Getting Frustrated Again....

I've been unemployed now for about 8 months... the company I had been working for, for the last 15 years went out of business. I just had my youngest in January 2007... I was still on maternity leave when I found out that the company I was working for filed bankruptcy. I read articles online questioning how a 200 million dollar company managed to bring itself down to a point of bankruptcy... hell, I don't have an answer for that.

I was only 18 when I started working for the company... newly married (my first- we all make stupid mistakes)... and from that point on, I just kept working my up until I got to a point when I could no longer find any self fulfillment in the job I was performing. First of all, the management sucked (I guess that's probably the reason why the company went down like that-- but still...)! I guess that was the main reason why I finally decided to go back to school and get my bachelors degree. I was working full time, going to school full time (night classes), and of course, I had my family.

Before I graduated, I went through divorce, which I didn't take lightly. It wasn't actually about the marriage itself. I have been unhappy with the marriage for the last 3 years before we had the divorce. It was more on the "after-effects" that was harder.  There were certain things I did not anticipate. I knew I was already done with the marriage, but I guess I really didn't consider everything else that would come with the divorce... Anyway, that's a different story.

After getting my bachelors degree, I took a break for about three years. Within those three to four years, I got remarried and had two more kids. Sometime 2006, I decided to go for my Masters degree. Originally, I wanted to get into Counseling Psychology. I had everything ready. I found the school, I put in my application, and I was already accepted. The only thing left to do is to register for classes... well, that was when I had my youngest. So instead of going for the degree that I really wanted, I tried looking for a 2nd choice... a Masters degree that is offered online. I had 2 classes left when I realized that I really do not want to get into Public Administration. So... I switched (don't even ask about how much I owe on my student loan). I've always enjoyed writing... I didn't think I was good enough or competitive enough to be a journalist, so I decided to switch to Masters in English; thought maybe I can go for being an English teacher... creative writing. When I finally thought I was sure that I wanted to be an English teacher, I switched again and went for a Masters in Cross Cultural Teaching, and credentialing for California educators. So now I've been in 3 different majors.

Well, I did it again... I was six classes away from completing my Masters in Cross Cultural Teaching when I realized that I would never be able to complete the course. It demanded so much of my time, requiring me to do a lot of field work, which I honestly did not have the time for. Four boys, 2 teenagers and 2 toddlers... very hard to squeeze everything in.  So now I am on my 4th "major-switch", currently waiting to take my 2nd class for this major I am working on.

I had a job interview about 2 weeks ago. My Dad is working for this huge company, excellent benefits and plenty of room for growth, the same industry where I had my 15-yr work experience; they supposedly have several openings for the same position I held when I left my previous employer. This means my resume would be an eye-catcher.

Well, I had my interview. They said they didn't have an immediate opening yet, but they do know that they will be needing several people for the same position sometime soon. It sounded like they're going to be acquiring new buildings, and it just so happened that they were all within a 20-mile radius to where I live. Sounds too good to be true, yeah?

I'm starting to get really impatient now. I hate waiting, especially when you look at your situation and you start seeing everything getting financially tighter and tighter. After my work-out this morning, I went straight home and decided that I will be doing some extensive job hunting on the net. Two and a half hours later, here I am frustrated because I can't even find a job opportunity where I can try to apply for.

Here I am getting mighty antcy... making myself even more frustrated. I've been trying to shake off the depression... plus I've also been trying to shake off this excess weight... nothing's happening. It's not like I'm not actively doing anything about all of these... because I know I am... I think I've just increased my white hairs 3x more than what it has been. I can see all of them popping out... coloring my hair doesn't really cover the whites... my hair is naturally strong in every way... it refuses to change its color artificially, and it refuses to curl.... believe me... I tried getting it curled; took several hours and it only gave me waves... after a week, it was gone. My hair is naturally dark; not jet back, not brown either... just dark... and I could never get the precise light brown that I want... it's always a little yellow or a little orangey; bleaching it won't be any good either. No hair salon would touch it. Too silky... too healthy... they do their best to avoid lawsuits.

I am so miserable right now. I feel like running away... can't though... I have responsibilities...

SyL3nTsTaR SyL3nTsTaR
31-35, F
2 Responses Apr 1, 2009

Are you stil stressing and need some income?

Hi, I can sympathize with you. I was laid off last august from a 20 year job.<br />
It sucks, a lot, but Im really hoping it turns into a blessing for me.<br />
Sometimes change is good? Isnt that what they say?<br />
Good luck!!!<br />