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My Co-wife and I

 Ok so unlike most people on this topic I am not a Christian but a practicing Muslim. I am a US citizen, and African American. I am also one of two wives. I began as the second of two and then my first co-wife and my husband divorced. My new co-wife is of course an amazing woman and my DH could never imagine trying to divorce either of us. 

What I have found is that to make our marriage work we have had to put away many of our preconceived notions and barriers. The culture encourages competition between women and a sense of ownership over one's partner. Rather we see ourselves as three people sharing one relationship. Each of us are equally responsible for making it work.

My co-wife is older than I am and brings to the table a wealth of experience and mannerisms that i will never achieve. She is the graceful lady of the house, while I am as graceful as a basset hound puppy. I am funky and eclectic, ready to indulge any whim that takes me. She is steady and constant, truly a matriarch to her core. She embodies tradition and classic elegance and I love her for it. She leaves room for me to be me and to contribute in my own way.

We live in a duplex. I have one apartment and she has another. However, our homes are very open. Children and visitors pass between the two comfortably and we often coordinate so that we can support each other in our goals. As my husband says, he own the building but we own the home. 

The things i love about having a co-wife are that it allows me to have the help I need to pursue higher education, yoga or whatever my outside interests may be. A more fulfilled me means a better wife and mother at home. It also takes some of the stress off of the marital bond, as we aren't expecting for our spouse to be the center of our universe. I realize that at times my CW is the best person to turn to with me hurts, worries and concerns. Sometimes my DH is just out of his league. It also makes us re-evaluate why we got married int he first place. Did I marry for love? Yes and no. But warm feelings and "falling" in love don't get you through deaths, births, illnesses, poverty and hard times.

Commitment and love definitely come into play. I LOVE my family, my DH and my CW and all the kids and relatives that come with them. But more importantly, we are committed as a unit to being a family, supporting each other's dreams and aspirations. The anchor of it all, of course, is our faith and the values and characteristics our faith encourages. Instead of competition we have sisterhood. Instead of marriages based on "love conquering all" we have real, long  suffering, forgiving, sharing, selfless love. Instead of making one of us a martyr, we are mindful of the rights and responsibilities we have to each other and our Lord. 

So thats my experience. feel free to read more about it on my blog at nazreneprincess.wordpress.com

or just PM me...I am all about answering questions as honestly as i can as long as they are asked with respect. 

NazarenePrincess NazarenePrincess 22-25, F 47 Responses May 17, 2008

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As salaamu alaikum i am a 3rd and i love my dh and my 2 cw so much i am meeting them this weekend and spending Eid altr

Masha'ALLAH this is really comforting to read ...

That is exactly what we feel.
How wonderful that you both make your husband happy. A man needs an older and younger wife.
We wrote about it here - please read and give us your opinions!
best wishes
Polyladies6

omg. i cant even imagine ur situation. the guy.. hmm. maybe has an amazing sexlife. haha. anyways, i cant believe it works to any women. coz i guess women were born not to adapt that way. gudluck to ur life. i hope its what u REALLY want.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wa Ramatullahi Wa Barakatu dear sister.
Mashallah your blog is inspiring - I am on the verge of becoming a co wife and would love if you could contact me In'sha Allāh.
Barak Allahu feek
X

Wow! beautiful family

Simply Beautiful

Great feelings when I read out it.

Hello, thank you very much for your story. I found it inspiring and moved me to tears. I am poly and the marriage that I long for is very close to what you have described. I know that there is the difference that I am bisexual and would want a relationship with my co-wife as well but I think that your attitude on what really works when you combine families and when a man has more than one wife is spot on. Thank you.

I have so many questions for u I don't even know where to start ahahah. Great inspirational story

MashAllah, may Allah provide you with the bounties of both worlds. and help you in spreading the truth!

Masa-Allah. Hats- off to sister @Nazarene Princess. You seems to possess the virtues and example of our Beloved Prophets(pbuh) wives. How many sisters are having this kind of lion heart as that of you. We see our muslim sisters are mostly reject & hate polygamy, though in many cases it becomes necessary, i.e giving support to orphan & widows, yet sisters does not want their husband to marry the widows & provide them a just & dignified life. Many sisters preaches themselves to be good muslims, yet when it comes to the issue of polygamy, they forget the commandment of Allah(swt) & sunnah of our beloved prophet(pbuh). It is a hypocrisy. To sister@Nazarene Princess , may Allah(swt) grant you all the happiness in both the worlds & you will be certainly rewarded in abundance for your patience , exempliary adherence & obedience to Allah(swt) & sunnah. Ameen.

sum'ameen! I couldn't put it better.

