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Have You Asked Or Been Asked These Questions? Thoughts??

How long have you been involved in the D/s lifestyle, and what led you to this lifestyle in the first place?

Do you have or plan to have a more than one slave/submissive, on or offline?

What sort of relationship are you looking for? (Online only, phone, real world, potential marriage/permanent partner?)

How much time are you willing to devote to training a new sub, and how much of her time would you require in return? Would you have daily contact with your submissive/slave?

Do you indulge in these pleasures with women/men in "real life"? If so, what precautions for health and safety are involved? What type of safety precautions do you feel are necessary for an online or phone relationship?

What sort of training/education have you had to be the dominant member of this relationship? Have you had experience training a submissive who is new to D/s? What made you decide this was for you?

What are your basic philosophies with regard to D/s.

What are your rules, contracts, agreements, etc.? What do you require of your slave and of yourself?

What sort of structured training do you prefer to use? What sorts of discipline/punishment for infractions? What kinds of tasks do you assign your save to perform for you?

What are your deepest desires, pleasures, hopes for this relationship? What, in your opinion, does the Dom receive in return for His time, love and protective care over his sub?

Do you have any references available that I might contact?
orchidsub orchidsub 41-45, F 33 Responses Mar 31, 2011

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Very interesting just reading about it now

awwwwww.... *sigh*

Wow. I just thought two people should explore each others thoughts as to what turns them on and try to fulfill each others needs. I don't necisarily want to have a 24/7 slave. I understand getting naughty, wanting to be tied up or lead around by a leash. I understand the desire to put a butt plug in a slaves *** and have them cook dinner. but when playtime is over, Love is whats important, someone who caress if you bite your toungue too hard.LOL. Someone who cares if you are sick or lose your job! I think I have what it takes to show a sub. a good time during play, but afterwards, I might just enjoy having you lay your head on my chest. or heaven forbid, I may might lay my head on her chest

YIPPEEEEEEE!!

i love a good love story... *sigh* can i be a bridesmaid??

Sujet, you really are a legend, I love it ;) and a *bigger wink*

I'm getting confused here...if neither of you would submit that fully, how can you consider living the lifestyle outside of the bedroom. Sorry to seem like I'm attacking (genuinely, I'm not), I'm just seeking clarification as your answers read as vague to me, that's all ;)

PNC... you know i'm cheering for you both, right?? that was absolutely one of the sweetest responses and i am sending the two of you smooches and support! :)

