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I Am Drawn to Married Men Like A Bad Habit.

I am finally realizing that I am drawn to married men.  On some level I choose them.  I used to think that it was just bad luck or a curse that I attracted all the married men, but have since realized that the common denominator is me, not all these married men.  Here's my story.  I hope you find courage and inspiration from it.   The first began when I was 19 with a 32 year old, married man with 2 kids.  Here's how it goes; you meet, deny dating the married man and are finally wooed by his charms and affection. You start the affair without intentions of an involved love affair. You figure you'll just have some fun and before you know it, you're caught up. You love the man and no other man compares to this married man. You convince yourself that sharing this perfect man is better than all the available men because none of them will measure up to your married man.   You play this game for a while, and believe me, it IS a game. You are empowered by his dislike of his wife and honesty and affection towards you. You might even admire his "honorable" qualities of not wanting to destroy his family. After this, the waiting game begins. You begin to hope and wait for this man to leave his wife.   This process goes on for as long as you allow it. I, as the other woman had all the power. I don't think that it's impossible that the man will leave his wife, but I do think that it all depends on circumstance and timing. The bottom line is that if he is going to leave his wife, he's going to do it quickly.  My MM was nenver going to leave, but in the beginning I had fantasies of us together.  I thought that there was no other man for me.  After 4 years, that feeling has def worn off.  At first he was taking care of me financially, but in the end it seemed he only came over to get some and the dates were fewer and fewer.  I became his little toy that he could play with and put down at his disposal.  At 19, this wasn't soo bad, but at 23 I decided that I was worth more.  I am a good woman and he didn't deserve my affections.  Towards its end, I grew hateful of him because of the way he had treated me all those years.  However, it was only myself that had allowed the ill treatment.     A MM may fill your head will vague promises that keeps you hoping, but in reality, if his situation was that bad he would have already left. By staying, I enabled his marriage because I filled in where his marriage failed.  Although he complained about his wife and claimed he only stayed for the kids, he completely lived up to his wife's rules of coming home by 9, NEVER spending the night away and not receiving calls after 8.  For a guy to hate his wife soo much it became apparent that he sure obliged her rules while completely ignoring my needs.  It was then that I realized that a MAN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM GET AWAY WITH.  Although he may have loved me, on some extremely dysfunctional level, our realtionship served as his playtime away from home and as a stroke to his ego.    In the end, I got tired. I realized that I was always going to be the other woman. That doesn't mean that all the feelings suddenly left. I just grew up and grew tired of the situation  after 4 years. I wanted more. I wanted a full time man and I began my search within this world full of men for the perfect one that would be able to be there, ALL of the time. Trust me; there is more than one man for you.   After I got out of that situation which lasted from 19-23, I reconnected with an old flame that I learned had married and had a child since our last connection. The messed up thing is that like the previous man, I REALLY liked him! It makes me wonder if all the good men taken or if I just have some deep rooted issues and am drawn towards unavailable men. On some level they are safe. You know where they are and know that they are the marrying type because they did it before. Rationally, I know both situations are BAD, but I was emotionally drawn to both of them. The new married man started calling me everyday and I started really enjoying our conversations. I asked myself, "What the hell?" "Why is he calling me and why am I talking to him?" All the old feelings I had for him came flying in like they had never left. He invited me to visit him and he flew me 400 miles away from home and we enjoyed a passionate, whirlwind romance. I just arrived home a week ago and he was already talking about sharing the rest of his life with me while I was there with him. Exactly a week after I had left he announced to me that he was going to leave his wife. I'm giving him a month to get his **** together. If he hasn’t left by then, he's never going to and our connection wasn't what I thought it was. I know, on some level I must love drama.    I am a turning point in my life and this last encounter really pushed me to investigate the reasoning behind my attraction to the married man.  I finally learned that it wasn't merely bad luck.  We all attract what we think about and desire on some level.  Here's my conclusions on why women get involved with married men.  Its not love because its always the same old story.  If you are in the beginning stages of an affair with a MM, do yourself a favor and GET OUT!  He's not your soulmate, the love you share is not magical and he will never leave his wife.   REASONS WOMEN LOVE MARRIED MEN:   She is attracted to him because he's already involved with somebody else. In many cases, the Other Woman wouldn't be turned on by the guy if he wasn't. The fact that he's "taken" is proof of his desirability. The fact that another woman's husband wants her is proof of hers. Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. Married men are only available occasionally; the guy's wife may be sick of looking at him, but the Other Woman never knows when he can steal away to be with her. She can't wait to see him and makes the most of their time together. Consciously, the Other Woman may long for him to leave his wife, but subconsciously she's glad he probably won't. She will never have to pick his socks off the floor, listen to him scream at his kids, or use the bathroom after he's knocked off 25 pages of the latest Tom Clancy in it. Deep down, the woman who habitually dates married men (or is attracted to them) has commitment issues. She may curse her bad luck, but she's probably terrified of marriage. She may dread the day-to-day routine. She may fear boredom. She may be afraid that wedlock will spell the end of her independence. She may also believe that all men are incapable of fidelity. To avoid making herself vulnerable, she continually casts herself as the partner-in-crime rather than the potential victim. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from married men. These guys are no bargain.
DOLCE84 DOLCE84 18-21, F 62 Responses Sep 5, 2007

