What's Cool About Polygamy?

Polygamy is a strange ancient thing for most people. There are references to the prophets of the Old Testaments being engaged in polygamy. It makes sense to think that the population was lower then, and polygamy (even incestuous relationship) was a real necessity. For example, Prophet Adam's sons Cain and Abel, had to marry their own sisters in order to procreate. The prophets being the most righteous men in a society, would attract many women who are willing to share them. Today, however, women go after attractive men more often than their characters and nobility, unless of course, when they got money and bling bling! Polygamy from my Muslim female perspective, is much like serial monogamy except that it came attached with the rights for the women involved. Any man who've had more than one girlfriends at a time, would not have enjoyed polygamy. In polygamy all three girlfriends would be wives, who have to be supported financially, emotionally and what have yous. In the Koran and according to the practice and saying of Muhammad, Muslim men must allocate equal number of days for each wife, and allocate accomodations that suit the existing lifestyle of each wife. They cannot be lumped together in one apartment, except in emergency situations. A righteous man will lose the favor of God, if he lives in such a polygamous lifestyle without giving women their rights to their own home and privacy in upbringing their children. If someone marries a princess, then he must try his best to provide a high lifestyle for the princess. For women, polygamy is no fun unless the man can pretend that he loves all his girls equally. But some women are less fortunate than others. There are times when women can't be selfish and had to share their husbands, such as in the following situations: 1) At time of war where many women are widowed 2) Higher rates of survival for women - women live longer than men, and many needs either the emotional support, financial support or loving and sexual companionship of a man. 3) There are not many righteous men around - that women are forced to marry drug addicts, traffickers, robbers, murderers, abusers and other criminals. 4) A woman who is married to a "weak" man - who succumbs to temptation from another woman and becomes involved in extra-marital affair. A righteous woman with such a husband, who loves for him to lead a righteous life, will allow that husband to marry the other woman as a second wife. 5) A woman who is married to a sexually active husband who needs sexual intercourse multiple times a day while the wife is not sexually active. This husband may resort to an illicit affair if refused sex. Thus, the wife who loves the husband and desire Paradise for her family should allow him to marry more than one wife or follow his libido. The prophet Muhammad married a number of widows. All of these are meant to protect the society from the consequences of having children out of wedlock, where children are sometimes abandoned or neglected by one or both parents. Would Bill be happier, if he could marry Monica Lewisnsky?

nourradiance nourradiance
36-40, F
59 Responses May 29, 2007

iwant, most women don't like to share, either. :)

you would like that auroramaru?

andre, i'm polyandrous, meaning i have more than one husband. whether i could live in a polygynous situation really depends on the people involved, as individuals. it's like normal dating, but much more complex.

If people are happy...

most people don't like to share, men or women.

i think it's more personal insecurities of "i must not be good enough" instead of looking at their partner and seeing someone who would never leave them. those people talk of love and trust, but i don't think they really understand what that means.

flear, thus the life-long search for such things, and others. polygamy should help in the pursuit of trust, love, truth, etc. if not, then why do it?

true, in a sense it pushes our limits to learn to love and trust instead of take it for granted because you can see it with your eyes. now you have to find it in your heart.

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I'm more gear at the Sister Wives setup...however I want to build from the ground and the first wife will be the leader you might say...but the wives must be bi-sexual and love eachother whoel heartly or it fall apart quickly..You don't have to be rich just be open mnded and yes, hit the gym and keep yourself in respectable shape,,My GF was perfect but I was unaware she had soemthing already with her Ex and his wife...but I hadnt actually talk to her about this and had planned until multitude of lies and lack of communications, but I less than a week I two very good new choices and we will see...

What I want is a multiple marriage of all men... splitting up the workload between us all and raising children (either from surrogate mothers or from previous marriages) and making a solid household together. I think this could totally work, especially if it was on a farm. The good thing about that would be that there is enough work on a farm to keep a lot of people busy and out of each other's hair. I think three or four guys would be ideal.

The Little House on the Prairie would turn out quite weird, or should I say queer, if re-written this. Hope nobody does.
Mind you, I'm confident men can't survive without at least, one woman. But you can't say the same for women.
In Saudi Arabia, I've heard of adult children who take their mother in to be taken care of in their homes, but for the father - they would actually find him a younger wife, so that she can go through the trouble rather than them. I'm not saying that this is a common practice. But I think you guys need to hire a maid (not for cooking since they do quite well in the fire house before women join in their rank), but the mess would just be unbearable.
But then again, I'm being sexist...I'm sorry

If I had more than one in my life i would be loving them from the loony bin!

Polyandry is when a woman has more than one husband. I am in a situation similar to that now and its emotionally trying. Marriage/ maintaining a honest relationship is not all about sex.

I'd love to hear more about the difficulties in this Samaris. For the generalities of women, they tend to equate sex with emotion - so that it could be unsatisfying to say the least, to pour themselves into someone while their hearts is attached to another. But what are the other things you're referring to?

It's hard to explain! I have to think about it and come back later.

so what your suggesting, nour, is that it's ok for men to have multiple wives but not ok for women to have multiple husbands? You think it's ok to have such a discriminatory system?

Joesdog,
My story is written from the Muslim perspective. So, Islam is not a system to say that it discriminates on women - rather, we say that God dishes out different paths and tribulations for His creations. That's His right to command a woman to cherish only one man, knowing that He had created Adam with the desire to be the centre of his woman's universe. It seems unfair to the woman - but she needs to get to know herself and her purpose with the Creator, in order to accept this temporary "lowly" status on this earth. The life after this one will make it all worth-it. Now that's what you call "faith" and it has no rational basis, just like "love" often make people irrational. A woman in love with God, should bear what He dictates, or she can choose to be a loner like Rabi'ah al-Adawiyah, the great female mystic.

Not a christian, so not interested in the ancient antecedents. However, I can see a LOT of problems with having multiple wives. And what about a woman having multiple husbands? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I already wrote about that somewhere here. A woman is not a duplicate of a man, but she completes a man. The devotion of one woman for her man is the essence of love. I've witnessed and I feel convinced that a man can love more than one woman, but it seems like a weakness to me, at this point. I'm still trying to understand it myself.

sis, trust me, I am also a muslim, a man can not marry more than one if he doesn't have the money, whichis like 98% of all men who practise polygyny, and can't be nice and treat them well.

