I Know So Little....

but, what little I know intrigues me.  I never even gave the whole practice (or religion...) a second thought until that darn show on HBO!  I'm wondering if the "big family" idea will become a fad-type thing...like:  will polygamists just start coming out of the woodwork...like so many "bisexual women" sprouted up after the Jerry Springer show?


I believe in the way that men and women were created...differently, but equal.  I believe that each of us (as "man" and "woman") was "made" to divinely balance the other.  I have grown to believe in the traditional roles of men and women, within their households, as well as in society.  This does NOT mean that I think women should be "slaves" or without dreams or careers!  I, in fact, actually consider myself somewhat of a feminist.  (I know...sounds like a contradiction!)  But, I (like SO MANY women today) grew up withOUT a stable, loving, masculine influence.  As a single mother of two, I had to "man-up," square my tiny little shoulders up on the front lines, and position myself for battle....the battle of a lifetime...the battle to beat the process of Natural Selection....survival!   And, I have been MORE than competant!  (I can diagnose and repair cars, change sink traps, shovel drive-ways, AND rustle up a meal out of a kitchen with nothing but eggs, butter, milk and bread!.....kiss all the boo-boos "bye-bye" and enforce obedience at the end of the day!) 


But, in all this, I've forgotten (if I've ever really even known) how to be a woman....a soft, delicate, delicious, loving WOMAN.  While I'm extremely sensual and feminine, there is no time for tears on the front lines!The bottom line is that I would really love to leave the fighting to a man from now on...so I can stay at home and water the garden, prepare my body to lavish love all over my protector/provider when he returns to our nest at the end of each day and melt away his battle wounds!  But, unfortunately, many men (like most of us women) also grew up without a stable, loving, masculine influence!  Which means:  most of us have not been taught how to fulfill our roles as men and women!  The idea of polygamy (while there are, clearly, "good" and "bad" polygamists) seems to offer a possible soultion to this problem.  It seems like a consciously organized way to clarify everyone's roles.  It makes sense to me, too....for a man to have more than one "wife;" to extend a family in that way!Again, I know so little about it.....I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who may be able to contribute to my knowledge on the subject?

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
30 Responses Aug 6, 2006

I will say right now that I come from a polygamist community where I was born and raised in a polygamist family. I have felt so much love in my family and I consider all the children of my other mom as my own brothers and sisters. Not many know of us for we don't try to publicize our beliefs. Some out May do but in general simply are trying to live righteous holy lives. So any questions you have I would be happy to chat with you and tell you all you would want to know. I personally think it's a beautiful thing but it can also be abused big time. So it truly is only for those who purely would stick it out till the end for it is a great blessing

Im looking for information as well. Have felt a calling that my family should include sister wives.

How have things gone with that feeling? I am feeling it too. The thing is that my church prohibits it. I am wrestling with this!

You actually would be the type of woman I would like to meet. You have got past the fairytale and realized what it takes to make it in this world. You understand both sides. Makes you an unique woman.

Interesting discussion... Yeah, it helps to sit back, relax and enjoy the day... and take on some pleasure from someone else. Unfortunately, society says there is no free lunch!<br />
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Never exposed to polygamy, but I think there is enough evidence that it hurts many and benefits a few. As far as multiple sex partners are considered, it is polyfidelity...<br />
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In any case, would love to see what the true experiences say. Today, I find it difficult to give my 'all' to the entire family. With 2 wives, things would be great as far as physical pleasures go, but for the responsibilities... hmmm, things would be tough!

If you want I can tell you of my true experience as a pure blooded polygamist

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Have been thinking about this for some time. We are about 70 and thinking about the possibility of bringing in another sister wife. We both are very positive about it. What do others think?

I am 2love my log in messed up. I did not intend to put anyone down. We all get our information where ever it comes from. I feel hurt when people use it to put people down or ciminalize them. When they don't have a clue what it is really about. I would never put someone down or make a person wrong because of their belief, even if I feel I know a lot about it or even know it is something I do not wish to follow. I am not of any religious belief. I simply believe you should care about other people and treat them like you would want to be treated. If you want one spouse or 10. If you are Catholic or Muslim does not matter. What is important is you find the path in life that works for you. This would be a horrible planet to live on if everyone followed the same set of "rules". So many people are so narrow minded in the belief that they are right. Which has to mean everyone else is wrong. If what you do makes you a better person then everyone benefits.

