Sometimes, I Crave Pain

this is an extremely off-color remark for ME to be making!!!  holy ****!  my whole freakin life has been one, huge stink-pot of pain that i've been trying to avoid!!!  maybe it's maturity...because i have learned that every "good" experience/feeling is ALWAYS ultimately the catalyst for a "bad" experience/feeling.  you simply cannot have one without the other.  that would break the laws of physics.  or, maybe i'm just some sick, twisted ole girl.  but, sometimes, i feel like the only way to express myself is through something really big like that...like, actual, physical pain.  sometimes, i feel like the only way to express myself is through music.  sometimes, it's through a bottle of gin.  sometimes, it's through writing or taking pictures.  but, sometimes, it seems like nothing will make me feel better except for aggression....mine against someone else but, mostly someone else's against me.
MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
12 Responses Oct 22, 2006

When one is demanded upon in their daily lives, a little loss of control, even if it appears unhealthy on the surface, is very freeing.

I know what you mean.... I have yet to find the way to admit this out loud to anyone for I barely comprehend this need at time. On the one hand theirs a very thin line between pleasure and pain. A place where one leads to the other and you are constantly shuffling to grasp the elusive emotions you are experiencing. However when you stated "my whole freakin life has been one, huge stink-pot of pain that i've been trying to avoid!!!" this had me thinking of the other way this need fulfills something deep within...... All of our lives we experience moments of pain. Even if I didn't come from such a ****** up broken environment I would have still involuntarily suffered through heartache, disappointment and an assortment of emotion pain and devastation for that is life. At least when I crave pain and it is delivered to my specifications; I am making the decision, I am in control of that which I am being subjected to and I am vastly pleased...... Thanks for eliciting such deep contemplation!!!

I know what you mean.... I have yet to find the way to admit this out loud to anyone for I barely comprehend this need at time. On the one hand theirs a very thin line between pleasure and pain. A place where one leads to the other and you are constantly shuffling to grasp the elusive emotions you are experiencing. However when you stated "my whole freakin life has been one, huge stink-pot of pain that i've been trying to avoid!!!" this had me thinking of the other way this need fulfills something deep within...... All of our lives we experience moments of pain. Even if I didn't come from such a ****** up broken environment I would have still involuntarily suffered through heartache, disappointment and an assortment of emotion pain and devastation for that is life. At least when I crave pain and it is delivered to my specifications; I am making the decision, I am in control of that which I am being subjected to and I am vastly pleased...... Thanks for eliciting such deep contemplation!!!

I have learned that as adults many of our desires are wrapped up in past experiences. For instance, a child who was regularly beaten with a razor strop will grow up frequently to crave being punished. Sometimes we crave and desire what is familiar. Almost all the wives who are in DD marriages love to be spanked, and want to be spanked to tears. So everything is up for interpretation. Just be honest with yourself and don't beat yourself up unless you feel you are putting yourself in harms way. It sounds like you have been conditioned to want and expect pain in your life.

The bible states that the marriage bed is undefiled, but people being people such as Abraham, Noah, and king David just to mention a few, **** around. God did not strike them dead. We are a species that live as long as we are allowed, love as much as we are capable and **** like animals. If we are lucky. Guilt comes from organized religion and guilt is not from God. If pain is what flat out does it for you, I encourage you to be extremely cautious in your choice of partner.

My slave is a "multiple".. a person diagnosed with "mltiple personalities" now called Disassociative Disorder. Many abused people suffer from this. I cannot "fix" this..but can recognize her changing needs. At times she will need gentleness...at times extreme pain and violence (Chuckle..I like that best)..at times she overindulges in different areas..drugs..smoking..whatever. Who is to say what is "right" for her? Changing needs and desires is not just a sign of DD. I believe it is normal for a prson to be changeable and searching...I suggest you open up..and embrace your changing needs. You sound OK to me....<br />
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Tim

i'd like to add a different perspective. first, i personally don't agree that appeals to western-based deities will solve anything. but that's just me. second, americans are notorious for black and white thinking. saying that bad experiences always follows good ones is just another example. <br />
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here's what i've learned: experiences are neutral. good or bad are just subjective morality labels we add based on accumulations of our previous experiences. good, evil, just different sides of the same coin. think about it. how can we ever know what a good experience is without ever having a bad experience to compare it to, right?<br />
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that's enough of my proselytizing. what's the problem here? are u feeling guilty b/c pain turns u on? human sexuality exists on such a vast continuum that I can say with confidence that someone els has already done whatever you do and then some. <br />
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if what u do is with yourself or other consenting adults does not break laws or cause death or serious injury, then i say leave the guilt and self-doubt outside the bedroom door, crack open the gin, crank the music, and have a rip-snortin' good time.

pain=pleasure

WE ALL AGREE IN ONE

your in my prayers --try thanking JJESUS FOR EVERY THING YOU CAN FROM A TO Z SEE WHAT HAPPENS THEN E MAIL ME

your in my prayers --try thanking JJESUS FOR EVERY THING YOU CAN FROM A TO Z SEE WHAT HAPPENS THEN E MAIL ME

your in my prayers --try thanking JJESUS FOR EVERY THING YOU CAN FROM A TO Z SEE WHAT HAPPENS THEN E MAIL ME