I know of MANY women who have higher libidos' than their husbands. soooo polygyny isn't just about sex.

darktippedrose, too true -- i believe nigeria allows up to four wives, "as long as he can keep/afford them." and true that not just about sex, but titillating for non-imbibers to think it is. for many partakers outside of religious edicts, it is often about sex AND something else.

My sister darktippedrose,
Many Muslim men nowadays are 98% not like the Prophet Muhammad, so yeah, they practice polygyny with a fault - but we shouldn't outlaw polygyny only because it is not done perfectly. It's a lesser of two evils - these men would otherwise commit adultery or a smaller number would go to prostitutes and bring home diseases and instability to their family members. Polygyny assist these men to obey God in what they can afford, and ensures them Paradise.

The women, suffer emotionally if she is not prepared for this. But many women who endure find it tolerable than having a husband with various extra-marital affairs while practicing hypocrisy in trying to hide their amorous adventures.

In developing Muslim countries, most Muslim women are educated and employed, so polygynous husband enjoys financial assistance from these women as well as their persons. These are aspects of polygyny other than the bedroom fantasies.
A polygynous man said, "polygamy is just like having one wife, but twice"...(ie. twice the trouble!).

Auroramaru,
Yeah sex and extra income as I mentioned above. That's good while the men is young; once he gets to a certain age - and he marries a younger woman with libido, then he's got to start fretting about Viagra and other traditional versions just so he can keep up.

Nourradiance, some men have a higher libido as they age. honest! i have one of those. :)

umm, nourradiance, there are LOTS of muslim men who still give infections and diseases to their wives INSIDE of polygyny. I believe in trying to "spread the light" about polygyny you are being extremely naive and unrealistic

darktippedrose,
What you're hypothesizing is a man with four wives (the limit in Islam), and yet he still goes out and then infects his wives...there's no hope for a man like that. Such men would not be allowed to stay married to practicing Muslim women under an efficient Islamic court system. However, in Islamic history there were cases of very high profile male personalities who married and divorced, in order to continue enjoying as many women as possible - but to spread infections and diseases - this only occurs due to random sex from one of the partners. We have AIDs testing and other testings are also possible before marriage to abet any unnecessary infection as one of the efforts to marry righteous partners. Islamic Law is not naive nor unrealistic - it is meant to protect members of societies who have respect for the law, and are not outright transgressors against God's commands.

Auroramaru,
If that's what you need, then good for you. Some of us would rather slow down as we age, so that we can devote our time to our other Lover, the One True God.

having awesome hard core sex with your husband IS a good and religioius deed. having awesome sex with your husband is ONE big awesome way to worship your Lord alone with no partners.

I see that you know your Islam... :)
A woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her (and she performs her other duties to God as well) can enter Heaven from any door she wishes.-taken from a narration of the Prophet.

yes I know, and if a woman dies, and she hates her husband, she may marry whoever pleases her in the jennah, insha'Allah

But also before she dies, she might want to divorce a husband she hates, not under "talaq" but under "nushuz" ruling at the Islamic court, or in non-Muslim country, you have to find a knowledgeable and fair scholar. The Prophet Muhammad has allowed a woman to be divorced because the husband is not pleasing to her, even though he was very attached to her. To avoid divorce is better, in Islam.

nourradiance, to avoid divorce anywhere is better ... and better to evaluate better before entering into marriage, but it's not always possible. we all grow, sometimes unpredictably.

Nour, sooo easy to say when you don't have to live it. Is staying married better when the man rapes your son? when he beats you until your teeth fall out?

So easy to say when you don't know what goin on.

But that's exactly what I am saying. Read again. A woman is allowed to get a divorce in Islam, but in Islamic law "talaq" is when a man divorces a woman. When the women "divorces" the man, which technically is her pleading to the court to be divorced by the Islamic court from her husband, it is called "nushuz". What I'm saying is that no woman is like the wife of Pharoah, Asiyah - and a woman who is suffering SHOULD get a divorce. Allah is the provider, and she shouldn't be afraid to live alone and should get protection from the community, government agency whatever you can find. If a man rape your son, what kind of mother allows that to happen the second time?

thats the point

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very good xplanation sister,
honestly as a guy I am very interesting at this ^ ^
and from my opinion nowadays the most reason muslim guys doing polygamy is "lust" if I cannot say "sex" ( the other noble reason only happened in ancient days ) maybe I am bit sound sarcastic here but thats the truth
am not gonna say the laws is wrong but the ppl mis used the laws itself well since its written in Koran many guys used it as the shield for legalling their lust, *well am not saying I never thought of having more than 1 women my self hehehehe and I just know that cant sleep with all of them in once :(
this "cool polygamy" only can happen with alot of consequences and responsibilities for a guy, thanks for ur xplanation ^ ^
for me? I will choose to stay with just one woman ^ ^

just curious81,<br />
It's interesting that you admitted you wouldn't mind your husband having another wife, but you don't want all the details. I would add that in Islam, a polygamous husband is supposed to have a separate home for each wife, but if the economic situation does not allow that, he should at least provide a separate quarter for each, so that the two or more women do not feel offended by his involuntary show of preference of one over another. However, the world and even Muslims themselves misunderstood the polygamous family life to be similar to a "harem" environment wherein the man is being seduced by multiple women at one time....wake up, man! That's what you call "fantasy".<br />
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Souley..<br />
Perhaps you're right about lesser sexual crimes if men who can't contain themselves with one wife can have a legal outlet. But, in Islam we are taught to have self-control and know that our actions have repercussions physically and spiritually - in this world and the next.

a woman gets her own HOUSE, not quarters. this can only be if she agrees to this, which, cough, most will not. the men who force this on her will get his punishment on the day of jusgement. Amin.

Polygamy is the natural way to be, you have less sexual crimes because you'll have less sexually frustrated people

except for sexually frustrated women.

and sex crimes aren't about being sexually frustrated. its rage and hatred and control

This is an awful belief.

