Three Works Better Than Two

My wife and I are each 63 years old, and we've been married 43 years.  Several years ago, my wife was diagnosed with bipolar disease. She now takes heavy doses of Depacote and other medications that manage the symptoms of her disease, but these medications interfere with her ability to drive.

Her friend, who has never been married and is 20 years younger, moved in with us nearly three years ago to help with driving.  We're financially secure; nevertheless, we share good times and bad.  We have no secrets among us.  There is no sexual contact between my wife's friend and me, but otherwise it's as if I have a second wife.  I listen to her daily challenges -- just as I listen to my wife's.  I make sure that her car is properly serviced, I file her federal income tax returns, I run errands for her and she does the same for us.  We share a common checking account.  We live in the same house, share cleaning and cooking responsibilities, and care for one another when ill.  We are integrated into one another's extended-family gatherings.

Serious ill feelings have never been a problem.  Yes, we get frustrated with one another.  But nothing has risen to the level of serious contention.  We speak frankly with one another.   She and my wife are like sisters.  My wife knows that I love her friend -- and my wife knows that I still love her as much as ever.  My wife's friend knows that I love her too; we're completely open.  Affection for my wife's friend does not -- and never will -- involve sexual contact.  We all know and accept that. 

The glue that holds our relationship together is love and mutual respect.  Additional challenges result from dealing with two women instead of one.  But the resulting rewards have made our relationships richer and more worthwhile.  It works for us.  I don't suggest that this arrangement would work for others.



XJ45 XJ45
66-70, M
2 Responses Feb 17, 2009

The key you have to a successful relationship is that there is no sexual contact. I am in a 3 way relationship and the fact there is sexual contact between my husband and the other woman is what bothers me. I unfortunately agreed to this when i was in a very vunerable state in my life. So now I am having to deal with it. I pray that in time things get better.

Sounds lovely! There are various connections in my own poly family, and most of them don't include sexual contact at all. We three ladies are friends, family, sisterss, sometimes parenting one another even... but not sexually involved. :) Our two men are like that as well, like brothers perhaps, best friends... but not interested in one another.