I was wondering if anyone can give me advice for the situation I am in. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married 8 with 2 sons. 4 years ago my husband had a mental breakdown and hasn't been the same since. He can't hold a job, he is severely depressed, he has bouts of anger and rage, he is unintentionally emotionally abusive. But I have stuck it out in hopes that it would get better. He hasn't, sometimes he tries sometimes he doesn't.

About 8 months ago, a police officer came to my work to ask about an incident that happened earlier in the day. The police were leaving when my shift started, so we chatted about what had happened and he said he would come back to check on me when he was on night shift too.

Off and on he comes by, when he isn't transferred back to day shift. We get close, talk about our problems, just laugh about the crazy things that happen with our jobs. We were easy friends. One day we had a particularly emotional conversation for me, which ended with what was supposed to be a supportive hug. But after awhile we both realized neither of us wanted to let go, and everything changed.

He began coming to see me more, trying to get close to me when we were together, taking the opportunity to hold me, touch me. Slightly sexual, but more emotional than anything. Finally I decided that if he was trying to have an affair with me I at least needed to clear up the boundaries. So I asked him, "Where are we going with this?" He told me he wanted to be close to me, to have a relationship, but he couldn't risk getting close until he had at least set the wheels in motion for his divorce and gotten another place to stay so his wife could have the house.

I thought he could be just leading me on, so I offered basically to just be his mistress, and promised no hurt feelings when he couldn't see me or make time for me. I didn't know if I would actually do it or not, but I figured it was the fastest way to get to the truth. He refused. Said taking things too fast could mess things up, and he wanted to really know me and be able to make time for me. That he didn't want things to be unfair for me. We have still been seeing each other, still casually but still close as well. I have been pushing to try to meet him outside of work, or to find a way for us to talk when we aren't here, but I'm not sure if he will.

I can't understand this relationship. Is he using me for some emotional need he isn't receiving at home? I was sure if all he wanted was sex he would've taken me up on my offer. But since we don't really have time to get closer, and he turned me down, I have no clue as to what his real motives are. Can someone please offer me some insight? This is the only man who has ever turned my head since my husband, I don't want to be led on and I don't want to give him up either. I'm afraid if I push too hard he will run away.
Cindermoon Cindermoon
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

Just to let you know an update, we are still in the same boat. Not going anywhere, which I have learned to be okay with for now.