I Ended My Relationship Today...

I posted here a couple of months ago about being involved with a married man and just thought I would come back and update. After a lot of tears and soul searching I ended my relationship today. I'm feeling sad and lonely right now, but know that it was the right thing to do. He went on vacation with his family last week and I didn't hear from him while he was gone. I didn't really expect to and I wasn't going to interject myself into the vacation by contacting him. What finally pushed me to make the decision is a picture he posted on facebook of his wife holding his boys and all three of them smiling at him with so much love. That picture made me burst into tears and at that point I knew that I needed to end the relationship.

It makes me sad because on so many levels he and I "click" but I know that even if he isn't happy he isn't going to make the decision that he would need to make for us to continue. So I emailed him today see when we could meet and then just couldn't not say anything and sent him an email ending things. Not surprisingly I haven't heard back from him and I'm not sure how long it will be until I do. I just wish this weren't so hard...anyway, thanks for reading, there aren't many people in my real life who know about this situation so there isn't really anyone I can talk to right now...
kelri kelri
36-40, F
63 Responses Aug 30, 2010

Hi. I am in a similar situation except we live together and have been for six long years. Please email me. I don't want to talk socially like this. Thanks

Yes, I Believe that I am dating a married man as well, We have been dating for a few months, I did some research online & found wedding photos he said he loves her but He's not in love with her.I have been pressuring him to take me out on a date not done it yet.He always, says he doesnt want to loose me etc. He says his wife has been dating so they are separated there divorcé is in the process etc.I have just decided to leave I have blocked all communication from 👋 him.I will give him some space to get everything together however, I am single & praying God will bless me with my own husband which, I can not put up with this.Its my belief the whole time we where dating he was planning his wedding behind my back I have no proof of this however its time for me to cut him off oh well is he even in a happy marriage he will continue to cheat on her. He says so many different story's.How long will this marriage last if He's interested in other women?

Hi! I to ended my relationship with my married boyfriend last night. I ended it by a text after going to his work dinner and him talking to me about a "hot women" at his work , I said then ask her out- his response was I cant we work together, I said Oh I thought it was because your seeing me.. No response.. on my way home I pulled over and sent him a long text and this morning blocked him, he never new were I lived or where I work- So I guess this is it and it will be like I fell off the face of the earth. I care very much for him, but Iam way better than this and deserve a man with morals and a whole man not just 3 hrs a few times s month. Thanks for reading//

My friend may I say it will get better w time... Time heals all wounds... I too was involved w a married man and I decided to free myself from all the disappointments, what could be thoughts, and the possibility thoughts if he left his wife...I have learned to love him from afar and if it is gods will that we reconnect then so be it..... I too clicked w this person, but all the lies and disappearing acts isn't fair to you or his wife... He and I are still friends but no intimacy .... I would never encourage him to leave his wife... I pray that we will cross paths one day and be able to grace the world together as a couple... Hang in there! And know it is a better life to have loved than to not have experienced it at all-:)

Yes, I am encouraged in, the Lord to move on I have blocked all communication from, him He's such a sweet 💓 heart. I cry because I feel safe in his arms I would really, like to Believe him that his divorce is in process then also he said he had the divorcé he was afraid to tell me that he was married or got married etc says was married in 2014 bla bla I will be in Prayer as I can not date.A married man I did not know the wife is really, happy in her marriage she's in a 👍 marriage group she says her marriage is ☝ auesome shes really Happy🎉.If, I would've known he was married I did not know any of this at all.So, yeap I am leaving for good There's to many lies for me going on.

It's funny how when you stop wanting something, the pain heals faster. I'm no longer friends with my married guy, I realized that I didn't want a friend who lies and cheats... It will take time but trust me when you stop visualizing him in your current world and decide you don't want him.... You will feel freer...I send you a big hug for your strength and courage to walk away!!!!!

I'd been seeing a married man for about 6 months now. I met him at work and initially we were just friends. He one day confessed to me that he had cheated on his wife and was completely broken over it. I comforted him and he confessed that he struggled to control his sexual thoughts and urges. He told me he'd even had fantasies about me and for some reason this set off a spark of intrigue in me. Time passed and we began sleeping with each other. When it first started it was strictly physical but over time it blossomed from acquaintances to close friends to full blown in love with each other. We had very similar childhood and I think that's what drew us to each other. We tried to end our relationship multiple times but could only stop communicating for a week. Shortly after reuniting we had sex again and I found out I was pregnant. He already has not only one child but another on the way with his wife of 5 years. I decided to get an abortion and handled the situation alone both physically and financially. I came to the conclusion that I'd rather do it alone and avoid his wife finding out. We cut things off today and I honestly do want it to be for good. A part of me is so hurt because I do believe him when he says he wants to be a better husband and stop what he's doing. It's like one part of me wants him to be the man I know he can be but the other half is selfish and wants him to myself. He has treated me very kindly and made me extremely happy in this short amount of time. I love him with all of my heart but am tired of hiding and am constantly fearing us being found out. I am only 19 years old and feel so alone because I've had to be so strong when all I want to do is be coddled. I fear me confessing will make everyone look at me different and lose every inch of respect I have. I'm going to try to stay busy and pray to God for the strength to move on. Anyone in this situation: LEAVE. It is not worth it in any shape or form and if it IS meant to be, it will happen on its own terms.

