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I Ended My Relationship Today...

I posted here a couple of months ago about being involved with a married man and just thought I would come back and update. After a lot of tears and soul searching I ended my relationship today. I'm feeling sad and lonely right now, but know that it was the right thing to do. He went on vacation with his family last week and I didn't hear from him while he was gone. I didn't really expect to and I wasn't going to interject myself into the vacation by contacting him. What finally pushed me to make the decision is a picture he posted on facebook of his wife holding his boys and all three of them smiling at him with so much love. That picture made me burst into tears and at that point I knew that I needed to end the relationship.

It makes me sad because on so many levels he and I "click" but I know that even if he isn't happy he isn't going to make the decision that he would need to make for us to continue. So I emailed him today see when we could meet and then just couldn't not say anything and sent him an email ending things. Not surprisingly I haven't heard back from him and I'm not sure how long it will be until I do. I just wish this weren't so hard...anyway, thanks for reading, there aren't many people in my real life who know about this situation so there isn't really anyone I can talk to right now...
kelri kelri 36-40, F 52 Responses Aug 30, 2010

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Hi I've been seeing a married man for 4 months but I don't no weather am coming oh going with him 1 min he's all loving next he won't answer my tex or calls for weeks ? I don't knw wat to do it hurts so much because I love him like mad . Some 1 please help me I get panic attacks thinking about him .😪

My situation is different I've being with him over two yrs . His married for 20 yrs. I'm 42 his 37 yrs old ,I have a professional job he help me with bill n groceries n I see him every day at work also on weekends. If we can't see each other's he calls me or text me but don't pass one day that his not in touch with me. The only thing is if his married why he need to be jealous of me don't want me to talk to my coworkers don't want me to put tight clothes n lots of makeup . I am a very attractive woman but it no need for all that.

hey i am feeling the same way.. You wrote your story the same as my situation for me. He haven't called me all day or text. Smh

I just found out that my boyfriend lied to me.He said he was going to a trip with is wife.I had a feeling it was a lie.I told him how i felt and told him that i dont think she is there.He fought with me and told me that I dont trust him and why am I with him.He swore on his kids that he dont have anyone else .
He would call me and say oh she coming and would hang up the phone. Well it bothered me a lot so I started my investigation.The whole time he was telling me she was there, she wasnt.I have checked her facebook and she posts pictures. She not where he told me they were.I never check but I just had to.Being with a person for 10 years you already know how he is.
Well he dont know I know for fact that she not there.
I need advice should I tell him I found out or dont say anything??? He would probably deny it.
I met him when I was 20. Now Iam 31 and he is over 20 years older then me.I dont know what to do.

One final piece of advice for you, sweetie, keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about him - go out with friends, take an exercise class, get a part-time job, take trips with friends or on your own, join a dating site, etc. Don't sit home and moon over him. All the best to you. You can do it!

And I have also realized that I am waaaay too good to be a booty call for someone who thinks I am going to be here waiting anxiously for his return. This realization has been a long time in the works, little hints of it creeping in here and there over the last few years. I am also married and not unhappy with my husband, who by the way, has a good sense of humor, gets excited about things, and who I have fun with. I got involved with "the other man" back when we were having serious marital issues and were close to divorce. Over the yrs the relationship took on a life of its own and was great for awhile. My advice to you is that it is good you are getting out now before you end up with a 20-year history with this guy like I did. It is not worth the pain, even tho there are some good moments. It sounds as if your lover is a coward, just like mine, who is scared shitless of his precious wife that she will divorce him and take half his money. She knows this too and plays on it. Cut your losses and say Good Riddance! You deserve better than being second best while his wife gets the best of him!

I feel for you, my dear. My "boyfriend" just returned from a two week vacation with his wife in Mexico. I have realized that I am not benefitting from this 20-year "relationship" financially or more importantly, emotionally.