I am not a polygamist, let me first just state that for the record. However, I have become interested in the concept recently. I have always felt that if a guy I was with wanted to be with another woman I would understand, I wouldn't want details, but I would understand. I suppose that is why I can see why some women would choose polygamy. <br />
I was raised as a Southern Baptist/Pentecostal (for those who are unaware of the terms S.B. are like "Bible Thumpers" and P. are "Holy Rollers"), the bible does state "Thou shall not commit adultery", but after reading through several different verses it does not definitively state that polygamy is wrong or ungodly. <br />
Adultery is defined by the dictionary as "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse" in which case polygamy would NOT be adultery. In MOST polygamist relationships each sister wife is "married" in the eyes of his/her own church or belief to the husband, in which case that would not be considered adultery. It is only illegal in the eyes of U.S. law and other non-polygamists. <br />
Someone mentioned earlier in the comments that the bible says for a brother to marry his brother's widow, making no mention of any other wife the brother may have, it also says in the same verse that he is to marry if she has had no children. To go a little farther, the bible also states that clergy/priest/pastors/etc. are to only have one wife, so as they can give the most they can to the church, it does NOT state anywhere that I have read that every other man is to conform to that same rule. <br />
For those of you who are not in agreement with polygamy, I will pray for you. As Christians, you are commanded to love one another, understand one another, be patient with one another and pray for one another. If you don't agree with something someone says, do not condemn them, simply pray for them and yourself, so that you may both overcome your differences.<br />
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Sorry this is so long.<br />
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JustCurious<br />
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1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that knoweth not, loveth not God, for God is love." (KJV)<br />
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Also remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others, as you would have others do unto you.

actually the proper translation is that a priest/pastor must have one wife meaning at least one wife. This is so he can understand matrimonial issues. Most translations of the bible are designed to serve the church and not the laws of God

Interesting comments guys. Well, would love to hear more how Esmael lost his freedom to three wives!?<br />
Neotone, jealousy's not a bad thing to me if done in moderation. If I'm not jealous of my husband a bit, that means I don't really care if someone else is more appealing to him than me. It means I don't really care about him. But I like a bit of mutual jealousy - and I believe in divinity, God too is quite jealous of His servants.

"God too is quite jealous of His servants." Very interesting idea. I've never heard it put that way before.

Very informative hope to avoid future problems

Nour , you are totally right ! I m a polygamist with 3 wives n i hv lost my freedom.

Nour , you are totally right ! I m a polygamist with 3 wives n i hv lost my freedom.

I'd love to have more than one wife. There are societies which allow for more than one husband (e.g. Tibet), and I think that's interesting. I've always thought that monogamy was motivated by jealousy, i.e. I would be jealous if you had another partner and I would hate that so much, therefore I'm not going to allow it. I'm willing to be monogamous, though, because I think the discipline is good. It forces you to see something amazing in the wife you have every day.<br />
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It would be so much better, though, if we didn't have this jealousy. And I think that applies to men as well as to women.<br />
<br />
I believe sex should be liberated, but controlled. People should be able to have sex whenever they want, with whomever they want, but with the discipline to see that one-night-stands are generally self-destructive. In other words, people should feel they have the freedom to have sex with anyone they meet. But that doesn't imply that it's always the right decision. Just like people should have the freedom to drink free water from a tap, but not die from lack of sodium because they drink so much. Commitments should arise organically, and not be forced. I think this forced commitments thing is why we have so many divorces in America.

Needinput,<br />
I have a close friend, whose mother is a senior co-wives for the others, or as some calls it "Sister-wives". She impresses me with her wisdom and from the glimpse of yourself, offered here, you must be one of those wise sister that everyone wishes for. Your husband sounds like the type of man that can handle polygamy - it's not just about sex! (I wish people consider that!) I guess there are men who loves extra responsibilities as well. Hey whatever make them happy - if homosexuals can get married despite going against the law of God, why can't polygamists live freely, in accordance with the law of God - as long as everything else is legal (ie. not marrying underaged girls or marrying against their will).

i really enjoyed reading everyones different views on polygamy and polyandry. Me and my hubby actually see the positives in polygamy. I don't have a problem because I'm secure in myself and I know that our love has withstood lots of obstacles. But most important of all, we have a friendship ba<x>sed on trust and honesty. It truly does take a specific kind of woman to handle being in a polygamous relationship. We have been involved with a couple different young woman. I met them, kept in contact with them, gave advice, etc.. And one by one they all fell. I was told by some that they wanted what we have, that he really loves me, etc.. I even picked up on the jealousy, to where they were trying to find things to use against me. I honestly have a really good hubby. I've gotten him dressed to go to the movies, out to eat, and parties with these women. He wants a lot of children, so he wants a strong women. And for those who say its all sexual, its not. He has had sex, but he has a certain aire about himself. And doesn't like to be..well..slutty. He feel he is done with the ways of a child(well young man). He is more turned on by an intellegent woman. Someone who can challenge him mentally than just jumping in her pants. And we've talked about his time spent with them like good friends. And our love grows stronger. He has always gave me the attention, the time, and has been there for me emotionally(and physically). And always tells me how I make him happy. And thanks me for blessing him with children. But I think the whole polygamy dream is dying out. Which he & I are fine with. We are seeing that not too many can hang for too long. But once again, I really enjoyed the posts. And nourradiance, very informative. I've read some of the Koran(bible,etc.) And you helped clarify some things. Now I'm going to spred to my friends. Thank you.

God said in the ten commanments. Thou shalt not commit adultery. He did not say except polygamists. I find it interesting that polygamists can break God's laws and justify their lust and immorality and say it is "God Sanctioned". Polygamy breaks the most important commandament. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Someone always feels left out or less than in polygamy. It often makes women second class citizens. Women deserve the same rights as men. Too often women are willing to take that second class role because of their low self esteem. Everyone in a relationship deserves to have a committed partner that loves them exclusively. I guess I believe more in the " Swans" that mate with one swan for life. Unlike the ducks who will F*** any duck.

Lou,<br />
I was raised a feminist. So, do enlighten me on how aware men are about women. For the most part they seem quite insensitive, unless of course after they've married and got divorced a couple times. ;)<br />
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auroromari,<br />
You're a breath of fresh air. May God bless you with true happiness. I think what women want is admiration for herself - and what men want is the woman. It's easy to get addicted to that feeling of being admired constantly. We do transition to another form of admiration - our children's admiration for their mother. We can switch easily - the breast is not just for sex, but its higher purpose is to feed our own offsprings.<br />
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goodbutsassy,<br />
Thanks for the compliment. Let's start a new movement of respectful dialogue. Everyone benefits from it. :)<br />
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humpty20,<br />
I disagree. Polygamy is still marriage ba<x>sed on love and compassion. It's not about keeping the house in order or babysitting. One should get a maid for that.

thank you, nourradiance. i, too am a child of feminism and i practice it, but it doesn't change my need for affection and validation. it's what makes a woman a woman ... which is why i sometimes have problems in an affair with another woman! ;)

i heard someone say, because of my sexuality, I am a feminist. you accept all PARTS of yourself as a woman.

