I Keep Running Into The Wrong PeopleMy apologies if my thoughts are a bit scattered. I haven't posted to a blog/board in ages. The desire fluxuates, but for as long as I've been sexual active, I've had an interest in D/s-- specifically submission. However, it seems I keep running into other submissive personalities. With my very first partner, I always found myself wanting him to be more assertive and really take control. I would hint at it, but he just wouldn't go there. With a girlfriend later, I wanted her to do the same thing, but it turns out she really enjoyed it when *I* was dominant. We had fun together, but I didn't lose the desire to surrender to someone else.
I did encounter one partner whom I thought was going to be at least a little dominant, but I never figured out what it was that made him shy away from "topping" once we actually started having sex. Whenever we talked about sex, the conversation always drifted to what he would do to me if I was a "good girl," or bad one, enticing threats (promises) to spank me and such. I loved our verbal foreplay! But then we'd physically get together and it was like all of that was never said. It was so frustrating!
Then this last boyfriend (we broke up a year ago) was a bit like the ex-girlfriend and preferred it when I was a bit assertive. He almost had a heart attack when he saw an invoice of an online order I made which had the cutest little nipple clamps on it. (Silver with little bells.) He thought they were for him, but when I clarified they were for me, he still had no interest in them.
Is it me? Why does it seem so hard to find someone who is my sexual dominant? In everyday life, I suppose one could say I have a bit of a strong personality. I'm in management at work, the motherly one amongst friends, and don't believe in letting people run over me, but in relationships, in *sexual* relationships I want to be able to give myself over to my partner.
How do I go about finding this? I can't ask someone on the first date, "so...how do you feel about tying people up and spanking them?" Maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way? Help...