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Third Wife

I myself am a third wife - of four. And I am happy with my lifestyle, eventhough it does have its challenges I find it rewarding in terms of self growth, relationship with hubby, freedom, the ability to build a career while having a great husband..

The jealousy thing pops up sometimes, but I am sure its less than if I would be in monogamy. There is nothing to protect now, while in monogamy you are alone trying to keep your husband's attention. I know my husband doesn't even look at other women anymore since he needs all his focus and energy for us.. :)

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3rdlady 3rdlady 26-30 55 Responses Jul 3, 2008

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I'm the first wife. We are currently courting another woman who if things continue will be a second wife. I like her very much, but my jealousy is so rampant and sometimes out of control I think divorce is a better option. Of course there are a lot of other issues besides husband finding another woman. He and I are in a sexless marriage. In the last 5 years we've had sex possible 6 times. My vibrator sees more action. I tell him all the time it's hard to nurture a relationship in a sexless environment. I'm *this* close to just calling it quits or worse, having an affair. Just someone to take care of my sexual and quite possibly emotional needs.

I am still hoping for my first sister wife in North America. 21 or older would be ideal.
I am serious about beginning a Poly Family. : ) thanks.

I have to say that this story was very heart warming and its given me a new lease on marriage with multiple wives and I don't mean that in a rude or disrespectful way actually im my lifestyles or religion (Islam) you can have up to four wives, but that doesn't mean you treat your wives like rubish which some do and I HATE that, infact I want to get married to two or three wives and I want to protect and share my life with them, and your story was very touching and gave me a big smile. Thank You

I haven't checked this page in ages...two years maybe. So it may be fate that I clicked on the link in my mailbox today. Because your reply was really really sweet, and it gave ME a big smile in return. Your intention seems genuine and gentle. And so I hope God will shape you into the man that will be able to carry two to three wives and provide them with the best of yourself... :) All the best.

It bothers me that someone said this "Don't know but for me it sounds like using the same toothbrush with somebody ." Polygamy is not like that. I guess they were thinking that because of sex. I feel like that is not a big deal. He has committed himself to 2 or more women and they are who he is intimate with. He is not a partying drunk college aged guy sleeping around with every girl he can get in bed with. Most people in this country have had sex with one or more people before committing themselves to one person in marriage. Even then our rate of divorce in this country is like over %50 and i'm sure a lot is do to sex-related things.

That is great to hear Bhutan may I ask you some personal questions about your relationships?

At my age and single I can imagine sharing my future with up to 4 ladies of a similar age,I would like to live on a nice lake in Canada,with land to work and grow food,good fish to eat, and perhaps some of the ladies with a good career to earn the household cash.I believe the positives far out wiegh the negatives especially if everyone got on and had a very open mind.Just wishful thinking on my part.I will probably end up on the lake alone,having to visit the local town once in a while to have my sexual urges satisfied for a bushell of fish.Still that will work as well.

I think many are quick to judge alternative choices in the domestic arena. I would support the right of people to live in polygamy if they all so choose. Of course there are silent martyrs in marriages and relationships of all kinds, and to these I say: Rise up and be free! :) <br />
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Question: What does the average person living in a polygamous community feel about gay person's rights? Do they vote and if so, would they vote against or for same sex marriage?

I feel if a man loves more than one woman and is willing/able to care for both of them and the women realize it is a plural family, what difference does it make? I know men and women that have cheated on partners and created children. The idea of a loving supportive family that knows and accepts the plural relationship can create healthy, happy children. Who cares as long as ppl are happy and can live with the decision?

all i can say is that it's amazingly surprising what i read about ur story, i am a second wife n it's killing me everyday n night,ur u're a third? of four wives? i don't know how u do it....i really admire u ....how is it now? is everything still cool or did things change or....?looking forward to hearing from u...