Auroramaru,

You should know that a woman is not like a man.

Darktippedrose,
Sorry to be philosophical, but that word "sexuality" has lost its true meaning. I don't really know what someone means by "my sexuality", I think they mean to say because "of my sex (gender)". A woman should accept every part, body and soul. :) Agreed.

I think in this modern day with both parents having to work then a second wife/hubby would be a good idea as then one of the three could be a home maker who could be about to keep eye on kids,house etc.Modern version would have all living in same house but its one way of coping with expenses and familys?

I have to agree with you, even though I am in a polyandrous relationship. Our relationship is less about righteousness, and more about friendship and (selfish) fulfillment. None of us have children, which enables this relationship -- i doubt it would work with children. The largest issue we have is not being able to be honest to others about what we enjoy. It really only works because I am in the lucky position of being adored by two men, and because I have a very high sex drive. So, as for "inequality" -- I don't think polyandry is equal to polygamy. thank you for your post, it's very helpful to me!

auroramaru - I am soooooo jealous lol

darktippedrose, i have to pinch myself, often! may you find sexual fulfillment, too!

I hope so too. just not with the man I married - thats for sure. no good in bed at all. I think I need 3 men - one thats gay that helps me with the house, and getting my hair done, and does my nails with e and stuff. one with too much testosterone and only for dominating sex. and the other one, the one I have just cuz he's a wort I can't get rid of.

it takes a village, darktippedrose. :)

haha, no kidding. I pine for my husband (not really) but by the time he comes around for the mercy (s*x) its so unsatisfying and really I want more. I get way more satisfied from phone than relations with hubby. its that bad. ughhh.

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nourradiance,<br />
I am so glad I found you...<br />
I have only recently read some of the Qur'an and you and your views are such a breath of fresh air...<br />
<br />
I have in my past lived with two women as extended families and it seemed to be a continuing education for me after my 23 years of being married to one woman. And, I must add my education continues.<br />
<br />
There is such a difference between men and women as to their sexual abilities and appitites..<br />
To be sure also in their capabilities of living in and as one household. <br />
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I'm not sure I agree with your tenent that women know more of men that they themselves.. That seems too sweeping a statement.. I look forward to more of you.<br />
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..................................................... Lou

Thisisawful,<br />
<br />
You seem very comfortable with the contradiction in the Bible. You have an open mind in that sense. So you can also be open to possibilities for other people. Good luck!<br />
Andromeda415, Good luck to you as well.<br />
Like I said before, I see the rational behind polygamy, but on our good days my husband is ALL mine and not for sharing. But if he keeps pushing the wrong button, I might consider a co-wife.

as long as the sister wives can get it on amongst each other, then I can get behind the idea..

honestly, this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. God did not intend for us to have all sorts of husbands and wives. He intended us to have one husband/one wife. A man should love his wife as God loves his church. As a woman I CANNOT imagine having to share my husband with another woman. God created women to be special and unique and it is a LIE for any woman to honestly stand up and say that her husband sleeping with another woman with her knowing is fine with her. That’s ridiculous. Some argue that it is better because he won’t cheat on her.....HELLO!???! That seems worse having another woman that you know about who has the same title as you his "wife" Stupid, immoral, and disgusting. Your man should have enough love and respect for you that he can go a month or two without sex if you just had a baby...any man can wait. This idea just gives him an excuse to say he cannot. Yes, there is polygamy in the bible…there’s also rape, murder, ****** and all sorts of wrong and sinful ideas and concepts and that clearly doesn’t make them right… Marriage is a conavant between one man and one woman.

Wow, such CERTAINTY involved in the condemnation of polyandry.<br />
God knows best?<br />
I've seen no Biblical reference to polyandry, nor in the Koran and I've studied all three.<br />
You claim to know the mind of God without a holy book to point to?<br />
Maybe one can know such things, but you are no better equipped than anyone else.<br />
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I have profound sympathy for the ladies here that find their men so burdensome. Clining to days of olde is likely the culprit.<br />
<br />
More women go to college now than men and graduate school as well. With higher education come higher salaries. Are we to ask how a man affords more than one of such wives? The more he'd have the richer his household becomes! <br />
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Picture a female lawyer and a female doctor who are too busy to have a fulfilling relationship with a husband and loathe the idea of raising their children in a day-care environment. Enter a humanities student who joined Peace Corps. Loving, intelligent, but rejecting materialism. They take this man to raise their children in a comfortable home of plenty. Neither too demanding of him and he, enlightened enough to produce a comfortable, loving home for them to come home to.<br />
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Gone unmentioned is polyamoury: at least two husbands and two wives. Producing a balance of skills and traits that produces a more complete home. Money, nurturing, intellect, libido, artistry, who of us can possess all of these? How might plenty be had for all if boundaries are explored without prejudice? The Bible allows multiple wives, but nowhere does it specify that he is prohibited from sharing them.

I am having a show on polygamy tomorrow night , 10/13/10 on www.blogtalkradio.com/djinntalk2012 The show is titled "Can women willingly share their men?" The call in # is (347)-202-0233. I would love for you and anyone you invite, to join the discussion. I am trying to get as many different opinions from other women as possible. The show will begin at 7 p.m Pacific time. Thanks and hope you can make it.

i just don't understand why people cant be happy with one man and one woman thats the way god wanted it to be ....you know one of the 10 commandments thou shalt not commit adultry!!!!!!

Polygamy,<br />
whats that?<br />
Not in my dictionary............<br />
Happily Married with 5 kids, a devoted father and a devoted Christian Catholic.<br />
I married the true girl that I loved, and 14 years later still in love.....<br />
<br />
Amen.

