How Can Something So Wrong Feel So Right?

One night at the bar (which I don't go to very often) I saw this man, sitting by himself, and I told my friend, "hey, from here he looks pretty cute!"  Of course she has steel balls and said, "Go talk to him!".  At immediately said, "NO!!" because I don't have the steel balls that she has, unless I'm 3 sheets to the wind.  So I wrote a note on a Keno card and asked the waitress to give it to him.  I watched the waitress for 15 minutes, and not one time did she take my note to this guy, whcih at that point I started whining outloud about how she hadn't done what I had asked her to do.  Well, low & behold, the waitresses husband was sitting at the same table as me, which I didn't know but one person I was sitting with.  He asked me if I wanted him to go over there and talk to him for me, I was shy and said no, but he did it anyways...

Almost 3 months down the road, I'm still dating this guy, his name is Dan.  He is still married, but more or less seperated.  They still live together, but he sleeps on the couch and has been for the past 6 months.  They have two kids, who Dan talks about all the time, and shows me pictures, and takes videos so I can see them.  One boy, who is 7 and a girl who is 9. 

I am falling in love with this man.  He is everything I have ever wanted, he treats me right, unlike the past two people I have been with.  I never knew I could be treated like a queen until him.  He says the same thing, says I make him so happy, and I pay attention to him, and spoil him.  But before I get ahead of myself, let me say, he did tell his "wife" about us at approximately 3 weeks into the relationship.  Of course she was upset, but she had it coming.  She does nothing but play on the internet and talks to people on there.  She doesn't clean, she doesn't help her kids with their homework and she has to be told when to pay the bills, do laundry, cook supper and so on and so forth.  Let me also say that she is a stay at home Mom.  Dan's daughter, told him that her mother never helps her with her homework, and they eat out all the time.  Which hasn't settled too well with him.  He is a hard worker and is away from home on the job 12-14 hours a day. 

He loves his kids with all his heart, and they come before ANYTHING.  Which is the way it should be. 

We go out together in public, he spends the night maybe once or twice a month, because most of the time he is at home with his kids.  I can tell you from my view, he is the best Father anyone can have.  Of course he isn't home much, but those kids love them with all their heart.  He doesn't realize this, and that's one reason he hasn't filed for divorce yet.  Yes, he is having an affair, and the courts will get him for allimony, and she will get everything.  He doesn't care about that, he told her she could have the house, the car he bought her and everything, just as long as she doesn't take the kids.  He is so scared to take a step forward with the courts to get his divorce from her.  They have both determined that they do not love one another, and she has even told him that she is seeing someone online too, from Canada. 

I don't know how else to talk to him about this situation, he calls me his kids Step-mother when he shows me pictures or talks about them with me, he says that someday I will be in their lives.  I have been told by two different people who have been in this situation that I just need to be patient, this stuff isn't fixed overnight. 

Again, I am falling in love with this man...and that word is scarce around the two of us because he says he is still married and that would make things even more complicated.  I know he feels the same about me, because he shows it and says it, without using the "L" word.  I have never EVER felt this strongly about something in my life.  We have so much in common, and understand each other, and just can't get enough of each other.  Don't get me wrong, we have our healthy spats, but we are so happy with one another.  Neither of us to this day, can stop smiling when we are around one another.

I just wish I knew what the outcome was going to be.  There is just a small piece of me that feels like he is never going to leave her because of the kids.  He is so scared when it comes to them, doesn't want to move them, doesn't want to ruin their lives.  I have told him over and over, they are kids, they will bounce back.  But that's coming from someone that has never been married, or has kids, so it's kind of hard to believe coming out of my mouth.

Chevyqt24 Chevyqt24
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I am all for full blown passions, but the passions will still be there if you weigh your options carefully, so do so; I say this just in case this event runs out of scope and you are left with an addiction to love that strains you and leaves you disillusioned to pursue others, which would be deplorable as you are a fantastic person

Wow, i'm just blown away by the situation your in, and how patient and understanding you are, you must deeply love him and want whats best for him. I support your relationship and hope everything works out between all three of you