My Husband Wants to Bring His Girlfriend Into Our Home

Three months ago I was told by my husband that he was in love with another woman.  I spent two weeks confused and hurt that I couldnt be enough of what he wanted.  Also this woman was at one point a friend of mine, but severed communication because she felt it would be "wierd" to be friends with my while she was with my husband.

Things since then have changed.  I am now somewhat ok with his decision, my reasoning that I have my husband home still and my children have their father.  He still loves me, he just loves another woman as well.  I get some really bad reactions from people about my decision to stick with him.  The reason I have stayed however is that this isnt affecting us in a negative way.  In fact we have a somewhat better realtionship. 

He has somewhat jokingly but also somewhat seriously suggested several times that he thinks she should move in with us and we could all live together.  My only problem with this? I am afraid of bieng the one left out, I dont want to see him give her more affection or love than he does me. 

What I want to do is get some feed back from others who have been in a marraige like this or those who are in one.  I want to know the pros and cons, and anything else.

Jessicapete Jessicapete
26-30, F
17 Responses Sep 25, 2007

thinking about this you both will want to have personal space or have your own territories. Coming to think of it I personally think no is the answer from my own point of view.

Did it work out?

Add a response...

And what happens if the wife falls in love with another man. And lets say she loves both men the same. Is that ok?lol let me guess.. no because the man this... the man that. Can the other man move in too haha

Polygamy is not a marriage destroyer, but a marriage saver. Talk with your husband about your concerns. Make a nice room for his "second wife". Together, make your husband the center of the family and fullfill his needs. He should sleep and have sex with each of you every other night to keep a balance. A man who has all he needs at home will never stray. This should give you some security.
Men are polygamous by nature, They get tired and bored by living a monogamous life. If you love him, let his lover move in. Your main goal should be his happiness - then you'll all be happy.
best wishes
Rachel, wife 1

I can tell from what you have written that you really don't like the situation meaning that if you had your choice you would have your husband and you live alone in your home and not have any other women involved. You are compromising out of fear, fear of losing him all together and fear of not having him there for your children. It is quite clear from your writing that you are compromising out of fear.<br />
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Keep in mind that it is not right for him to pressure you like this. He went out and found someone else without talking to you about it and then drops it on you. He is basically forcing you to accept it or lose your family. That is unfair pressure. You need to realize you have the ability to use things that he cares about to pressure him also. Does he love his kids? Then if you tell him that he needs to respect you and your marriage or he jeopardizes being with his kids that may make him take a step back. If he loves you also then you can use that fact to force him back in line or he will lose you. You don't want to operate on a level where he demands and forces you to accept what he wants at your expense by scaring you. That is not love and is horrible to do to your wife. You should tell him so.<br />
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If you let him just do whatever he wants he will most certainly bring that girl into your home and she will be his favorite and you will have to watch. He may put on a show of giving you more affection than normal and hugging and kissing you in front of her to validate you but he will be lying in bed with her whispering that he likes her best and that he just humors you to keep you happy. You will be an outsider in your own home and never feel properly loved. You self esteem will reach an all time low and you will live in fear of loss or at best have to accept less than what you deserve.<br />
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What would he say if you told him you have a boyfriend that you want to have over to make love to you when you want. He won't like it, will he? You shouldn't have to like it either. Don't let him use fear to make you do what you don't want to. Put him in his place and if he does actually love you and his kids then he will come in line. Otherwise you are both living a lie.

Hotbabe go back to watching wwe videos in your mothers basement troll.
Since when do husbands needs come first????

Well I hope you respect her and also would do anything for her.

The three of you can make a family together. It will take work but it will be very rewarding once you work things out. If you are so inclined you and the other woman in the family could also be lovers. Love grows with the addition of love.