Masa-Allah. Hats- off to sister @Nazarene Princess. You seems to possess the virtues and example of our Beloved Prophets(pbuh) wives. How many sisters are having this kind of lion heart as that of you. We see our muslim sisters are mostly reject & hate polygamy, though in many cases it becomes necessary, i.e giving support to orphan & widows, yet sisters does not want their husband to marry the widows & provide them a just & dignified life. Many sisters preaches themselves to be good muslims, yet when it comes to the issue of polygamy, they forget the commandment of Allah(swt) & sunnah of our beloved prophet(pbuh). It is a hypocrisy. To sister@Nazarene Princess , may Allah(swt) grant you all the happiness in both the worlds & you will be certainly rewarded in abundance for your patience , exempliary adherence & obedience to Allah(swt) & sunnah. Ameen.

Great story(life) i am in total admiration of your ability to see the bigger picture and what's important to lifes needs. you three are very mature in the choices you've made. im always interested in other ppls journey through life and its everyday demands. i am married with children and all of the reasons you mentioned are all things that i deal with daily trying to do things in the "traditional" way. this arrangement would be very beneficial but how do you come across 2 ppl that are equally mature in this lifetime? you my dear are truly blessed

OB1 deliberately destroys the great US Constitution so the Illuminati make him head of secret World Govt out to depopulate the world by 80%<br />
<br />
Search youtube movies The Obama Deception, The Fall Of The Republic & Endgame<br />
<br />
I Am A Hero In A Family Of Heroes And Oppose Appeasing Al Qaeda<br />
<br />
<br />
I Just Posted This Reply To, "are Soldiers Murderers?"<br />
<br />
By: Me<br />
<br />
Written on September 13th, 2012<br />
<br />
<br />
My older cousins were a Colonel, a Wing Commander & a Navy Commander & I'm ex-security<br />
<br />
I just posted this reply to, "Are soldiers murderers?"<br />
<br />
Hebrew has 4 words for kill<br />
<br />
All Exodus 20 Commandment forbids is deliberate murder - NOT duly authorised defence of the realm & NOT judicial execution for murder - which the Bible actually commands<br />
<br />
USA needs to scrap the interminable & costly appeals & accept verdicts on clear evidence, to save megabucks on jailing for life murderers whose lives should be forfeit<br />
<br />
Will Mitt pledge that?<br />
<br />
OB1 sure won't<br />
<br />
These 2 youtube playlists may help you understand men fresh home from war<br />
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•playlist<br />
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101 videos<br />
<br />
2.by stephentoy<br />
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26 videos Play all<br />
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Military<br />
<br />
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1.Last Goodbye: US Soldiers from Iraq War<br />
•Military Tribute "To lay down Ones Life For Others<br />
•Sad war slideshow<br />
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Western appeasement of militant Islam is like failed EU appeasement of Hitler<br />
<br />
http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3Afailed+EU+appeasement+%40+Hitler&sourceid=ie8-activity&hl=en#hl=en&sugexp=les%3Bcesh&gs_nf=1&pq=define%3Afailed%20eu%20appeasement%20%40%20hitler&cp=55&gs_id=35&xhr=t&q=west%20appeasement%20of%20Islam%20like%20failed%20EU%20appeasement%20of%20Hitler&pf=p&sclient=psy-ab&oq=west+appeasement+of+Islam+like+failed+EU+appeasement+of+Hitler&gs_l=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&

True I believe that is great Sister

Beautiful post! As a Muslimah, convert of a few years I will say this sibject intrigues me like many things in the deen. Now learning about it don't make it go away. I love how you shared how you all manage and live seperatly yet near. It's another "good example" to add to mental roladex of notes for when ppl ask me.

That seems quite magical unlike me I have a co wife I am very new to thee religion she is not of the religion. I have been married now for 8 months and because the religion has beensuch a hardship with just being married I'm ready to give it all up.

