**** sight and saw a few pics. It shook me real bad, but also turned me on. We discovered ************ and started doing it. We would sneak into one of our rooms and start pleasuring ourselves together. We never tried anything with each other in that way, we were just two beast friends being silly.
That went on for a long time, every day. We both became so excited with sex. He would talk about the girls he liked and I would talk about the boys. We were still very good respectful and polite kids, but we had our naughty secrets... little did I know how dark a place these temptations would get me.

I’m going to skip a few years now… I was turning sixteen and was at my best friend’s house. I was taking a sleep over and we were watching TV at like two in the morning (im a night person.) As we were watching TV... her twin bro came in. she became all tense and afraid as soon as she saw him. He just walked in and stared at us. Seeing the look in his eyes made me afraid too.
He was obviously very drunk and looked like he was in a bad fist fight. “Take your shirts of.” He said. We refused and then he aggressively jumped at his sister. “Never disrespect me again!” he yelled at her. I tried to stop him but he was to strong. I’m not going to go into detail… but both of us were used that night. We were raped together.After he left, me and her embraced each other and held real tight...

A few days later... That guy was found dead, he killed himself. there mother was heart broken over her son's death... so out of pity, we never told her. I think that that day something happened to me. my brain somehow felt different. I can’t explain it, but if you’ve ever been forcibly raped then you know what I’m talking about. The next night India (that's my friend) stayed at my place, she was so afraid I didn’t know what to do.

I grabbed a bottle of wine from our refrigerator, just to see if she would take some... both of us finished the bottle, and frankly, I don't remember the exact details of that night. all I remember is waking naked in bed with her... yes we had sex! But I wasn't gay! Then again maybe I was! my mind was going crazy!
Without thinking twine, we did it again! we drank like Hell and then lost control of our hormones.

We were still best friends and didn’t count ourselves a couple; we were normal American girl buddies that would have sex once and a wile. We were closer than I think anyone to ever live… I knew her better than I knew myself at times. We were true sisters, messed up sisters, but still sisters. Then as I got older I started experimenting with others, boys and girls alike… eventually I decided I was a lesbian. I had sex so much and with so many varieties of girls. I had sex with a total 36 girls in my life (I started counting after the first few) and 40 people all together.
But still the whole time, India and I where the greatest of friends. We counseled each other a lot, gave advice on how to handle things and offered the other a shoulder when the other cried. Remember we were not a lesbian couple; we were just a little messed up.

eventually... we knew that the relationship that we were having wasn't helping out mental and emotional state. so we parted ways. we still talk to each other on the phone and Skype. we just don't physically spend time with each other.

I haven’t mentioned it earlier but I’m a basketball player, I played ball since I was seven and loved it with all my heart. The gym was where I went when the world seemed hopeless. I put everything I had into it. I was not the most skilled player ever… ok I’m 5’8’’ and had difficulty dribbling. But my athletic ability is incredible. Back then I could grab the rim and run faster than any girl I the world. My athleticism made up of my lack of skill so much that I was drafted to the NCAA! There I would learn some skill!
But there were many beautiful girls at my school. I couldn’t stop my sex addiction. I knew how to seduce the good Christian homeschooled girl into having passionate sex with me. It was like a drug I was using, I thought I was making things better, when in reality my situation was getting darker and darker.

I got a job playing Pro ball in my homeland Israel! that was a huge step in my life... I felt like a looser that wasn't going to succeed in anything. but sighing that contract was amazing!
We (India and I) have been seeing a psychiatrist about our secret. We spoke with our moms about it. And we feel so darn good! It’s like jumping into a cold pool for the first time in summer.
And now I can honestly say that we think we might be transforming back into being straight!
We knew that gay is not the natural way. I think that nobody is born gay… It's an emotional state that starts after receiving some kind of abuse. It can be from neglect, emotional abuse, sexual assault, trauma... anything.

I’ve not been so happy in years… it looks like life is getting good. one thing I've discovered in all this is that God is real and he cares about you. My heart was just so full of trash that I couldn’t hear him… there was no room inside me for him. Now that I’m emptying myself of all this crap I feel so good.

Let me tell you something, I’m lucky to have caught myself. Most people in my situation go on to commit suicide… If you ever deal with something as dramatic as rape, don’t hold it in your… let it go.
BritBlack BritBlack
22-25, F
9 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Sharing is good :)

You are an women with an braveheart..you've earned my respect!!!

Just do what feels right to you. Who care what unenlighted judgmental people think. If its right for your life then do what you feel. Finally an honest person here. So many frauds here it's sad. Add me if you want an honest older males thoughts on things.

Hello Angel. I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. Please remember that you are a very avatar at strong woman. Stronger than you realize. I believe you are just beginning to realize how strong you are. I love your story. Always know how beautiful you are. You have an
" inner beauty " honey. Your heart and soul are each and both are filled with beautiful qualities. Amon them are empathy, helpfulness, understanding, love and so many more. This is your " inner beauty " honey and it is the center of your outer beauty. I ask and hope that we can meet someday soon please. You are a loving and caring and talented woman. You have many blessings to give to others. I thank you for being the woman you are. I am so happy that you are now playing ball. I really would love to meet you Angel. May God bless you and I ask that He co to UES I always keep His impenetrable bubble of protection completely around you always. I am so proud of you. I am always yours. Love and many many soft kisses. Yours, Gary. X x x x x x x.

thank you dude, I appreciate it. ;)

You are so very welcome Angel. Kisses. Gary x x x x

well, i don't believe in that religious stuff you said and i think people are born gay, if they are, but that doesn't matter. anyone can have his own opinion about things.

but it's good to read, that the **** that has been done to you, hasn't destroyed you. that you managed to get through there. hope life keeps getting better for both of you every day.

Hugs to you. Unfortunate you did not go to counseling right away but understand how you felt. My mom was raped by her step dad... blew apart the family, I still barely talk to them.

Thank you for sharing, congratulations making the team!


Shalom sister :)

Why would anyone judge you? So sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you are making it through though!! =]

you would be surprised, thank you.