Confused Part Two

Remember me, I am the one who said it was over. That i had finally ended my relationship (or whatever it is) with the married guy. Well it turns out that you never can tell. I thought it was over and we had resolved to just be friends. But I am just drawn to him. The flirting started again through email and just general comments and now it has progressed into more again. I am in over my head. I know I should be strong and walk away but every time I tell myself that I see him again and it starts again. 

It is a even bigger problem this time round. I find myself dreaming about the life we could have together. I cannot get him out of my head. This relationship is completely secret I have not told anyone and that is taking its toll on me. I find myself unable to open myself up to anyone else. I meet other people that would be so much better for me yet i am unable to open myself up to them because I am thinking of him.

I am afraid that I have fallen in love with someone that I can never have. He tells about how he get no affection from his wife and how unhappy he is with their relationship yet he won't leave her because of the children.  I want him to choose me. I want to be the women he comes home to be with. I don't want to alone anymore. I want to hold him close and tell him, I will love you, I will be there for you and give you all the affection you need and deserve.

 Am I wasting my time on something that is never going to happen, yes! But how to I let him go. How do I fall out of love with someone? I am so confused and miserable all of time, I know this isn't right, so why do I keep doing it? HELP?!

prettygal prettygal
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 28, 2009

You are a gluttin for punishment ,that wont be happy till somone is hurt.If this bothers you than its probably true...

I am in the same boat as you I'm afraid but I have been with my MM for almost two yrs now. I can't give you any real good advice as what to do but I wanted to let you know that it gets harder as time passes. I think I could have walked away in the very beginning but no longer feel like I can do that. I can't stand the thought of him not being in my life in some capacity or another.<br />
My MM has come right out and said "its a selfish thing. yes he cares about her but he would go bankrupt and lose half his pension if he divorced her". I know that I will always be less of a priority than her. I know she and her children will always be first in his life and in my case I fall way below even the drugdealers,informants and common street thugs on his list of priorities (he works for the government). But I live in the good times we have. I cherish the moments we have together. I tell him I love him and wait for my next stolen kiss...

I am in the same boat as you I'm afraid but I have been with my MM for almost two yrs now. I can't give you any real good advice as what to do but I wanted to let you know that it gets harder as time passes. I think I could have walked away in the very beginning but no longer feel like I can do that. I can't stand the thought of him not being in my life in some capacity or another.<br />
My MM has come right out and said "its a selfish thing. yes he cares about her but he would go bankrupt and lose half his pension if he divorced her". I know that I will always be less of a priority than her. I know she and her children will always be first in his life and in my case I fall way below even the drugdealers,informants and common street thugs on his list of priorities (he works for the government). But I live in the good times we have. I cherish the moments we have together. I tell him I love him and wait for my next stolen kiss...

I'm not here to give you false hope, or to squash your dreams. Just keep in mind "who" you are dealing with. The reality of it all is that this man is "selfish." He is getting his cake and eating it to. He may think of you when he's home, but not enough to make his home with you.<br />
<br />
Girl, love happens, and not at ALL like we want it to. Just be sure that when it's all said and done, you learn from the experience and move on.<br />
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If you have no husband or boyfriend, best believe you have less to lose than him. When the dust settles, he'll be the one losing sleep; my MM has confessed to me, after much prodding, that he is just "selfish." There is nothing wrong with his marriage, he was just immensely attracted to me.<br />
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Somehow, attraction turns into love for "us," but continues as a strong attraction for the MM.<br />
<br />
Get out and date; even if you have to date yourself; it will not only let you see that he is not your only option, but will allow you to do other things other than thinking about him; with the depression surely following that thought.<br />
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Good luck chica!

I hear where your coming from... Its natural.... ppl say that things happen for a reason... I mean do you wonder why he came into your life? Feelings are real and ppl cant fake them. Clearly there is a connection... at the same time you have to try and figure out a way to find out for yourself what is his real relationship with his wife. Maybe he is love with both of you. If thats the case he will never leave his wife... and may be using his kids as an excuse.<br />
Personally I believe a child deserves to grow up in a balanced household.. its nice if both parents are there... but its just as damagin if you dont get on with your partner... children dont remain children forever.. they grow up and the see what is the truth,<br />
If I was in your place this is what I would do... Try to find the truth... and the truth might not be nice to hear but it just might...atleast you take the chance to know where you really stand<br />
all the best<br />
KaTz

Hi, I definately understand where you are coming from. Guess what, I am going through the same thing. It's been about 9 mos, and I work with him. It is so hard to walk away. I feel like lately he is trying to distance himself and I am trying to stay away. I still have to see him a lot, which is making it really tough. I guess we just try our best to hang in there and be strong. This is the first time I have got the courage to post.