Ukhti do not let bad experiences blind you..you are on the correct path please stay firm on your beliefs ukhti...be strong

hi nazarene..i don't know if ur still on this thing or not...but i really have to tell u that i admire ur strength and courage, i read ur story n i just can't believe wht i read...how is it so simple to live in the same building as a co-wife to ur husband without going mad? how did ur marriage happen? did she allow it and then he went ask for ur hand? why did he get a second wife in the first place? there must be a reason....if u really love a man i just don't understand how can it be cool for u to share him....plz explain to me ......i'll tell u my story later sometime koz i'm a second wife too n it's killing koz i never thought it's gonna be this hard...i am suffering bekoz of it day n night n i wish i knew wht i ws getting myself into...ty n bye for now.

@dreamgyrl360 - i love the wy you have put it together. I absolutely agree that the people and human beings as individuals have the best capabilities to choose their destination and journey in life. Government would love to put us all in uniforms and cubicles and apartments. They hate mavericks and out thinkers. But its only people who challenge and think of out the box which leads to progress in society - social, economical and intellectual. I have consent to general rules which we all know will cause damage but how can one agree with "Government" on softer issues which question our free will to decide which path i need to take to peruse my happiness. The only guide we should have for such is that we don't hurt and cause pain intentionally and are actually putting ourselves in the places of all stakeholders. If everyone agrees then I feel its a small step and win of peoples will and wants and instincts over what is a package upbringing and life.

As Salammu Alaikum,<br />
<br />
Good for you, good for all three of you. Marriage is work. It is continual work...................and to think it is not is silly. It sounds like you and your co-wife have found a balance and in so doing the both of you are at peace which would no doubt be reflected on your family; husband and children. Half of a good man is better then no man........................and there are not very many good men out there to be had...............so continue to be eclectic, get your education, live a good life, enjoy your family and be happy.<br />
<br />
Amina 609

as salaamu alaikum. I just found this web page masha Allah and find it very beautiful that your and your co-wife make polygyny work. Please contact me insha Allah as my husband is interested in taking in another wife.I would love to talk to someone who is familiar or even better living it. May Allah swt continues to bless and make it easy for you and your family ameen

Asalaamu Alaikum sister forgive me for jumping on your post.
It's a few years later ap u may not even get this, but if you do pls contact me.
I'm in the same situation now and would like to know how you handles it In'sha Allāh.
Jazak-Allahu khayran
Sarata

All I can say is - I'd rather be a second wife to a good man than the only wife of a lyin', cheatin' Lothario like I am now! Thus the research and me commenting on your story. :)

I agree. While I don't think too many of us (people/Muslims) have the tools, common sense, knowledge and Income to pull this off I don't deny it's of the Sunnah. That sad, while I pray none of us are tested with what we can't handle I WILL say this. I agree with the above comment

i understand what you are saying but does you story really mean that it didn't hurt when your husband decided to have another wife. I DON'T THINK SO! Come on be honest there were some tears hidden away in your bedroom and when they dried up you decided to live life as best as you could in that kind of situation.

I am currently a second wife. sometimes I like polygamy adn sometimes I don't. what I think make me dislike it sometimes is because my co wife doesn't talk to me. I was a bit pushy at 1st to make her like me then i realized it was a big mistake doing so. I make duah for her, I ask Allah to appease her heart, but thats about it.I strongly believe if we had a good relationship, that polygamy would be the best thing for me. Really I can't take having a man in my life 365 days at a time, to cook for and care for. It would really get on my nerves although i really love my husband. But, what can I do? be patient and if Allah wills, one day she will like me, if not, I pray that Allah give me taht relationship i am looking for with a 3rd wife if my husband ever remarries.<br />
<br />
I really dont see why people think polygamy belittles people. actually many women becomes muslims because of polygamy. BIG difference. Let's face it. from my own experience, I had 2 previous marriages where I was the only wife. it sucked. Really. Now I am forever happy in a polygamy marriage. Be assured if you marry a religious man, you will be happy. I dont have to work and have all my bills paid. Alhamdulillah. And also, ya can google, researches say a man with more then one wife have a higher libido and also these women have happier marriages. The only problem is when women gets so bitter for years. REALLY, I would not do this to myself for a man. I have so many other things to accomplish in my life for my benefit for the hereafter hten to sit and be bitter for years. he is just a man after all.

Hey sister, Just wanted to pop this up here,yoga is an integral part of hinduism- so many parts of it such as the chanting and posistions has its roots in religion, for instance it may begin with a series of movements which when translated means somthing like the sun salutation sequence, and basically boils down to sun worship, also one of the goals of yoga is to get in a perfect state to sort of become one with God,so without realizing it engagin in yoga can cause one to fall into a type of shirk. HOWever, if you have already came to some other conclusion, or reject this then thats fine with me, no need to attack me, Im just trying to give naseehah. I am not the judge!