i think that polygamy makes the most sense, however im looking at it from numbers. the world population, 3 woman to every one man. i also think that it makes more sense as a relationship, you arent with the same woman everyday, and from a womans prospective, it gives you a break. it would mean more support for the children, and the household responsibilities more managable when everybody had something to do. or if you live in multiple houses you still have more support than most. its ridiculous that polygamy is against the law, it all comes down to money the government cant collect as much on taxes if they recognized polygamy. obvously, thats the only reason, if it was a moral concern the government would be bursting into the house of every man with a mistress. but a polygamist has the belief that they are practicing, the cheating man knows hes wrong. even more polygamist, actual polygamist, the woman knows theres more than one wife and they want that.... and for religion, most churches try to cover the fact that the alot of the men at that time had multiple wives and theres not much proof either way saying howmany wifes the men writing the bible had, so going with the norm they most likely had multiple wives, there is a large number of people who believe jesus, actually had multiple wives and children, most churches wont recognize this belief b/c it would that he was intimate w/ a woman, and to most people that would take away the "god" quality. if your against polygamy than just DONT PRACTICE IT! you dont have the right to make choices for others... alot of people continue to connect polygamy with that jeff guy however that is not the norm, most polygamist wont allow the females to marry until they are 19, and most polygamist have the females aproach the church to let the leaders know that she is interested in a particular man. the thing that jeff had was more like a cult, he had twisted the beliefs of others to take advantage of them compare it to other religions, not all muslims are bad infact most muslims believe in peace the terrorist who use the religion to fit there cause have just twisted it to fit there need. some of the major christian leaders, the ones on t.v. have twisted the beliefs of christians to get money from them. most polygamist just want the basic rights to practice there beliefs without being punished for there beliefs.

Don't know but for me it sounds like using the same toothbrush with somebody .

It bothers me when people try to argue that polygamy should be legal or should be considered a legitimate alternative lifestyle ba<x>sed on the progress made in the gay rights movement. So I want to draw some distinctions.<br />
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Gays and lesbians were for ages denied the right to even ONE relationship and are still denied marriage by the (US) federal government (1996 Defense of Marriage Act) and most states. As was shown in the California Prop 8 trial, this denial of rights is ba<x>sed on ignorance and fear at best and pure malice at worst. Unfortunately, people openly defend their malice with the first amendment's freedom of religion. <br />
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However, some state supreme courts have found that denial of marriage to same sex couples is a form of discrimination which deprives a class of citizens privileges granted to other citizens. The state has the duty to regulate marriage but if it denies marriage to a specific group, it must have a compelling reason for doing so. Lawrence v. Texas, which ended sodomy laws, removed the states ability to intrude into private sexual relationships between consenting adults and removed "morality" as a rational basis for such laws. Lawrence v. Texas did not grant gays the right to marry. It dealt with the issue of sex only. Homosexuality could, therefore, no longer be criminalized and this handful of states then found no rational basis reason for denying gays/lesbians equal rights regarding marriage.<br />
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With polygamy, however, many questions arise that the state has to be concerned with such as inheritance rights and power of attorney. Many human rights organizations argue that polygamy is a tool to oppress woman's rights and relegate women to second class citizens and this we have seen clearly illustrated in the Warren Jeffs case. I am not here to argue for or against polygamy but there are compelling reasons of interest to the state in criminalizing it.<br />
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To sum up, the issues in the gay marriage debate have no commonality with the issues surrounding polygamy and we should be wary of those who would try to use gay rights as a shield for defending other kinds of relationships. Those who hope that gay marriage will open the door to legal polygamy will be quite disappointed.

LOL... Paul's letter to the Ephesians!? Saul was a hypocritical ******* who stoned people until he was "OH-EM-GEE born again!" And it's generally believed he didn't even write the letter to the Ephesians. Monogamy was instituted to make people easier to control and as a check against crimes of passion... thanks to small-minded, murderous, jealous people. Even the ancients knew that it went against our nature. If you simply insist on following an imaginary deity, you should consider Bacchus for the sake of your own mental health. Organized religion is all about controlling your mind so the ruling class can make money, and everything that makes it seem better than that is just an elaborate distraction. In ancient times, they used religion because it was the best show in town. In modern times, our attention and opinions are still controlled by low-quality entertainment to get us to see television commercials and ad banners. Wise up; live and let live.