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Girl, I don't think you understand yourself as well as you think you do. The truth of the matter is, you do need a steady man in your life. Perhaps a husband that you can cuckold while you step out on once in a while with your married, safe uncommitted.

I wish you could advise me...you have learnt so many things! I had never thoght about comitment issues..I thought it was father issues..but maybe the one is leading to the other..great post.

STOP ******* MARRIED MEN !!!

Very interesting post, enjoyed reading about your experience. I've known people to have long affairs without much hassle as both parties knew it shouldn't lead to anything serious. But as you have pointed out the problem occurs when people for for on another. The allure of the forbidden is such an incredible high, it can be difficult to walk away from.

Very insightful post, DOLCE84.

You are correct that most of these MM are no bargain, and that as the OW, you make it more likely that he will remain married because you are giving him something to do with his time while not addressing real relationship issues with his wife.

While I don't judge every OW, the only problem I have with those who choose this role is when they become hostile toward an existing wife/GF who did not invite you into her life.

So to all the OW out there who've justified your situation, stop trying to degrade a MM's wife since you do not know her and she does not want you intruding into her life with stories about what you do with her spouse.

Well said

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Been there done that. Married folks are safe. It's all about the mutual passion with no responsibility. When your lover has to go home at 8:00, your free to do what ever you like. It' usually indicative that something else is wrong. In my case, I was able to satisfy my needs while carrying on a more or less normal life pattern and not face a forbidden divorce or separation. In her case, at least one of my lovers was "acting out" after an incestuous relationship as a youngster. I'm still not sure what I was reacting to.

You are not alone.

Very well written

Nothing I write is personal against you.
But you and whichever married man/men you were with are the one's in the wrong.
Not considering that if the wife found out how much hurt it would have caused her.
The tears/the mistrust if she gave him a second chance.
And the once real love taken away from her.
Its the one's being cheated on that in time often find out about the cheating.
And anyone having a broken heart is never good.
I know you are one of thousands(women and men) who cheated with a married men/women.
When there is in every country so many single people wanting to be loved and to love back.
As I found out there are no guarantees when it comes to falling in love.
Love can last a week/3 years/28 years and then for some its over.
And there are good reasons why some marriages end.
Like falling out of love.
The reasons for cheating is because there is so much temptation around.
But the sad thing about that is we are all guilty if we fall for that temptation/and I admit I did for one night when in my mid 20's.
Its the excitement too that brings two together.
But in life in one way or another we all make mistakes that we regret when its often too late.
And the cheating will continue for as long as life exists is my opinion.
But the one thing I never do is to judge anyone.
I just state the facts and in your case I do not think you were a bad person.
Like thousands of others including myself.
None of us are perfect and temptation in younger years are much easier to fall for.
But like you realised you learned a lesson and are no longer that woman you used to be.
In the whole wide world there are millions single.
Which I find is sad for those who wanted to be loved and love back.
But there are reasons we can all think of that there is no point dating him/her-as she/he lives in another country.
If everyone took away the excuses-and I include myself in that.
There would be less single people in the world.
I hope in time if you are still single that you will meet your soul mate.
And that together you make your love and feelings last forever.