You say you started out as the second wife.....what caused the first divorce?

You say you started out as the second wife.....what caused the first divorce?

I encourage all to seek happiness. No man/woman/person can judge you over your beliefs. I was raised in a Pentecostal Church and have seen everything slightly twisted from the truth. Now don't get me wrong I've learned alot as well. I am in search of common knowledge, I need to find my true worth, not only as a black man, but as a black king. I am in search of true spiritual knowledge, as well as my common purpose. I am interested in finding my wives and sharing a lifetime of love and happiness. To me that's what life is all about. It's not all about the sexual aspect of the marriage, to me I have just enough love to be shared between multiple people.

I am considering this-well, I am planning on this kind of marriage in the near future. It is interesting to read positive accounts and a good warning to read the negative ones. I wish all of you only good things in your lives and marriages.

AsSalaamu alaike wa rahmatullah. <br />
<br />
I pray this message reaches you in the highest of Eemaan and best of health. Aameen. <br />
<br />
Sorry inkow this is off the topic i am looking for a co wife. Its hard now looking for sisters some sister present them self’s as pious but there still on this jaheel life HARD, get married but think its girlfriend, boyfriend relationship and it’s rear to find good sisters that dont compramise there deen!!! Don’t get me wrong not everyone is like that. Brothers are the same, sometimes they both just need a good person to marry and they fix up. <br />
<br />
I'm moroccan, born in london 29.<br />
<br />
If you know any good sister that are good in there deen and ready for marriage Insahallah send them my way!!! They can send there Wail's info at abu.asiya@ymail.com, or i can give them my sister, or wife's number. <br />
<br />
There are some good brothers at Wandsworth road mosque ask for the Imam or you can go to Fulham mosque (Al Muntada) 0207 471 8271 ask for Imam Wasim they do marriage services, Lewisham Islamic Centre ask for the Imam 0208 690 5090. this is for brothers and sisters.<br />
<br />
Forgive me if i have Offended you in anyway. <br />
<br />
Jazaakallaahu khairan. <br />
<br />
Wa salamu alaykum <br />
<br />
<br />
Abuasiya