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I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been involved with someone for the last 17 months that is married. Keeps telling me he can't leave his wife because he will lose his kids. So I never put any pressure on him to do so. Six months ago he started pulling away & kept up just sporadic contact on average once a month. I started to question & doubt everything he had ever said to me about his so called unhappy marriage. I haven't seen him for four months & the last time we were physically intimate, it's like he couldn't get away quick enough afterwards. Then 8 weeks later he texts me & tells me that he's leaving the area & moving 40 minutes away with his family. I was gutted, up till that point I still had hope that he would somehow turn things around. Now I beleive that this is a pattern for him & it just dosent feel right anymore. We are not friends on social media so I don't see any posts from him. Clearly that is fir very obvious reasons but I'm just so confused by his in-action. Now it's like he just sees me & talks to me like I'm nothing more than acquaintance.

So I'm quitting this, I have to for my own sanity, & it hurts I can't tell you how much but I'm sure you already know. Good luck I wish you the best

my married man, has been one of my closest friends for 30 years. we always had feelings, he would tell me he loved me every time we spoke or were together as friends, we started an intense relationship over a year ago. he says he's leaving when the kids are grown, that's anywhere between two and five years depending on his mood. i think its not fair to jis wife, not a good model for his kids, and not fair to me. i have been coming to the realization that I've been strung along, he is more obsessed with how things appear, than being happy. i guess i wish him well, he says he fears losing his best friend. I have to muster some dignity and just say, call me when you are single. we were going to grow old together, that was the plan. I'm trying to move forward.

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Hi your story is so inspiring, I've been with a mm for over 8months now, and he claims his marriages is terrible and all, I so happened to know the wife and she said they were trying for another baby...and I won't lie I thought I was gonna have a heart attack so I asked him if he wanted another baby with her, he didn't even hesitate to say yes!!! Then what the hell are we doing, I'm just his break for when life gets to tough in his house. I broke up with him but honestly those few days were so difficult he kept on texting that he missed me, so I gave in.
I know I deserve better, I wish I never have him my number back then. Now him his wife and son are going on a vacation for 3 weeks and let me tell you the pain and heartbreak I feel is indescribable.
I need to walk away but how.

I know the feeling I was in a relationship with a married man I loved him so much. It hurt so bad but I knew he didnt love me like I loved him. We had alot of good times together but of all the good times we had it was a lot of pain because our relatioship didnt grow I just broke up with him by not answering his phone calls, I been want to break up for a lone time but the love that I had was to hard to do so. This week have been so hard for me I miss him so much. He o ly try to call me twice and I feel like he is trying to move one too because things had started to change in our relationship like he would come over my house later and other things. I need some encouraging words im hurting its only been three days

I can relate Im dating and madly in love.with a guy who was my first crush when I was 11 and he never knew. We linked up on LinkedIn 28 years later and we have been dating for 12 months, but I found out 3 months ago he lives with his son and baby mom. He claims he doesnt have feelings for her anymore, but she doesnt know he sees me. He claIms he doesnt want his son hurt or pay child support, he does a lot for me financially and stuff, but when he leaves me and goes home it kills me. Im in so much pain because he doesnt belong to me.

I am in the same situation been with him for 7 months now I have been falling deeply in love I need to end this how do I do this

Good for you. I did the same thing this morning. It's late and I'm feeling pretty crummy but was getting tired of being second. He couldn't make up his mind and it had me guessing what the future would be like for me if I keep waiting.

I am extremely sad and have that sinking burning pain in my chest but I think I did the right thing. Thank you for posting your story. Words of encouragement.

I have been in love and seeing a married man for over 6 month now, we click in all ways, he has 3 children, I am not asking and I do NOT want him to leave his family. Having brought up my children alone after divorce I know what divorce did to my kids....and they need him now and he is an all family man... As much as I love him and I know he loves me...this is getting so hard, we also have a work connection not on a daily basis but twice a month...I know the family and kids, and he is also a friend, and I KNOW that I must let him go there is nothing good that will be at the end of the line... It is fabulous we are each other's oxygen bubbles.....I am 4 years older and my kids are 19/17 and his are still a bit younger....I need some support in letting it go...it is killer after each time we see each other.....and they are stolen moments...It is what it is, however I am the one that needs to end this.....easy when you look at the tips of cutting all communication we will never be able to do this, and I know we will stay friends at the end....it is like ripping my heart out and I cannot get to making the move.....we live in a quite small community and our /my reputation is excellent and of integrity...oh boy.....what to do? Help....