I am in a musing mood... So I am going to answer like I did when I was in sub frenzy a few months after I kicked the Husband OUT.<br />
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Remember: This is how I would have answered these 11-12 years ago. NOT NOW as I am not looking nor interested... I am attempting to give a female submissive’s point of reference as I honestly believe these are good questions for both sides of the spectrum.<br />
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Granted, the questions should or would be needed to be changed a little bit, but for all intents and purposes, let s just leave them be for now and I will show what I mean. Maybe I can get a specific arrogant lovable Dom I know to fill this out... HAHAHAHA!<br />
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How long have you been involved in the D/s lifestyle, and what led you to this lifestyle in the first place?<br />
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I started into this crazy world in 1984. I already knew I was submissive before I hit my teen years; it was just a matter of tripping into someone that knew it as well. <br />
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Do you have or plan to have a more than one slave/submissive, on or offline?<br />
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As a submissive, I cannot answer this. However, I can say that I do not want to be involved in any relationship where there is more than me and the Dominant. No negotiating here.<br />
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What sort of relationship are you looking for? (Online only, phone, real world, potential marriage/permanent partner?)<br />
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Real with nothing permanent though.<br />
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How much time are you willing to devote to training a new sub, and how much of her time would you require in return? Would you have daily contact with your submissive/slave?<br />
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As I would be the submissive within this relationship, I can honestly devote only a specific amount of hours per week due to work and family obligations. Those can be worked out to less or more depending on each person’s scheduling.<br />
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Do you indulge in these pleasures with women/men in "real life"? If so, what precautions for health and safety are involved? What type of safety precautions do you feel are necessary for an online or phone relationship?<br />
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I have been an active submissive for the past 14 years to one man and that was “real life”. Health issues were always maintained and safety was obligatory to his mood on his side. Since I have no plans to ever do an online/phone relationship, this is not a concern.<br />
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What sort of training/education have you had to be the dominant member of this relationship? Have you had experience training a submissive that is new to D/s? What made you decide this was for you?<br />
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Absolutely ZERO, I have never played that side of the spectrum and in all honestly have no inclination to it. From a submissive perspective, I have also never dealt with someone that had less experience than I had/have so I can’t say I would be opposed to teaching, but there would have to be an understanding that I would explain it upfront and then expect to not have to guide within a play session. There would also have to be a lot of discussions over lack of knowledge and staying away from certain practices due to that lack of knowledge on the Dominant’s part. As for being the submissive and training a Dominant, I have not ever thought on this aspect of having to ‘teach’ a Dom. If I can avoid it, I will. It would all depend on the person and how we interacted together.<br />
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What are your basic philosophies with regard to D/s?<br />
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My basic philosophy since getting myself educated from what I knew versus what I know now? SSC - Always! D/s for me has always been about the power exchange, the balance of control shifting from me to the Dominant and an overall giving up that part of myself to another in the form of my submission.<br />
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What are your rules, contracts, agreements, etc.? What do you require of your slave and of yourself?<br />
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This question I found interesting in the fact that the word slave was used here. I would assume that it meant submissive/slave. And will answer under a submissive point of view. I have done the contracts, agreements, and rules. Contracts are needed in M/s relationships more so than a D/s relationship to ‘me’. I would ask that agreements and rules be discussed and agreed on obviously. As for a contract, either of us have the option to walk away at any time. For me, as long as the set rules and agreement does not interfere with my work or family, I am good.<br />
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What sort of structured training do you prefer to use? What sorts of discipline/punishment for infractions? What kinds of tasks do you assign your save to perform for you?<br />
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Ah, as the submissive, I prefer structure, set guidelines, clear instructions, no balking on letting me manipulate and get my way, etc. Definitely more discussion needed here.<br />
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What are your deepest desires, pleasures, and hopes for this relationship? What, in your opinion, does the Dom receive in return for His time, love and protective care over his sub?<br />
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Always my hope and desire is to be able to trust, respect, communicate openly as well as feel that the gift of submission I hand over is cherished and valued. In return the Dominant that I give my submission to gets my loyalty and commitment to Him to explore our chosen lifestyle in a way that is optimal to/for both of us. That we both give and take what the other desires, wants, yearns for. Not only do I expect the Dominant I submit to, to protect me, but I would also expect him to know that I would protect him as well through my discretion always, just as I would expect him to do.<br />
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Do you have any references available that I might contact?<br />
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Dominants are weary to give this information up sometimes and I can understand this. As I do require this information from a Dominant, I have no issues of reciprocating. Simple answer, yes I have references.<br />
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I did this from the submissive point of view to show more than anything that is not just the Dominant in the hot seat. The submissive should expect to be extensively questioned as well. We are not immune from this and should be just as open and honest as we are expecting a prospective Dominant to be. I could have gone on and on and added so much more, but since I was just making an attempt to show how the questions can/should be turned around towards us, the submissive and slaves of this lifestyle.<br />
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The comical part is I had several of these question already answered and notated in my online journal. Which makes them very true to where I was mentally at when I went into “I need to feed my addiction” mode.

PNC, which is it? Its either submissive or slave, not both. Could you clarify?

GACK!!

stuffing live kittens in his butt??? thank you for the thoughful and germane answer... snickering! no wonder the squirrels are after you!

ns... LOL, then you will undertsand why i had to say no thank you to the gentleman that told me "i am the Dom and i will do what i want", and that i should stop doing research bc it's D/s, not a master's degree!

