Dating A Married ManI am actually going crazy about this MM situation that I am into right now I had to open my mac to search for blogs on this topic that led me here. My partner, yeah, a married man, was my classmate in graduate school about 6-7 years ago. I knew back then that he had some physical attraction with me as he volunteered to take me home after our class. He successfully did for a couple of times and in those occasions he told me that he is already married and that I should not send him text messages or even call him. I respected that of course because I was not attracted to him although I must admit that I felt elated with his offers.
Mending a broken heart
We both stopped schooling and did not see each other for almost 4 years until early last year when I had the break up with my 2-year boyfriend. I was still madly in love with my ex during our first meetings and I never really thought of entering into any serious relationship with him. It was too late before I realized that I was already hooked in this crazy love with him. The out-of town trips and escapades made us closer and I appreciated his presence more, as he has never left me during the lowest low points of my life. He was so sweet and kind to me. The way he kisses me, embraces me and lets his fingers run through my hair proves that. He keeps on saying that he loves me so much, much more than he loves his wife. He said that even before we met each other he is already having difficulties in dealing with his wife but he cannot do anything but support her because of their two kids. He said that he couldn’t take it if his wife will take their kids away from him. This is basically the reason why we were always extra careful, always hiding.
No weekends, holidays and special days with him
I cannot text or call him during weekends and I have to wait for him to call me first when his wife is not around. We cannot be together on special occasions like Christmas even on his birthday and of course on special holidays. No pictures of us together on FB and no dealings with friends who know our status. But at least he introduced me to his subordinates, as he is a manager in an engineering company. But still, this did not give me the peace of mind and security that I always wanted. I am such an insecure lonely animal. I cannot talk to him, to my man, whenever I need someone to talk to. I cannot introduce him to my family and similarly, he cannot, or shall I say of course not, introduce me to his.
Madly in love
For the past few weeks since before the year ended, although I love him so much, I am already thinking of getting out of this relationship with him. I am madly in love with him. But I truly hate that feeling of thinking and asking myself whether he is having sex with his wife? Initially I was too afraid to ask him upfront about this but I finally had that courage and although I was expecting an answer of “NO”, which is unbelievable as it is inevitable, it hurts so bad to hear “YES, about once to twice in two weeks!” His response brought me to silence. Silence that made me think deeper and reflect on my current situation. Our countless making-love sessions were just so good I was never really satisfied like that before. I can feel how passionate he is to me each time we become one. But is this enough for me to justify staying with him? The wife, the kids, oh yes! A hundred of times the thought of me being a home wrecker already crossed my mind. I even read his wife’s messages to him. And most of the time his wife would call him, I can hear her angry voice from the phone, and I am witness to why he would make up stories and lie to her just to hide what we were doing.
Is there a “happily ever after”?
Yes we did have great conversations about the future, of what we are going to do, that he also wanted to have a child with me to keep us together for years. That we are going out of the country for us to be together for good. There was no moment when we were together that he did not say how much he loves me and that will always make me think most especially in times when I am already about to tell him that I must leave him.
It has almost been a year now since then and now I am trapped in this dark relationship. I know that I am wrong but I must admit that I love him very much and I need him with me but I can’t have him. Not even 50% of him. I may sound so selfish but I am finding the strength in me to pick up the pieces of my life.
gabriellecute 31-35, F 22 Responses 3 Jan 20, 2013