I Am Drawn to Married Men Like A Bad Habit.I am finally realizing that I am drawn to married men. On some level I choose them. I used to think that it was just bad luck or a curse that I attracted all the married men, but have since realized that the common denominator is me, not all these married men. Here's my story. I hope you find courage and inspiration from it. The first began when I was 19 with a 32 year old, married man with 2 kids. Here's how it goes; you meet, deny dating the married man and are finally wooed by his charms and affection. You start the affair without intentions of an involved love affair. You figure you'll just have some fun and before you know it, you're caught up. You love the man and no other man compares to this married man. You convince yourself that sharing this perfect man is better than all the available men because none of them will measure up to your married man. You play this game for a while, and believe me, it IS a game. You are empowered by his dislike of his wife and honesty and affection towards you. You might even admire his "honorable" qualities of not wanting to destroy his family. After this, the waiting game begins. You begin to hope and wait for this man to leave his wife. This process goes on for as long as you allow it. I, as the other woman had all the power. I don't think that it's impossible that the man will leave his wife, but I do think that it all depends on circumstance and timing. The bottom line is that if he is going to leave his wife, he's going to do it quickly. My MM was nenver going to leave, but in the beginning I had fantasies of us together. I thought that there was no other man for me. After 4 years, that feeling has def worn off. At first he was taking care of me financially, but in the end it seemed he only came over to get some and the dates were fewer and fewer. I became his little toy that he could play with and put down at his disposal. At 19, this wasn't soo bad, but at 23 I decided that I was worth more. I am a good woman and he didn't deserve my affections. Towards its end, I grew hateful of him because of the way he had treated me all those years. However, it was only myself that had allowed the ill treatment. A MM may fill your head will vague promises that keeps you hoping, but in reality, if his situation was that bad he would have already left. By staying, I enabled his marriage because I filled in where his marriage failed. Although he complained about his wife and claimed he only stayed for the kids, he completely lived up to his wife's rules of coming home by 9, NEVER spending the night away and not receiving calls after 8. For a guy to hate his wife soo much it became apparent that he sure obliged her rules while completely ignoring my needs. It was then that I realized that a MAN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM GET AWAY WITH. Although he may have loved me, on some extremely dysfunctional level, our realtionship served as his playtime away from home and as a stroke to his ego. In the end, I got tired. I realized that I was always going to be the other woman. That doesn't mean that all the feelings suddenly left. I just grew up and grew tired of the situation after 4 years. I wanted more. I wanted a full time man and I began my search within this world full of men for the perfect one that would be able to be there, ALL of the time. Trust me; there is more than one man for you. After I got out of that situation which lasted from 19-23, I reconnected with an old flame that I learned had married and had a child since our last connection. The messed up thing is that like the previous man, I REALLY liked him! It makes me wonder if all the good men taken or if I just have some deep rooted issues and am drawn towards unavailable men. On some level they are safe. You know where they are and know that they are the marrying type because they did it before. Rationally, I know both situations are BAD, but I was emotionally drawn to both of them. The new married man started calling me everyday and I started really enjoying our conversations. I asked myself, "What the hell?" "Why is he calling me and why am I talking to him?" All the old feelings I had for him came flying in like they had never left. He invited me to visit him and he flew me 400 miles away from home and we enjoyed a passionate, whirlwind romance. I just arrived home a week ago and he was already talking about sharing the rest of his life with me while I was there with him. Exactly a week after I had left he announced to me that he was going to leave his wife. I'm giving him a month to get his **** together. If he hasn’t left by then, he's never going to and our connection wasn't what I thought it was. I know, on some level I must love drama. I am a turning point in my life and this last encounter really pushed me to investigate the reasoning behind my attraction to the married man. I finally learned that it wasn't merely bad luck. We all attract what we think about and desire on some level. Here's my conclusions on why women get involved with married men. Its not love because its always the same old story. If you are in the beginning stages of an affair with a MM, do yourself a favor and GET OUT! He's not your soulmate, the love you share is not magical and he will never leave his wife. REASONS WOMEN LOVE MARRIED MEN: She is attracted to him because he's already involved with somebody else. In many cases, the Other Woman wouldn't be turned on by the guy if he wasn't. The fact that he's "taken" is proof of his desirability. The fact that another woman's husband wants her is proof of hers. Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. Married men are only available occasionally; the guy's wife may be sick of looking at him, but the Other Woman never knows when he can steal away to be with her. She can't wait to see him and makes the most of their time together. Consciously, the Other Woman may long for him to leave his wife, but subconsciously she's glad he probably won't. She will never have to pick his socks off the floor, listen to him scream at his kids, or use the bathroom after he's knocked off 25 pages of the latest Tom Clancy in it. Deep down, the woman who habitually dates married men (or is attracted to them) has commitment issues. She may curse her bad luck, but she's probably terrified of marriage. She may dread the day-to-day routine. She may fear boredom. She may be afraid that wedlock will spell the end of her independence. She may also believe that all men are incapable of fidelity. To avoid making herself vulnerable, she continually casts herself as the partner-in-crime rather than the potential victim. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from married men. These guys are no bargain.
DOLCE84 21-25, F 47 Responses 33 Sep 5, 2007