You have done the right thing for yourself - it sounds cliché and I hate it when my girl friend tells me breaking things off is the "right thing to do" and that I "deserve better and am worth so much more" than he can give me. But it's true. Every woman deserves to be the priority of the man she loves, just as he is hers. I admire your strength and hope that I have the guts to give up my affair - a relationship that to me is more addictive than cocaine. I am in the fourteenth month of my affair with a man who is also my employer and who is in a relationship with another woman. I have taken to calling it an affair lately just to try to keep things in perspective. I knew going in that he was committed to her. I knew that they had plans to live together and my presence in his life wasn't going to change that. I had hoped it would but it didn't. He tells me he loves me. He says he can't hurt her. He tells me that there is no comparison between the two of us in terms of how we please him in bed. He tells me that he eats, breathes, sleeps me. He says I consume him and that no one else has ever elicited the response that I do. He is on a three week vacation with his girlfriend. A three week vacation when I am stricken with hurt and loneliness and so afraid that they will "reconnect." He texts that he loves me and misses me but I haven't replied. It hurts too much and everything in me is screaming at me to listen to your story and do as you did - end this madness. He says he'd rather fall down dead than know he can never hold me again but MEN LIE. He won't die and this won't kill me. Thank you for the inspiration!

I so know this feeling. Feel completely lost abd helpless... my life in their hands. His promises of he is not sleeping with her and only i have made him feel truly in love. Im his soulmate etc when really he is full of himself and probably lieing to me like he lies to her!

I never talk about this; hiwever, for those who pray the MM leave. I met him online and we lived in different countries. He told me he had been divorced two years. He lied and after I feel in love he told me the divorce was not final. I broke up immediately. He contacted me a few months later saying it would be final soon. I told him to leave me alone until then and even then I would need to see it. I did and he soon moved closer to our border and wooed me. Two years later we married and he immigrated and a year later we were living together in my country. He wicked hard. I found out that when we started talking, before I found out, they were living as man and wife. Now I was married and for 8 years he was wonderful. He got very sick and I nursed him to health. A year later my face got paralyzed by a virus and he left with no explanation. We are now divorced. After I got sick he found her. She knew he was married as they met on face book. I never knew as he had distance on his side He had done the same thing to me as he had done to his first dear wife. Be very careful; they are very good liers

I'm sorry you all are going through this.its 5 years almost for me. I ended it. They lie to their wives to us so they can have the best of both worlds.i know u won't listen I didn't either but it's time get out .It never ends well read the thousand stories on here they r all similar.n the few who did leave end up like poor Kara n get cheated on too..it's sad n hard I know but please save yourselves the heartache.let go walk away

Today I end my relationship with a married man. For the last 8 moths we did not see each other neither a phone call. We only use what app to txt. Whenever I ask him to meet me he always find an excuse. We work abt 30 mins away. When I ask him to tke a day off for me to spend some time together he say can't see cos lots of work. Last Thursday n Friday he took 2days off to spend with his wife family he did not even told me he is not wrking. N did not even spk with me. Yesterday again he tke a day off for personal reason did not even let me knw though he spk with me in d morng tld am going wrk early tdy which is false. Whenever he want speaks well wid me whenever I need him he is never der for me. What to do sme time I cry so much get angry headache dnt knw wat to do. At first all was ok. He will never change. He is married for 5 yrs I agree during weekdays he spk wid me at night but sometime fell asleep. Dnt even know why he went on relationship wid me he is married stay wid his wife no kid he is 36 n am 25.

OMG Kelri I need help I'm obsessed bad It's been 4 years now and I just can't let go. I even saw a therapist but that didn't work. I prayed, I prayed and still praying my conscience is eating me up because I know this is not a nice thing to do. Need help!

i know it hurts to much....how did your story end up?

I did the same Friday...and got so MAD when I found out everything was a lie. And, what is worse is his wife suspected all along and she stayed. Out of hurt and anger, I called his wife! But, I took ALL the responsibility, said u can call me whatever u want, but please stay and work on your marriage so he doesn't do this AGAIN. I begged the woman to just go counseling and work it out. Haven't contacted him since. I pretty much knew our "Friendship" was done at that point.

has the married man called you back yet?

