Im In Love With Someone Elses Husband.

It all started at work. I was engaged and he was married.  at first we were just friends. I always thought he was good looking, smart, and smooth. somehow I developed a crush on him. My fiance and I started to have problems. we had been together for 3 years and all he wanted to do is party drink and do drugs.  I tried to get him to be more responsible and get a better job, and get him set up to support me and my future children. I nagged and begged and hinted and demanded for 3 months.  Mean while me and the other guy have been discussing all our problems with our relationships and exchanging advice. he told all about the problems with his wife and, jokingly at first, we said we wished we could be with one another.  A month or two went by and it got serious. we texted each other and called each other all the time. Nothing ever went physical. 

One day the other guy said he wanted me in bed.  I always told myself not to be a cheater so i said no and we went for a drive instead.  on the way i said," if i leave my boyfriend will you leave your wife?" and he said yes.  So i gave my fiance one more chance. one night i asked him WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HAVE THE WEDDING AND HAVE KIDS? He told me that he was not ready to grow up, did not want a different job and if he ever had kids it would be at least 3 years down the road.  I was shocked, and extremely hurt. So I got out of bed and slept in a different room.  That was the end. I kicked him out after that. he kept coming around and wouldn't leave me alone. unfortunately the one person i told about my secret told my fiance and he told the wife. this caused a lot of heart ache.

I have to explain why i believed he would leave her and why i thought they were truly unhappy. first, their marriage was arranged. He had 2 kids with her, they fought so much that she kicked him out and they were separated for 2-3 years. he met someone else and started a relationship. he caught her with some one and left her. he went back to his wife and kids and started over. 9 months later the other woman called him and said she had his baby.  he demanded a paternity test that came back positive. Once the wife found out she told him he could never see the other woman and his new baby or else she would leave him, break the bank and take the kids. so that's what he did.

so that is why i did not feel guilty about them separating.  back to my story, after we had been uncovered his wife came in and threatened me and told me never to talk to him again. She told him that she had his divorce papers ready but that she had one issue she had to talk to him about.

It turns out that she was 5 months pregnant. I should have left then. it would have been much easier. I was too much in love with him at the time he made me feel so good. and he listened to me and treated me like a lady. i was on cloud 9.  After he told me she was pregnant he expressed how much he still wanted to be with me and i told him we could work it out.

It has been 3 years since it started and i am lonely, and confused. He keeps coming up with excuses about how he can't leave the kids. Its always a birthday or school or Christmas and I am starting to think he will never get that divorce. Its all I live for now days to hear that one sentence. "We are Divorced."  I am now pissed off all the time. there is very little time for us to talk. and every time we do talk it seems like I start a fight. I want to have him all to my self and be able to have kids and a life.

i posted this because I want to get everyone's input. Whether it is good or bad, wrong or right, I want you to tell me what you think. I love him but don't know how much longer I can wait for him.


Thanks for all your help.

outdoorsy outdoorsy
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

Sorry dear....But three years.....He will never leave his wife....I mean if he walked out on his one girl friend when she started to nag him a bit.....He willl do the same to you.....I am sure that she said to him.......<br />
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Hey...When are you going to get that we can marry.....And his actions spoak louder than any words ever could....It was a big fat...NEVER!!!!!!! and that my dear is what he is saying to you.....<br />
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Go and move on with your life....find a good man.....but leave the marrieds alone.....Really in the long run....They are more headaches than they are worth....

You said that your fiance couldn't imagine having kids for 3 years, well 3 years has passed and you still are not anywhere close to being with the married man, or to having kids. You need to leave him, no more chances. He is using you. He will never leave, and even if he does, how long until he becomes bored with you? Think of all the men you have seen, and met in the last 3 years. One of them could have been "the one" but as long as you are with this married man that will never be yours, you are not open to all the possibilities out there. <br />
Calculate how many of the last 30 days you have been happy? The last 60? There will be tears when you end it, and it will be hard, but there are already tears and it is already hard, but if you stay, the tears are not healing you and helping you move on, they are just tears.

I think you need to leave. It sounds like you have been living your life waiting for someone that is never going to come. This guy is never going to leave his wife for you. You have to face the facts you are being used, your his little bit of fun on the side. If he truely loved you then he would have left his wife to be with you. You need to take control of the situation, give him a choice no matter how scared you are of the answer. Lay it down for him, leave you wife now or I am leaving your choice. Then you need to walk away. Do whatever it takes to move on and create you own life. You could find someone that will actually want to be with you, instead of letting your life pass you by waiting for the impossible. It seems to be that you are letting this false relationship rule your life, it is making you unhappy. How can it be love when you are miserable and pissed off all the time? Take control of the situation before it destorys you completely. Good luck with whatever happen. :)