I find this to be absolutely CRAZY! First and foremost....if any individual truly reads the bible and respects, loves, and honors the LORD JESUS CHRIST as their personal saviour, this would NEVER EVEN be discussed or considered! Any Christian would realize that we are not under 'the law' of the Old Testiment due to the birth, death, and resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ as our Saviour! It is the New Testiment that is to be honored, trusted, and believed in. PLEASE - FOR ANYONE CONSIDERING OR EVEN READING THESE POSTS.... READ THE NEW TESTIMENT OF THE BIBLE AND REALIZE WHAT JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR HAS PLANNED FOR OUR LIVES AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. IT IS A UNION OF ONE MAN AND ONE WOMEN....NO ADDITIONAL WIVES, NO ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS, NO ADDITIONAL LUSTFUL THOUGHTS! I do understand that we all fall short and have sinful thoughts of this flesh we live in, but HONORING JESUS CHRIST is what we are called to do....nothing else. 1) SERVE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, 2) SERVE OUR HUSBAND (understand that this is not plural....), and 3) SERVE OUR FAMILY (understand this is not families...)<br />
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~Christian Mother of Six Children

As found in the book of Ephesians 5:18-33...PLEASE READ AND EVALUATE WHAT IS BEING DISCUSSED, CONSIDERED, AND PRACTICED. IS THIS GODLY? IS THIS HOLY? IS THIS HONORING TO OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST?

THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NOT! READ THE TRUTH IN THE KING JAMES VERSION OF THE BIBLE...THE TRUTH WILL REVEAL ITSELF IN GOD'S HOLY WORD!

READ, LEARN, PRACTICE, AND HONOR!

Ephesians:
18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Gen 2:24 Matt 19:5 Mark 10:7 1 Cor 6:16

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

** Make personal note that when this biblical text refers to "wives" and "husbands", the Word is speaking to US in general...not MULTIPLES! **

i see no problem with polygamy, so what if a man wants multiple wives, as long as the first wife or second ect is ok with it, and there is honesty, then go fer it. If anyone remembers not to long ago and even now, ppl have problems with gay marriage, but that is gettin to be more and more these days..........one thing to remember, things like polygamy and other things thought of bad years ago is gonna happen, its how the world is. Its changin and people should be open minded enough to change with it.

I'll probably get flamed for this but I think women who are in polygamous marriages are deluded<br />
and/or brainwashed into believing it's a good thing. I feel deeply sorry for them.

Cbbggbcbb

Moonfairie,<br />
Hire a maid, nanny and a handyman.

How can u say your husband doesn't even look at other women if you are the 3rd wife - just curious? not trying to be rude .. how did he decide to get the 2nd wife and then you??

My husband is wantiung a 2nd. I can understand why since we need help around the house and the outside and it stuff that i cant do anymore.And if something happens to me atlast i will have trained someon on how my house works plus my kids. I an looking for info. I am lost on all of this. Please someoine give me some insight. I am grateful for any help

I am wondering if I can have more than one husband, coz I am married to a loving n great husband but still fall in love to another man and just can't get over him. It must be nice if I can do polyandry....

I want to be respectful and tactful here, but I am so curious...I love sisterwives, I never miss it, but, I keep thinking....How in the world does one man keep three or four women intimately fulfilled? What if one wife has a much higher need for intimacy, are the others compliant, (as in, ok, you take my turn) are things like this talked about openly? I'm afraid I would demand too much, too often, and create real chaos within the family.

Have you ever desire multiple husbands?