I say at least you knew he was a married man. I found out after 3 years a that I was with a married man. It was all thrown at me like a bombshell, she gave me the call. He also has a son with her.
You can only imagine the heartache/heartbreak the anxiety from my end.
Tonight is the second night of me finding out. And I'm just here typing away. Weighing up my options. Still feeling like its surreal.
He wants me to stick around. Now that it's all out in the open he calls/texts when he can & tells me "she's not around" or "it's safe to talk"..
I know I would've never stepped into that territory if I knew all this before hand.
I'm at a stage where I'm emotionally attached to him. Dropping him so fast is not easy.. We even discussed being his "wife" before all this & having "babies together" .. I basically thought he was mine. I never knew I was in love with another woman's man. That's exactly how I feel at this moment. His not my man.
He has responsibilities & a whole life of commitments other than me. I always thought it was about me. Hurt isn't the word to describe all this.
I'm shattered. I'm literally broken & so weak. How can anyone string someone along like this? How can anyone make someone else attached to them like this? How is that even fair...
I'm contemplating on leaving. Cause a big part of me says he won't leave her. He says he stuck it with her for 7years because of the Son.
I've been thinking a lot about myself & my future the past couple of days.
My mind & emotions are everywhere. No one in my real life know about this.

I ended mine last night.I could use a friend too.

how are you doing? how did it go?

Hey kelrie know exactly how you feel in a kind of same situation what i realised is that we dont fully know them cause we not with than the way we would bè in a relation so the persòn seems petfect but arè they really

Hi your story sounds like mine. After two and half years my relationship with a man who is in another relationship ended last weekend. Although it was a shock at first, I have now realised that it is for the best. I will never be the main person in his life, go on holiday, be with him at Christmas or spend birthdays with him. I was always with him on borrowed time and a bit of a spare part for him. I loved this man so much but i know that i deserve better, surely everyone deserves more. Im alone now, single,bored and lonely............lets hope there's a better future for all us ladies going through this no matter how they got into the situation. Best of luck to all of us, upwards and onwards, Anna x

Hi anna i know what you mean my situation is precisely the same lets hope with time and healing we all pass this test that the universe has thrown at as ! We need to love ourselves more that we open new doors

You did the right thing. You will find someone better. You can't trust married man. If he can cheat on his wife he can cheat on you as well.

Sometimes things happen and we have no control over it , there is no wrong or right there is just life and its beautiful lessons

hugs for you many many hugs

I truly know how you feel going through the same thing now, so hurt and confused but know the best thing is to walk away.

Wish walking away was not so hard! Think the attachment and expectation makes it hard

I am going through the samething as you. Am having a relationship with a married man who still stay with his wife. We work together at first everything was fine nw he change a lot. When he is at wrk he txt me as soon as he reach hme he told me to wait his txt first cos am not allowed to txt him. I do wait for him every night some time i even sleep 5hrs only becasuse nid to wake up early to wrk. I wait in vain he does not txt. He says he was tired feeling sleep. Sometimes during weekend he dont even txt me say busy with his family. Hw long will it go?? I love him so much. He hurt me every time I can't even go out resto with him he is afraid if smeone see us together. It's two month we only txt did not see him not even a phone call. The other day he told me we need to stop nw he made a mistake by loving me. We should stop txt nw. I never ask him what relationship he has with his wife neither ask him to leave his wife for me. The nxt day he txt me again say he can't forget me let's start again. Sometimes he even ask me to tke nude pics of me. What to do?? I need your help. I can't even share anything with my friends. How long will I be hurt inside.

Your situation sounds a little like mine my friend married with 2 grown daughters we've been seeing each other for 16 years and I'm married and separated. I hurt everyday cause I love this man so much I never took it for what it really was an affair. He tells me all the time he loves me then we see each other maybe twice a month and text at times things changed it was not always like this. But the hurt won't stop until the relationship is truly ended I feel your pain.

wow 16 years??? wow....so it really doesn't stop unless the woman ends it. What is with these men???????

I really would like to share my experience: I am 25 year old girl and I met a married guy 3 years back, never thought that I will be involved with him like anything. I really love him and he is very caring and I got everything with him, even got growth in my personal and professional life. We both have decided that we will live together without marriage but how long it can be like this, being a girl I have my own feelings whether I love him a lot. He don't care about his family at all or there is no relation b/w his wife as she used to fight with him and use wrong words. Now I feel like this is wrong we should be apart bcoz I can not take his wife's space at all whatever relation they have, because I will never be happy after taking his place or neither will get respect. Now I can't even hurt him but this is not the life not the right way we are going on. One of my friend, who know well about my life and he also suggest me take apart from him. I agree with him but how i even don't know? Whenever I try to say him that I want to leave him: I cannot bear his words and he says that Im his life and even we both are dependent on each other for everything. I want him to solve his life and live happily so that I also can think about mine. I need suggestions where should I go? what should i do? Because when I will leave him then only I can think anything. Or I'm finding it impossible as his words, his tears, his silence, his sadness not allowing me to leave him. Please advice!! I am in critical situation.

