Two Sides

So, my whole intro to the D/s lifestyle came through a book. Actually, it was one of many books that my friend downloaded onto my Kindle after she got a hold of it while I wasn't looking. In case you don't my drift on what sort of books these were, one title was The Cop Next Door, and the cover picture was a rearview of a woman in handcuffs and a red thong. Yeah. So. Well, it just so happened one of these books caught my eye while i was flipping through my "library" and it turned out to be part of a series about a woman who actually goes to a school that trains submissives. I was fascinated! Many parts of the book intrigued me (although not the bits when they were on stage) and i ended up reading the entire series.

After that, I started talking to people, did a little self-exploration, so on and so forth, and ended up with a couple very confusing questions that I'm still trying to answer. All my life I've been a very strong, independent woman(I even joined the army, sheesh), but then I entered into a relationship with someone, and I found that while I was still determined to follow my own path, when it came to things "inside the house" or personal matters, as it were, I would always defer to my partner. Aaaaand of course, the sexual side of the relationship, no question who I wanted to be in charge there. So, the question is, can I still have my own life, do the things that I want to do, and still be part of a D/s relationship? Can we be partners? Could a Dom respect my wishes, my goals, or am I just SOL? Comments, opinions appreciated
NightWolf13 NightWolf13
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 11, 2012

why not have the best of both worlds ?

You are never locked into anything. I tell that to women who imagine that they want to be slaves also. No matter what part of the BDSM lifestyle you are into, you have choices. One of the huge choices you have is who you offer yourself to. That is something to take very seriously.

Most of what you read in those books are highly over done. Not everyone dresses in leather and uses whips and chains. The best part of BDSM is you get to choose what you are willing and not willing to do. You have to decide what your limits are and make sure your partner knows those limits. Have safe words set up so you can stop something that just doesn't feel right to you.

Most of all if you pick a partner that respects what you are offering then they will respect your wishes and goals. A caring partner wants you to get the experience that both of you want together. You might be submissive but that doesn't mean you shouldn't grow from the experience. And a good Dom will want you to happy as you serve him/her.

Yes, I do understand about literature on the subject being a little exaggerated in some aspects, though i appreciate the additional warning. Fortunately i read enough and do enough additional research that i don't have too many delusions.

I totally understand what your saying and would love to help you