I know I deserve a free man that is for me exclusive, not sharing in hidden moments....

Yes that is the key word free.

Thank you dor responding where do we go from here I feel so sad

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Hi kelri.. Good for you....

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Hi I've been seeing a married man for 4 months but I don't no weather am coming oh going with him 1 min he's all loving next he won't answer my tex or calls for weeks ? I don't knw wat to do it hurts so much because I love him like mad . Some 1 please help me I get panic attacks thinking about him .😪

My situation is different I've being with him over two yrs . His married for 20 yrs. I'm 42 his 37 yrs old ,I have a professional job he help me with bill n groceries n I see him every day at work also on weekends. If we can't see each other's he calls me or text me but don't pass one day that his not in touch with me. The only thing is if his married why he need to be jealous of me don't want me to talk to my coworkers don't want me to put tight clothes n lots of makeup . I am a very attractive woman but it no need for all that.

hey i am feeling the same way.. You wrote your story the same as my situation for me. He haven't called me all day or text. Smh

I just found out that my boyfriend lied to me.He said he was going to a trip with is wife.I had a feeling it was a lie.I told him how i felt and told him that i dont think she is there.He fought with me and told me that I dont trust him and why am I with him.He swore on his kids that he dont have anyone else .
He would call me and say oh she coming and would hang up the phone. Well it bothered me a lot so I started my investigation.The whole time he was telling me she was there, she wasnt.I have checked her facebook and she posts pictures. She not where he told me they were.I never check but I just had to.Being with a person for 10 years you already know how he is.
Well he dont know I know for fact that she not there.
I need advice should I tell him I found out or dont say anything??? He would probably deny it.
I met him when I was 20. Now Iam 31 and he is over 20 years older then me.I dont know what to do.

One final piece of advice for you, sweetie, keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about him - go out with friends, take an exercise class, get a part-time job, take trips with friends or on your own, join a dating site, etc. Don't sit home and moon over him. All the best to you. You can do it!

And I have also realized that I am waaaay too good to be a booty call for someone who thinks I am going to be here waiting anxiously for his return. This realization has been a long time in the works, little hints of it creeping in here and there over the last few years. I am also married and not unhappy with my husband, who by the way, has a good sense of humor, gets excited about things, and who I have fun with. I got involved with "the other man" back when we were having serious marital issues and were close to divorce. Over the yrs the relationship took on a life of its own and was great for awhile. My advice to you is that it is good you are getting out now before you end up with a 20-year history with this guy like I did. It is not worth the pain, even tho there are some good moments. It sounds as if your lover is a coward, just like mine, who is scared shitless of his precious wife that she will divorce him and take half his money. She knows this too and plays on it. Cut your losses and say Good Riddance! You deserve better than being second best while his wife gets the best of him!

I feel for you, my dear. My "boyfriend" just returned from a two week vacation with his wife in Mexico. I have realized that I am not benefitting from this 20-year "relationship" financially or more importantly, emotionally.

You have done the right thing for yourself - it sounds cliché and I hate it when my girl friend tells me breaking things off is the "right thing to do" and that I "deserve better and am worth so much more" than he can give me. But it's true. Every woman deserves to be the priority of the man she loves, just as he is hers. I admire your strength and hope that I have the guts to give up my affair - a relationship that to me is more addictive than cocaine. I am in the fourteenth month of my affair with a man who is also my employer and who is in a relationship with another woman. I have taken to calling it an affair lately just to try to keep things in perspective. I knew going in that he was committed to her. I knew that they had plans to live together and my presence in his life wasn't going to change that. I had hoped it would but it didn't. He tells me he loves me. He says he can't hurt her. He tells me that there is no comparison between the two of us in terms of how we please him in bed. He tells me that he eats, breathes, sleeps me. He says I consume him and that no one else has ever elicited the response that I do. He is on a three week vacation with his girlfriend. A three week vacation when I am stricken with hurt and loneliness and so afraid that they will "reconnect." He texts that he loves me and misses me but I haven't replied. It hurts too much and everything in me is screaming at me to listen to your story and do as you did - end this madness. He says he'd rather fall down dead than know he can never hold me again but MEN LIE. He won't die and this won't kill me. Thank you for the inspiration!