I feel so down right now but wanted to say what a briiliant strong woman you are. You did the right thing.
I ended things with my MM 3 months ago, had no contact at all. Then out of the blue, he rang last week. He was crying, saying he loved me; he was starting legal proceedings against his wife, was going to leave today. He alleged that all kinds of mental abuse had gone on. (he has told me about this before) They have 1 child, aged 16. He has phoned me twice a day, every day for a week, telling me he loves me. Foolishly I agreed to see him tomorrow, we made plans for the weekend. He was going to talk to his wife about us.
I just got a text from him,"P. I cannot see you. Sorry".
I am devastated. I allowed myself to hope that we were going to be together. Stupid. Stupid. Why did he do this? I will never know.

I just broke up (after being back and forth for weeks) with my married boyfriend of a year and a half. We had fallen back into a happy rhythm after my initial move to end it, and then he started talking about how he wasn't planning on going on vacation with his wife and son this summer, and had told his wife he wasn't going, but acted like if his son put up enough of a stink he'd go. The idea of them going on a family vacation crushed me and he was trying to justify it like he tries to justify the whole situation. Eff him. I deserve better, and so do all of you! I still love him, but I need to love myself more. He can talk to me when he's moved out of his house, but until then, good riddance!

I completely understand and send you my prayers. I met someone online, we agreed that we were only supposed to be fulfilling what our spouses weren't in the bedroom, but it turned into something more. We were in tune on so many levels (more than the sex). My husband of 20+ years is leaving (not because of this, it was in the works before I met my mm, hubby has no idea), but the mm I met feels obligated to take care of his wife and stepson (despite the fact that he is unhappy in the marriage/situation), so I had to end it. We were still going to be friends and talk, but it turned out to be too difficult. It only lasted 2 months, but it was the closest I have ever felt to anyone (and the sex was unbelievable). Oddly enough, ending it w/him is tearing me up more than ending it w/my husband. I feel as if I've lost a piece of my soul, and that I am destine to end up alone. I also feel like a complete fool. I am almost 40 years old, how could I fall for someone like this in such a short time? And he's married to boot? What is wrong w/me? Is it really only us, ladies? Are they really only interested in the sex? He claimed to have felt the same connection but is compelled to do the right thing as opposed to what made him happy, despite the fact that she was not a good wife, nor mother and she had family to help her w/her son (his step son).

You honestly did the right thing. For everyone involved. You especially , deserve to be loved by your own partner. Good luck. Prob best if you never heard back from him. Just say'n

hi girl...

i wish i was as brave as you...iam sorry for ur lonelyness and hurting feelings, eish! *deep sigh* iam reading this with tears in my eyes bcause i know what the right thing is to do and iam just not doing it..what is puzzling me is that he wanted his wife to know from us but he is not ready to choose me...he keeps on asking me to give him more time but iam afraid he mite never leave her..


you are one of a kind and i wish u love..

iam so confused right now

I hope you're doing ok. My situation is very similar. I have ended it but he contacted me and of course I melted back into the relationship. I feel so weak and pathetic. I just wish I could find the strength to end it for good.

Even i'm in this situation right now. I still love a married man, everything was so perfect between us in the beginning, until he stopped texting me less after 3 months. I told him he doesnt care for me. He replied that he doesnt have time and he wants to create space in my life. Yesterday we broke up, because of my foolishness may be. He told me i will regret that and it will cost me dearly. I think he's right. because i feel so miserable without him. I messaged him to say im sorry if i hurt him, he didnt reply.
I feel so depressed and lonely without him. I lost pleasure in everything. dont know if he will get back to me, if i have to return to him, I leave everything in God's hands.
sometimes u fall so crazily in love, then the married man ****** off with u..so painful
I secretly wish he comes back to me, even if one day i have to let go of him:(