Dear moderator:<br />
Please delete the above post of mine because the quotes, being in green in color, did not appear. Here’s the full post. <br />
<br />
Dear MuaminVA,<br />
<br />
Thank you very much for your lengthy and detailed response to arguments against polygamy (polygyny). Obviously, you chose to use the strategy of “cut & paste” to top your “mislead” comment on the two of us. Please read the Qur’an 9:31 and 9:34 to realize how this virtual “Cut & Paste” blind-following has been doing a number on the Ummah for the last 1100 years and how flimsy the argument of “superiority” of some ‘Ulema’” is. The big trouble with us, the common folks in the streets, is that we listen too much to the “Ulema” as opposed to using our own God-given talent and wisdom. The Qur’an tells us that the message of the Qur’an is easy to understand (54:17,22,32) and it always enjoins us to study and reflect upon the Book OURSELVES and draw our own conclusions; after all, these “ulema” will leave us alone and will not share our individual burdens come the Day of Judgment. If we had followed this all-important Qur’anic directive of studying the Qur’an on our own trusting Allah’s guidance, our Ummah would not be in such a mess today. Please realize that these “Ulema” are the SAME ulema, who prescribe stoning-to-death punishment for adultery as well as death punishment for apostasy, the rulings that are contrary to the Qur’anic teachings; thus these “ulema” are murderers of many Muslims—and you know what Allah says about those who murder someone (especially a believer)—eternal Hell and Allah’s curse! Also these are the same “Ulema” of all “Four Madhahib” that prescribe the unQur’anic instantaneous, quick and dirty, *3-time in one breath talaq (divorce)* and the halalah; thus they are responsible for ruining millions of married lives.<br />
<br />
So please do me a favor and spare me the mullah stuff I see strewn around everywhere. I care the least about them. I care about what the Book of Allah tells me---the only Book that the Last Prophet of Islam (pbuh) himself acted upon and required all of us to do the same!<br />
<br />
Now I return to some of the arguments of your favorite “Muftis” and “Ulema”:<br />
<br />
><br />
<br />
Well, first of all, this comment makes no sense. There’s no mention of “dower for the orphans” in the verse 4:3. Second please help me understand how can I afford to marry “other women” when I can’t afford to marry even an orphan girl under my care??? There’s no indication of “other women” in the verse either.<br />
<br />
> <br />
<br />
Okay, how about this statement “There is no doubt that the women who have two or three or four husbands are better off than those who fool around with men outside of marriage?” Before you get upset at this, please realize that even though the world population is almost equal in gender frequency, there are countries--like China and Arab gulf states--where female abortion infanticide is rampant, are already registering alarming growth rates in the number of males compared to females. I am not making this up, it is according to a recently prepared scientific report. Now go and tell them to have more than one wife! Where will a poor man go when each mullah is already sitting on up to four women? <br />
<br />
><br />
<br />
For the Prophet (pbuh), yes. He could take many wives ‘up to a point’ when Allah forbade him to do that. Please know that Prophet’s marriages took place under the Divine decree and NONE of his marriages happened for gratification of ‘sexual desires’. If that were so, he would not have lived monogamously 25 long years with a woman 15 years his senior and would not have waited to be 53 years to marry another woman (that too an older and not so attractive one). Can someone tell me why the Prophet did not have children (except one from Maria) from all these 9 or 11 wives other than Khadijah (ra) if he used to “visit” them every night one at a time? Obviously, those marriages were to give shelter to some widowed wives of his Companions, or to strengthen ties to the Companions or keep the hostile tribes at bay and peace. So, go ahead marry up to four women for THOSE reasons and not reasons of ‘having fun’ and satisfying sexual desires’---follow the REAL Sunnah.<br />
<br />
> <br />
<br />
The honorable Sheikh Bin Baz totally totally ignored the context of the verse 4:3 that starts with 4:1 and is ONLY talking about supporting the orphans. How come that important context was glassed over by the Sheikh. Did he do that to grant unlimited license to male chauvinistic lust?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
No offence to the honorable Sheikh, but doesn’t he see the red flag sticking right in front of his face in this verse? Doesn’t this verse serve as a warning and allows polygamy only under exceptional circumstances?<br />
<br />
><br />
<br />
What? Which Muslim countries allow having mistresses besides a wife? Please name one. Having mistresses besides a wife is frowned upon in all cultures, let alone a Muslim country. The Qur’an ordains 100 stripes for this crime. Sheikh Mahmoud is putting dust in our eyes when he narrates the nonsensical story.<br />
<br />
In sum, one can clearly see the obvious flaws in these arguments from the so-called “ulema” and the “mufties”. Please note that the Qur’an takes us to the “Ahl adhdhikr” (16:43, 21:7)—the people who KNOW the DHIKR (Qur’an)—not to the “mufties”. The mufties can’t guide, they can only ruin innocent human lives and commit murders. They are the real ‘terrorist’ behind the scenes. Beware of them!

