My Co-wife and I

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Posted by NazarenePrincess

22-25 year old woman
6 experience groups and 2 stories

 Ok so unlike most people on this topic I am not a Christian but a practicing Muslim. I am a US citizen, and African American. I am also one of two wives. I began as the second of two and then my first co-wife and my husband divorced. My new co-wife is of course an amazing woman and my DH could never imagine trying to divorce either of us. 

What I have found is that to make our marriage work we have had to put away many of our preconceived notions and barriers. The culture encourages competition between women and a sense of ownership over one's partner. Rather we see ourselves as three people sharing one relationship. Each of us are equally responsible for making it work.

My co-wife is older than I am and brings to the table a wealth of experience and mannerisms that i will never achieve. She is the graceful lady of the house, while I am as graceful as a basset hound puppy. I am funky and eclectic, ready to indulge any whim that takes me. She is steady and constant, truly a matriarch to her core. She embodies tradition and classic elegance and I love her for it. She leaves room for me to be me and to contribute in my own way.

We live in a duplex. I have one apartment and she has another. However, our homes are very open. Children and visitors pass between the two comfortably and we often coordinate so that we can support each other in our goals. As my husband says, he own the building but we own the home. 

The things i love about having a co-wife are that it allows me to have the help I need to pursue higher education, yoga or whatever my outside interests may be. A more fulfilled me means a better wife and mother at home. It also takes some of the stress off of the marital bond, as we aren't expecting for our spouse to be the center of our universe. I realize that at times my CW is the best person to turn to with me hurts, worries and concerns. Sometimes my DH is just out of his league. It also makes us re-evaluate why we got married int he first place. Did I marry for love? Yes and no. But warm feelings and "falling" in love don't get you through deaths, births, illnesses, poverty and hard times.

Commitment and love definitely come into play. I LOVE my family, my DH and my CW and all the kids and relatives that come with them. But more importantly, we are committed as a unit to being a family, supporting each other's dreams and aspirations. The anchor of it all, of course, is our faith and the values and characteristics our faith encourages. Instead of competition we have sisterhood. Instead of marriages based on "love conquering all" we have real, long  suffering, forgiving, sharing, selfless love. Instead of making one of us a martyr, we are mindful of the rights and responsibilities we have to each other and our Lord. 

So thats my experience. feel free to read more about it on my blog at nazreneprincess.wordpress.com

or just PM me...I am all about answering questions as honestly as i can as long as they are asked with respect. 

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18 Comments (add your own)

  1. Babae27 - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by Babae27 on May 20th, 2008 at 12:14AM

    I feel that you are belittling yourself. As a African Americam woman myself we are "Queens" and we are to be treated like so. We as black women have struggled for years for the respect we deserve but if black women keep allowing our men to disrespect us then they are going to continue to do it. I totally understand your situation. About 3 years ago my ex- boyfriend, his muslim wife, her two kids, my one child and I all lived together. I loved that man so much that I was going to start practicing being a muslim. So they started to teach me different things. We even got as far as him giving me a muslim name. We as three did everthing together including him having sex with us at the same time. That didn't last long for me because I couldn't get use to sharing my man. Like I said in the beginning that I am a "Queen and I will be treated like one. I went back to being a Baptist and my life has changed. I got married to one man and I think it is so much better because all the attention is on me. What I want to say to you is that you can't let noone be above you. You as the other wife have to step up your game if you want to continue to be the other wife. Stop being comfortable, be a elegant woman. Do different things for your husband to notice you more. But I still say "One man to yourself is better than trying to compete.

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  2. NazarenePrincess - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by NazarenePrincess on May 20th, 2008 at 9:07AM

    "What I want to say to you is that you can't let noone be above you. You as the other wife have to step up your game if you want to continue to be the other wife. Stop being comfortable, be a elegant woman. Do different things for your husband to notice you more. But I still say "One man to yourself is better than trying to compete."



    Babae27, I gotta disagree here. i have triesd it both ways and i gotta say i see two things wrong with your assumptions. I LIKE being me, I have NO DESIRE to "step up" and take on any of my CW's characteristics. We AREN'T competing, now if I tried to "step it up and stop being comfortable" then THAT to me is degrading becuz we would be in competition. Over a MAN??? You gotta be joking!! As long as he meets my needs and her needs I am cool. And by the way, in most African Kingdoms, there have always been more than one queen.

