Trapped In An Unexpected Situation....

I have been dating this man JR for almost 4 years now. He has all the qualities in a man that I love. We met online and hit it off immediately. At the time he was separated (not legally) from his wife living in separate homes. I've even stayed at his home many times. I was concerned at first but knew assumed that Divorce would follow soon. I never questioned him again since we were still trying to define our own relationship.

After several months past. I learned that he and his wife have a good relationship. He helps his wife with her franchise business that they built when they were together. He would often help her with shows and presentations to build more clientele. She wasn't good at managing her money so he would have to give her money occassionally. I know this because he would get the calls while he was with me, and he would share those little details with me.

I felt this was the right time to ask him, "when are you getting divorced" He said, "I don't think I can because medical insurance is too expensive for her to pay, and I've had her in my plan for so long that I can't just pull her out now because she needs it." It turns out their vehicles are under the business name and the cell phones, they even do their taxes together at the end of the year. They've even gone to family weddings, birthday parties, etc since his wife still has contact with his family, she still participates in the activities.

I've expressed my concerns about this before, and he explained that they owe property, and businesses together and so it gets complicated. He says it's only in paper that they are married because it means nothing. He says they are not attached emotionally, but need to remain married for the insurance. Each time there's a family event that comes up and I question it, he invites me to go, but I alway say no because I will not participate in a family event with his wife present so that I can be viewed as the *****. It's 4 years and this is still going on.

Today I told him that our relationship is going to change; that we need to redefine what this relationship means because while he still has ties with his wife, I am suppose to be the women he loves, yet his own mother hasn't met me because he is still married and I refuse to be introduced as his girlfriend while he is married. I realize his wife needs insurance, but doesn't that become her problem once they're divorced? He is a good guy and I realize he is only trying to take care of her needs, but where do I fit in here? Where is his loyalty to me? Thoughts?
Patrice8757 Patrice8757
46-50, F
3 Responses May 24, 2012

It has been 4 years. That's a lot of time. The family events and gatherings is what hurts the most. I started dating a man 3 months ago and he was totally single, but after a month his ex gf, and their child were kicked out of her house and now they are living with him because they have nowhere to go and she can't afford a place of her own. He has told me million times, is just financial reasons and they are not together and that I have nothing to worry about, but now I can't go to his house with her there, or communicate through skype, because she's around, etc. He still talks to me with her in the house and she knows he's dating me. I just wish that she gets a full time job and housing or Section 8 and she moves out on her own. Or he moves out by himself and leaves her there... It kills me when I know they went to Walmart or supermarket like a happy family...

Yep....I broke up with him. After 4 years, I did it. It's over and I feel so free. I think I wanted to do this all along but didn't know how. :-)

Yeah that doesn't seem fair