My Co-wife and I
Ok so unlike most people on this topic I am not a Christian but a practicing Muslim. I am a US citizen, and African American. I am also one of two wives. I began as the second of two and then my first co-wife and my husband divorced. My new co-wife is of course an amazing woman and my DH could never imagine trying to divorce either of us.
What I have found is that to make our marriage work we have had to put away many of our preconceived notions and barriers. The culture encourages competition between women and a sense of ownership over one's partner. Rather we see ourselves as three people sharing one relationship. Each of us are equally responsible for making it work.
My co-wife is older than I am and brings to the table a wealth of experience and mannerisms that i will never achieve. She is the graceful lady of the house, while I am as graceful as a basset hound puppy. I am funky and eclectic, ready to indulge any whim that takes me. She is steady and constant, truly a matriarch to her core. She embodies tradition and classic elegance and I love her for it. She leaves room for me to be me and to contribute in my own way.
We live in a duplex. I have one apartment and she has another. However, our homes are very open. Children and visitors pass between the two comfortably and we often coordinate so that we can support each other in our goals. As my husband says, he own the building but we own the home.
The things i love about having a co-wife are that it allows me to have the help I need to pursue higher education, yoga or whatever my outside interests may be. A more fulfilled me means a better wife and mother at home. It also takes some of the stress off of the marital bond, as we aren't expecting for our spouse to be the center of our universe. I realize that at times my CW is the best person to turn to with me hurts, worries and concerns. Sometimes my DH is just out of his league. It also makes us re-evaluate why we got married int he first place. Did I marry for love? Yes and no. But warm feelings and "falling" in love don't get you through deaths, births, illnesses, poverty and hard times.
Commitment and love definitely come into play. I LOVE my family, my DH and my CW and all the kids and relatives that come with them. But more importantly, we are committed as a unit to being a family, supporting each other's dreams and aspirations. The anchor of it all, of course, is our faith and the values and characteristics our faith encourages. Instead of competition we have sisterhood. Instead of marriages based on "love conquering all" we have real, long suffering, forgiving, sharing, selfless love. Instead of making one of us a martyr, we are mindful of the rights and responsibilities we have to each other and our Lord.
So thats my experience. feel free to read more about it on my blog at nazreneprincess.wordpress.com
or just PM me...I am all about answering questions as honestly as i can as long as they are asked with respect.