I so know this feeling. Feel completely lost abd helpless... my life in their hands. His promises of he is not sleeping with her and only i have made him feel truly in love. Im his soulmate etc when really he is full of himself and probably lieing to me like he lies to her!

I'm in the exact same situation. How did yours end up as I see this was dated 2 yrs ago. Says he loves me but was in the other relationship first. Thinks about me constantly, on and on. but when it comes to vacation, meet the family, etc., "obligated" to take her....

I never talk about this; hiwever, for those who pray the MM leave. I met him online and we lived in different countries. He told me he had been divorced two years. He lied and after I feel in love he told me the divorce was not final. I broke up immediately. He contacted me a few months later saying it would be final soon. I told him to leave me alone until then and even then I would need to see it. I did and he soon moved closer to our border and wooed me. Two years later we married and he immigrated and a year later we were living together in my country. He wicked hard. I found out that when we started talking, before I found out, they were living as man and wife. Now I was married and for 8 years he was wonderful. He got very sick and I nursed him to health. A year later my face got paralyzed by a virus and he left with no explanation. We are now divorced. After I got sick he found her. She knew he was married as they met on face book. I never knew as he had distance on his side He had done the same thing to me as he had done to his first dear wife. Be very careful; they are very good liers

Today I end my relationship with a married man. For the last 8 moths we did not see each other neither a phone call. We only use what app to txt. Whenever I ask him to meet me he always find an excuse. We work abt 30 mins away. When I ask him to tke a day off for me to spend some time together he say can't see cos lots of work. Last Thursday n Friday he took 2days off to spend with his wife family he did not even told me he is not wrking. N did not even spk with me. Yesterday again he tke a day off for personal reason did not even let me knw though he spk with me in d morng tld am going wrk early tdy which is false. Whenever he want speaks well wid me whenever I need him he is never der for me. What to do sme time I cry so much get angry headache dnt knw wat to do. At first all was ok. He will never change. He is married for 5 yrs I agree during weekdays he spk wid me at night but sometime fell asleep. Dnt even know why he went on relationship wid me he is married stay wid his wife no kid he is 36 n am 25.

I've read; When you don't know where you stand..... It's time to stop standing and start walking ....

OMG Kelri I need help I'm obsessed bad It's been 4 years now and I just can't let go. I even saw a therapist but that didn't work. I prayed, I prayed and still praying my conscience is eating me up because I know this is not a nice thing to do. Need help!

i know it hurts to much....how did your story end up?

I did the same Friday...and got so MAD when I found out everything was a lie. And, what is worse is his wife suspected all along and she stayed. Out of hurt and anger, I called his wife! But, I took ALL the responsibility, said u can call me whatever u want, but please stay and work on your marriage so he doesn't do this AGAIN. I begged the woman to just go counseling and work it out. Haven't contacted him since. I pretty much knew our "Friendship" was done at that point.

has the married man called you back yet?

I say at least you knew he was a married man. I found out after 3 years a that I was with a married man. It was all thrown at me like a bombshell, she gave me the call. He also has a son with her.
You can only imagine the heartache/heartbreak the anxiety from my end.
Tonight is the second night of me finding out. And I'm just here typing away. Weighing up my options. Still feeling like its surreal.
He wants me to stick around. Now that it's all out in the open he calls/texts when he can & tells me "she's not around" or "it's safe to talk"..
I know I would've never stepped into that territory if I knew all this before hand.
I'm at a stage where I'm emotionally attached to him. Dropping him so fast is not easy.. We even discussed being his "wife" before all this & having "babies together" .. I basically thought he was mine. I never knew I was in love with another woman's man. That's exactly how I feel at this moment. His not my man.
He has responsibilities & a whole life of commitments other than me. I always thought it was about me. Hurt isn't the word to describe all this.
I'm shattered. I'm literally broken & so weak. How can anyone string someone along like this? How can anyone make someone else attached to them like this? How is that even fair...
I'm contemplating on leaving. Cause a big part of me says he won't leave her. He says he stuck it with her for 7years because of the Son.
I've been thinking a lot about myself & my future the past couple of days.
My mind & emotions are everywhere. No one in my real life know about this.

I ended mine last night.I could use a friend too.

how are you doing? how did it go?