I've got a little insight to how polygyny works.. but not to much. I'm in the start of it. Ya'll are all welcome to read my story and see for yourselves. I would love some input! :)

mister 2love, <br />
you seem to judge us for getting our information from the television and media..but where would you have us get it? we are not mormon or muslim, why do we have tlo be indoctreinated by patriarchal systems of religion to know the "truth"?<br />
it may be easier to hire a hooker (and i do hope you deo not use this term perjoratively), but this will not be sanctioned by either of the aforementioned religions!!!!!!<br />
are you aweare that on a pilgrimage to mecca a man can marry a woman for half an hour?????<br />
these men are not able to control themselves for 4 days on a pilgrimage!!!! are you trying to tell me a marriage for a matter of days, or minutes is not to disgvuise unbridled sexual/ power desires?<br />
if the "principal", so called, is to ensure a( weird concocted) celestial family, why would a m,an enter into a union with middle aged/ elder women, from which no progen will spring?<br />
i have nbo ob<x>jection to people have concurrent partners and or spouses, so long as all participants are doing so with full knowledge, and openness as to their motivations, and equal allowance to enter into it (ie women having multiple spouses also).

I am having a show on polygamy tomorrow night , 10/13/10 on www.blogtalkradio.com/djinntalk2012 The show is titled "Can women willingly share their men?" The call in # is (347)-202-0233. I would love for you and anyone you invite, to join the discussion. I am trying to get as many different opinions from other women as possible. The show will begin at 7 p.m Pacific time. Thanks and hope you can make it.

When will the show air again. Is there a way to get a copy of the show or view it somewhere else

i just love all your comments! and alhouh i'm interested in the workings of polygamy, i wish it didnt exist unless women could have multiple husbands sanctioned by church and state also. from a practical point of view, if a women is reasonably sexual, it seems quite cruel she should have to wait out every fourth or seventh day for some steam! where as her 'husband' is getting the opportunity to 'get laid' evry night! i'm sure the sister wives 'put out' every night in order to keep their status high. yes, labyrinth i hope they all get off with each other too, but biexuality is probably forbidden to them, *** ssubjugate womenfolk, or chattles. why anyone fairminded or female would choose this lifestyle, is beyond me. i like the sharing aspect but think that you ma find that in a commune with less bitching. go work in an orphanage?

My fiance is bisexual, as is our girlfriend. If polygamy is approacked with the right fr<x>ame of mind, it can be advantagious for all within the family. First off, the love part of the family. It is very important for man to have the strength of character, gentleness of heart, and the depth of soul to be able love, respect, cherish, honor, protect, and provide the lion's share of actually providing for his wives. Beng able to love, want, and need them for who they are, the way they are, regardless of any imperfections or past mistakes. It's all about being Loved and Accepted the way one is, regardless. Yes, yes, I've heard all the comments about having sex with several women either one on one, or in a ****. but what so many men who fantasize of polygamy fail to realize, the the sex, the love making, is only an extension, and ex<x>pression of the love and affection that you have for your wives, and they for you. the fact that they happen to be bisexual as well, gives them the added benefits of being aboe to enjoy the best of both worlds. I have enjoyed watching my girls many time make and share their love for one another. and for me, it is one of the most beautiful things I have seen. but the important thing of it to me is, that my wives are not only making and sharing their love for one another, but also bonding as a family unit. And yes, when the time is right, and their feeling and emotions are right, they ask me to join them in the bonding process.<br />
For us, it is not a religous edict, nor is it only about the love making, it is however, the union of consenting adults coming together to form a family unit with two wives for the time being, for mutual love, respect and support.<br />
Also, with more adult mebers of the family (husband and wives) woking and providing to the support of the family unit, no one person has to work so hard, for so long so support and provide for the family. The wives can workd part time, with flexable schedules, or a full time career if so desired. there are so many advantages of a polygomy whe entered into with the right fr<x>ame of mind, and an open mind to such advantages. Good Luck, One and All. Sir William