    Rate (Up | Down) 2 | Flag

  3. SouljaGurl - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by SouljaGurl on May 20th, 2008 at 1:35PM

    I agree with you NazarenePrincess, as long as you are happy with your life style than it is perfectly fine. In Egypt Pharoahs use to have like 20 wives, now how crazy is that! When I think of myself, I know I'm a Queen and I carry myself as such. I don't think being in a multiple partnership or marriage is degrading, it all depends on how mature you are. It's whatever floats your boat and makes you happy! I'll I can say is that the sex must be GREAT!!LOL

    Rate (Up | Down) 2 | Flag

  4. nourradiance - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by nourradiance on Jun 8th, 2008 at 2:57AM

    Salam Nazarene Princess,
    You gave us a great insight into a practical and beneficial polyginist family. May God bless you and give you happiness in this world and the next.
    However, I feel sad for what Babae27 went through with her ex-boyfriend. He may be Muslim by name but his action is not condoned by Muslim law. A man who lives with a woman and sleep with her without marriage, is committing a criminal act according to Islamic religion - because he is taking something valuable from her, her honor - without giving back to her the security of a sanctified marriage. Secondly, a Muslim man is not allowed to perform sexual acts with two women at the same time. Each woman must have her own quarters and her own private time - just like your family. I'll write more after I'll find the textual evidence for this, God willing. NR

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  5. grailsearcher - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by grailsearcher on Nov 2nd, 2008 at 7:26PM

    Thank you for sharing . I very much liked what you had to say.

    Rate (Up | Down) 1 | Flag

  6. descent - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by descent on Jul 13th, 2009 at 5:14AM

    Yes, thank you for sharing.. I find your story very interesting. I've never really heard much of polygamy from a first person point of view. I think if you are comfortable and happy, you are set. Like you said, you're not competing. I don't think I would be able to do it, as it is just too different from what I have grown up around.

    I admire your strength, I feel it radiates off of what you have written here.

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  7. warbywife - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by warbywife on Oct 8th, 2009 at 10:06PM

    i have been married to my husband for about 5 years and i have grown to love the ideal of a cowife, i have a sister who i really think would be a good canidate, im kind of nervous because i dont know if im making the right decision, i know they both are interested, but they dont really know how to tell me they are, but i ok with it because im the one who wanted this in the first place but im glad they care about my feelings, that makes me want it even more because they care enough about my feelings but the ball is in my husband court and i know what ever decision he makes it will be beutiful because he is a good husband and he seems to always make wise and smart decisions.

    Rate (Up | Down) 2 | Flag

  8. dena94603 - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by dena94603 on Oct 15th, 2009 at 11:50PM

    I don't understand what you mean by "wife".

    If you are African-American, and living in the U.S., then your marriage is invalid and/or illegal. If your husband married you before he was divorced, then you are NOT his wife, and his new "wife" is also not his wife.

    I'm confused. Please clarify how you were able to legally get married.

    Rate (Up | Down) 1 | Flag

  9. ziddha - 36-40 years old - male

    Posted by ziddha on Nov 17th, 2009 at 1:08AM

    Hi Warbywife, I think your sister can not be your co wife. Please refer to Quran. An-Nisaa:22-24

    "And do not marry women whom your fathers married except what has already passed. It was indeed obscene, hateful and an evil way. (22) Forbidden to you in marriage are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's sisters, your sister's daughters, your wet nurse, your 'sisters' by nursing, your wives mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship born of your wives with whom you have consummated - if you did not consummate then there is no sin upon you, the wives of your blood sons, two sisters at the same time, except for that which has already passed. Verily, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (23) And those already married except those whom your right hand possesses (through capture). Allah's ordinance upon you. And allowed for you are all besides these if you seek them with your property seeking chastity not fornication... (24)" An-Nisaa:22-24

    I think, many of you don't really understand about Islamic rules especially on marriage :(.

    Please be careful when you decide for being a co wife or take another wives for your husband. You should ask your scholar/ulama first.

    You can visit this http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage03.html for details.

    Rate (Up | Down) 1 | Flag

  10. dreamgyrl360 - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by dreamgyrl360 on Nov 30th, 2009 at 8:59AM

    dena94603, What God hath put together, let no man put asunder. The government has no control over spiritual unions. Paperwork like marriage licenses mean nothing to God. How can we let the government determine who is married and who is not? They half way want to allow gays to marry and that is against The Living God. The laws are not much different on the matter between Islam, Judaism/Hebrewisms or Christianity.So it doesn't matter whether or not by man's standards marriage is legal. Man can't dictate sexual acts and that is part of the marriage process so if a man is committed to two women and is caring for them as a husband and is having sex with them both then that, under the Living God, means married. But it *may* mean NOTHING to the government.And besides the government says separate church and state *anyway*. So in base terms, they need to stay out of people's business when it comes to the marriage lol.