Hey kelrie know exactly how you feel in a kind of same situation what i realised is that we dont fully know them cause we not with than the way we would bè in a relation so the persòn seems petfect but arè they really

Absolutely not!!!!' Lol

Hi your story sounds like mine. After two and half years my relationship with a man who is in another relationship ended last weekend. Although it was a shock at first, I have now realised that it is for the best. I will never be the main person in his life, go on holiday, be with him at Christmas or spend birthdays with him. I was always with him on borrowed time and a bit of a spare part for him. I loved this man so much but i know that i deserve better, surely everyone deserves more. Im alone now, single,bored and lonely............lets hope there's a better future for all us ladies going through this no matter how they got into the situation. Best of luck to all of us, upwards and onwards, Anna x

Hi anna i know what you mean my situation is precisely the same lets hope with time and healing we all pass this test that the universe has thrown at as ! We need to love ourselves more that we open new doors

You did the right thing. You will find someone better. You can't trust married man. If he can cheat on his wife he can cheat on you as well.

Sometimes things happen and we have no control over it , there is no wrong or right there is just life and its beautiful lessons

hugs for you many many hugs

I truly know how you feel going through the same thing now, so hurt and confused but know the best thing is to walk away.

Wish walking away was not so hard! Think the attachment and expectation makes it hard

I am going through the samething as you. Am having a relationship with a married man who still stay with his wife. We work together at first everything was fine nw he change a lot. When he is at wrk he txt me as soon as he reach hme he told me to wait his txt first cos am not allowed to txt him. I do wait for him every night some time i even sleep 5hrs only becasuse nid to wake up early to wrk. I wait in vain he does not txt. He says he was tired feeling sleep. Sometimes during weekend he dont even txt me say busy with his family. Hw long will it go?? I love him so much. He hurt me every time I can't even go out resto with him he is afraid if smeone see us together. It's two month we only txt did not see him not even a phone call. The other day he told me we need to stop nw he made a mistake by loving me. We should stop txt nw. I never ask him what relationship he has with his wife neither ask him to leave his wife for me. The nxt day he txt me again say he can't forget me let's start again. Sometimes he even ask me to tke nude pics of me. What to do?? I need your help. I can't even share anything with my friends. How long will I be hurt inside.

Your situation sounds a little like mine my friend married with 2 grown daughters we've been seeing each other for 16 years and I'm married and separated. I hurt everyday cause I love this man so much I never took it for what it really was an affair. He tells me all the time he loves me then we see each other maybe twice a month and text at times things changed it was not always like this. But the hurt won't stop until the relationship is truly ended I feel your pain.

wow 16 years??? wow....so it really doesn't stop unless the woman ends it. What is with these men???????

I really would like to share my experience: I am 25 year old girl and I met a married guy 3 years back, never thought that I will be involved with him like anything. I really love him and he is very caring and I got everything with him, even got growth in my personal and professional life. We both have decided that we will live together without marriage but how long it can be like this, being a girl I have my own feelings whether I love him a lot. He don't care about his family at all or there is no relation b/w his wife as she used to fight with him and use wrong words. Now I feel like this is wrong we should be apart bcoz I can not take his wife's space at all whatever relation they have, because I will never be happy after taking his place or neither will get respect. Now I can't even hurt him but this is not the life not the right way we are going on. One of my friend, who know well about my life and he also suggest me take apart from him. I agree with him but how i even don't know? Whenever I try to say him that I want to leave him: I cannot bear his words and he says that Im his life and even we both are dependent on each other for everything. I want him to solve his life and live happily so that I also can think about mine. I need suggestions where should I go? what should i do? Because when I will leave him then only I can think anything. Or I'm finding it impossible as his words, his tears, his silence, his sadness not allowing me to leave him. Please advice!! I am in critical situation.

I feel so down right now but wanted to say what a briiliant strong woman you are. You did the right thing.
I ended things with my MM 3 months ago, had no contact at all. Then out of the blue, he rang last week. He was crying, saying he loved me; he was starting legal proceedings against his wife, was going to leave today. He alleged that all kinds of mental abuse had gone on. (he has told me about this before) They have 1 child, aged 16. He has phoned me twice a day, every day for a week, telling me he loves me. Foolishly I agreed to see him tomorrow, we made plans for the weekend. He was going to talk to his wife about us.
I just got a text from him,"P. I cannot see you. Sorry".
I am devastated. I allowed myself to hope that we were going to be together. Stupid. Stupid. Why did he do this? I will never know.

I just broke up (after being back and forth for weeks) with my married boyfriend of a year and a half. We had fallen back into a happy rhythm after my initial move to end it, and then he started talking about how he wasn't planning on going on vacation with his wife and son this summer, and had told his wife he wasn't going, but acted like if his son put up enough of a stink he'd go. The idea of them going on a family vacation crushed me and he was trying to justify it like he tries to justify the whole situation. Eff him. I deserve better, and so do all of you! I still love him, but I need to love myself more. He can talk to me when he's moved out of his house, but until then, good riddance!