Those that really research this topic might find that the reality of polygyny is a little different then what they were led to believe. Sex is a normal part of a relationship, but let's face it, most men are not superman. If it was just for the sex, I would say, it is a lot less messy and cheaper to have something on the side, or see a prostitute then having a committed relationship to maintain, let alone raising children. If you think it is not easy to make a marriage successful with one wife, try it with two. Some women have told me that they are not into "sharing" my comment to that is two fold: I did not know I was "owned" by somebody, secondly, judging by the divorce rate of at least 60% you might already be sharing your husband. You just don't know it. If any body really benefits from polygyny it most definitly are the women. It is safer for them if another person is in the house, if they want children they can and do not have to send them off to a nursery, if they want a career or pursue an education they can, the mortgage could be paid off much faster, if at an older age somebody gets sick there is a better support group, not to speak of the fact that at an advanced age, you will not as quickly be alone. etc etc etc.

We also have decided after several years of successful marriage that we would like to explore this option. For us physical intimacy amonst all is desirable, with the man out of the house working the relationship provides companionship for the wives as well as for the husband. The physical gratification is only one aspect of things, as physical gratification can be found in many ways easier on a man than supporting this sort of family.<br />
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Basically we believe in a committed relationship where common goals and values are shared and where emotions and life experiences are shared amongst eachother.

I believe polygamy can be a beautiful thing when consensual and its not just focused on the husband. I agree with labyrinth and mysticwriter. ALL MEMBERS OF THE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SHARE PHYSICAL LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER. i admit that I have Big Love to thank for opening up my eyes to the possibility. But I have my research to thank for my decision that polygamy is right for my family.

I liked what you had to say. It seems not too many think Polygamy has much merit overall, but I do. How much of the knowledge we have obtained, or believe we have is truly ob<x>jective or true? To me supply and demand (especially if you consider how many men wish to commit to marriage as compared to women) either destines a number of women to celibacy, uncommitted relationships, or polygamy. How good or bad marriage is has more to do with the people in that marriage than any other aspect. What marriage will be the better one? The one where those in it are in it for themselves or the one where those in it are seeking to find fulfillment through serving others? Any man going into polygamy when he can get a little extra on the side, and more variety to boot, for the most part must either be a fool or committed to something greater than himself. I guess it might even come down to the quality rather than quantity of love which one seeks.

Wow I have not seen so many , mixed up uneducated, miss-lead ideas in one place. Obviousely none of you have been in a polygamist relationship, you based your ideas on TV shows, religion and sexual fantasy. A polygamist relationship can be very rewarding and loving. The idea of 2 wives does not mean the guy getting sex 24 hours a day. Sex like in any relationship has its ups and downs but it is part of the relationship not the reason for it. The side you do not see is the everyday issues for the guy. Having to provide financially and emotionally for both women. Trust me it would be easier to hire a hooker if it was just for the sex. They are not there to serve me. We do not have kids involved in this relationship we are older and past that point in our lives. The other issue is this is a three way relationship not two separate ones. Each person is responsible for the emotional needs of the others. There is no jealousy because each person gets their needs met. Jealousy is simply the idea there will not be enough for you!!! True love (not lust or codependency) has no limit. If you have 1 child or 10 you care the same for each one. So why in an adult relationship is your love limited to one? simple again the person you are with does not meet your needs so the idea of them giving to another person is unthinkable "jealousy".

we have lived a polygamous lifestyle before. My husband and I had another woman in our relationship for a long time. She lived with us for 6 months but finally left because she could not be out about it. I am bisexual and we definitly did not live like the big love family. One bed 1 house and we were all well almost married. Our 3 girls loved it and we all missed her when she left, but life moves on and she is happy in a conventional relationship now. We have dated women before and since her but are still looking for the right bi woman to join our family, Anyone interested??

there are some great arguements for and against polygam but your forgetting one thing u have to be happy and if u like the idea hey fined out more i know religion is a big part of this but put it aside its simple do u want too or not whats the first thing that comes too mind when u think about it.<br />
as for sister wives i would love it and big love though a drama did surgused a roster system for the wives something too think about and if those wives choose to discover each other as well that should be up too the family too decide anyway if that happened under your roof husband s too be u would watch or join in who could help it but again i think if everyone start,s out knowing the rules and the husband enforse them and i dont mean abuse just fair play...........anyway something too think about

