Ugh!!

I've been dating this guy for about 5 months now. He's married and has two young children. I can't even believe these words are coming from my mouth. This completely goes against all of my morals. In all fairness i did not know he was married for about the first month of dating or that he has children. We work together, and i was informed by a co-worker and i immediately confronted him where he told me everything that i didn't want to hear...that it was all true. Things cooled off for a couple weeks, and then i caved and again went out with him...this night was actually the first night we had sex, and thats when i really started to fall for him. He has made me all of these promises that he is going to part with his wife, and is only part of the picture right now to take care of his girls...which i understand to a certain degree. I myself am a mother of a young child and am aware that one will do whatever to take care of their children. He has gone so far as to introduce me to some of his family, they know we are romantically involved, and they approve. We have been continually dating as well as sleeping together. It wasn't until this weekend i was introduced to some of his friends. I thought this was a good thing, but I'm not so sure. After a night of partying and maybe drinking a little too much there was an argument over our situation. We went out separate ways and his friends stayed behind to console me, and make sure i was okay and safe to get home. They told me they could see how hurt i am by the way things are, and that after meeting me they think I'm a very genuinely good person, and doesn't deserve this. They told me that although he and his wife do argue a lot that they have never heard him speak of his intentions to leave his wife. Not only that but the man that told me he was 26, turned out to be 30 (not a big deal really), and that I'm not his only other thing on the side. It tore me to pieces. I feel so trashy, so disposable. I called him and screamed at him the next day, and he really didn't seem to care. We havent talked since, but im started to feel that anger soften and want to talk to him to work it out. I am stopping myself because i know i should leave it as is and end it. I think i really started to fall in love with him, and i thought he felt the same way. Turns out im just another on his list. But im so confused. he introduced me to his family and friends, spent a fair amount of time with me, spent a lot of money on me. Im so lost. We dont work together until friday. Its going to be really awkward. I don't know what to do. Should i ask to have a talk, or wait until he hopefully approaches me? i dont want to be the sucker at all, but sometimes when you feel the way i do its hard to avoid. No one in my family or group of friends knows of this situation, so i really need a way to vent. I know i did this to myself, before we really got serious i found out the truth, and then let myself fall deeper. i wish is never happened.  This isn't easy, and i haven't stopped thinking about it since last weekend. gah...whyyyy??

bunny9999 bunny9999
22-25, F
6 Responses Feb 10, 2010

Thank you all so much, i really appreciate this. Im not going to do this to myself anymore. Ive done a lot of thinking since i posted this...its all i think about. I will see him tomorrow night at work, and i will update on how it all went. Im going to ignore him, i dont want him to know im hurting. i dont want to be his sucker, or anyone's for that matter. If he approaches me i may tell him exactly how i feel, and let him know that until he leaves his wife its over. I cant necessarily rat him out on knowing about how old he is and that he is dating other women. His friends were very nice to me, and saw that i wasn't the "trashy" other woman they were expecting. Im a nice girl with a heart, that has feelings, that goes beyond sex. I appreciated that so much from them and i dont want them to get in trouble. I will however say that i feel as though there is more he isnt telling me and until he can completely come clean i really couldn't care what he has to say. Unfortunately i am going to have to keep it civil in the work environment, and will do my best to do so. NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A CO-WORKER!! ive learned the hard way haha.

He has a horrible character he lied to you about not having a wife and kids, he lied to you about his age, he tells you he will leave his wife when he has no intentions of doing so, and he has another women on the side.<br />
my advice to you is if you see him just smile and walk away, dont make it akward!<br />
i can see if this guy was honest and treated you like silk.<br />
i wish you well!

well, its good that you understand and feel for his wife, and I know its hard to understand your own feelings as well because you can't control what your heart feels, it just feels! But whatever you do, don't give him the upper hand...do not let him know that you care more, so WHATEVER you do, DON"T approach him! As I said, make him realize what he's lost/losing, and if he doesn't realize it, then that mean's he's not worth your time...and how I feel, like I know what you mean about that heart sinking feeling, but just imagine how you would feel if you were his wife...You don't want to be the "Other" girl..You want to be the only one...if he approaches you let him know that its all you, or nothing because you're not going to put up with being the other girl, because thats not right for him to do to you....and I hate to say it, but sometimes i talk my way out of things by remembering "what goes around, comes around" and I'm sure you know that, but sometimes when it involves your heart, its hard to listen to and I totally understand that, noone is perfect, but just remember..if he's will to have "Another" girl, is he worth your time? Who knows if he'd do it again...I mean God forbid, but who knows ya know??

Well, my family and friends know I'm seeing someone, but not that he is a married man. I told him i will introduce when he leaves his wife, and he completely understands. I want to run away, I'm doing the best i can, and what sucks even more is i have to see him at work and it makes me heart sink into the pit of my stomach. I'm not exactly sure of why his family approved, i was too excited that his family welcomed me when it happened. As far as i know from the few that have been honest with me is that is wife has NO clue about his ways. I feel for her as well, he's out with me, snuggling, partying, having sex, while she is home with their babies. I'm fighting two different battles right now the will to stay away from him, as well as the battle of my shame, and how horrible i feel. I think i have a better chance at staying away from him is he doesn't approach me. Lets hope he just avoids me, he may be in fear now that I'm so angry that he may just get busted.

First of all, just consider that if this man is willing to have an affair when he's married, and has children, is he really someone that you're going to be able to trust, and really want to have a relationship with? Honestly, the guy sounds like a tool, and you DO NOT want to approach him first!! Make him want you! That's the beauty about being a girl, we have what it is that guys want, which honestly is sex a lot of the time! Make him realize what he's lost, and that you're not going to play around with his stupid games! Show this jerk who's boss...be the woman that you were born to be, and don't let any guy take advantage of you!! The reason you're falling for him, even when he's being a jerk is because there's something about him that you're attracted to..but just remember, if he's a jerk now, he'd be a jerk later in your relationship...and why waist your time with someone who doesn't appreciate you?? Girl, you can do better!!!!

You know married men do leave their wives for the other woman, and then you wonder when they'll leave you for someone else. This guy does it over and over and you are still thinking about him, don't.. just run away. Something tells me that you knew this wasn't gonna work because you kept him a secret from your clan. Obviously his family doesn't care for his wife--prolly becuz she fights with his unfaithfulness.