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Confused Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE TO COMMENT AND ALSO WOULD LIKE SOME RESPONSES, I AM CURRENTLY DATING A MARRIED MAN AND , HE GETS TO SEE ME AT MY BEST AND WORST BECAUSE WE ARE BEST FRIENDS HE HAS BEEN A FRIEND OF MY FAMIY FOR 10+ YEARS AND IT DID START ACCIDENTLY WHEN MY MOTHER PASSED OUR FRIENDSHIP DEEPEND AND I MOVED OUT OF STATE FOR A JOB FOR SIX MONTHS DURING THAT TIME I LEFT MY SON AT HOME IN WITH MY TWO ADULT DAUGHTERS THIS WAS A VERY HARD AND LONLEY POINT IN MY LIFE BECAUSE THAT YEAR I BURIED NINE PEOPLE VERY CLOSE TO ME AND ALMOST LOST BOTH MY DAUGHTERS MY ONLY GRANDDAUGHTER AND MY BEST FRIEND HAD A STROKE AND BECAME PARALYIZED ON ONE SIDE SO DURING MY STAY AWAY FROM HOME WE TALKED SEVERAL TIMES A DAY HE WAS GOING THROUGH MARITAL PROBLEMS AND EVENTUALLY MOVED OUT OF HIS HOUSE, I TALKED HIM INTO GOING BACK HOME BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20+YRS AND EVEN THOUGH I KNEW WE WERE FALLING IN LIVE I HAVE A CONSCIENCE BUT ONCE I RETURNED HOME IT BECAME PHYSICAL BETWEEN HIM AND I AND THEN SHE MOVED OUT WITHOUT TELLING HIM AND WE GOT EVEN CLOSER WELL TWO WEEKS AGO SHE INFORMED HIM SHE WAS COMING HOME REGUARDLESS OF HOW HE FELT, AND IM TORN I WANT TO TAKE SOME STEPS BACK BUT I DO LOVE HIM AND FEEL LIKE I WOULD BE LETTING HIM DOWN THYE DONT SHARE A BED AND HE DOESNT HIDE OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT HE DOES TRY AND KEEP IT RESPECTFUL. I HOWEVER FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS TO EITHER MOVE OUT OR ATLEAST FILE FOR DIVORCE IF HE IS SERIOUS BUT I FEEL BAD FOR FEELING THAT WAY EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS THERE RELATIONSHIP WAS OVER BEFORE I CAME INTO THE PICTURE, HE WANT ME TO HANG IN HERE WITH HIM BUT I DONT WANT TO CAUSE ANY PAIN FOR HER AND WE LIVE ONLY MOMENTS FROM ONE ANOTHER, WHICH IS WAY TO CLOSE FOR COMFORT FOR ME, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW AND I DONT KNOW WHATTO DO AND IM NOT ONE TO WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEVE AND I DONT FALL EASY IM ALMOST 37 AND HAVE ONLY BEEN IN LOVE ONE OTHER TIME IN MY LIFE AND NOW BEING OLDER AND WISER I KNOW THAT WHAT I FEEL AND RECIEBE FROM HIM IS SOMETHING SPECIAL AND WORTH FIGHTING FOR BECAUSE LIFE IS SHORT, ON THE OTHER HAND I DO FEEL GUILT IN ALLOWING MY SELF AND HIM TO BECOME INVOLVED BEFORE THEIR MARRIAGE WAS FULLY AND COMPLETELY DISSOLVED WHAT DO I DO AND CAN THERE REALLY B A HAPPY ENDING WHEN WE STARTED OUT WRONG?
confusedcountrygirl confusedcountrygirl 36-40 2 Responses Mar 29, 2012

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Do you like where you are with the relationship right now? Could you stay that way until his kids leave home? Because that is what he is telling you. If you are not happy with the way things are, give him a choice. Tell him he needs to file before so many months, and if he don't then you are gone. Why should you put your life on hold and then years later he may tell you he is not going to file and you have wasted all that time for nothing. There is no reason to leave it all up to him. You need to plan your future and not spend it waiting on something that may not happen. Life is too short to play those games.

He has told you the truth and in your reply post to Siena, you have already seen it. You said he doesn't want to be the one to file for divorce because his daughter is at home and the wife isnt filing divorce because she is comfortable getting provided for, not having to do anything while knowing you are providing all of his physical and emotional needs. You have already agreed to the type of relationship the two of you are going to have for at least the next five years (unless YOU become unhappy or unsatisfied with that arrangement). In five years when you reevaluate, you will determine if you can accept additional years if the child is still at home or if the relationship has run its course. You have the potential of being happy if you can be satisfied with what he is offering and to what you have agreed.