Post

My Co-wife and I

 Ok so unlike most people on this topic I am not a Christian but a practicing Muslim. I am a US citizen, and African American. I am also one of two wives. I began as the second of two and then my first co-wife and my husband divorced. My new co-wife is of course an amazing woman and my DH could never imagine trying to divorce either of us. 

What I have found is that to make our marriage work we have had to put away many of our preconceived notions and barriers. The culture encourages competition between women and a sense of ownership over one's partner. Rather we see ourselves as three people sharing one relationship. Each of us are equally responsible for making it work.

My co-wife is older than I am and brings to the table a wealth of experience and mannerisms that i will never achieve. She is the graceful lady of the house, while I am as graceful as a basset hound puppy. I am funky and eclectic, ready to indulge any whim that takes me. She is steady and constant, truly a matriarch to her core. She embodies tradition and classic elegance and I love her for it. She leaves room for me to be me and to contribute in my own way.

We live in a duplex. I have one apartment and she has another. However, our homes are very open. Children and visitors pass between the two comfortably and we often coordinate so that we can support each other in our goals. As my husband says, he own the building but we own the home. 

The things i love about having a co-wife are that it allows me to have the help I need to pursue higher education, yoga or whatever my outside interests may be. A more fulfilled me means a better wife and mother at home. It also takes some of the stress off of the marital bond, as we aren't expecting for our spouse to be the center of our universe. I realize that at times my CW is the best person to turn to with me hurts, worries and concerns. Sometimes my DH is just out of his league. It also makes us re-evaluate why we got married int he first place. Did I marry for love? Yes and no. But warm feelings and "falling" in love don't get you through deaths, births, illnesses, poverty and hard times.

Commitment and love definitely come into play. I LOVE my family, my DH and my CW and all the kids and relatives that come with them. But more importantly, we are committed as a unit to being a family, supporting each other's dreams and aspirations. The anchor of it all, of course, is our faith and the values and characteristics our faith encourages. Instead of competition we have sisterhood. Instead of marriages based on "love conquering all" we have real, long  suffering, forgiving, sharing, selfless love. Instead of making one of us a martyr, we are mindful of the rights and responsibilities we have to each other and our Lord. 

So thats my experience. feel free to read more about it on my blog at nazreneprincess.wordpress.com

or just PM me...I am all about answering questions as honestly as i can as long as they are asked with respect. 

NazarenePrincess NazarenePrincess 22-25, F 47 Responses May 17, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

As salaamu alaikum i am a 3rd and i love my dh and my 2 cw so much i am meeting them this weekend and spending Eid altr

Masha'ALLAH this is really comforting to read ...

That is exactly what we feel.
How wonderful that you both make your husband happy. A man needs an older and younger wife.
We wrote about it here - please read and give us your opinions!
best wishes
Polyladies6

omg. i cant even imagine ur situation. the guy.. hmm. maybe has an amazing sexlife. haha. anyways, i cant believe it works to any women. coz i guess women were born not to adapt that way. gudluck to ur life. i hope its what u REALLY want.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wa Ramatullahi Wa Barakatu dear sister.
Mashallah your blog is inspiring - I am on the verge of becoming a co wife and would love if you could contact me In'sha Allāh.
Barak Allahu feek
X

Wow! beautiful family

Simply Beautiful

Great feelings when I read out it.

Hello, thank you very much for your story. I found it inspiring and moved me to tears. I am poly and the marriage that I long for is very close to what you have described. I know that there is the difference that I am bisexual and would want a relationship with my co-wife as well but I think that your attitude on what really works when you combine families and when a man has more than one wife is spot on. Thank you.

I have so many questions for u I don't even know where to start ahahah. Great inspirational story

MashAllah, may Allah provide you with the bounties of both worlds. and help you in spreading the truth!

Masa-Allah. Hats- off to sister @Nazarene Princess. You seems to possess the virtues and example of our Beloved Prophets(pbuh) wives. How many sisters are having this kind of lion heart as that of you. We see our muslim sisters are mostly reject & hate polygamy, though in many cases it becomes necessary, i.e giving support to orphan & widows, yet sisters does not want their husband to marry the widows & provide them a just & dignified life. Many sisters preaches themselves to be good muslims, yet when it comes to the issue of polygamy, they forget the commandment of Allah(swt) & sunnah of our beloved prophet(pbuh). It is a hypocrisy. To sister@Nazarene Princess , may Allah(swt) grant you all the happiness in both the worlds & you will be certainly rewarded in abundance for your patience , exempliary adherence & obedience to Allah(swt) & sunnah. Ameen.

sum'ameen! I couldn't put it better.