Seektruth,<br />
I completely agree with that a moral and godly lifestyle brings so much joy to families. We should always spread these joy and share our stories with others. However, everyone has different levels of strengths in dealing with worldly temptations - not just in regard to sex, but other worldly desires as well. So, if we were in their shoes, we might find monogamy extremely hard to follow without falling into sins at various degrees of complexity. So, Islamic tradition recognizes this fact, and God said, in the Qur'an "marry women of your choice 2,3 or 4 but if you fear that you cannot be fair, then only one."(4:3) Of course, this was a revelation at a time when most societies engaged in polygamy involving almost an unlimited number of women per man. This law is seen as a hindrance to polygamy of that time - a kind of women liberation if you will for that period.

My husband and I are Christian (Uniting Church). <br />
<br />
We vowed to God at our wedding to give ourselves to each other wholely; for richer or poorer, in sickness or health, for better or worse, ** forsaking all others**, until death we do part. <br />
<br />
As Christians, we hold our word to God. We do not act on desires or temptations because of this vow (note I say do not act, we may be attracted to someone, but we don't act on it). It is about taking responsibility for obeying God and having integrity (which is both Christ-like and God-like, rather than excusing behaviours as being of "a man' or "woman" i.e simply human).<br />
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Rules made to prevent sin, resolve man made situations, or to add comfort on earth are worth examining. God instilled will in each of us, but that is to test our resolve in keeping our word to him. He loves us still even if we fail in that resolve, but, oh , the JOY when we OBEY of our own *free will !! *<br />
<br />
God commanded both my husband and I be monogamous (to avoid divorce, children born out of wedlock, and complications brought about by extra-marital affairs, or introducing another person into the mix); and this is not a sacrifice. <br />
<br />
Because of my marital vow, and as a practising Christian, my husband knows my loyalty to God is great. He is not jealous if I speak to another male (and vice versa). I have close male friends, I even love them - but not sexually. I am faithful, so is my husband, and we both know this because we have faith that we will not break Gods word on this. We vowed not to disobey each other or God, to keep our marriage solid. This trust in each other is determined by our fear of God and our trust in him. This all may sound idealistic, but it's not. It is a matter of faith and integrity.<br />
<br />
I am not saying those who practice Polygamy do not have integrity. You are following what is traditional and instructed to you. But to allow a man to marry more than one wife to allow for his libido follows nothing more than worldly desire. If he feels he can be responsible for two wives, isn't there even more honour in being responsible for maintaining his fidelity, honour and love to one?

Well-said MormonMan. May I add, we really should encourage our society to return to the pure way and sometimes polygamy is the only way to preserve chastity and avoid extra-marital affair. I have high regards for the high moral character of Mormons I have encountered. While I was struggling with morality issues as a young teenager in college, one of my teachers was a Mormon lady who encouraged me to stay true to my moral upbringing. I am indebted to her. <br />
Thanks again.

As I've read all of the threads in this discussion I've decided that my perspective most closely resembles that of "Nourradiance", although I do respect those of all who have commented. <br />
<br />
By way of introduction, I am a Mormon man. I am also a member of the US Air Force. I have a wife and 2 kids whom I love very much. I am aware that there are many common beliefs about Mormons that may or may not be entirely accurate. One of these beliefs is that Mormons all have multiple wives. To set the record straight, no Mormon that is actively following the guidance of the church leaders is currently practicing polygamy. However, in our history we did practice it and the reason that we stopped is because the US government made it illegal. <br />
<br />
For those who would like to know more about the Mormon perspective regarding polygamy, google: "Doctrine & Covenants: official declaration - 1" as well as "Doctrine & Covenants Section 132". Doctrine & Covenants is a book of scripture to the LDS people (Mormons). It contains the writings of modern-day prophets. Mormons believe in the Bible as long as it is translated correctly, and also the Book of Mormon (from which is derived the nickname "Mormons". The church is called "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints"). All of these books of scripture can be referenced online. The reason I put all of this information is because I am concerned about being misunderstood and I want to provide a source for you to find the truth about what I believe if it interests you. Please don't interpret what I am going to say as representing the teachings of the LDS church. These are my own opinions. That being said...<br />
<br />
I believe that men and women were created to live with one man being the Patriarch of the home, whose duty is to oversee that the spiritual, physical, and emotional needs of his wives and children are addressed. Women oversee their own Matriarchal responsibilities which are unique -- and no less important -- than their husband's. That responsibility is ultimately the same as his, to ensure the spiritual, physical, and emotional needs of their husband, sister-wives, and children are taken care of. Yet, they do so on a much more, dare I say "active" or "intimate" role. Women, by nature seem to have great strength in addressing the personal needs of those around them. I am referring to the nurturing aspect. <br />
<br />
I'm not saying that the roles cannot be switched, because we can see that there are cases where the man plays more of a nurturing role and perhaps his wife is more adjusted to maintaining order. I believe our Heavenly Father allows us to work out the details of our life, and as long as a balance can be achieved, we can find happiness, which after all is the whole purpose of our existence. <br />
<br />
There are many people, it seems, that think that the only incentive for people to practice polygamy is for sexual amusement. Heavenly Father did not give us the ability to procreate merely for our own entertainment and pleasure. But rather, for us to receive the joy that is his of creating our own children, for that is what we are to him. By creating children, we assume the responsibility of rearing those children in righteousness according to the knowledge we each have been given. None of us on earth has been given all of the answers, but we all have been given some of them. It is up to us to learn all we can to find happiness. I feel that the Lord will give us -- just as he did the children of Israel -- new commandments only when we are prepared to receive them. I say this meaning that plural marriage is part of a higher law. It is evident in the bible with the prophets and righteous men who where given multiple wives and concubines (now I don't know why concubines or even exactly what the role of a concubine was back then) by the Lord.<br />
<br />
But in the case of a few such as David and Solomon, they took to wife women who were not given them by the Lord and in doing so were disobedient.<br />
<br />
What I mean to say is there is more to a marriage relationship than sex whether it be a traditional American marriage (man and wife) or a plural marriage. Although I won't say that the Lord didn't intend for it to be enjoyable and even a holy ritual. <br />
<br />
I fear I've rambled a bit, but hopefully was able to communicate somewhat the beliefs of my heart.<br />
Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I would just like to add a little to this thread. For the past ten years I have lived in a polygamist relationship of three or four adults and two children. In general it works well for us, we are able and do share the full responsibility of running the household and raising the children. From the outside many people just look at it from the sexual perspective, when in reality it is more about living as an extended family. In many cultures the extended family has gone forever with the strangers or the state having to be responsible for looking after the old, young, sick and less able. Over the past years, we have had the ability to care for four generations... in sickness and health.... for richer for poorer. <br />
<br />
Incidentally, the whole reason that this relationship happened was that one of us had to escape from an often violent marriage, where even here two children were victims, and she was offered sanctuary. <br />
<br />
With the eldest child having flown the nest and the younger due to head off to University in two years we have a desire to expand our family but the we will be careful to ensure that the successful blend we have achieved. <br />
<br />
Finally, with reference in this thread about religion... we are all "humanists" in other words we seek to work towards the best for all people regardless of faith, creed or colour.

