Don't Want To Be Another Statistic

Funny how one expects white picket fences, soccer games, and lazy Sunday picnics surrounded by friends and family, I mean why not? The rest of the world enjoys those very things. But for me, it has turned out drastically different. I did set up right for the swing at life and aimed like Babe Ruth for a home run. I got married, though looking back, far too young. I was 18 years old and he was 21. We immediately started a family and he started his career.

I had 3 children by the age of 22 and I had a husband who became quite dependent on drugs. I won’t go into gory details, because this isn’t about that time. Needless to say, I tried to work it out. I stayed in the relationship for 6 years before he cheated one too many times and I accepted that I couldn’t “fix” him. I was 24 and clueless about life in general. Not that I’m an expert now. He was gone a month when I met the man of my dreams. You know, the kind you fantasize about while reading those dollar store romantic novels.

He is in the entertainment business and absolutely gorgeous, far out of my league to be precise. We met when I was going to work one day. I was a recently separated single mom and he was an exciting attractive man that honed in on me. There were many other females vying for his attention, but for some reason he focused on just me. I was thrilled; he fed my non-existent ego as no other ever had. I didn’t know he was married at the time. It wasn’t until after I became interested that someone let me know.

I rationalized that it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t want to be in a relationship again anyway. I would join em’ since I obviously couldn’t beat em’. We spent the night together that night, but sex didn’t happen. We ended up snuggling and sleeping together in a very intimate way. I almost think that’s worse than sex. When he left to go back home the next day I was confused. I knew I had feelings for him already, but not like the L – O – V – E kind, just interested.

We chatted on the internet after that for a couple of weeks and he showed up to a party I was attending for my friend. We spent the weekend together and ever since then, it’s been a fairy tale. Well, all but for the fact he has a wife in the next state. It has been 5 solid years and we still are together. She knows of us and has actually called me one time. She says that she is okay if he is with just me, but I can’t fathom that. It has to hurt her and yes, I feel incredibly guilty for that at times. I have met his child, even hung out with them together on different occasions as a friend. He calls my house his home, has put me through school, and generally helped me become a better person.

I’m not real sure why I’m here or typing this up. Just need to talk to someone that won’t judge me for what we do. Nobody here knows that he is married. They just know him as my fiancé. Yes, he has proposed and one day he says we will be together all the time. I don’t necessarily know if I believe that anymore. Why would he? Right now, he has a wife that is good to him, and a girlfriend that is good to him. As I’m sure you can gather, we have been through many different circumstances during this intrepid relationship, we are extremely close, and I would quite literally do anything for him. I guess, I just guess I hope I’m not wasting precious time on someone who will never be with me solely.

Same as everyone else I guess, the highs are HIGH and the lows, are invariably LOW.
hisliltart hisliltart
6 Responses May 15, 2012

I am finally complete and whole again!!!!! I have finally realized that my own insecurities were causing me to doubt the man of my dreams!!!!! I am thankful that he has stayed with me, we are now the strongest team in the world. Nothing can stop us. We have a love like most people will never know.

too bad you aren't open to a multiple "life partner" type reltionship....sounds like he and his wife are

wow ummm im not sure what to say here i wish my mm wife was ok with us being together that would make things easier in a way like not being scared shes gonna find out and shoot me (cause she really would) hes asked u to marry him thats real hang in there i have high hopes for you and ur man :)

Wow. Scorpqueen totally gave the best suggestion. So happy it worked out for you.<br />
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@hisliltart: he helped you through school, the wife approved, he loves you and you have a ring on your finger?! Sounds good to me! <br />
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At least you both aren't sneaking around and he does nothing for you but ruin you emotionally. No gifts, no food in your refrigerator ( while his wife's is full) no travel dates to family events etc... I say 1. Enjoy this special love and just always be open with him what you expect and how you feel. <br />
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2. Walk away and show him how serious you are... If he really do love you he WILL find you and even if you meet another hopefully it won't be too late for you 2 to be together. <br />
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Good luck keep us posted !!!

As someone who's been through this and knows MEN don't stay away long if you are really the one that they can't live without. You should leave and not look back, if he's the one he'll find you.<br />
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I changed my number, email, facebook and after failing trying to get through my friends he looked for me at my hangouts When he finally did catch me at my favorite bar, I told him straight up that I no longer want anything less than everything. I told him he had to the end of my drink to tell me what he wanted and that he had to leave or I would.<br />
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We've been living together since 2010, he's been legally divorced since then as well and we're getting married next year. <br />
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If he's the one, he won't go anywhere for too long. If you leave and he still doesn't offer you what you want, you'll at least be available for someone who will treat you worthy of all their love and attention.

His wife knows? That's crazy. <br />
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What do you want?

I want him. Like a kid in a candy store wants the treats. I have two options, walk and wonder, or stay and hope.