Dear MuaminVA,<br />
<br />
Thank you very much for your lengthy and detailed response to arguments against polygamy (polygyny). Obviously, you chose to use the strategy of “cut & paste” to top your “mislead” comment on the two of us. Please read the Qur’an 9:31 and 9:34 to realize how this virtual “Cut & Paste” blind-following has been doing a number on the Ummah for the last 1100 years and how flimsy the argument of “superiority” of some ‘Ulema’” is. The big trouble with us, the common folks in the streets, is that we listen too much to the “Ulema” as opposed to using our own God-given talent and wisdom. The Qur’an tells us that the message of the Qur’an is easy to understand (54:17,22,32) and it always enjoins us to study and reflect upon the Book OURSELVES and draw our own conclusions; after all, these “ulema” will leave us alone and will not share our individual burdens come the Day of Judgment. If we had followed this all-important Qur’anic directive of studying the Qur’an on our own trusting Allah’s guidance, our Ummah would not be in such a mess today. Please realize that these “Ulema” are the SAME ulema, who prescribe stoning-to-death punishment for adultery as well as death punishment for apostasy, the rulings that are contrary to the Qur’anic teachings; thus these “ulema” are murderers of many Muslims—and you know what Allah says about those who murder someone (especially a believer)—eternal Hell and Allah’s curse! Also these are the same “Ulema” of all “Four Madhahib” that prescribe the unQur’anic instantaneous, quick and dirty, *3-time in one breath talaq (divorce)* and the halalah; thus they are responsible for ruining millions of married lives.<br />
<br />
So please do me a favor and spare me the mullah stuff I see strewn around everywhere. I care the least about them. I care about what the Book of Allah tells me---the only Book that the Last Prophet of Islam (pbuh) himself acted upon and required all of us to do the same!<br />
<br />
Now I return to some of the arguments of your favorite “Muftis” and “Ulema”:<br />
<br />
><br />
<br />
Well, first of all, this comment makes no sense. There’s no mention of “dower for the orphans” in the verse 4:3. Second please help me understand how can I afford to marry “other women” when I can’t afford to marry even an orphan girl under my care??? There’s no indication of “other women” in the verse either.<br />
<br />
> <br />
<br />
Okay, how about this statement “There is no doubt that the women who have two or three or four husbands are better off than those who fool around with men outside of marriage?” Before you get upset at this, please realize that even though the world population is almost equal in gender frequency, there are countries--like China and Arab gulf states--where female abortion infanticide is rampant, are already registering alarming growth rates in the number of males compared to females. I am not making this up, it is according to a recently prepared scientific report. Now go and tell them to have more than one wife! Where will a poor man go when each mullah is already sitting on up to four women? <br />
<br />
><br />
<br />
For the Prophet (pbuh), yes. He could take many wives ‘up to a point’ when Allah forbade him to do that. Please know that Prophet’s marriages took place under the Divine decree and NONE of his marriages happened for gratification of ‘sexual desires’. If that were so, he would not have lived monogamously 25 long years with a woman 15 years his senior and would not have waited to be 53 years to marry another woman (that too an older and not so attractive one). Can someone tell me why the Prophet did not have children (except one from Maria) from all these 9 or 11 wives other than Khadijah (ra) if he used to “visit” them every night one at a time? Obviously, those marriages were to give shelter to some widowed wives of his Companions, or to strengthen ties to the Companions or keep the hostile tribes at bay and peace. So, go ahead marry up to four women for THOSE reasons and not reasons of ‘having fun’ and satisfying sexual desires’---follow the REAL Sunnah.<br />
<br />

I agree with Ziddha. Polygamy, according to the Qur'an, is practiced under strenuous/exceptional circumstances---like taking care of the orphans. Please see Qur'anic directive 4:3 where Allah (swt) makes polygamy allowable to deal with orphans and their property.---and that too, when the husband can do equal “justice” to them! Well, what does the Qur’an has to say about the possibility of doing “justice” between wives? Check out the Qur’an 4:129 and see that Allah warns us that we will NEVER be able to do justice between multiple wives however we try. So, so to say that Islam gives blanket allowance to men to marry more than one woman is incorrect. The rule in Islam is “monogamy”---and polygamy is allowed only under special circumstances.

BROTHER ZIDDHA,<br />
<br />
The sister said there is a sister interested. She didn't say her sister, like blood sister. Read carefully before commenting.

Mashallah may Allah keep u an dyour family always happy.

dena94603, What God hath put together, let no man put asunder. The government has no control over spiritual unions. Paperwork like marriage licenses mean nothing to God. How can we let the government determine who is married and who is not? They half way want to allow gays to marry and that is against The Living God. The laws are not much different on the matter between Islam, Judaism/Hebrewisms or Christianity.So it doesn't matter whether or not by man's standards marriage is legal. Man can't dictate sexual acts and that is part of the marriage process so if a man is committed to two women and is caring for them as a husband and is having sex with them both then that, under the Living God, means married. But it *may* mean NOTHING to the government.And besides the government says separate church and state *anyway*. So in base terms, they need to stay out of people's business when it comes to the marriage lol.

Hi Warbywife, I think your sister can not be your co wife. Please refer to Quran. An-Nisaa:22-24<br />
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"And do not marry women whom your fathers married except what has already passed. It was indeed obscene, hateful and an evil way. (22) Forbidden to you in marriage are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's sisters, your sister's daughters, your wet nurse, your 'sisters' by nursing, your wives mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship born of your wives with whom you have consummated - if you did not consummate then there is no sin upon you, the wives of your blood sons, two sisters at the same time, except for that which has already passed. Verily, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (23) And those already married except those whom your right hand possesses (through capture). Allah's ordinance upon you. And allowed for you are all besides these if you seek them with your property seeking chastity not fornication... (24)" An-Nisaa:22-24<br />
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I think, many of you don't really understand about Islamic rules especially on marriage :(.<br />
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Please be careful when you decide for being a co wife or take another wives for your husband. You should ask your scholar/ulama first.<br />
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You can visit this http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Marriage/Marriage03.html for details.