Jessicapete<br />
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Well after reading this article i want to share my thoughts and feelings....i am a man who has been married for 25 years i have two children who are now adults, my marriage has had its ups and downs but in the main it has been good. About two years a go my friend fell from a balcony in Turkey and was severly injured his wife was devasted we helped out as much as we could, we are all close friends, it was difficult all round, her husband survived.........however he is an alcholic and drinks heavely i have tried to support him and his family. After a period of time it was evedent that his wife after many years of putting up with his drinking habits was at a loss, she had long lost her husband. We both started to recognise that we had feelings for each other we have known each other for about five years, but since the accident we have realised our feelings are just more than friends. My wife new something was wrong and challenged me the truth came feelings are of shere love and adulation for both women, i am so deeply in love with both of them, my love is purley from the heart. I have not committed adultry.........I know one day my friend will pass and i want to take care of both women...........i know i can ,we are all in our late 40s... i have discussed the matter with my wife who is devastated however she does understand how i feel at the same time i understand how she feels, the third party is aware of my affection for herself and my wife. My wife and i love each other more than ever, we had recently gone through a bad period but see that this episode in our life has brought us much closer and do not want to separate. So whats left ...........we have talked at lenghth and many tears have been shed . We have looked at the options and conclude that love will see us through even if there are three of us in this is the binder......not sex. We are all in our late 40s and starting over again would be hard emotionally and also finacially , age not being on our day my friend will pass and thats when we will need to concider the next step in our relationship, none of us want hurt my friend so we have agreed not tell him. My wife appreciates how i feel, and my wife would benefit from any support from yourself.She feels insecure and fears more attention would be given to the third party.........i want to treat both women equally, i want to share my life with both and take care of them both. I know its not going to be easy but i am prepared for this journey...If you can be of any support please contact me at the following email

Scott, if your wife was "devastated" then it is certainly NOT making your marriage stronger. You are simply making her accept what YOU selfishly want at HER expense. You are selfish and cruel and you are treating your wife horribly. The worst of it is that you are so focused on what YOU want you have justified all your selfish actions in your own head. Your wife is letting you tear a piece if her heart out to accept this or lose everything she has lived for up to this time. It is truly horrible how you are treating the woman you are supposed to love more that you love yourself. She is "devastated" because she has been betrayed, thinking she was the most important person in the world to you only to find out that you yourself are the only person that comes first in your life. You are a selfish man and have convinced yourself that you are doing it for love. It's a pathetic lie. Your wife deserves much better.

also what happens " mommy why is daddy in bed with her, why is daddy ******* her etc" will mess with ur kids heads

it would be different if he told you about it and talked with you about it from the begining. like a normal poly relationship where it is discussed between the couple first.

Lucky you. you are in a relationship where you husband isn't a liar and not afraid to share his feeling and desires with you. embrace that move her in and treat her like a sister. whats the big deal. you share the love of your children with this man you can share his love with a women. his heart is big enough. its not your place to demand or require anything so just accept your husband desire and go from there... YOU WILL BE VERY HAPPY... your so lucky! I am really jealous...

I'm sorry for your pain. I know this whole thing is quite shocking. It's best to take stock of where you are and what you want. I found to be VERY helpful. <br />
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Just be patient, this is not a race and making decisions while you are very emotional will wind up getting you hurt. I hope everythingworks out for you.<br />
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if he fell in love with the other women is that mean he would lave you for her.

follow your heart. people say things based on their personal pain. I am about to tell my husband to take on the woman he had an affair with and produced two children with- I don't want her living with us, I plan to split the time.

This is not an example of a poly relationship. The husband was wrong, and this just isn't how healthy poly relationships work.

your man has already proven his lack of character by going behind your back- don't allow his sexual and fickle emotional desires make the situation worse-when someone wants something, they will SAY anything to get what they want, especially a horny man who wants to convince his reluctant wife to allow him to have his "fresh piece" live with them-it's any pubescent boy's fantasy...multiple partners-maybe it could work with two mature adults who totally love and respect each other and are COMPLETELY open and honest with each other-your husband has been neither open nor honest nor sensitive to your needs-he should have gotten your permission (if you would give it, otherwise he should not have had a relationship with her) before he ever did ANYTHING with her-it's the only honorable way

I think it could work out beautifuly if your man is man enough to take care of both of you and treat you good.<br />
I know tons of people who have lived that way for years with out problems.