I do :)

ANYTHING is better than living in a fairytale like some of these people who believe in monogamy as is if it God himself. Having more than one wife is very natural for MOST men. <br />
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Men reading this, Keep your faith be firm and kind and do what is right. <3<br />
It IS allowed in human law, The prophets did it...and they are our examples for our lives.<br />
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I am a Muslim an I respect this post and would love to be in a polygamous marriage. <br />
The comment from Dec 16 was idiotic and I hope to god they were not Muslim with the foolish talk about being from an Islamic country. There is currently only 1 Islamic country(Iran) in the world and Polygamy (1 man more than 1 wife) IS practiced and just like the rest of the world it can be a challenge. <br />
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Anyway, <br />
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Having babies is difficult sometimes and we still do it. <br />
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I was married to a womanizer and wished it coulda been good old polygamy instead.<br />
After all we could all work together. We divorced because of this dishonest behaviour.<br />
girlfriends and lies are unnecessary and unwanted.<br />
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Please pray that I find a suitable/honest husband. <br />
I am open to polygamy so put in a good word for me...I hope the wife/wives like me and can adjust to me also. my kids have been through a lot and would rather a warm big family than the standard equations...Plus I do not have time to be a full time wife...:)<br />
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Take care and God bless ya'lls soul!

Let's get one thing clear: POLYGAMY means many marriages, and in all modern countries including the USA where much of this discussion is ba<x>sed, it is ILLEGAL, forbidden by law on pain of punishment. So it is foolish to talk of more than one wife. Of course, besides your wife, you can have girl friends, mistresses, one night stands, etc. but these will never have the status, and the protection in law, of wives and the children resulting will be bastards, unless the law is changed. <br />
Secondly, POLYGYNY, many wives, if it were to exist is so sexist that it is breathtaking; just as POLYANDRY, many husbands, would be. Junco

The only concern I would have is can the man support the wives and all those kids? The taxpayers should not have to support this lifestyle with welfare and foodstamps. Other than that, while not for me, I would have no ob<x>jections with legalizing it for adults.

THis post sounds very similiar if not exactto the the 3rd wifes response on Meet the browns reality show have I discovered an Identity just kidding not a polygamist never will be but to each there own it doesn't hurt anybody so why hate on it more power to ya!

My husband and i have been discussing the possibility of the polygomy lifestyle. though we have been monogamous for the 6 yrs of our marriage and have never seen anyone in our personal lives practice this lifestyle. but we are very curious about if it would be something we would be happy doing. i used to joke all the time about having another woman in the house to help with kids and overall duties a single woman has to endure. I always dreamed of having a large family with lots of kids. the only thing that holds us back is our families how could we explain this? will they accept it? i wish we could move somewhere that the lifestyle is embraced and its the norm! i absolutely love the family on sister wives. it seems like the family really love each other, theres so much dedication to having a happy family. i just dont want to have to hide who i am or what i want, its so ridiculous how our society can be!

@lislis <br />
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every situation is different. every relationship is different. <br />
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not all "poly" relationships are religion-ba<x>sed or necessarily unequal. it's not always the man who decides to invite another person in. women involved in polygamous relationships aren't all sheep doing the will of some guy.<br />
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you're as bad as the so-called "patriarchy "you rail against. why do you insist on infantilizing women and reducing them to the status of children or puppets to be manipulated by men? these are grown women we're talking about. adults. <br />
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do you claim to be able to decide what's best for everyone else? are you saying it's impossible to love and be committed to more than one person? are exploitation, manipulation and abuse the only scenarios you can imagine where a person could be intimate with more than one person at a time?<br />
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why are you projecting your fear-fantasies on others?<br />
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what a sad cold world you must live in.<br />
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open your eyes. it's not as scary out there as you seem to think.