I completely understand and send you my prayers. I met someone online, we agreed that we were only supposed to be fulfilling what our spouses weren't in the bedroom, but it turned into something more. We were in tune on so many levels (more than the sex). My husband of 20+ years is leaving (not because of this, it was in the works before I met my mm, hubby has no idea), but the mm I met feels obligated to take care of his wife and stepson (despite the fact that he is unhappy in the marriage/situation), so I had to end it. We were still going to be friends and talk, but it turned out to be too difficult. It only lasted 2 months, but it was the closest I have ever felt to anyone (and the sex was unbelievable). Oddly enough, ending it w/him is tearing me up more than ending it w/my husband. I feel as if I've lost a piece of my soul, and that I am destine to end up alone. I also feel like a complete fool. I am almost 40 years old, how could I fall for someone like this in such a short time? And he's married to boot? What is wrong w/me? Is it really only us, ladies? Are they really only interested in the sex? He claimed to have felt the same connection but is compelled to do the right thing as opposed to what made him happy, despite the fact that she was not a good wife, nor mother and she had family to help her w/her son (his step son).

You honestly did the right thing. For everyone involved. You especially , deserve to be loved by your own partner. Good luck. Prob best if you never heard back from him. Just say'n

hi girl...

i wish i was as brave as you...iam sorry for ur lonelyness and hurting feelings, eish! *deep sigh* iam reading this with tears in my eyes bcause i know what the right thing is to do and iam just not doing it..what is puzzling me is that he wanted his wife to know from us but he is not ready to choose me...he keeps on asking me to give him more time but iam afraid he mite never leave her..

you are one of a kind and i wish u love..

iam so confused right now

I hope you're doing ok. My situation is very similar. I have ended it but he contacted me and of course I melted back into the relationship. I feel so weak and pathetic. I just wish I could find the strength to end it for good.

Even i'm in this situation right now. I still love a married man, everything was so perfect between us in the beginning, until he stopped texting me less after 3 months. I told him he doesnt care for me. He replied that he doesnt have time and he wants to create space in my life. Yesterday we broke up, because of my foolishness may be. He told me i will regret that and it will cost me dearly. I think he's right. because i feel so miserable without him. I messaged him to say im sorry if i hurt him, he didnt reply.
I feel so depressed and lonely without him. I lost pleasure in everything. dont know if he will get back to me, if i have to return to him, I leave everything in God's hands.
sometimes u fall so crazily in love, then the married man ****** off with u..so painful
I secretly wish he comes back to me, even if one day i have to let go of him:(

Hey Hun you have done the hardest thing and no words will comfort you but you know you have done the right think you have a right to happiness not to be dragged down like this anymore,I went through 8 years of hell to be with my mm and although we are together now it hasn't been easy and I went through he'll waiting years for his kids to finish school before we could be together and I would tell anyone the same that it isn't worth the emotional trauma :(

congrats, i am with a mm for almost 5 years and really really need to end it but i so bloody love him, have no one to talk too about this, its got to the point where i wish i really wasnt living anymore. i admire your strenght. i never thought i would fall so baldy in love not to mention with a mm

I'm so sorry for you Hun but you are worth so much more than your feeling now and you should value your life not wish it away,your mm is not worth this pain surely,I have been in same situation you can message me anytime to talk as it was so hard when I couldn't talk to anyone

**** Married men and all there B.S. lies just to keep you on a leash for their own advantage. Some married men's wives know about the affairs, mine did and she didnt care. They had been in a sexless marriage for years and according to him, I was given to him by her. Well the two of them never stopped to think that I might be a human being with feelings too. They both used me to mend their marrital woes and now, thanks to me have a stronger marriage. Leaving me with his baby, hurt, pain and tears. Meanwhile they still have no sex and no kids together. I have come to the conclusion that me and his son are just not worth the effort. So **** them both.

wow...You are very brave and I wish I was like that too. Cause just like SoniSagra said, it hurts now, but better now than later, cause it will hurt either way. I wish I was brave like you- to walk away earlier ...but I didn't and it is worse cause it ended so stupidly, with him walking out of my place. No closures, no nothing. I am just coming back to life after 6 months ...and it's not that is not hurting, but I feel little better, and I am at least not waking up every day screaming from pain.
He walked out cause I was crying and demanding more, and he is such a "great person" that he couldn't do that to me anymore. Such a great person !!! He used to swear on his kids that he'd leave her and merry me!!!! So, my reason for writing this is what SoniSagra said..."tell her, wife deserves to know!" I am so tempted, soooooooo tempted. It is like I can't move on until I do tell her. I want to tell her how he was swearing on his kids that he was not having sex with her (and now I know that he was having sex...maybe not a greatest sex, but I know he was at least making sure she does not suspect something).
Looking back now, I feel so stupid for believing everything he said to me and all the promises he made.
I feel like I will never recover from this, but reading your story and other posts here, I feel like I'm not alone. Thank you all!