I'm also really curious and had no knowledge of the practice at all until I read the posts above, specifically from Liferiot. <br />
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My curiousity mainly stems from seeing so much deceit and cheating in my lifetime (and it hasn't exactly been that long, but it's the longest thing I've done so far! :P), if it wasn't within my family, parents etc, it was me or previous boyfriends. I think it all boils down to biology. I wouldn't be religious and I *think* I believe that science could perhaps answer all our questions. In saying that I'm not at all that knowledgable when it comes to biology either but I know slightly more than the basics and from what I've seen it just seems to be that we were built to follow a specific way of life. <br />
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Of course individual differences (yes I've studied psychology) and how times have changed over the past few decades, have to be taken into account but perhaps the reason women can only produce one egg per month is telling that women should be slightly more picky in who they choose to mate with as once it is fertilised, that egg will grow into a part of them for the next 9 months. Whereas, what seems to be typical, men can flaunt about and sleep with whomever they wish as their ability to reproduce is seemingly in no way limited (other than medical issues). From this stance, it would seem that polygamy would be fitting, especially for the male.<br />
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Biology alone seems too 'cold' though. Feelings and emotions do not seem to be accounted for at all, especially those of the females who would bare the child and be made to watch as the person whom she bedded, beds others ( not to say that she cannot of course but in terms of reproduction). <br />
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But as someone said, if sex is just to 'get off' which is moreso what it is these days then maybe Polygamy could be extended onto women having more husbands.<br />
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Ok I realise I've just written an esssssay lol I apologise. I wish I could make it all make sense, but I suppose where would the fun in that be? I don't even know what points I'm trying to put across most of the time!

I have to say as a woman it seems to me that polygamy seems WAY to one sided. Sister wifes and all. It's 100% of the time the man with a collection of wifes (bread winner and all). I think it's kind of funny to picture a polygamist as a woman sinario. A woman of industry with a hord of kept men in diffent houses. Visiting each man home whenever she darn well pleases. The men gathering in the day to peel potatos, care for the kids.... drop her cloths at the cleaners. Women's capacity for multiple partners SEXUALLY is MUCH GREATER than a mans. Hey does that mean she could house hop all in one night after she's worn husband #1, 2 or 3 out? In my opionion polygamy is totally about men and sex, propigated by men. Honestly I think there are alot of women out there that could do with some help. Being a housewife SUCKS alot...to many hours and not enough time to do it all (literally). I often find myself wishing I had a wife of my own (i'm a woman). Hey, it would be great having a sister wife make dinner one night.... you get my drift. Sharing a man sexually for many women may just not be a big deal. I would guess the sex for them isn't all that great anyway...likely they are thrilled not to be forced to do it regualarly.<br />
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Society is set for one woman and one man....essentially for the care and protection of the CHILDREN. Isn't the kids emotional and security needs far greater than the mans need to get it on with as many women as possible? <br />
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It's kind of sad women/ young girls can get suckered into believing that polygamy is in any way OK.

