How has it come to this? I know most of my childhood has been rather unwanted, dark and mostly stuff that I just don't want to remember. So I don't. I don't really remember the times my Dad taught me not to be happy (not directly) I don't remember most of the times I screwed up and it cost my dad money. I don't remember the times that... I was happy.

There is nothing anyone can do for me, I've come to accept this reality. I am born in the darkest fathoms of the mind, I've seen death so close it became a blur, I've wondered the tops of the mountains that were so cold, but the fire and rage that burned within my kept me alive.

How is this possible? People try to tell me you shouldn't worry about it, bla bla bla, but I don't worry about it. I try my best not think about it, in fact I find that I rarely ever think about my childhood, but it still effects me. Is it because I am indeed just a dark child from when I was born? I don't know... I think if I grew up differently, some might change, I may have more confidence growing up... but that's about it. I know I need to work on that. I need to trust in myself, but I keep thinking what do others think? What if I'm wrong, what will the other person do? Why would the other person follow my orders again if I was wrong once, JUST ONE TIME?! WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?

I don't have friends, my family is far from me and I care little of their wants or needs though I do assist them sometimes if I am able. I don't want friends, I view others as weaker than I am, for in fact I have overcome so much more than most, I have embraced darkness and have tried my hardest (when I was young) to show my soul to Satan that he can trust in me, that I will scourge this place of foolishness and judgment. Currently I do not believe in anything. Let me just say, I do not want friends. I do not yearn to have any, I do not need anyone to talk to, I just need myself, my own mind, my presence and my darkest hour.

Who's mind but mine is darker? Not one of you, you're all below me, I am above, yet I ask for your approval on subjects, why? Why... why... why...

I think I may know why... because I do not believe anything I say is fact until I've seen your beliefs.... one I find that yours are nothing but shattered mirrors, s cowering for answers that may work, I then will retake my mantle and you all will be forced to ask me... but when will this happen? I think it needs to happen soon. I only need a little push in the right direction.

And that direction leads to my real ambition, my real mind... the darkness awaits, are you all ready? I don't think so.
FabledMartin26 FabledMartin26
26-30, M
Aug 21, 2014