Stay away from married men. It is wrong and there is no sense of security

Wow! you sound like an incredibly emotionally mature young woman who has been through a lot and seems to be coming out of all this on the right side! By that I mean you are taking a stand for yourself and not lingering in a relationship that will only cause you more pain. Proud of you!
I am living your nightmare now. I am married and have been involved with a married man for the last 6 years. He just ended it this past week. I think I am dying. The pain is unbearable. Although we both understood that we were not going to leave our marriages, so I didn't expect him to leave her for me, I still loved him deeply. He is my best friend. I just don't understand why he would say all of the deeply emotional things he said to me. I was very open to having a sexual relationship, did not pressure or manipulate him into telling me he loved me-I knew the score. But then, after a year or so he started making it very emotional, saying the most beautiful, soulful, loving things to me that no one ever has said to me….I fell deeply in love with him. He says he stays in his marriage for the kids-whatever. I never asked him or will ask him to leave-that has to be his decision. And now it's over. Not sure why….And I am crumbling, I am wrecked.

You have low self-esteem and you're young. If you genuinely are the "Other woman" your self-esteem is reflective of the man you are with. Once you are in that trap it becomes increasingly worse...you leaving for the next "better" man...not ever being satisfied with where your guy is at. Don't think it is all your fault. The business world sets women up for exactly that...it's intrinsic in many environments. On the other side of things any man that lets his wife dictate his hours like his Mama is married to a stupid control-freak. That man's going to cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat and when his kids leave home he's going to leave that woman...whether you are the other woman or not!

DUH? I was in love with the girl of my dreams for 7 years. things didn't work out but that didn't stop me thinkin bout her. the moment I heard she married, well, a girl, she disappeared from my mind. it's not right to pine after someone committed. put yourself in the situation of the woman whose husband you're after. common sense. adultery is a crime is it not? it's morally/ethically despicable. alternately, subliminally, you're enjoying being used. believing all his lies. he may not even be going through all he says and could very well be a pathological liar venting his animal desires through you

A. Adultery is only a crime in some states not all. B. If you've ever seen a man's wife demean and humiliate him loudly and delibrately in public your attitude changes about adultery. C. If you've ever forgiven someone adultery against you...then you KNOW the other person does not always jump excitedly into those situations and in most cases has some cause.

You have really got the answers and to me you are absolutely right ... the attraction to married men largely is its safety....you dont have to go responsible for his life and socks an jocks or chlidren...my own attraction to single ladies was the same reason...she was always gorgeous beautiful tender fun and ohh so wistful adding to my image of the absolute perfect lady but I also wanted my wife to be the mother of our 3 children cos she was always reliable efficient protective and loving and always there supporting me...until one day she decided enough was enough for her and she left me...Huge heartbreak and wake up time for me....

My salvation and understanding began....we split did heaps of therapy and courses...long story short... we got back together and have been delightfully happy ever since...now both in our 70s and both grateful for the experience we both had having lovers...much wiser now and much fulfilled....very happy...no need for other lovers now....

Thank you so much for sharing your story and wisdom....

Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?

Funny. For several years in my 20s I was the single male dating older attractive married women.

That's an interesting take. I always wondered the attraction. The first guy sounded as though he wanted to take care of you. You were a kept woman. I can totally relate to the appeal of that! What I can't relate to is being in second place to another woman. It sounds as though you understand where these habits are hurting you. That's a great start in working toward resolving your problem with attracting married men. Not to mention, how good would you really feel if you'd taken part in tearing up a family? My guess is, even if you'd ended up with either of these men, you'd have spent the relationship wondering who they'd be dating behind your back. I know sometimes people are in bad relationships and it takes them a while to get away, but it seems many married men simply want their wife and another woman. It doesn't say much about the character of these men if they cannot be open and honest. Best of luck to you.

Hello Missneckie,
The older I get, the less judgmental I am, perhaps, because I am only too aware of my own imperfections !! :-0 Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to imply that you are being judgmental !

I am a much older married man, locked into a closed and sexless marriage with a woman, whom I love. She needs me more and more as she becomes more disabled.
I have 2 long distance, and very beautiful, gfs, who both know about each other and wish that they could "service" me. One of them, in particular, longs for me to find a local gf and lover.
This is a hugely complex subject. My desired relationship with a much young women is not just the sex, although that is a fairly essential ingredient. It is the fact of a much younger and attractive woman being interested in old me and, because sex is always on the cards, the complete freedom to talk about anything. No subject being taboo.

I suppose, also, my great age of 77, is a protection to both me and my lover. Maybe she would love the enjoyment of our relationship, knowing that I love her and my wife, that our relationship is not binding, more a sort of deep sexual friendship.

I do think that there is a lot to be said for open marriages.