Wandering eyes....it doesn't matter if the man, or woman, is in a monogamous relationship or in a polygamist one. It is 100% NATURAL to look at an attractive member of the opposite sex. It is also 100% NATURAL to have a fleeting sexual interest, thought, etc., about that individual. If any woman says she is 100% not worried about her husband because their in a "committed" relationship is not being truthful to herself or others. People look, people have interests and lustful thoughts with or without ever actually acting upon them. The level of commitment one has or doesn't have in their marriage will never change that.<br />
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Furthermore, to compare the above in context to a monogamous marriage and then place that same ideal upon a polygamist one is pretty ridiculous. It is....a polygamist marriage....the initial parties were aware that others would eventually join them so the "looking" part of it was for just that...the addition to their family.<br />
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I do find many good things with polygamy just as an outsider. Of course, there is always bad anywhere you look. Not every family is normal, not every relationship is healthy and not every man or woman is a good person. And this applies to everyone, Monogamous or polygamist, Christian, Catholic, Muslim or Atheist, etc.<br />
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I think the more people are educated on the differences we share as members of the human race, the more tolerance and that is what we need more than anything on this planet. To find the similarities amongst each other so we can learn to work together and bring our society into a safer and more stable realm.<br />
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Don't approach things with have, especially out of ignorance. Open your heart and your mind to the world around you. And since everyone has some type of skeleton in their closet, examine your own life, action, etc., before you even think about judge others.

We have been married for 15 yrs and are contemplating polygamy.However we have many kids,and I don't know how they would get used to the concept-esp as in our country polygamy just Does Not Happen..and where can you approach similar minded people anyway?

is there a state where polygamy is legal?

One of the statements above stated that "There is nothing to protect now, while in monogamy you are alone trying to keep your husband's attention. I know my husband doesn't even look at other women anymore since he needs all his focus and energy for us.. :)"<br />
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Well this is a very untrue statement. He had a 1st wife, he did look because he took a 2d wife and then he looked again because he took a 3rd wife. How lucky he must feel. He gets to build a little harem while having his behavior totally excused.<br />
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I am in a mongomus relationship and have been for 36 years. Not once have I ever been worried about my husband. Because we made a committment to one another and a covenant with God. My marriage is sacared. We have a strong foundation, a deep love and respect for one another. <br />
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So if your husband has managed to look, look again and then looked a 3rd time, then there is no guarantee that he won't look a 4th or 5th or more time.<br />
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I find nothing good about pologymy.

This may be a dumb question, but in order for a man to be able to support multiple wives and multiple kids, doesn't he have to be rich or really well off? I mean that is the reason why women back in the day would marry a man who already had other wives because he could support her as well.

My husband and i have been discussing the possibility of the polygomy lifestyle. though we have been monogamous for the 6 yrs of our marriage and have never seen anyone in our personal lives practice this lifestyle. but we are very curious about if it would be something we would be happy doing. i used to joke all the time about having another woman in the house to help with kids and overall duties a single woman has to endure. it just seemed like a real possibility. also i cant have anymore children because of a medical condition, it would be very dangerous to me and the baby. we were very blessed to have the two children we have and they were miracles. we always dreamed of having a large family with lots of kids. the only thing that holds us back is our families how could we explain this? will they accept it? also his mother is very intruding into our lives and has to know everything-so frustrating! i wish we could move somewhere that the lifestyle is embraced and its the norm! i absolutely love the family on sister wives. it seems like the family really love each other, theres so much dedication to having a happy family. i just dont want to have to hide who i am or what i want, its so ridiculous how our society can be!

I am LDS and have been interested in polygamy since 1965. While at BYU I had two girl friends that hung out with together. There was no sex involved and we went our separate ways. After that I practiced serial monogamy. My third marriage has lasted over thirty years. My present wife is not LDS and has no friends outside of her children and grandchildren. I probably lack social skills as I do not have friends that I can talk to about personal things.<br />
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I love my wife and she is the jealous kind. I find it difficult to tell her that I love her and she needs to hear that. I have difficulty saying "I love you" when doing that is compulsory. <br />
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I am curious about priesthood and the succession of prophets since Wilford Woodriff. From a biblical viewpoint, most of the prophets were born of polygamy and had more than wife. On the other hand, there have been times that a prophet has declared that a man should have one wife.<br />
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I have not yet found in print the church structure of the FLDS nor any materials regarding how their beliefs and practices differ from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Has anyone written a book on this yet? Does the FLDS publish anything?

i'm sorry you think it is racism. mormons are (the roots of it are) american, often white.. you are obfuscating matters because you do not want to see the truth. there is no justification for this sexist practice.