I was raised Mormon (though I am no longer one anymore) and so was taught all about the history of polygamy (as far as fundamentalist mormon groups are concerned). Those who typically call themselves Mormons (or Latter-day Saints) do not officially believe that polygamy is sanctioned by God. At least not any more. They believe that it was just a temporary decision by God to ensure that every Mormon woman had a husband to see to her well-being and fruitful production of many, many Mormon babies. How better to spread a religion? Obviously the government wasn't thrilled when they heard that the Mormons were doing this (back in the 1800s) so the church adapted, deciding--conveniently, if you ask me--that God no longer required members to practice polygamy. So official Mormon church no longer believed in polygamy; and, in fact ex-communicated those who decided to practice it on their own. However, there were those in the church way back when (at the time the majority of the church decided to be politically correct and no longer believe in polygamy) that believed that God's law and word and desires weren't being followed. They believed that he still wanted polygamy to be practiced. Those people and their followers left the main communities of Mormons and went elsewhere to start their own little polygamist communities. Many of those communities still exist today.<br />
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There are a number of various ways of looking at polygamy. But the most important and relevant perspective is to realize that the order of nature is built around a 1-to-1 ratio. One man for one woman. Maybe nature thought we'd be better about sharing, I don't know. It's hard to say if nature is inherently monogamous when it comes to humans, or what. Still, if one man could marry more than one woman, we'd have immense social strife on our hands: rising crime rates, etc. It's basically the same thing that we're seeing occur more and more in china, where there are so many more boys born to families (because they abort the girl fetuses). It breaks down social order. Competition for each girl heats up, and that competition causes problems. So, technically speaking, polygamy doesn't work. <br />
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Additionally, the reality of a polygamist family isn't all that happy. It's not horrible, or anything, much of the time. Not any moreso than normal families. But there are additional dynamics that are challenging. The 1st wives can be abusive to the wives under them. It's like the most vicious political office environment you've ever worked in...NOT good. Everyone wants the husbands attentions and affections and if someone gets more than their fair share then it can cause problems...especially if the one who is best liked is a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife. <br />
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Anyway, I think the idea stinks, personally. As if it isn't hard enough to find someone who we are deeply compatible with, who loves us, and whom we love, and who will nurture our mutual relationship with as much energy as we are determined to. If that makes sense. <br />
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I think the question of women/men roles is an entirely different matter. I like the idea of being the battle scarred warrior--out fighting the battles and winning the daily bread for my family, and then returning home to my lady and family. However, I know that that's not necessarily fulfilling to a lot of women. And I guess what I care about most is that the special women in my life feel free to pursue whatever makes them feel fulfilled. If it means work, great. If it means artistic pursuits, great. If it means housework and kid stuff, great. I've seen to many housewives who're bored out of their minds most of the time, lonely, cut-off socially, unfulfilled and miserable. So...perhaps the whole question of roles is more of a fantasy versus reality situation.

I think what bothers me about polygamy is that it is so male centered-what about a woman having more than one mate? I don't want men to get anymore satisfaction being a man in this anthro-centric world than they already do (yeah, call me a hater)...I think, personally, it is just about sex and having a variety-I think that there is no way you can be in love with someone and share your body with others-not truly, deeply in love anyway. But if it is just about getting off, then I guess it is okay to just **** like dogs in the street...you might as well. But then you don't get the perks of meals and a clean domicile...

i agree ^<br />
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if i was in a relationship with more than one person, i would want to enjoy both, or all. <br />
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but thats just me.

Like MysticWriter said, I never gave any thought to polygamy (and actually didn't think it was still practiced) until watching the HBO show recently. I wondered if there are groups scattered throughout the US or in Utah (is that reasonable to assume it would be there?) that live this type of lifestyle. I think the idea of sister-wives and the way it is portrayed on the show is really unrealistic. Sharing one husband would introduce countless issues of jealousy, resentment, insecurity, etc that would make those relationships amongst the women very strained. I can't imagine committing myself entirely to a man and having him not equally committed to me...but I guess the counter-argument would be that everyone in the marriage is equally committed to one-another, but I still think that is not a wholly functional family.

Wow...this is something new to me. I've never thought that I'd ever hear anyone say that polygamy is or could be a good thing. And I live in Utah...you can't be from Utah without someone at one time or another asking you if you or someone you know is a polygamist. It's not a topic I've thought much about...all I've ever thought about it was it doesn't make since. To me at least it doesn't make since. I don't like that idea. I don't really know if I could be of much help to ya on this though...I guess it would depend on what you want to know. But I personally don't believe it's right...and don't even want to think about living like that. I can't see anything actually good that would come out of it...and anything good that possibly could come out of it I doubt is worth it.

labrynth--i definitely think the sister wives should "help" each other out...in more ways than just with the kids!!!!

I'm also very curious. It really sounds like a very nice life. the HBO thing has made me even more curious however, I would like to be more than "sister-wife" with the women! Don't you think they should be able to enjoy each other as well as him? I guess that's just my fantasy coming out.

Hmm I dunno. I am way to emotional for that - I am absolutely devoted to my bf.. (gosh that sounds corny) and to see or think about sharing him would crush me.<br />
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Perhaps it's society bringing me up to believe that you have a mate for life. <br />
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For me, love is too complex to contemplate polygamy.

One man, and one woman is NOT natural.<br />
I want to be with as many women as I can before I die.