i think thats wonderful how your family is thers a lot of love there,anyone that joins your family well fell SAFE AND LOVED

don't do it.<br />
ur kids might turn out to be fuked up like me<br />
don't do it plz

did your parents practice polgyny?

My husband& I are exploring both ways. it's like a common house.he has his wives& I have my 2 husbands. 1 I'm legally married to & bore children with, the other just as a husband w/o bearing children.As for my husband he is allowed the extra wife, alot better then cheating. As I said we're only exploring options.We've been married for over 10yrs now & we donot want to divorce,but we want excitement & this is one way. Also econominal as well,2 husbands working & the wives doing the house duties,raising the children,etc...

I am legally married to a man in love with me and another woman, who I love also. We have chosen to live a polygamists lifestyle, but are in an area that is closeminded to the point of shunning those who are different. We are for the most part traditional Christians, and go to a Methodist church. The three of us are happy within ourselves but face difficulties, and need advice to any who would be kind enough to give it. As our "*********" is so new, we do not all three live together as that my husband lives with his mother. We are looking for a city to move to that fits all our needs. We need acceptance so living near a community that supports our lifestyle is a must. My husband is active and needs a physical outlet, and I and our wife needs a place that ecourages education with libraries and good schools, and we also have a child to consider.<br />
What would everyone suggest?<br />
And how do you experienced polygamists in america handle matters of legality and taxes? <br />
I thank you for your input ahead of time.

I do not practice polygamy but I feel if you are of legal age and willing you should be able to practice what you feel right for you. I see polygamy as a way to grow your family in a loving enviorment and to teach your family to follow the word of God. marleneang4

I do not practice polygamy but I feel if you are of legal age and willing you should be able to practice what you feel right for you. I see polygamy as a way to grow your family in a loving enviorment and to teach your family to follow the word of God. marleneang4

Thanks all for your wonderful comments. I hope everyone can benefit somehow from our discussion. <br />
2love, <br />
Love is a virtue. After the Love of God, love between humans is the next best thing.<br />
grailsearcher, I'd love to read more on your practices and beliefs, just wish I have more time in my hands - but I am a full time servant of my family. May God bless all our efforts and bless us with more value of time.

I found this story and the comments very interesting and enjoyable... and that coming from an independant mormon fundamentalist.

I have 2 wives. We are not "religious" but we have spiritual believes. I treat both wives equally and take very good care of them. We started this after the kids were gone so this is not an issue, I could see how having kids in this type of arrangement could get complicated. It can get busy making sure everyone gets the time they need but the wives like the breaks and their own time by themselves. I do not think religion has any part of a personal relationship between individuals. Sharing love no matter how how it may look to another person is not wrong.

Type your comment here...

Thanks Valikrye for the compliment. And Dreamgyrl - thanks for the source of info. I'll try to check it out.<br />
One danger of polygamous marriage though sometimes doesn't come from the husband being unfair - but it may even be a bossy and domineering first wife. She is responsible to God to treat her co-wife like a fellow sister, and not a housemaid or babysitter. <br />
Of course, the case could be turned around, that the younger co-wife abused her privilege (of being young and more beautiful) to get her husbands to cater more to her than the first wife and her children. It's risky to go into this business. ;)

Shalom, nourradiance!<br />
<br />
I have been in New York for a while and have recently returned so I am just now seeing your post. <br />
<br />
I do not consider myself Jewish (more like Hebrew or even Israelite because I agree with alot of what Hebrew Israelites believe) but I know in Judaism it is mainly the sephardic jews (darker skinned, non-German Jews) that still participate in polygyny. <br />
With Hebrew Israelites it is quite common. In fact there is a book that studies them AND those in Al-Islam, entitled "We Want for Our Sisters What We Want for Ourselves", by Dr. P. Dixon I believe. <br />
<br />
The Biblical scriptures give laws on how a man is to govern a household where he has multiple wives. At one point a man is even told that, should his brother die, HE should marry his brother's wife and raise up children under that brother's name. What if the man is already married? Then he would have another wife...<br />
The Biblical scriptures say that if a man takes on a second wife then he is not to deminish the first one in food, clothing or marital relations. It's kind of like how, in the Quran a man is told to treat his wives equally.<br />
At another point it tells a man how to divide the inheritance amongst sons from different wives. <br />
<br />
There's a website that can give you the actual verses and whatnot, called www.biblicalpolygamy.com.<br />
<br />
As for Traveler4U's post -- :-/ Sounds very uneducated in the workings of both polygyny and polyandry, so I won't comment more than that. Those of us that are pro-poly spend our days and nights combating that type of thinking...<br />
<br />
Speak to you soon!

Well spoken nourradiance.

Hi Traveler4u,<br />
<br />
I don't know what to say about your comment that it is sexist to talk about men and women. I think we need to talk about men and women especially in this post-feminist period we're living in because "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars". Todays' women need to confront the truth about how different they are from men, rather than having society tells them how they can do whatever a man can do. They should not WANT to do whatever a man does. <br />
As for women living longer having more than one men - I can't understand your point of view without first knowing if you are a man or a woman. Maybe our readers can already guess that from your writing, but I'm not sexist enough to deciper. I'm happy Larry King manages to have some true bliss in his life before he says goodbye to the world. Babies and children are a source of comfort and happiness beyond whatever money can buy. Just take one sniff at their skin or hair...<br />
<br />
I don't see how any man can increase my lifespan, and I know for sure that women used to have a shorter lifespan because they have too many children. The average women in the past, die during labor or after labor. Rearing a dozen or two of children and breastfeeding all of them, zap calcium from women and increase their likelihood of suffering from osteoporasis. I am not complaining about any of these. Today's women have no right to judge the women who have completed their lives successfully based on their own yardstick. These women had a fulfilled life in terms of enjoying every moment of their motherhood and savoring every sweat they perspire for a true cause = LIFE. <br />
<br />
Your second comment: women can satisfy several men - sure, we've seen that in lots of whorehouses down the ages, but do they really want to do that, and should they want to do it. Finally, I must admit that in the attempt to be like men, women in liberal societies have succeeded in changing their own view of themselves. We allow the pressure to conform to "His story" to dictate who we are inside and out.<br />
In the Qur'an, I believe God says: "And by Him Who created male and female. Certainly your efforts and deeds are diverse." (92:3-4)<br />
<br />
Basically, men and women are good in different areas, yet each one of us are equal in the sight of God. If only we could treat each other with love and respect - instead of vying to manipulate one another.