Personally i feel that it isnt wrong for men to have more than one wife,as long as he treats them with the respect and equality. If kids are in the situation,they have to be tought to understand what their family situation is and have the freedom to choise to do the same or not to. It is a free country, let stop all the racsium and love each other for who they are.<br />
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ADI'SMOMMY

Personally i feel that it isnt wrong for men to have more than one wife,as long as he treats them with the respect and equality. If kids are in the situation,they have to be tought to understand what their family situation is and have the freedom to choise to do the same or not to. It is a free country, let stop all the racsium and love each other for who they are.<br />
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ADI'SMOMMY

i think polygamy is just justification of patriarchal men manipulating women into settling for a belittling drudgery. if polygamy was a true "godly" practice, it would work for women having multiple husbands. i get that women want community, and i would love that, but i think polygamy *** practiced by mormons and muslims is unequal and very damaging to children. the ppl on tlc's "sister wives" can only explain it as faith ba<x>sed no whys or wherefores.

As a male I understand the idea of Polygamy can be one sided.. I think any man that would take an underage girl into a marriage or force a female into a marriage she would not want is a crime. But I must say this has been a dream of mine for many years,. Polygamy can be a good thing for those that can accept the life style. I do understand as with anything, it would take alot of energy for this life style to work. Some may say its all about the male, I think if you look at this statement and look at the pros and cons I beleive Polygamy can be a good thing for male and female. I am sure there are males that would enjoy this lifestyle , having the idea of a younger and younger wife. I do beleive that any man that would want this lifestyle, that truly cares, the age of the woman should not matter. I know a man can love more than one because I have had these feelings for many years. At the present I am trying with all my heart to enter this lifestyle. Does my wife know , you bet she does and she has promised to keep an open mind. I am a member of the SCA if you need more info please look it up, but to be lead on and off the battle feild by M'Ladys would be a dream come true. Enough said, stay well everyone

If polygamy (man with multiple wives) should be legalized, the why doesn't polygyny not be as well. There is so much about men doing this but woman always have bear the burden of everything the man needs and wants to do. When will women start seeking what they want and need instead of someone suggesting, coercing, or giving the false promises of what they need. Women throughout history have always been told to be submissive and cater to a man's needs and wants while putting their own aside along with their feelings. Doing this can cause some women to lash out once the stress of this becomes to great.