I'm proud of you for breaking it off. Trust me, break it off now! It will hurt like hell but it can hurt like hell now or it can hurt like hell later, either way it is going to hurt! Might as well break it off now before you waste anymore time on this married man. He may send you flowers, candy, call you baby, tell you he loves you, makes future plans with you, plans trips with you, talks about moving in with you, goes apartment shopping for you, opens a seperate bank account, etc. All these things my MM did, by the way. A lot of people will tell you he lied to you, some of them do, but some of them get caught up in the moment, like you do. They aren't just lying to you, they are lying to themselves. They are living the fantasy, as you are, and you are eating it up. But that doesn't make it RIGHT! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and until he is already moved out with divorce papers in his hands, don't believe him! Don't waste your time ladies, if he hasn't left her by now, he won't leave her. And if you go tell his wife that he has been messing around, she doesn't always kick him out and that can backfire. I say TELL HER! His wife deserves to know, and then run...run far away. Make smart decisions and be strong ladies...you will get through it, I promise. It hurts now but you will get over it. Just learn from it and never ever date a married man again...EVER! Only 3% of men end up leaving their wife for the other woman. Trust me if he hasn't done it by now, he ain't doing it. You have a better chance of winning the lottery. Check out a 12 step program for love/romance/relationship addicts. Google it. If you are with a married man, you are most likely an love addict. You have to go through the storm before you see the rainbow and trust me ladies, BE STRONG, LET GO, MOVE ON...there is a rainbow!

Wow that is great advice!! Your right I'm in the storm right now! Can't wait to see the rainbow!!! Thank you !

I know I'm late replying, but I'm really proud of you. I'm 28 and have been involved with a 39 yr old married man for the past 2 years. My heart still skips a beat whenever he calls or texts me to meet up. I was convinced I was the only one there for him. Then a little less then a year ago I attended a purse party. His wife showed up (never realized we had a friend in common) and she was 2 months pregnant with their third child and beaming. I continued to see him, never brought up the fact that I'd seen his PREGNANT wife and continued to listen to the bs about his wife never sleeping with him. I'm not stupid and I'm not weak. I have no idea what has happened to me. I don't talk about this with anyone in my real life and just feel worn out. Ive tried to end it. Several times Ive started dating men and asked my MM to back off so I could at least try a normal relationship. He backs off for a couple of weeks and then calls me saying he misses me, needs me and has heard that I'm not happy and I should just come back to him. I care for him deeply though I tried for so long, not to. I wish he would just move far away or tell me he's no longer interested. But he never does. And time and time again I fall for it. As I type this, he's cancelled on me for the third time this week. What hurts the most is he promised me that tonight he'd come over. I fell for it. Now it's almost 10 on a Saturday night and I'm sitting here alone, nearly drunk, with a beautiful dinner cooked, now cold, especially for him and I feel like I don't have a soul to turn to. Im glad I found this page. I'm glad to see other women were strong enough to end these stupid relationships with these immature men. I hope to become one of them. The saddest part is...when he calls tomorrow my heart will skip a beat and I will answer with a smile. And he'll never know or be able to imagine the heartache that it hides.

Wiltedrose, I am 29 and have been dating someone married for the past year. What I can tell you is that no, it is probably not going to get better right away, he will not leave her, and there will be more Saturdays such as this one for you. Ok, now the good news. You WILL grow out of it, because your defense mechanism will kick in, eventually. Or you will meet a single guy who looks at you as if you're IT for him, and you'll wonder, married guy, who?
I don't know which one of these two scenarios will happen for you, but you will get through this, and it will get better, you just need to go through all these phases. Keep us posted.

I always thought of myself as strong until this happened. Now I am so angry that I fell for his lies! I continue to let his words melt my heart. I see his face in my mind and my heart flutters with love that I know he can't feel for me. He's off with his family on the weekends enjoying his married life while a sit on Facebook waiting for a message or some sign that he's thinking of me too. This is killing me but I just can't find the strength to stop! I pray all of us find the strength to let them go and run away!

I have only been involved for 3 months and see the writing on the wall- I need to get out before I'm 65 and wake up No way! I deserve my own man! I want to be the whole dinner not just the appetizer !!!