Do I make any sense at all ?
Peter x

Baby u just wrote a very familiar story with vivid description of it

I am so glad I just read this story. You are right on point. I found myself being drawn to married men. Of course that is not what I am looking for at first. I look for tall decent looking guy with a good personality. Most of them are married. I always avoid them at first. But we will end up being together and my miserable love life would begin again.

I recently started talking to one of my old co-workers. I worked around him for a year before we both moved away from the job. While we were working together, we only occasionally talked.

After I left, another old friend of mine told me that his wife cheated on him and he found out. But he decided to stay married. They do not have kids together but he adopted her oldest kid.

See, here is how my life start falling apart. I believed he deserves to be with someone better... well, me. So, I tested the water by just shooting him an innocent instant message.

And then everything went downhill. Although we cannot see each other in person because we are about 1000 miles apart, we text and talk on the phone and skype almost everyday. We are making plans to fly to see each other or he will move down with me. But he never mentioned about leaving her or maybe start a future with me. I would confront him but he would keep telling me that he is confused.

These are all the tail tail signs to let me know I have to get out of this situation. And I ask myself everyday that why I am still paying attention to him. And why It's only been few weeks and I am already emotionally attached.

I make myself believe that he is a victim and I am here to rescue him. Stupid me.

This is not my first MM relationship and they all have the same pattern. I desperately want to change this behavior of mine, but I just don't know how. I wish there is a manual for that. When am I going to learn?

boboarm -- An answer to your question might be in what you wrote here: "I believed he deserves to be with someone better... well, me. "

Your story is intelligent and well-written. I've never dated a married man and always planned to avoid it. Your story consolidated this. Hope you find the man that makes you happy 100% of the time.

I've never had any experience like this, but I found your story to be well written and inspiring. I hope this can help women who find themselves trapped in the same "game."

I was totally in love with a taken woman on and off for 13 years. I absolutely adored her. I still crave her body, her smell-everything about her and it has been 13 years since I have even seen her. Not to be too forward but I still fantasize about her. Her face, her body, her voice.....and that luscious tight vagina. Get the picture?

But the truth is that little ***** was a ****** up piece of trailer trash. She didn't have to be, that is the road she took. I destroyed a lot of good chances with much better educated women who were plenty attractive and far better options because when that little ***** was good there was nothing better.

Anyone who has read my stuff knows that I dont write **** often so this is a true confession. That girl had plenty of opportunities to come to me and offered to do it plenty of times. She screwed with her real mans head (lucky he didnt kill me) and after about 6 of the 13 years he was out and i realized he was just a dumb pallook and not a bad guy at all. Then she took up with a real abusive scum and I bailed her out again because those pheromones were unfucking unresistable.

In the end she gave venereal warts and told me I was a sadist. Honest to God I never purposely hurt that girl and never wanted anything other than to be with her and keep my **** wet all the time. If that makes me sadistic then that was exactly what I was.

That was 13 years ago and I am now married 2 years to a 23 year old woman I have known since she was 17. (I didnt find out she was 17 until her 18th bday and we didnt get nasty till she was 19) She is scorchin!! Hot as hell and tunes me up whenever I want. In between i did polygamy for about 5 years but gave it up because it cost too much. (Word of advice: if ur gonna do polygamy find girls with jobs). But through it all and even today i still think of that diseased little tramp. Take my advise, NEVER go with someone who is in a monogomous relationship.

ALWAYS be totally truthful even if u want to have 6 gf/bf put that on the line from moment one. Your life will be so much more fulfilling whether u are the man like me or the 23 year old 105lb brunette laying on a towel having sex on the floor of ur married boss' s office.

Well, I think you have a lot of points right.
But, as a much older (76), married guy, I could never replace Mr. Right if he is much younger and is there, somewhere.
I am in a sexless marriage but, for many reasons, I love my wife and would never leave her.
I am, however, seeking a local gf and lover, who feels that we could be good for each other.
Maybe, she could be a married woman who is in a similar situation, or a single who, for a whole range of reasons does not want to be married, yet.
I make all this clear. But I have had many young women who either haven't read my profile, or who ignore the bit about my wife.
I certainly have no wish to hurt another woman, nor do I wish to hurt my wife.
I find the lack of sex excruciating, but I would love to have a lover who is also a genuine gf.
Am I asking too much ? Or am I just behaving like a male who is ignorant of the psychology of the female ?
I should value your response.
Peter xx

They are out there Peter. I got lucky, and I am no pin up (61)

Hi Robert,
Thanks for that encouragement :-)
Yes, I know that they are out there, and that is why I persevere. Over several years I have 4 super young girls wanted to be my gf/lover, but distance always defeated us.
We built up total trust, and one was a quite well-known sports girl.
I'm really glad you got lucky, and thanks for making contact.
Peter

Distance is a challenge. I can relate to your comment. Never say never, hey? Women still appreciate a real gentleman. Hang in there!