was it a religous thing

This is Great info, However, I have Seen the Show, "Big Love," and have the Series on DVD, Again this Topic is One that I have Comtemplated with My Wife, on Many Occasions. We have Spoken About this and the Various Circumstances that would, or Could Arrise from the Thoughts of Being Discovered. No it isn't Legal Where I live, But I think it Should be. In Today's Society, the " NO FEAR," Attitude has taken Over, and the " STEP-UP," Attitude is Very Common amoungst Both Sexes and, All Ages. this Topic is One I Find Myself Entertaining Frequently, However My Wife is the Jealous Type, and I Fear, Wouldn't Play very Well with Others, Yet She is Very Strongly Family Oriented and Defends the Family Religiously. to Follow the," Principal," is Another Challenge. Religion is Something that is Difficult For Many to Find, let alone, Follow, I still carry on Dreams of this Very Topic, and I have to Say that This Life Style Does Indeed Take a Very Mature and Secure Individual to Take on the Challenges of Family, Not to mention Multiple Partners... I say, If The Party/s Involved Are Mature, and are Willing to Face the Challenges of Their Decisions to Live this Life Style, then Blessed Be. On the Other Hand, Society Has Gone Completely Crazy, and if the Gay Community Can Get their Right to Live as They Choose, Then Why Can't Polygamists? Seems to Me, Love is Love, No Matter How You Slice it....I must Admit that If I Personally Were Given the Opportunity to Live a Polygamist Life Style, I Would Commit Myself to The Decision to Go Forth No Matter the Consequence. But I must First KNOW, that The Adult Partner is also Mature Enough to Support this Life Path. To Find People Willing to Take on this Life, is another matter.... As it Is, I Fully Understand the Positions of the Polygamist Life Style, and from My Own Dreams of this, I Have Been in countless Situations where, Real Life has Put Boundries in Front of Me. I also Know that the Novelty of the Muliple Partner Marriage is something NOT to be taken LIGHTY! and the Children do Ask Questions... So If Sex is the Only thing that is thought about, I CAUTION You, Children Will Challenge the Impossible, Frequently, and Repeatedly, As a Parent, You Have to Handle Many situations as They Come In the Poligamist Life, those Situations Are and Can Be AMPLIFIED.<br />
I am Currently in a Monogamous Marriage, though Blissful, i Still Have Re-Occuring Dreams where I am in a Mutiple Partner Marriage, in that Dream I Currently have 5 Wives, 3 of those 5 have Children, a forth is Prenant with Her First and the Fifth is Desiring to Become Prenant... <br />
Yet In Real Life, I have Only 1 Wife, and I have 4 children. Our Oldest is in College Now, and Our Second is Soon to Follow,( I Hope :) ). <br />
So You See the Dilemma Here, I live the Life in My Dreams, Yet in Reality I Still Have Many Challenges to Face, From One Man's Point of View, I no Longer am Curious About this Life Style, But I am Beginning to Think I could Actually Live it for Real, If, My Wife Were To Support this Decision.<br />
This is not a Decsion to be made Lightly Either, It takes Commitment, Energy, Focus, Constant Contact with All Members of the Family, Skill, Heart, Drive, and a Mature Mentallity to Handle not only Multiple Partners With Kids, but also Multiple Situations, and that's Just the Tip of the IceBerg as it Were...<br />
Why Am I Letting All this Out? Great Question, Since before " Big Love," Aired, I had Already Been Experiancing Dreams of this Very Nature. triing to Understand How a Multiple Marriage Could or, Would Work. It is My Understanding, that Your Questions are indeed Serious, and Therefore, if anything that I have made mention Here is of any Consequence to You, Then May it Help You to Understand More here then, What Simply Meets the Eye.<br />
I anticipate Reading Your Responses, and Thank You 3rdLady, fore Comming forth and confirming Much of what i go through each day I sleep as I work over-night, i really Appreciate Your Honesty. :)

I really like this lady's story. God bless her!

I think its also very important to keep the children in mind and what values you want them to grow up with. I was in a polygamous relationship for 2 years (i was in a relationship with a man who was then forced to marry within his tribe and we maintained our relationship out of love) and finally decided it was not a positive future for me. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, to leave the love of my life. I see marriage as a partnership of two equals and want my children to feel the same way. Sharing a man made me feel inferior and that he was the deciding factor in the relationships. I am a very confident woman, but found myself feeling threatened by another woman sharing intimate moments with the man I loved. I decided I did not want to have children with this man and have them see that he was the center of two womens lives, and neither was independently the center of his. I also think anyone, woman or man, placed in this situation could be subject to jealousy and feelings of inferiority. If polygamy is in your heart and it works for your family, I think it shows strength to go against the norm to live a life you believe in. But since I have started dating a man from a strictly monogamous background, I feel more cherished and important than ever before. We are two equals, partners in life, and it is the life that works best for me.

I understand polygyny ,.. a man having multiple wives within his abilities, and can easily accept the reason why it would be necessaryand how it can be possible,...but can't quite buy into the idea of both wife and husband taking new partners. Can someone tell me the rationale for this? Not sure that as a woman I could be able to or would want to cater to the needs of multiple husbands. just me.

My family is new at this. I suggested this to my husband a few yrs back & it never went forward,but now my new husband is moving in & it's time my main husband gets a new wife. When the wife supports her husband in this then it shouldn't be a problem.;-)

Very Interesting. All I know I know from Big Love. I don't think I could ever share my husband sexually.