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  11. shabs12 - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by shabs12 on Dec 5th, 2009 at 7:02PM

    Mashallah may Allah keep u an dyour family always happy.

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  12. sweetjany6 - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by sweetjany6 on Dec 7th, 2009 at 3:27PM

    BROTHER ZIDDHA,

    The sister said there is a sister interested. She didn't say her sister, like blood sister. Read carefully before commenting.

    Rate (Up | Down) 1 | Flag

  13. MuaminVA - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by MuaminVA on Dec 27th, 2009 at 7:18PM

    MashaAllah. I am glad for you sister and pray that Allah ta'ala will continue to bless you and your family with continued happiness.

    As to the question of legality, it is only illegal to register additional marriages with the government or to claim an additional marriage on government paperwork. The govenment has no control over religious ceremonies or religious marriage contracts.

    Rate (Up | Down) 1 | Flag

  14. ikfirfan - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by ikfirfan on Jan 10th, 2010 at 10:12PM

    I agree with Ziddha. Polygamy, according to the Qur'an, is practiced under strenuous/exceptional circumstances---like taking care of the orphans. Please see Qur'anic directive 4:3 where Allah (swt) makes polygamy allowable to deal with orphans and their property.---and that too, when the husband can do equal “justice” to them! Well, what does the Qur’an has to say about the possibility of doing “justice” between wives? Check out the Qur’an 4:129 and see that Allah warns us that we will NEVER be able to do justice between multiple wives however we try. So, so to say that Islam gives blanket allowance to men to marry more than one woman is incorrect. The rule in Islam is “monogamy”---and polygamy is allowed only under special circumstances.

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  15. MuaminVA - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by MuaminVA on Jan 11th, 2010 at 9:15PM

    AsSalaamu 'alaikum ikfirfan and Ziddha.
    I am sorry that you have been mislead by some bad information on this subject. First let be be clear that I am not an Alim but merely a Student of Knowledge. As such I can only help to guide you to a more clear understanding from the Ulema themselves. The Ulema of all 4 madhhabs concur that the ayahs you cite are misapplied when used in this way, The argument put forward by the opponents of polygyny whom you have read is categorized by general consensus as weak and or deviant. It is very important when discussing religious doctrine that you verify the authority of an Alim or the authenticity of an argument before taking from them or spreading their teachings.
    I have included some materials below on the subject from well known and respected Ulema for the benefit of all.-
    #1
    Question:

    Some people say marrying more than one wife is not allowed unless a person has an orphan under his care and he fears that he will not do justice between them. Then he may marry their mother or one of her daughters. For evidence they quote, '' And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry women of your choice, two, three or four.” (al-Nisa:3)
    Answer:

    This statement is false. The meaning of the verse is that if a person has under his care an orphan and he fears that he will not give her proper amount of dower, then he should marry other women, for there are many women and Allah will not make things difficult for him.

    The verse points to the legality of marrying two, three or four wives. This is allowed because it leads to more chastity, lowering the eyesight and guarding the private parts.

    Furthermore, that is a cause for more children and the chastity of more women, as well as them being treated properly and cared for.

    There is no doubt that the women who has one-half of a husband or one-third or one-fourth is better off than the one who has no husband at all. However, one must meet the condition of justice among the wives and the ability to take care of and tend to the wives. If a person fears he will not do justice, then he may only marry one wife in addition to having slaves. The practice of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) indicates and stresses that. When he died he had nine wives. And Allah says about him,

    ''Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have a good example to follow.” (al-Ahzab:21)

    The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) made it clear to his Nation that it was allowed for him to have more than four wives. Therefore, following his example on this point would mean taking four wives or less. Beyond four wives is something that is specific for the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) only.

    Shaykh `Abdul-`Azeez Bin Baz
    #2
    Question: Concerning polygyny, it is stated in the Qur.aan:

    {If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more then one wife], than [marry] only one}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3].

    However, in another place, it states:

    {You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

    In the first verse, the condition of being just among the wives is stated while in the second it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to many more than one woman since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allaah reward you.