Go deeper. There's a reason he's attracted to you, too. You both are probably afraid of real intimacy. If this is a pattern, check it out with a therapist. The sooner you figure out your triggers for behaving this way, the sooner you can get healthy and have a real life; not one wasting away in fantasy land. I used to do this, too, so this isn't me judging you. I just think there's more. I also learned how to empathize with the wife. I asked myself "What kind of character flaw to I have that makes me think this OK? Would I do this to a girlfriend?"

Wasted 5 yrs on my married man. I wish that someone had told me the things you said before I fell in love.

Thanks. have undergone the same experience but with married women.

4 years wasted - but I too have ended it most recently and feel empowered. It will be challenging to move on but I know that I'm worth it and I deserve better

Thanks. Everything you said, I've been through. I wasted 2.5 years with the guy. I just broke up with him and it's breaking my heart. I'm so scared I'll go back.

I was looking online to find out why i was insane due to yet again another married man entering my life and was so glade to find someone who is in the same boat as me. I now have been with 5 married men and one was for a long time with no intention of leaving his wife. My psychologist said i was physical addicted to him so i moved to another country to clear my head and get him out of my system. its not working. The issue is that in my new country a sixth mm has come into my life and i refuse to keep going down that same path. I think i like being chased as i only go after mm who pursue me first :( When i read some of your reasons why we want MM it fell into place. I don't think i will get over my fondness for them but i hope i can stop myself before things start now. thank you

I m so glad for u ! You deserve someone that will give back too!

Great story, thoughtfully written

yup, that's me. but i still got caught by more than one man. good luck with the ongoing struggle.

Very well written and your introspect is on point. I am a married man and before I became married I only dated married woman. I found them to be attractive, and safe, as you say because I could have them without comittment. But I couldn't have them whenever I wanted them. That lead me to wanting a woman of my own.

I befriend married couples and I learned to admire what they had it they were committed to eachother, which I believe most married couples desire.

You deserve a man of your own. Don't be affrais of love. It is a wonderful thing. If you need variety, share that need with your man. There are plenty of married men who are willing to allow their wives to co out and play as long as they know that she will always come back home to him. You just have to find the right man for you but before you can do that, you must first discover who you are and what you want.

This is extremely well written. Spot on clinically too I'd bet.

I found this writing interesting from a women perspective. I guess I am too honest for my own good. I cannot bullshit a women to bed.<br />
<br />
I have been cheated on. And I want to get even on some level. I have stayed. I have tried to make things as good as they can be but I cannot ...what's the word.. is it forgive? or forget?<br />
<br />
I can't seem to do either but I try. <br />
<br />
I am like you in the sense that I know that getting even is not going to make things right but it will give my mind something else to think about other than the fact that some stranger F___ my wife 30 or more times.

I am in the same boat as you, I think the reason you can't as you know deep inside it is wrong to hurt someone like that. I think like me just have to get the guts to leave the cheating, lying, hurtful person. I am realizing that I am not the problem here. I deserve better a chance to find someone who feels like I do. Anyway just my thoughts...like I said in the same boat.

hey girl! so your post really helped me. i am in love with a married man, but i'm not the kind of girl to get physical... he knows that if he wants me, he has to leave her then marry me to get anything physical because i want to wait until marriage. i was in a really bad relationship before with a guy my age and he treated me like dirt, it was horrible and ripped my heart out. this new guy is older, married with kids. he does have mutual feelings for me too, but he is very respectful of his family and won't leave. part of me is honestly fine with it, but its when i'm around him at work that it gets tough. i'm a psychology major and i've learned that girls are attracted to older, married men when they didn't have a healthy father figure in their life! it's so true for me, my father was emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive, so in a way we like older men because we want their approval... we're really seeking our father's approval but we will never get it so we seek others who remind us of them. quite interesting, you should look into that and see if it applies to you also. but yeah, i know nothing will happen because he is amazing at setting boundaries which is incredible knowing his strong feelings for me. i don't think i could ruin his marriage and family though... if he ever left, i would feel like he would resent me for it.

