Lies Upon Lies... Feels Like I'm A Joke Of Cosmic Proportions.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel I just can't cope. I'm not eating or sleeping properly, I feel sick with anxiety pretty much constantly. I've even been crying in work. I'm a professional so this is really not good news. I'm a wreck and I can't see a way forward.
I wrote in another group of my long distance relationship issues. Things have kind of reached breaking point for me this week with my boyfriend. After weeks of feeling more and more isolated and disconnected from him, weeks of him cancelling plans and being evasive about why, I finally told him i'd had enough. It just came out. It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone but I had to say it. I told him how unhappy I was and made it clear my patience had run out. He said he wasn't deliberately messing me around, that he loved me and missed me dreadfully, that things would improve as soon as his car is back on the road next week and that he'd make it up to me. I want to believe this so he's got another week. I want to believe him but I'm terrified - so many of his reasons and explanations about his busy weekends and his activities just don't ring true... or am I just so paranoid now I'm picking holes and over analysing everything he says? I've given him a chance to walk away this week - and he hasn't taken it. Surely he would if he really wanted to get away from me? I don't see the advantage for him of stringing me along!
I love him absolutely and I want to believe he'll follow words with positive actions. But my world is crumbling around me. I feel so alone.
joolzzz joolzzz
41-45, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

Update

Things settled between my boyfriend and I back in September when I wrote the main story. We muddled along and although it wasn't perfect, it was ok. We spent several really good days together over Christmas and New Year, and when he brought his 3 girls to visit me in early January and told them we were seeing each other, I thought the worse was over. No. He dumped me by text at 2 am yesterday morning. When I spoke to him last night, he couldn't really give me any reasons. He couldn't even say properly how he felt - after admitting his feelings had changed towards me, he couldn't say how or why or when. Just that he was in a bad place and felt he had no option but to break things off. He's agreed to an official break of a month. We've got plans to get together on March 17th to discuss how things are and if we want to try and work things out. I do. I love him so much but I'm so tired of fighting for this relationship. I'm heartbroken and I don't want this to be the end for us. Realistically though, I know it's over.

have u ever been to his place or met his family and stuff but truth is if yr not happy then long distance isnt for u u will find someone closer to home and u will be happy again it hurts but do the things u used to do before u met him it wont feel right at first but day by day it will get easier stop thinking find something that switchies it off i did and im fine i can now even have a drink again without crying my eyes out u will be ok i promise u that life goes on im hear if u need me