Will It Be Like This Forever?

My boyfriend and I have know one another for about 6 years.  We lost touch for a couple years, but about 6 months months ago we decided to give our relation another go.  I knew he was going to join the marines, but I thought I could handle it because though we were apart, he always showed me enough attention and was very intuitive and attentive toward my needs.  While he was at OCS he wrote quite often and we would talk for hours on the weekends.  I had about a week with him, then he left for TBS.  That's where he's at now.  We thought TBS would be easier and he would have more free time to call me, but that doesn't seem to be happening. When I ask him about making time for "US" he tells me he wishes he could make more time for us, but he can't.  He tells me he loves me and I talk to him once a week.  Our conversations don't last that long, but he swears he's not going anywhere.  I don't know what to think?  I know he's in marine mode and it's hard for him to be the romantic poet he use to be, but it's still very frustrating!  Before he was commissioned, he said I would be his first priority, and now he says he's married to the marine corp.  I'm just looking for a little support or advice.  I feel like he's brainwashed; and I'm hoping things will get better once he's finished TBS in 3 months.  I've never dated anyone in the military before, therefore this is all a new experience for me.  I'd like to hear what you think. 

nicoleo nicoleo
22-25, F
4 Responses Dec 14, 2008

Sorry, but I disagree with a couple of the comments posted here. My partner is at TBS right now, and he finds time to get in touch with me EVERY DAY. Sometimes it's just a text or a short e-mail, but usually we have time for a short phone call. If he's calling you less than once a week, you're clearly not a priority for him. If this bothers you, you either need to talk to him about it and demand a change, or move on.

Hey Nicoleo,<br />
<br />
I also knew my boyfriend for many years (8) and when he was in TBS, we decided to get back together. I speak with him very briefly every night, and we see one another about every 3 weeks. Either I fly to NC, or he flies home. <br />
<br />
In my opinion, we as girlfriends need to be respectful and understanding of the commitment our men have to the USMC, they are married to the USMC first. In the same light, our guys need to be respectful of our commitment to them while they fulfill their obligations. <br />
<br />
It is a two way street, you can't compromise what you need to make you happy, or if the man you are seeing isn't giving you the attention you need, then I think you need analyze your commitment to the relationship.<br />
<br />
If you ever want to chat, feel free to reach out to me. Seems like we are going through the same things.

The guy im dating in TBS is the same way. Im able to talk to him once or twice a week and can only see him maybe every other weekend... Their jobs are both mentally and physically exhausting so I truely think my guy talks to me as frequently as he can. its all about determination and comitment though. TBS doesnt last forever :)

Well I'm going to start off by saying that you should decide whether he is worth staying with. Weigh the good and bad about staying in this relationship. If you think he is then you should stay with him but if you dont then you should just walk away while its still early. I will not lie to you, it is going to get really hard and sometimes you're gonna feel like you want to give up but if you really love this guy and you know hes worth the wait, you will get through those tough times when he isnt around and savor the times that you do get to talk to him. I am getting engaged to a Marine and right now, I have no way of communicating with him. Even through letters because hes in a field op but I have to put my feelings aside because it is his job and his job will always come first as long as he is a U.S. Marine. You have to realize that he is technically government property.You can make it through this and no, it will not always be this way. It will get easier but its only as easy as you make it. However, you should pay attention to his behavior because if he getting brainwashed and changing for the worse, you should just walk away early in the relationship. Also, if he isnt making time for you if he has the time, then hes not worth your time because you're obviously not worth his. My boyfriend tries to make time for me even when he cant or may get in trouble for it. Anyways, its up to you. Deep down inside, you know what you should do.