Or cheat on you too.

I really have to comment, I'm really glad I read this. I'm dealing with an 'attached' man, I really am trying to find my way out. I'm having some trouble, but I won't give up. Thanks again for posting this.

First of all there is a reason behind your wife actions, she may be ill or depressed, you should care enough to try and find out whats wrong with her. However I commend you for not walking out, real men stick and stay!

Very well written, completely hit the nail on the head there.

I feels the same like you do, girl. I am out of energy, thought I don't want to leave him. I just want to not think anymore at her and not feel myself as the other women. There has to be a mental couching about this. Please share,

I feels the same like you do, girl. I am out of energy, thought I don't want to leave him. I just want to not think anymore at her and not feel myself as the other women. There has to be a mental couching about this. Please share,

You could find one with a wife that shares until you can transition to a fully commited relationship? But I bet that lacks something you want.

Good job. I think you nailed it all right there.

One question how is it admirable that a man wants to stick out a relationship for his children, but will still cheat on their mother? Its only admirable if he sticks out the relationship WITHOUT cheating.

I read your story and I absolutely loved it, and I thought finally, the answer to my question. But I started thinking about one thing, you mentioned, the other woman would not be turned on to him if he wasnt married. Well my married man, I never new he was married, yet I found him extremely attractive, he never wore his wedding ring and only talked about his children, it wasnt until I musterd up the courage to ask him out on a date that he told me he couldnt cause he was married. And a year later he confessed to me that he was leaving his wife and he wanted something more with me. Well four years later, we are still together, we have a baby....he lives with me....but....he is still married and caters to all of her needs still, financially and emotionally...when I say emotionally I mean, when ever she is sad, or whenever she has a bad day or whenever she wants to vent about an unsuccessful relationship or encounter with another man he runs to her aid. I dont know what to do, I mean it annoys me...but I understand....but at the same time, it makes me angry that I am second to her...he tells me, that i have is heart, so I shouldnt feel that way...but I ask him how come he is still married to her, his response is, I dont wanna hurt her anymore than I already have. So I gave him an ultimatim, he was to get a divorce or I was gone. He here recently supposidly did, but he told me that she hasnt turned in her portion of the paper work in order to finalize it, and when I ask him why not, his response is because he does'nt want to upset her. SO since I am tired of the bull crap....I just want to give up... what do you think?

You got what you wanted as in "four years later, we are still together, we have a baby....he lives with me." -- but he is still married and caters to all of his ex's needs still, financially and emotionally. Why are you still not happy with him?

Loved your story Dulce! But don't be too hard on yourself, girl. I am 31, about to be 32. I was friends with my MM. We haven't done anything because he's so loyal. And well me, I am complicated. I just want an all or nothing deal. Call me whatever, but I want it all in life. I know MM don't leave because they claim the money, the kids, etc, but real love doesn't let anything happen to go in between that. My MM has been distant and jerky, not being open and honest with me and he will lose me in the end if he keeps at this rate. My revenge is to become rich and successful so when he sees me, all he can do is drool and feel stupid. He is smart too, that is the problem, we met in law school and he is more intellectually engaging than me. But I know once I get past the books and the tests, my personality will trump his successes. He can keep his ugly troll and be semi-poor, but I will stick to my guns and be strong. If he comes back and pretends to be my friend, I will keep it distant and make him prove how he feels to me. Men need to be broken down, they act so cool and smart around women. He is smart, but I gotta outsmart him and show him I am not even comparable to that troll. I just want to laugh in the end and show I don't need his validation. I guess if it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then a person is satisfied with their status quo. Men won't reject women that are aggressive like me, but it takes a smart woman like me to show smart men like him, that I deserve to be treated very well and not like right now. I will be fine ignoring him and need to be OK with it for a very long time until he admits his feelings.....oh men....why are they strong in the most wrongest ways! Being strong does not get anywhere, because false pride is just that, false. It takes a real man to admit his feelings.