    Response: There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is also no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within one's ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and in maintenance. As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within one's ability. This is what is being referred to in the verse:

    {You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [Soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

    In a Hadeeth about the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ‘Aa.ishah stated:

    "The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say:

    ((O Allaah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control)). This was recorded by Abu Daawood, at-Tirmidhee, an-Nasaa.ee, Ibn Maajah. It was graded Saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim.

    Shaykh Ibn Baaz
    #3
    Question:

    Dear scholars, As-salamu `alaykum. What is the meaning of Allah’s words: “Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so)” (An-Nisa’: 129)? Does it imply that polygamy is prohibited as some claim? Jazakum Allah khayran.



    Answer:

    Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
    All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
    Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.

    A man’s obligation to treat his wives equally is concerned with supplying them with equal provision and equal division of time (with regard to abode). However, equal division of love is beyond human capacity; hence, one will not be accounted for it before Almighty Allah. Unfortunately, there are many countries that allow men to practice adultery but prohibit polygamy.

    The eminent Muslim scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi states:

    “Citing the above mentioned verse as evidence of prohibiting polygamy is rejected, as it means changing words from their context. Moreover, it implies accusing the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) of not understanding the Qur’an or of purposely not following it, for almost all of them married more than one wife.

    The verse in fact indicates that absolute justice between wives is beyond human capacity, for it involves exact equality in everything, even in the distribution of affection, love, and sexual satisfaction, which is beyond man’s power. A man may not help being attracted to one of his wives more than to the others; hearts are within the Hand of Almighty Allah Who changes them however He wills. [A man’s feelings are not subject to his will.]

    Besides, if those who claim that the above mentioned verse prohibits polygamy contemplate the rest of the verse, they will realize that it includes a refutation of this very claim. Allah Almighty says in the same verse: “But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful” (An-Nisa’: 129). In these Divine words, Almighty Allah directs His servants to the fact that they will not be able to practice absolute justice between their wives with regard to love, but this does not mean that one of them should disincline from the wife (or wives) that he is not attracted to as much as another, in favor of the one whom he is attached to.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) dealt equally with his wives concerning provision and abode and then would beseech Almighty Allah saying: “O Allah! This is my division with respect to what I can provide for (that is, I deal with my wives with fairness and justice as much as I can concerning what is in my capacity). So I beseech You not to account me for what You can control but I cannot (that is, my feelings towards them).”

    However, it is quite strange to find that there are some Arab Muslim countries that prohibit polygamy but allow adultery, the sin about which Almighty Allah says: “And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way” (Al-Israa’ 17:32). Such countries do not forbid adultery except in certain cases, such as when a man forces a woman to commit adultery with him, or in cases of marital infidelity in which the spouse who was betrayed does not forgive his/her partner.

    The former Grand Sheikh of Al-Azhar, Sheikh `Abdel-Halim Mahmoud (may Allah have mercy on him) told me that a Muslim man from some Arab Muslim country that prohibits polygamy married a second wife in secret. He did not register the marriage contract lest he be punished by the man-made law of his country. The police suspected and followed him until they arrested him in his second wife’s home. Facing him with the accusation that he had a second wife and thus breached the laws of the country, he evaded the accusation saying, “Who told you she is my wife? She is not; she is my mistress, and we make love to one another from time to time.” Upon that, the investigators apologized to him, “We are so sorry for this misunderstanding. We thought that she was your wife. We did not know she is your mistress!” Thus, the man was set free, for his country regards adultery as a right of personal freedom, while it forbids polygamy!”
    -
    I know that is a lot of reading but, our deen is one of knowledge and understanding and we should always seek the best and most authoritative information we can find. Insha'Allah this is a benefit to us all.
    sincerely,
    Your brother in faith.

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  16. ikfirfan - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by ikfirfan on Jan 16th, 2010 at 12:01PM