Men such as Larry King have made babies but he is sick and near the point of death with severe heart problems and other issues. Women have a fertile life of about 35 years and having two or more husbands would allow for them to have children and women live longer. In todays society if one has money it's possible for women to have children into their sixties and womb transplants are available also. The question is "do most women or men want that many children?" I thought the comment about men and women was sexist. Women can easily satisfy several men and a men can not do this. Having more than one husband or wive causes problems of jealousy and many other conflicts.

I like sex. my hubby rejected me for sex since 2 weeks of marriage. I like sex more than my hubby ever has. so please tell me how low I am cuz i haven more sex drive for 2 men? please tell me again why!

Shalom = Salam = Peace Dreamgyrl360!<br />
<br />
It's great to hear from you. I have never heard of a polygamist Jewish family in America. How many percentage of Jews anywhere, commit to a polygamous lifestyle? So what are the rules for polygamy in your religion? <br />
I agree with you that men don't have fun in polygamy. (My husband himself, thinks that he can't handle double the trouble he gets from me. But you never know what they'll do when they hit their midlife crisis!!) Fortunately, it's no fun for religious men cause they try to follow some rules of justice regarding their wives in a polygamous household. Still, many have failed to be fair. On the other hand, if you have a man who's applying polygamy from the top of his head, it can be very painful - and women, may have to pay in the end.<br />
<br />
Hope to talk more with you...

You know, I don't think men have fun in polygyny. <br />
More wives, more children = more responsibility. More problems. <br />
<br />
Women are freed up in time being that their husband has to spend time with his other wife/wives, so they have a chance to persue other hobbies or interests. <br />
<br />
I am not muslim but my husband is *sigh* complete head of our household. I am his only wife (thus far). He may discuss decisions with me but ultimately he is the sole decision maker. What he tells me to carry out, I carry out.<br />
<br />
*laughs* It would be nice to have some help. It would be nice to have someone around who knows him in the same capacity that I know him, so that they know exactly what is going on. <br />
<br />
"Friends" can only do so much. "Homegirls" only know a portion of the situations you know? <br />
<br />
We all think multiple women would be great for a man. But he could be at a deficit in many ways. For that reason, my husband does NOT want another wife. He thinks about it but always renigs when he thinks of having to provide for someone else, or having to deal with another woman's attitude, or problems of any kind, really. <br />
<br />
<br />
And your views of polyandry -- I totally agree. What about when a woman is getting over a pregnancy? Sex-wise and attention-wise, the men would be at a deficit. What if she's reached around the age of 50, and she starts to go through menopause? How many children has she had? Does every man have a child? If not, what happens to those men that have not had children by her? They can continue to procreate until they are in their 70s (ask Larry King!). There is a reason for that. Just as you said - God does know best. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I just came over here to see who I was talking to, y'know? Peace. We say Shalom. *smiles*

Missing, <br />
You can read my response in the story called "The Life of a Woman with 2 Hubbies". This shows how polyandry can affect the children negatively, more than polygamy can, due to the personality traits of men. <br />
We must always bear in mind, that women as mothers know more about men, than men knows about women. Men were used to be on the receiving end of women's services, and have not evolved much in terms of serving the needs of women. Polyandry is about 2 or more men serving one woman - it could work in terms of fulfilling sexual goal, but not beyond that. No emotional attachment or relationship nourishment. The woman will be managing a big household with minimal help from the men.<br />
The reality is, a man's private part is an invasive organ that protrudes into the woman's private area. It doesn't harm him to invade into more than one, within a short span of time. But it may not be pleasurable for a woman to receive such physical contact repeatedly from several man, who may want to have a go for more than once throughout the day. Imagine this! The average woman cannot handle this, and shouldn't have to. Polyandry sounds nice for equality of men and women, however men and women are just not the same - God knows best.

How come polygamy only works one way??? Three four wives ... what about three or four husbands??? Not only ancient but sexist

Read above post, men and women have different privilages in accordance to their charecteristics.

LeaveandTakeMeWithYou,<br />
A seeker of God sounds so sincere and truthful - I mean, you! May God guide you today. Amin. No. Age has nothing to do with belief and wisdom. I'll come to your place and write what I feel. But for more, just check my stories and blogs, at nourradiance, especially the experience group: I Am Muslim.

Do you think that my want for religion will come with age? I would like to be religious but cannot get my head around it. Can you tell me what you believe in? I would like to hear something heart-felt and true if you would be so kind.