"Deep down, the woman who habitually dates married men (or is attracted to them) has commitment issues. She may curse her bad luck, but she's probably terrified of marriage. She may dread the day-to-day routine. She may fear boredom. She may be afraid that wedlock will spell the end of her independence. She may also believe that all men are incapable of fidelity. To avoid making herself vulnerable, she continually casts herself as the partner-in-crime rather than the potential victim. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from married men. These guys are no bargain." <br />
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BINGO. Well, for me at least. Good post Dulce84.

nice story... i am married man, lets see who falls

I am a married man and want to reply to those who say that married man looks for another sexual partener and has no morals when involves into affair. May be true for some individuals but not for all atleast not for me. I want to continue with my wife all my relations but the way she has been dealing with me is pushing me to find some other freind or partener to spend my rest of the life. Well you can not pressurise your wife to do what you want but atleast she should have respected your wishes to some extent that would keep your hopes alive with her. My wife simply refuses to follow my wishes either intentionally or unintentionally but every time she does so it hurts me.

The problem is not some magnetic force within you.. It is because, unlike some people, once you find out someones married, that is not where it stops. That is where it should stop, but you let it continue. Men who don't have morals, will have an affair, they all get bored with the same sexual partner, men like new, and like variety, like what they can't have.. Some like being sneaky, makes it exciting. . . So if you ever get married, don't marry someone that leaves his wife, or has no morals, because you will end up on the other side.. Being a hurt wife after finding out your loving, sweet, man of your dreams, has been having an affair for 4 years. Don't be fooled and think your some hero saving his marriage.. Your really just someone with very low standards in who you date and probably low self esteem or you would know you deserve a full time man not to be someones dirty secret. Have you ever heard , what goes around comes around? That is in the bible, I believe it, It has happened to me. . . You reap what you sow, so be careful what you sow!

Great story, thanks for sharing. I feel the same way!

STOP DOING IT! Before you hurt yourself and ruins many lives (your life, his life, the life of his wife and the children). I belive having an affair with a married man is pone of a kind expereince, excitement and suspense, but until when it will happen? He don't deserve the love and care that you are giving to him. He is a cheater and a life destroyer. He cheat his wife as well as he cheat you. He is a life destroyer, desroying your future, the future of his wife and most of all the future of his childre. Don't be a victim of this person, but be a victor to overcome and leave him. YOU are a very special person and DESERVE to love and cared for by the man that YOU are ONLY women in his life.

because your all dirty filthy ******!

Having had an affair with a 24 y/o woman I can give some perspective to the other side. First off, anyone who is criticizing Dolce84 isn't really getting the whole picture. It takes two people to make an emotional connection. Having not been upfront with my lover at first, she didn't know I was married. I eventually told her and by this time we had been together a few times, talked for countless hours on the phone and had developed a deep and passionate relationship. Situations are different, and infidelity should never be accepted. But as in my situation, I wouldn't leave my wife. She isn't always capable of taking care of my son and I cannot imagine not being there for him on a daily basis. Don't judge, you aren't aware of my life or situation. I have been the primary care giver to my son since he was born, my wife sits in bed for hours on end, even when I am home, I work all day come home to a messy house and an extremely bored son, I have to clean the house make dinner, play with him take him to get some outside time as he has had none for an entire day. We have no connection at all, I feel as though I am taking care of two children. Seeing as I would never say anything mean about my wife so as not to keep my son from her, I stay. I grew up without a father (he died when I was 7) so I know what it's like. Maybe I'm completely off my rocker but I felt as though this was the best solution. We had an affair for almost 2 months. She moved :( and I feel as though I have some desire to try and fix things with my wife. She does not know and my lover now lives 1000 miles away (read my story) <br />
Anyways as much as an affair is not the right thing, sometimes, people feel as though that is their only course of action

It's not that good men are taken, it is that they don't want them until they are taken. The intelligent women who get them are just that, intelligent.<br />
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I have a feeling your desire for married men has less to do with everything you said, and more about fulfilling some daddy gap. Get over it, any man who would be willing to cheat on his wife, would ultimately end up cheating on you too even if he left his wife. This isn't rocket science.

cheeter cheeter get your own man, you should know better than that!!!!!

One woman told me all the good men are married!

Damn! You sure you don't want to try just one more time?

Wow, did you hit bull's-eye!! You wrote my life, my emotions, my deeds and needs of 6 years ago!

Yes, thanks for sharing. I've been thinking of entering a relationship with a MM but I don't want to be eimotionally involved. Your story may give me second thoughts. Thank you.

Thanks for sharing your story...so many similarities to what I am feeling. And even though I agree with most of what you said about why women are attracted to married men, and that we should run the other way - I know I'm not leaving him anytime soon.