Thanks to all for your comments. <BR><BR>The foundation of any relationship is integrity. In polygamy -- in contrast to extramarital relationships -- there is no deception. There are no one-nighters. There are no abandoned partners or children. <BR><BR>Poligamy is not a tryst. It's a life-long commitment to one's wives and children. When all parties to the polygamous union put the welfare of wives, husband, sister-wives, and children above their own selfish interests, a richer and more secure relationship results. But that's a tall order. <BR><BR>From the husband's point of view, more wives and children must be provided for. More weaknesses must be patiently borne. More children require more effort and attention. More leadership is required to teach the family to work together -- and to love the Lord and one another. More patience is required to bear disappointments and re-teach correct principles. More faith is required to trod ahead in the face of trials. <BR><BR>Similarly, wives must not only love the Lord and their husband, but also love one another. Wives cannot yield to jealousy or petty bickering. Husbands cannot play favorites. Wives must love all their husband's children. Disagreements must be discussed and resolved openly. There can never be "us against them" behavior. Wives -- and husband -- must give until they can give no more.<BR><BR>Because of the tremendous committment -- and tremendous energy and self-discipline required -- polygamy will never work for most of us. It's just too hard. A review of recent divorce statistics shows that too many monogamous marriages fail. If one cannot succeed in a monogamous marriage, it's unlikely that one would succeed in a polygamous marriage.

@dreamraider - i'm with u 100%!

3rdlady - i have to admit, i was raised certainly more idealistic. i thought the idea of multiple spouses was abhorrent quite a few years back. then i came to the realization that i don't want a man around all the time. i suppose it's hard to say unless you're IN a multiple marriage or relationship how you'd feel, so i'm talking out loud here. <br />
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i wonder if things will change for polygamists since the CA gay marriage thing has happened? there is also a big push for The Fair Tax to replace the current tax code. while it hasn't happened (and probably won't) that sure could ease some issues for your family and others. as far as taxes now, could you not be declared a "dependent"? again, just thinking aloud.<br />
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i will say here and now that i am NOT for older men marrying little girls and/or underage female relatives. so often we hear these stories. i think the female should consent and be of age to make legal consent and not forced. after that, it should be nobody's business.

hi felinethespian! - i'll try to answer some of your questions... (you have many lol)<br />
it's not legal to be polygamous where we live, and I think its silly that its not.. I get that its hard to change all the laws (taxes, inheritance, insurance etc etc) but at least they could make a union legal or something..<br />
I don't get legal benefits from marriage, and I don't mind that either.. <br />
We do have our wedding tradition and the sisterwives could be present but its not a demand. Its nice also if the couple can be by themselves durng the ceremony so they can fully relax and enjoy and be themselves...<br />
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and btw.. society does not know of our lifestyle otherwise they would most probably put us down <br />
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;)

I'm curious about someone having multiple wives. I have quite a few polyamorous friends, but none of them have more than one husband/wife, they all just have multiple live-in partners who sort of act as spouses but aren't recognized as such. Do you live in a country where it is legal? If not, how do you feel about the laws where you live? Do you get the legal benefits of marriage? Did you have a ceremony all together, or separate ones, or did you not have a ceremony at all? Ugh, I'm sorry for all the questions, but this is the first time I've ever met anyone who's actually married to someone who is married to someone else, and I think it's really great that you can be in a relationship like that and not be put down by society.

That is interesting, and I think that if the wifey(s) is down with it then more power to the family, literally. I know that all parties have to be rsponsible for it to work, cuz you wouldn't want onre of the wives getting all the easy chores then sittin' on her arse all day.<br />
I also wonder if the polygamy might go both ways. my hubby & i have had multiple discussions in the topic, going both ways if all really love each other. He is not bi, either, but he says he has 2 friends he trusts and cares for enuff that he'd agree to , and I also have two friends that I feel the same for. Like real love nothing about sex. We don't really plan on that kind of thing, tho, its jst hypothetical chatter.