how it felt.

I wish I could comfort you. I know what it's like in my own ways. Stay strong. Your not alone

exactly how I feel...

I dont shut down now, but i have in the pat. It isnt something I wanted to do but something that just happened.

Then don't shut down. You are the only one that has the power to shut you down.

And I hate to think of me as shutting down. I desperately don't want that.

go find some one to love.Some one is trying to find you to love.

I refuse to shut down. I have to have hope for a brigher and better tomorrow or else life isn't worth living.

Aww CK- I do know what it is like to feel lonely and crave another's touch. It is hard because I think if you dont hug, hand hold, touch and have someone to share your emotions with then you close up. At least for me something makes me shut down when I am unable to share that.

Roar, you are an amazing friend. Thank you for all you do.

It is okay to be alone but it is not okay to be lonely. Please don't accept being lonely as a condition of your life. You have such wonderful gifts to share with the world and I'm happy that you've chosen to share with me.

I don't want to accept this. I just don't know what to do.

I know this feeling CK. Being so used to doing without it that you fear that you'll accept this as your fate when it isn't.<br />
<br />
Don't let anyone do that to you. Take back your life, your emotions, your heart, your soul and your dreams and never let anyone take them from you.<br />
<br />
Always be careful when it comes to matters of intimacy but not so much so that you cut yourself off from any potential happiness.