You did the right thing. You should be proud of yourself and hold your ground. Don't let him make you retreat - keep looking at that facebook picture. You never really know what that other man is telling his wife, "honey, I love you," could be his mantra.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I know exactly what you are going through as most that have posted do as well. If I can offer some advice, please don't reply to him if he does eventually (he probably will) contact you. It doesn't mean he cares about you, it just means he wants to continue to string you along. I am a former OW. I have been NC with my MM for 9 months.<br />
I would be lying to you to say that it was easy because it wasnt. I went back and forth with him for the entire 5 months we were having the affair. <br />
(I know 5 months does not seem long, but we were friends for over 2 years before that.)<br />
These men are skilled in manipulation, they say all the things we want to hear. They validate us by saying I love you, and they don't feel the same way about their wife.<br />
Pay attention to the action and not the words:<br />
He doesn't care about her, but yet he goes on vacation and takes loving pictures.<br />
and the most important clue: HE'S STILL WITH HER (sorry for the bold)<br />
<br />
He WILL contact you, he's probably giving you time to fret about it. He will tell you how much he loves you and he can't be without you, and that he is going to work on divorce, but just give him time, he needs to stay for the kids...or something similar.<br />
Please don't interpret this as he cares about you, he just wants to continue to have his sidepiece, and he will say anything to reel you back in. <br />
<br />
Know this he has NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to GAIN by saying all the things you want to hear. At the end of the day he is still going back home and laying next to his wife regardless of how you react.<br />
<br />
I say all this because I really don;t want you to go through half the pain and disappointment that I did. We all want to believe that our case is the exception, when for most it is the rule.<br />
<br />
Stay strong and don't respond to him

Reading all these comments really remind me if my own situation.he's so gandsome,caring, very kind and he pays me so much attention. I dont know how i got to this point.never thought i'd be the other woman.i mean w all the single guys out there i choose him.i tried to find the words to tell him i wana leave but i cant.am crazy about this man. Ma heart hurts so bad when ii even think i need to end this.am so proud of u fr finally taking that bold step.i hope i'l be able to oneday too

I'm sitting here reading this story as if its my own. I decided on my own too that I was only hurting myself by staying with him, also asking myself why was I interested in the first place. With tears running down my face since last Tuesday, I know I made the right move, so why do it hurt so so bad. I got tired of the loneliness, the emotional ride. I felt mentally drained.

I know how you feel. I was actually going to blog about it right now. The guy that I was with wasnt married but was engaged and had a child with the woman. He promised me that him and her were not together and that they are being civil for their son. A year and a half later he actually ended it, hopefully to work things out with her , but it left me and is still leaving me with a lot of pain and sadness. I saw a tweet about him and his family for Thanksgiving. It's always for the best, right? Even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. It seems unfair because they get to be happy while, at least me, I am left with trying to figure things out...trying to get through this....trying to get through the day. I am trying to find light in this, trying to wish them well in my head.

My mm was just over tonight and everything was wonderful, that is until I saw his phone light up, his wife was texting him. He says he is leaving her, but it seems holding onto his possessions mean more to him than our love. It's been a year and a half. I gave him an ultimatum, and if nothing changes by November, I am leaving him. I may not even last that long. I am now in therapy because my life is such a mess living this way, yet when he is here, I melt. I wish I was strong enough to let him go.

I did the same yesterday. And I knew what I was getting into, and I didn't expect to fall the way I did, but falling meant it was time for out for me. But yes I understand what you are going through, the pain, the upset and the loneliness.

I just want to say that I am a married woman, and I understand you are in pain...but didn't u set yourself up for it when u started having a relationship with a married man? I am not here to put u down, and please don't think I am. I just really can not understand women who get involved with married men. There are so many of them that are single! You are only setting yourself up for a heartache. MEN ARE ALL DOGS! LOL

Im feel a whole lot better after i read these story. I just end things with mines as well and we don't deserve to go threw what what we where going threw . we should have better and thats to be number one ...

I'm so sorry to hear that your hurting over this man. But at the same time I'm proud of you for making that choice for yourself. Many women including myself don't have the guts to end our relatiomships with our married boyfriends. I wish the best of luck.

I'm so sorry to hear that your hurting over this man. But at the same time I'm proud of you for making that choice for yourself. Many women including myself don't have the guts to end our relatiomships with our married boyfriends. I wish the best of luck.

Congrats on ending it!! I am nowhere near ready to myself yet, so kudos to you I can only imagine how hard it must be!

Hi Beth,<br />
<br />
Big Hugs to you.<br />
<br />

I'm so sorry about the emotional rollercoaster you are stuck on right now. It may actually be a blessing in disguise if you did not hear back from him....then you'd want to reply back and then hope he would too....and that would be how it was dragged out even longer. I think sometimes we drag on the communication just for the contact even if is tearing you apart. I will be thinking of you, it is difficult to go through things like this- there is either a solution, or there is not. Congratulations on finally ending things though, you will be better in the long run.

I know what you are going through. Any break-up is stressful, painful and exhausting. But it's a journey we must make for ourselves and the people we love. But don't despair, you won't be crying forever.<br />
<br />