    Dear MuaminVA,

    Thank you very much for your lengthy and detailed response to arguments against polygamy (polygyny). Obviously, you chose to use the strategy of “cut & paste” to top your “mislead” comment on the two of us. Please read the Qur’an 9:31 and 9:34 to realize how this virtual “Cut & Paste” blind-following has been doing a number on the Ummah for the last 1100 years and how flimsy the argument of “superiority” of some ‘Ulema’” is. The big trouble with us, the common folks in the streets, is that we listen too much to the “Ulema” as opposed to using our own God-given talent and wisdom. The Qur’an tells us that the message of the Qur’an is easy to understand (54:17,22,32) and it always enjoins us to study and reflect upon the Book OURSELVES and draw our own conclusions; after all, these “ulema” will leave us alone and will not share our individual burdens come the Day of Judgment. If we had followed this all-important Qur’anic directive of studying the Qur’an on our own trusting Allah’s guidance, our Ummah would not be in such a mess today. Please realize that these “Ulema” are the SAME ulema, who prescribe stoning-to-death punishment for adultery as well as death punishment for apostasy, the rulings that are contrary to the Qur’anic teachings; thus these “ulema” are murderers of many Muslims—and you know what Allah says about those who murder someone (especially a believer)—eternal Hell and Allah’s curse! Also these are the same “Ulema” of all “Four Madhahib” that prescribe the unQur’anic instantaneous, quick and dirty, *3-time in one breath talaq (divorce)* and the halalah; thus they are responsible for ruining millions of married lives.

    So please do me a favor and spare me the mullah stuff I see strewn around everywhere. I care the least about them. I care about what the Book of Allah tells me---the only Book that the Last Prophet of Islam (pbuh) himself acted upon and required all of us to do the same!

    Now I return to some of the arguments of your favorite “Muftis” and “Ulema”:

    >

    Well, first of all, this comment makes no sense. There’s no mention of “dower for the orphans” in the verse 4:3. Second please help me understand how can I afford to marry “other women” when I can’t afford to marry even an orphan girl under my care??? There’s no indication of “other women” in the verse either.

    >

    Okay, how about this statement “There is no doubt that the women who have two or three or four husbands are better off than those who fool around with men outside of marriage?” Before you get upset at this, please realize that even though the world population is almost equal in gender frequency, there are countries--like China and Arab gulf states--where female abortion infanticide is rampant, are already registering alarming growth rates in the number of males compared to females. I am not making this up, it is according to a recently prepared scientific report. Now go and tell them to have more than one wife! Where will a poor man go when each mullah is already sitting on up to four women?

    >

    For the Prophet (pbuh), yes. He could take many wives ‘up to a point’ when Allah forbade him to do that. Please know that Prophet’s marriages took place under the Divine decree and NONE of his marriages happened for gratification of ‘sexual desires’. If that were so, he would not have lived monogamously 25 long years with a woman 15 years his senior and would not have waited to be 53 years to marry another woman (that too an older and not so attractive one). Can someone tell me why the Prophet did not have children (except one from Maria) from all these 9 or 11 wives other than Khadijah (ra) if he used to “visit” them every night one at a time? Obviously, those marriages were to give shelter to some widowed wives of his Companions, or to strengthen ties to the Companions or keep the hostile tribes at bay and peace. So, go ahead marry up to four women for THOSE reasons and not reasons of ‘having fun’ and satisfying sexual desires’---follow the REAL Sunnah.

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  17. ikfirfan - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by ikfirfan on Jan 17th, 2010 at 9:19PM

    Dear moderator:
    Please delete the above post of mine because the quotes, being in green in color, did not appear. Here’s the full post.

    Dear MuaminVA,

    Thank you very much for your lengthy and detailed response to arguments against polygamy (polygyny). Obviously, you chose to use the strategy of “cut & paste” to top your “mislead” comment on the two of us. Please read the Qur’an 9:31 and 9:34 to realize how this virtual “Cut & Paste” blind-following has been doing a number on the Ummah for the last 1100 years and how flimsy the argument of “superiority” of some ‘Ulema’” is. The big trouble with us, the common folks in the streets, is that we listen too much to the “Ulema” as opposed to using our own God-given talent and wisdom. The Qur’an tells us that the message of the Qur’an is easy to understand (54:17,22,32) and it always enjoins us to study and reflect upon the Book OURSELVES and draw our own conclusions; after all, these “ulema” will leave us alone and will not share our individual burdens come the Day of Judgment. If we had followed this all-important Qur’anic directive of studying the Qur’an on our own trusting Allah’s guidance, our Ummah would not be in such a mess today. Please realize that these “Ulema” are the SAME ulema, who prescribe stoning-to-death punishment for adultery as well as death punishment for apostasy, the rulings that are contrary to the Qur’anic teachings; thus these “ulema” are murderers of many Muslims—and you know what Allah says about those who murder someone (especially a believer)—eternal Hell and Allah’s curse! Also these are the same “Ulema” of all “Four Madhahib” that prescribe the unQur’anic instantaneous, quick and dirty, *3-time in one breath talaq (divorce)* and the halalah; thus they are responsible for ruining millions of married lives.