I don't understand what you mean by "wife".<br />
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If you are African-American, and living in the U.S., then your marriage is invalid and/or illegal. If your husband married you before he was divorced, then you are NOT his wife, and his new "wife" is also not his wife.<br />
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I'm confused. Please clarify how you were able to legally get married.

i have been married to my husband for about 5 years and i have grown to love the ideal of a cowife, i have a sister who i really think would be a good canidate, im kind of nervous because i dont know if im making the right decision, i know they both are interested, but they dont really know how to tell me they are, but i ok with it because im the one who wanted this in the first place but im glad they care about my feelings, that makes me want it even more because they care enough about my feelings but the ball is in my husband court and i know what ever decision he makes it will be beutiful because he is a good husband and he seems to always make wise and smart decisions.

Yes, thank you for sharing.. I find your story very interesting. I've never really heard much of polygamy from a first person point of view. I think if you are comfortable and happy, you are set. Like you said, you're not competing. I don't think I would be able to do it, as it is just too different from what I have grown up around.<br />
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I admire your strength, I feel it radiates off of what you have written here.

Thank you for sharing . I very much liked what you had to say.

Salam Nazarene Princess, <br />
You gave us a great insight into a practical and beneficial polyginist family. May God bless you and give you happiness in this world and the next.<br />
However, I feel sad for what Babae27 went through with her ex-boyfriend. He may be Muslim by name but his action is not condoned by Muslim law. A man who lives with a woman and sleep with her without marriage, is committing a criminal act according to Islamic religion - because he is taking something valuable from her, her honor - without giving back to her the security of a sanctified marriage. Secondly, a Muslim man is not allowed to perform sexual acts with two women at the same time. Each woman must have her own quarters and her own private time - just like your family. I'll write more after I'll find the textual evidence for this, God willing. NR

I agree with you NazarenePrincess, as long as you are happy with your life style than it is perfectly fine. In Egypt Pharoahs use to have like 20 wives, now how crazy is that! When I think of myself, I know I'm a Queen and I carry myself as such. I don't think being in a multiple partnership or marriage is degrading, it all depends on how mature you are. It's whatever floats your boat and makes you happy! I'll I can say is that the sex must be GREAT!!LOL

"What I want to say to you is that you can't let noone be above you. You as the other wife have to step up your game if you want to continue to be the other wife. Stop being comfortable, be a elegant woman. Do different things for your husband to notice you more. But I still say "One man to yourself is better than trying to compete."<br />
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Babae27, I gotta disagree here. i have triesd it both ways and i gotta say i see two things wrong with your assumptions. I LIKE being me, I have NO DESIRE to "step up" and take on any of my CW's characteristics. We AREN'T competing, now if I tried to "step it up and stop being comfortable" then THAT to me is degrading becuz we would be in competition. Over a MAN??? You gotta be joking!! As long as he meets my needs and her needs I am cool. And by the way, in most African Kingdoms, there have always been more than one queen.

I feel that you are belittling yourself. As a African Americam woman myself we are "Queens" and we are to be treated like so. We as black women have struggled for years for the respect we deserve but if black women keep allowing our men to disrespect us then they are going to continue to do it. I totally understand your situation. About 3 years ago my ex- boyfriend, his muslim wife, her two kids, my one child and I all lived together. I loved that man so much that I was going to start practicing being a muslim. So they started to teach me different things. We even got as far as him giving me a muslim name. We as three did everthing together including him having sex with us at the same time. That didn't last long for me because I couldn't get use to sharing my man. Like I said in the beginning that I am a "Queen and I will be treated like one. I went back to being a Baptist and my life has changed. I got married to one man and I think it is so much better because all the attention is on me. What I want to say to you is that you can't let noone be above you. You as the other wife have to step up your game if you want to continue to be the other wife. Stop being comfortable, be a elegant woman. Do different things for your husband to notice you more. But I still say "One man to yourself is better than trying to compete.

You are not to have sex together!!!!!!!!!!

Ps he could not have been your boyfriend if he has a wife already and if he takes you on to live with his family then you are to be a wife not a girlfriend. So May be that's why it did not work. This is not a judgement just a statement.