Having An Affair With An Older Married Man

I have been in a relationship with an older married man for nearly a year now...I have just spent the last two hours googling and searching all over the internet for advice and stories looking for similar situations that I can relate to but I cannot find them...so I am asking for advice...

I was in a relationship when I met him and knew immediately that I had to leave my current relationship. The energy that I had with this man was amazing... We met through some friends and hit it off but then didn't see each other for a few more weeks...when we did we had our first physical contact...I honestly did not know that anything like that was going to happen and certainly never planned it but I felt powerless...I don't feel like I had a choice...if that makes sense? We continued to talk all day every day. I immediately left my relationship and when talking with my MM about where I was going to move he wanted me to move closer to him...but was wracked with guilt about what we had done. I made many trips over the next few weeks hours away to visit and look for rentals close to him and eventually moved down here a couple of months after we met but we had no physical relationship and both felt guilty so were just friends but emotionally together? Still talking every day but never crossing that line. He insisted that I become a part of his every day life and made sure that I did EVERYTHING with him...every dinner out to eat with his family...every holiday...everything...well after four months of living my life that way lonely waiting hurting and lost we rekindled our relationship and are even more inseperable...during the time when we were "just friends" our group planned a big trip all together in about two months...a trip that his wife and child is going on...we have grown so much closer and talk about a future and share our love daily...he has been bringing up his plans on "changing things" after the trip so once again I am left waiting...waiting for a trip to be over to be with him the way I want...but I am terrified...truly terrified...that he is not going to leave her...I honestly believe that we are different...but after reading some of the things that I have read today it has scared me...I love him...I don't want to doubt him...
HelpMeLord HelpMeLord
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 30, 2012

I was in a relationship with a man 30 years my senior. His wife was the same...using him to pay her huge credit card bills, always fighting everywhere she worked, slept in separate rooms but he did not leave her for me ! This is what I was told and experienced, I'll tell you the same thing...Most of them will NOT leave their wife and family. People like you and me get used or get ourselves used because when we love, we love. Just because we don't betray that doesn't mean others are same. You just have to be stronger and move ahead. Its hard but I am doing the same.

I have been dating a married man (12 yrs. my senior) for 11 months and I totally feel the lonliness and isolation BUT he has been in a sexless marriage for 3 yrs. of their 39 yr. marriage. We will both b leaving Together in 6 months to start our New Life ( we have plane tix and a new home elsewhere)....as for her, even everyone in our little community is surprised he even STAYED with her for this long... she is a lunatic and screams and yells CONSTANTLY !!! His 32 yr old son even tells his dad that he should leave that situation (Its his own mother and he understands !) So , until u have all the details, its hard to know if it will work out ! Finishing up dividing assets and We're Outta Here !!! Lifes too short to b MISERABLE !!!

The 1st year...yeah he'll say he will sort things out with 'her'. Wait till you reach the 3rd year (like me ;)) then you'll realise that when reality comes to play, they chicken out and usually wont have the guts to do it. It's sad I know, I feel cheated only God knows. Dont want to keep your hopes up, but hopefully all works well for you. Good luck!

Well I see a couple RED flags!! the obvious one is that you're interfering with a marriage. You obviously have given a lot up for this relationship but you need to realize that in the end THEY NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES only exception would be Bragelina lol. Every movie with this similar plot always ends up with the mistress in the dust and the married couple working out ways to fix the relationship after the affair. i think that the guy loves you but he loves his wife too and its not fair for him to be taking advantage of both you and his spouse at the same time. He may say he will divorce his wife but look its been a year what is he waiting for. I think you really just need to tell him it is ME or HER give him that ultimatum cuz if he really truly loved he would either let you go or divorce his wife.

I have a question, If they say they have dropped the papers and the reason why it is taking so long is because they have to fight for a house car custody of their children and how respected they are in thier job do you think they are full of **** or could he possibly be telling the truth?