    So please do me a favor and spare me the mullah stuff I see strewn around everywhere. I care the least about them. I care about what the Book of Allah tells me---the only Book that the Last Prophet of Islam (pbuh) himself acted upon and required all of us to do the same!

    Now I return to some of the arguments of your favorite “Muftis” and “Ulema”:

    >

    Well, first of all, this comment makes no sense. There’s no mention of “dower for the orphans” in the verse 4:3. Second please help me understand how can I afford to marry “other women” when I can’t afford to marry even an orphan girl under my care??? There’s no indication of “other women” in the verse either.

    >

    Okay, how about this statement “There is no doubt that the women who have two or three or four husbands are better off than those who fool around with men outside of marriage?” Before you get upset at this, please realize that even though the world population is almost equal in gender frequency, there are countries--like China and Arab gulf states--where female abortion infanticide is rampant, are already registering alarming growth rates in the number of males compared to females. I am not making this up, it is according to a recently prepared scientific report. Now go and tell them to have more than one wife! Where will a poor man go when each mullah is already sitting on up to four women?

    >

    For the Prophet (pbuh), yes. He could take many wives ‘up to a point’ when Allah forbade him to do that. Please know that Prophet’s marriages took place under the Divine decree and NONE of his marriages happened for gratification of ‘sexual desires’. If that were so, he would not have lived monogamously 25 long years with a woman 15 years his senior and would not have waited to be 53 years to marry another woman (that too an older and not so attractive one). Can someone tell me why the Prophet did not have children (except one from Maria) from all these 9 or 11 wives other than Khadijah (ra) if he used to “visit” them every night one at a time? Obviously, those marriages were to give shelter to some widowed wives of his Companions, or to strengthen ties to the Companions or keep the hostile tribes at bay and peace. So, go ahead marry up to four women for THOSE reasons and not reasons of ‘having fun’ and satisfying sexual desires’---follow the REAL Sunnah.

    >

    The honorable Sheikh Bin Baz totally totally ignored the context of the verse 4:3 that starts with 4:1 and is ONLY talking about supporting the orphans. How come that important context was glassed over by the Sheikh. Did he do that to grant unlimited license to male chauvinistic lust?



    No offence to the honorable Sheikh, but doesn’t he see the red flag sticking right in front of his face in this verse? Doesn’t this verse serve as a warning and allows polygamy only under exceptional circumstances?

    >

    What? Which Muslim countries allow having mistresses besides a wife? Please name one. Having mistresses besides a wife is frowned upon in all cultures, let alone a Muslim country. The Qur’an ordains 100 stripes for this crime. Sheikh Mahmoud is putting dust in our eyes when he narrates the nonsensical story.

    In sum, one can clearly see the obvious flaws in these arguments from the so-called “ulema” and the “mufties”. Please note that the Qur’an takes us to the “Ahl adhdhikr” (16:43, 21:7)—the people who KNOW the DHIKR (Qur’an)—not to the “mufties”. The mufties can’t guide, they can only ruin innocent human lives and commit murders. They are the real ‘terrorist’ behind the scenes. Beware of them!

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  18. abuasiya - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by abuasiya on Jan 25th, 2010 at 6:19PM

    AsSalaamu alaike wa rahmatullah.

    I pray this message reaches you in the highest of Eemaan and best of health. Aameen.

    Sorry inkow this is off the topic i am looking for a co wife. Its hard now looking for sisters some sister present them self’s as pious but there still on this jaheel life HARD, get married but think its girlfriend, boyfriend relationship and it’s rear to find good sisters that dont compramise there deen!!! Don’t get me wrong not everyone is like that. Brothers are the same, sometimes they both just need a good person to marry and they fix up.

    I'm moroccan, born in london 29.

    If you know any good sister that are good in there deen and ready for marriage Insahallah send them my way!!! They can send there Wail's info at abu.asiya@ymail.com, or i can give them my sister, or wife's number.

    There are some good brothers at Wandsworth road mosque ask for the Imam or you can go to Fulham mosque (Al Muntada) 0207 471 8271 ask for Imam Wasim they do marriage services, Lewisham Islamic Centre ask for the Imam 0208 690 5090. this is for brothers and sisters.

    Forgive me if i have Offended you in anyway.

    Jazaakallaahu khairan.

    Wa salamu alaykum


    Abuasiya

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