Masa-Allah. Hats- off to sister @Nazarene Princess. You seems to possess the virtues and example of our Beloved Prophets(pbuh) wives. How many sisters are having this kind of lion heart as that of you. We see our muslim sisters are mostly reject & hate polygamy, though in many cases it becomes necessary, i.e giving support to orphan & widows, yet sisters does not want their husband to marry the widows & provide them a just & dignified life. Many sisters preaches themselves to be good muslims, yet when it comes to the issue of polygamy, they forget the commandment of Allah(swt) & sunnah of our beloved prophet(pbuh). It is a hypocrisy. To sister@Nazarene Princess , may Allah(swt) grant you all the happiness in both the worlds & you will be certainly rewarded in abundance for your patience , exempliary adherence & obedience to Allah(swt) & sunnah. Ameen.

Great story(life) i am in total admiration of your ability to see the bigger picture and what's important to lifes needs. you three are very mature in the choices you've made. im always interested in other ppls journey through life and its everyday demands. i am married with children and all of the reasons you mentioned are all things that i deal with daily trying to do things in the "traditional" way. this arrangement would be very beneficial but how do you come across 2 ppl that are equally mature in this lifetime? you my dear are truly blessed

OB1 deliberately destroys the great US Constitution so the Illuminati make him head of secret World Govt out to depopulate the world by 80%<br />
<br />
Search youtube movies The Obama Deception, The Fall Of The Republic & Endgame<br />
<br />
I Am A Hero In A Family Of Heroes And Oppose Appeasing Al Qaeda<br />
<br />
<br />
I Just Posted This Reply To, "are Soldiers Murderers?"<br />
<br />
By: Me<br />
<br />
Written on September 13th, 2012<br />
<br />
<br />
My older cousins were a Colonel, a Wing Commander & a Navy Commander & I'm ex-security<br />
<br />
I just posted this reply to, "Are soldiers murderers?"<br />
<br />
Hebrew has 4 words for kill<br />
<br />
All Exodus 20 Commandment forbids is deliberate murder - NOT duly authorised defence of the realm & NOT judicial execution for murder - which the Bible actually commands<br />
<br />
USA needs to scrap the interminable & costly appeals & accept verdicts on clear evidence, to save megabucks on jailing for life murderers whose lives should be forfeit<br />
<br />
Will Mitt pledge that?<br />
<br />
OB1 sure won't<br />
<br />
These 2 youtube playlists may help you understand men fresh home from war<br />
<br />
1.Play all<br />
2.<br />
war<br />
<br />
<br />
1.Tribute To The Troops - This Is War<br />
•Soldiers Story<br />
•Explosive war footage of the real war in iraq! The true soldier's story ~ War in Iraq<br />
<br />
•playlist<br />
1.<br />
101 videos<br />
<br />
2.by stephentoy<br />
•1.<br />
26 videos Play all<br />
<br />
2.<br />
Military<br />
<br />
<br />
1.Last Goodbye: US Soldiers from Iraq War<br />
•Military Tribute "To lay down Ones Life For Others<br />
•Sad war slideshow<br />
<br />
•playlist<br />
1.<br />
26 videos<br />
<br />
2.by cj2320<br />
<br />
0:31<br />
<br />
<br />
Start Fidgeting - Kinekt Design Gear Ring. Patented.<br />
<br />
Lifetime Warranty&Shipping Included<br />
<br />
by kinektdesign|2,503,680 views<br />
<br />
<br />
1:53<br />
<br />
<br />
Ryan needs a helping hand<br />
<br />
Any help for Ryan would be awesomeRyan is a great kid worth helping<br />
<br />
by Hand4ry|17,118 views<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Make $539 In Just 1 Hour?<br />
<br />
Need Some Extra Cash? Watch ThisVideo And Learn A Secret Strategy!<br />
<br />
by quickcashworldwide<br />
<br />
See your ad here »<br />
<br />
<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next »

True I believe that is great Sister

Beautiful post! As a Muslimah, convert of a few years I will say this sibject intrigues me like many things in the deen. Now learning about it don't make it go away. I love how you shared how you all manage and live seperatly yet near. It's another "good example" to add to mental roladex of notes for when ppl ask me.

That seems quite magical unlike me I have a co wife I am very new to thee religion she is not of the religion. I have been married now for 8 months and because the religion has beensuch a hardship with just being married I'm ready to give it all up.

hi nazarene..i don't know if ur still on this thing or not...but i really have to tell u that i admire ur strength and courage, i read ur story n i just can't believe wht i read...how is it so simple to live in the same building as a co-wife to ur husband without going mad? how did ur marriage happen? did she allow it and then he went ask for ur hand? why did he get a second wife in the first place? there must be a reason....if u really love a man i just don't understand how can it be cool for u to share him....plz explain to me ......i'll tell u my story later sometime koz i'm a second wife too n it's killing koz i never thought it's gonna be this hard...i am suffering bekoz of it day n night n i wish i knew wht i ws getting myself into...ty n bye for now.