Hi Radiant,<br />
<br />
Yours was insightful to me - I'd really would like to explore more about women and female relations in the Bible and Torah. The Prophet Muhammad encouraged his companions to take note of the shared traditions that the Israelites and Christians of his homeland had, and to keep records of their versions in order to have a broader picture of the message in the Koran.<br />
<br />
As for women choosing to have a "sister-wife" - I'd have to say that the injunction in the Koran say:<br />
"Marry one, two, three or four, but if you are not able to be fair, marry only one." <br />
For the God-fearing, this clearly indicates the trouble that they will be courting if any man chooses to marry more than one wife. Clearly, many scholars have shown that having one wife is the normal and encouraged way in Islam. Having more than one is just a way out for those who have certain difficulties within themselves - ie. a bigger desire. Not all men have this. (However, Muslim men are not allowed to marry blood sisters at the same time)<br />
<br />
Nobody can deny that there are lots of trouble in a polygamous marriage. Its funny you mentioned the Biblical prophets. The Prophet Muhammad himself had a number of trouble with his pious female spouses. At one point it was Revealed (according to my belief) that he must offer divorce to all of them. But the offer came with the additional encouragement, but if you prefer the Next World rather than this world, then life and sacrifice with the prophet Muhammad is preferable and it is up to them to stay as the women known as "the mothers of the believers" or not.<br />
<br />
<br />
As for your reference to the apostle Paul's advice for men to get married if they can't abstain, the prophet Muhammad also encouraged young men and women to get married while they are young, ie. while their hormones are raging in order to protect themselves from sins and keep their devotions to God constant. However, sexual relations within marriage is considered part of worship to God, in the sense that it is done with the intention to fulfill the desires that God has endowed humans with in a pure manner between a husband and a wife, and in order to procreate and produce vicegerents on God's earth - His servants that will worship Him and be grateful for His blessings.<br />
I never mind it that my husband has desire for me - and since we are busy parents, we always try to make sure that our needs are satisfied somehow.<br />
<br />
I need to ask you what your religion is called.

"while they are young, ie. while their hormones are raging" Actually, I don't think that's true. From what I've heard and seen, women are more sexually active when they're middle-aged.

Nourradiance, <br />
<br />
I always get more great insight into you as a great person and into your experience as a muslim woman. <br />
<br />
You have explained some very true details about the history of polygamy and how others who are not western may view the situation. Thankyou!!<br />
<br />
You have clarified some questions at times past in your correspondence here with EP. <br />
<br />
I am well aware of and study history, partly because of my own interest and partly because my spouse has been a history progessor at times when he is not being a music history and piano performance professor. <br />
<br />
I know that polygamy may have been necessary in the past. However, when given a choice and when there is absence of necessity for polygamy, I hope women do not choose polygamy. <br />
<br />
Did a woman make the basic tenets of each faith...Judaism, Christianity, Muslim, Mormon?<br />
<br />
NO NO NO.<br />
<br />
Just because a religion is born, does not mean it came straight from God. <br />
<br />
Genesis says that God made man and woman and the two became one flesh. <br />
<br />
He did say he made another man or another woman and the three becamse one flesh. <br />
<br />
The Old Testament is an account of the movements of the Hebrews and their God. It probably faithfully portrays all of the personality of the people in general and their idea of God in general. <br />
<br />
Over and over it shows great consternation created when men got more than one wife. Just read about Abraham, Jacob, and David. <br />
<br />
These poor men were wise, and rich, and most of the time they were faithful to what they called their God.<br />
<br />
They were able to provide comfortable quarters, leadership, wisdom, and so on, but THEY STILL HAD EXTRA HEADACHES because of extra wives. <br />
<br />
Serial marriage or same time multiple marriage...either way... it is a headache. <br />
<br />
Either way children suffer. In polygamy, The Elder wife spurns some other wife and her kid. If the Elder wife dies or the Elder wife's oldest son dies, the next wife in line gets a big head and her eldest son gets all grabby.<br />
<br />
In serial marriage. After a terrible fnancial and emtional trial, the children have to put up with visiting parents and dealing with half brothers and sisters.<br />
<br />
Whoever wrote Genesis had a great idea about a crator god who made a man and women for eathother and had them be an un breakable unit. <br />
<br />
Jesus answered a question one day about divorce. He said, "Moses gave you the law of divorcement for the hardening of your hearts...but from the beginning...it was not so."<br />
<br />
He also said that "God hates divorce". The apostle Paul told young men that it was better not to be married unless they just could not stand to contol their sexual desires. The they should marry. Well, how on earth would feel being that man's wife...if he married you because he could not contain himself?<br />
<br />
Somehow, all this religion is twisted. Some good mixed in with some bad, and given a title: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Mormonism and etc.<br />
<br />
I love God. His/Her name Is ALL GOOD FULL OF LOVE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. <br />
<br />
I read His/Her book daily in nature, the smiles and heroism of people, and a still small voice that says, "I AM is here with you". <br />
<br />
R

There were more women in the world than men always. If all the men got married there would still be women left over who would have illicit promiscious sex or be forced to prostitution. The western world has very few virgins and hardly none at all living a pure life mind body and pirit. If there is one living out of society like a nun or saint then kudos. But you cannot be ignorant of all theunsavred sex and prostitution

nativgirl,<br />
Just because a husband has not yet learned the art of sex, doesn't mean the woman has to bring in another man to quickly give her the climax that she needs. Husband and wife should communicate with each other and be patient with one another. We watch too much sex TV and this is destroying everybody's marriages and lives due to unrealistic expectations. <br />
Anyhow I plan to write a blog about the scenario you mentioned right after this one. Good luck to you...but you're not the only woman with this problem of course.

Polygamy isn't just men with more than 1 woman. It can be a woman with more than 1 man. <br />
<br />
This is alot more realistic~ since women aren't limited to sex being over after they have or are close to having an ******. <br />
<br />
I have a tremendous amount of love to give . I have often thought it would be wonderful to be with two brothers who are close. Just a fantasy~ I'm not just talking about sex but a working relationship -- I think I could love more than 1 man in the same house. <br />
<br />
Just being honest.

I'm not very experienced at sex. But doesn't it seem a little unrealistic for men to be able to switch like that so fast??? I've heard of passing the baton, but this is ridiculous.

In areas of Tibet, they practice a form of polygamy in which a woman will marry a set of brothers. This is chiefly because there is a shortage of land and by the brothers marrying one woman inherited land is not divided amongst the siblings since they are all one family. Another interesting fact is the word for father and uncle are actually the same - no attempts are made to discern which brother fathered which child, they all belong to the family.

There are always going to be differences between men and women. In no society does a woman go on her knees and propose or sacrifice herself in war or be the one to be left behind when a rescue can save only one in an emergency. This is because physiologically, emotionally and spiritually a woman will accept what she cannot give from a man if the same situation was forceably reversed. This disparity only increases if a woman weren't devoted to one man, or ofcourse celibate if she so choses to be. The man doesnt on the contrary get bitchier or wider. If he is willingly given the rught woman can melt the heart of even the hardest men. But a woman often becomes disillusioned, disrespectful, lacking intimacy/love, demanding and unfulfilled.

so because some men are horrible in bed, women deserve to watch a ***** replace and taker her house?

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