Good, well balanced questionaire, which are simple yet to the point questions one should ask before venturing into that direction of the sexual gamma.<br />
Although it often isn't just curiosity, but a bit of an urge, a slight nagging pushing one in that direction.<br />
Simple curiosity usually doesn't inspire such a questionaire...<br />
Is something which must always be discussed in a relaxed fashion.<br />
Me, I don't consider myself a "Dom", just a dominant man who likes the D/s aspects of a relationship.<br />
The reason why I don't consider myself a "Dom" is, first of all because I don't like stereotypes. I am not like anybody else, so I don't fit in that square.<br />
Secondly, because for me, it is not a "lifestyle". I am who and what I am, and since that dominant side is a wholesome part of me, it's something which is always present and doesn't need "switching on" or getting dressed up on the week-ends to live out some fantasies...<br />
But maybe we'll discuss some of that later... : )

yeah Sunshine!!! xoxoxoxo

Hey Orchid, I am stealing your questions and updating them to fit an inexperienced or experienced Dom or sub. :P You will find them on this entry: <br />
"How does one actually meet a Dominant - Either on the Internet or in Person?" <br />
after I play with them and add em :)

mmmmm.... I love this pish.....<br />
Only recently discovered that tho.... or had a label to define it by anyway.<br />
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~hugs~@orchid x

bb, online only? does that mean i should get off the beach and quit looking for your boat? xo

D3- i think i agree with you about needing to take any real relationship offline. maybe a D/s relationship needs more trust before a meeting, since a sub can be so vulnerable, but frankly i'm with you... how satisfying can it be long term when you crave the physical aspect? <br />
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since i am so embarrassingly new i am very interested in the different responses to this list. i found it online when i was doing some research. it did already help me to know that the man i was thinking about forming a relationship with was just a troll in dom's clothing... :)

LOL, it's a pretty good list, isn't it? i think i'm going to re-post under 'now taking applications'...

Such a good list for people who haven't a clue...wish I had this the first time around, but live and learn. Lol<br />
Beauty of it is you don't have to send out a questionnaire or a survey...all of these topics can be exciting conversations in the getting to know you process. That's a very fun part. Then the submissive can make up his or her mind. :)

How long have you been involved in the D/s lifestyle, <br />
do you use this question to guage his experience ? isnt this like asking a persons age to guage maturity ?<br />
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What led you to this lifestyle in the first place.<br />
Do you need to be LED into this lifestyle ..isnt it more something inherent and latent .. well at least the basics ..arnt the rest are add ons and formalities and rituals bascially ?

May I ask a question ? ... is it possible to have a real D/s relationship online or on the phone .. <br />
I may sound dumb .. but leave aside D/s .. I cant even imagine any meaningful or satisfying on-line or phone only relationship

mnnvmnbv<br />
I have to ask<br />
WHY NOT? Would it not give you better insight to exactly WHO you are dealing with? <br />
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Here is a couple of facts:<br />
A 'real' Dominant will take the time to answer any and ALL your questions.<br />
A 'real' Dominant WILL give up references. <br />
A 'real' Dominant does his/her homework/research/paperwork<br />
A 'real' submissive WILL do exactly the same!

hmmmmm, maybe you could join My circle? lol

What an interesting list. I have never thought about haveing my girls fill out a question and application before. All those questions and the answers to those questions just seem to evlove as the relationship does. Would you like to join my circle?

*chuckles*

actually, as a young girl i was defiant and independent and possibly a little spoiled because i was very loved by my family. i don't remember feeling squirmy as a young girl... this is a choice that i am making now as a strong adult woman. although i do have plenty of naughty thoughts...

Well...I'm sure the thoughts go way back when you were just a young girl lying in bed at night getting all squirmy thinking about people making you do things, girl. Sometimes, when you get caught having all those naughty little thoughts, it'll make you face get hot.....maybe just like right now.

dammit! would anyone believe that in my daily life i am considered to be very hard to read?? <br />
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what a weird combination of humiliation and reassurance to be so easily understood by strangers who have seen it all before.