@dreamgyrl360 - i love the wy you have put it together. I absolutely agree that the people and human beings as individuals have the best capabilities to choose their destination and journey in life. Government would love to put us all in uniforms and cubicles and apartments. They hate mavericks and out thinkers. But its only people who challenge and think of out the box which leads to progress in society - social, economical and intellectual. I have consent to general rules which we all know will cause damage but how can one agree with "Government" on softer issues which question our free will to decide which path i need to take to peruse my happiness. The only guide we should have for such is that we don't hurt and cause pain intentionally and are actually putting ourselves in the places of all stakeholders. If everyone agrees then I feel its a small step and win of peoples will and wants and instincts over what is a package upbringing and life.

As Salammu Alaikum,<br />
<br />
Good for you, good for all three of you. Marriage is work. It is continual work...................and to think it is not is silly. It sounds like you and your co-wife have found a balance and in so doing the both of you are at peace which would no doubt be reflected on your family; husband and children. Half of a good man is better then no man........................and there are not very many good men out there to be had...............so continue to be eclectic, get your education, live a good life, enjoy your family and be happy.<br />
<br />
Amina 609

as salaamu alaikum. I just found this web page masha Allah and find it very beautiful that your and your co-wife make polygyny work. Please contact me insha Allah as my husband is interested in taking in another wife.I would love to talk to someone who is familiar or even better living it. May Allah swt continues to bless and make it easy for you and your family ameen

Asalaamu Alaikum sister forgive me for jumping on your post.
It's a few years later ap u may not even get this, but if you do pls contact me.
I'm in the same situation now and would like to know how you handles it In'sha Allāh.
Jazak-Allahu khayran
Sarata

All I can say is - I'd rather be a second wife to a good man than the only wife of a lyin', cheatin' Lothario like I am now! Thus the research and me commenting on your story. :)

I agree. While I don't think too many of us (people/Muslims) have the tools, common sense, knowledge and Income to pull this off I don't deny it's of the Sunnah. That sad, while I pray none of us are tested with what we can't handle I WILL say this. I agree with the above comment

i understand what you are saying but does you story really mean that it didn't hurt when your husband decided to have another wife. I DON'T THINK SO! Come on be honest there were some tears hidden away in your bedroom and when they dried up you decided to live life as best as you could in that kind of situation.

I am currently a second wife. sometimes I like polygamy adn sometimes I don't. what I think make me dislike it sometimes is because my co wife doesn't talk to me. I was a bit pushy at 1st to make her like me then i realized it was a big mistake doing so. I make duah for her, I ask Allah to appease her heart, but thats about it.I strongly believe if we had a good relationship, that polygamy would be the best thing for me. Really I can't take having a man in my life 365 days at a time, to cook for and care for. It would really get on my nerves although i really love my husband. But, what can I do? be patient and if Allah wills, one day she will like me, if not, I pray that Allah give me taht relationship i am looking for with a 3rd wife if my husband ever remarries.<br />
<br />
I really dont see why people think polygamy belittles people. actually many women becomes muslims because of polygamy. BIG difference. Let's face it. from my own experience, I had 2 previous marriages where I was the only wife. it sucked. Really. Now I am forever happy in a polygamy marriage. Be assured if you marry a religious man, you will be happy. I dont have to work and have all my bills paid. Alhamdulillah. And also, ya can google, researches say a man with more then one wife have a higher libido and also these women have happier marriages. The only problem is when women gets so bitter for years. REALLY, I would not do this to myself for a man. I have so many other things to accomplish in my life for my benefit for the hereafter hten to sit and be bitter for years. he is just a man after all.

Hey sister, Just wanted to pop this up here,yoga is an integral part of hinduism- so many parts of it such as the chanting and posistions has its roots in religion, for instance it may begin with a series of movements which when translated means somthing like the sun salutation sequence, and basically boils down to sun worship, also one of the goals of yoga is to get in a perfect state to sort of become one with God,so without realizing it engagin in yoga can cause one to fall into a type of shirk. HOWever, if you have already came to some other conclusion, or reject this then thats fine with me, no need to attack me, Im just trying to give naseehah. I am not the judge!

You say you started out as the second wife.....what caused the first divorce?

You say you started out as the second wife.....what caused the first divorce?

I encourage all to seek happiness. No man/woman/person can judge you over your beliefs. I was raised in a Pentecostal Church and have seen everything slightly twisted from the truth. Now don't get me wrong I've learned alot as well. I am in search of common knowledge, I need to find my true worth, not only as a black man, but as a black king. I am in search of true spiritual knowledge, as well as my common purpose. I am interested in finding my wives and sharing a lifetime of love and happiness. To me that's what life is all about. It's not all about the sexual aspect of the marriage, to me I have just enough love to be shared between multiple people.