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Heartbroken By A Married Man

Here's my story:  I met a married man online playing cards.  We exchanged email addresses to forward jokes, etc.  Eventually, we ended up playing online cards together every night.  I knew he was married but we became fast friends.  Neither of us intended to fall in love but we did.  Six months after meeting online, we met in person.  As most women say, I didn't think I'd ever do anything like this.  It was against everything I believed.  I couldn't help how I had fallen for him but in hindsight, I should have told him that he's married and walked away.

After 3 years, I finally ended it 2 days ago.  My heart is so broken.  I really thought he would leave his wife for me....like he said he would.  We split up and got back together 5 times.  I gave him so many chances because I loved him.  I know that he loved me too....but not enough to leave his wife and job.  I heard every excuse there was to give on why he was still there......his wife threatened to commit suicide, his wife threatened to burn down the house, his wife thought she was having a heart attack, the weather is bad, his kids (grown and on their own) was threatening to not ever talk to him again, his boss wants him to stay to train his replacement, my mother-in-law is in the hospital, give me some time to figure out my finances/bills....and plenty more.  Well, 2 days ago, he ran out of excuses.....so, he said he was confused on what to do.  So, I made it easy for him and told him that I was done with the broken promises and excuses so stay with your wife.  I am so heartbroken but I should have seen this coming a long time ago.  I should have ended things the first time he said he was moving here and didn't.  I can honestly say that I will NEVER date another married man again.  I want a man that I can call my own.  It is such an emotional rollercoaster.  It's exciting at first but that wears off.  It's a long lonely road when you can't see him whenever you want, call him when you want, and wonder what he's doing while you're at home alone.  So, anyone who's starting a relationship with a married man....run the other way!!!  He is going to tell you AND his wife, everything you want to hear......so he can have his cake and eat it too.  He will string you along with promises for as long as he can.  So, as long as you keep that door open for him, he will walk through it.  Believe me, I lived it for 3 years.

I remember reading somewhere that if a married person leaves their spouse for someone else, it will be within the first 6 months or it will probably never happen.  I waited for him to leave his wife for 2 years and it never happened.  I deserve better and once I pick up the pieces of my heart, I know that there is someone single out there that will treat me the way I deserve.

If this opens up just one person's eyes, I will have accomplished something with my story.  For those that chose to stay with their married men, good luck....you're going to need it.

Prisster Prisster 41-45, F 27 Responses Feb 27, 2010

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Add a response...I can relate to this story as well.I was friends with a married man for 2.5 years and thought that he was a sincerely devoted family man.I learned that he was very unhappily married and was supposedly in love with me.We embarked in a sexual relationship which lasted six weeks.What a huge mistake.He and his wife appear to be mentally unstable and still cyber stalk me,three years later.His wife still drives by my house any number of times,weekly.I would advise anyone who was considering an affair,to reconsider.It is not worth it.You are only seeing half of the story.I often feel as though I'm in the movie "Fatal Attraction",except his wife is the Glenn Close character.

I can relate to this story as I am currently involved with a married man. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. However, his wife does not know about me and they do not have any kids. He's also thousands of miles away now because I left the country, and as much as I try to forget him and convince myself I should forgo contact, I can't help talking to him.

To all unsympathetic people out there: it is very easy to pass judgment if you've never been in a similar situation, but you cannot help who you fall for, as much as you try.

Mine wasn't married but had a long term partner. Just like you we started out as friends and he painted a picture of himself as a kind of superman/mr perfect and for a long time I convinced myself he was. He NEVER said he loved me but let me say it to him. He dangled the carrot of 'what might happen' if I stick around and u fell for it. Everytime he could see me losing interest because of his letting me down and broken promises he would start with the 'I'm thinking of leaving' chat and my interest regained. In the end he just kept me around for his own ego. He started with little comments like my weight and anything good I achieved he would put it down. He will always be the most handsome man ive ever known and just 5 mins in his company was like winning the lottery. I remember seeing his Partner once on a bus . I've never seen anyone look so unhappy. It's been 3 months since I broke contact and I still have to fight with myself not to text him. I miss him everyday and cry myself to sleep but I know I've done the right thing. Susan

I hope this causes you a lot of pain because you really deserve it. It doesn't matter if you 'couldn't help falling in love' or 'never thought you'd do this'; you KNEW he was married and still went ahead and hurt his wife and children. You're a horrible selfish pig and the world would be better off if you killed yourself right this instant.

you are the most unsympathetic person in the world. this comment is terrible and cruel and completely uncalled for. you are clearly angry, just as your username indicates. you should try putting yourself in someone else's shoes for a change and I'm sure you'll find that you'll be a better person.

I agree.

Thank you for your honesty!

I am now just recovering from a very similar experience. How long did it take you to mend the pieces of your broken heart? I am still feeling very devastated and having trouble eating, feeling very weak and unhealthy. It's been about a month and the pain still persists. It's awful.

I find it confusing when women say they fell in love, and he treated them so well. If he really loved you with his whole heart, he would be by your side and not the other womans', Who through no fault of hers is in the middle of an affair and has no idea. I think its cruel to both women. And at the same time its the woman who allow these affairs to happen, when they should be telling the man - No you are married!

I have been with a married man for as long as he has been married which will be 4 yrs Saturday. We started out as friends and co-workers which slowly turned into love. The first time we were intimate we both cried and it was amazing. I had never been that connected with any man and I loved it. We fell in love that day. We snuck around at work because his sister and his wife sister worked there with us. He told me that he loved me one night in January and I said I loved him too. Soon after that Valentine's Day came around and of course I wasnt able to see him because he was with her. I realized a few days later that I hadnt got my period, so I took a test and it was positive. He had only been married 5 months and now I was pregnant. I did the unthinkable and had an abortion. He went with me and stayed with me until 4 o'clock that day when he had to go because she was getting off. I cried for weeks. The first time he decided to leave it started over concert tickets during another Valentine's day. I had gotten him tickets to his favorite rapper's concert with VIP tickets for the after party. Well the wife surprised him with the same the tickets. Of course I didnt know this because I wasnt with him on Valentine's day. He yelled and cursed at me like I was some kind of ***** he had just been f****g. I cried for days and days my best friend came to visit me and we went out and he called me all through the night while he was in Atlanta with her. He woke me up at 5am because he didnt know I made it home and he was worried. I said I am not your concern anymore. Weeks went by and texts message still happen but no contact. One Sunday he came to my apt unexspectedly and we wound up making love and then the cycle started again. We have broken up several times during this 4 yr journey he did most of it catching me completely off guard and leaving me completely devasted and heartbroken. Weeks would pass and he would come right back and I would let him back in. Like so many of you we could talk to each other about everything and we never argued it was the best relationship I had ever been in. We were in loved we went on trips together and dates. He was at my place almost everyday. Now I am here wanting to let go wanting to stop loving him and now more than ever I feel like I am ok to walk away but the lonliness gets to me. I told him that I wasnt going to keep putting my life on hold for him if he wants to stay with someone he has cheated on since they were girlfriend and boyfriend and not be with someone he has been able to be his complete self with then I feel sorry for him. My heart is broken and I just refuse to keep putting my heart of there on the line for him to still not want to be with me. I cant say that we dont still see each other but its on my terms I dont ask when he is going to see me and if he doesnt it doesnt even bother me anymore. I am trying really hard to find someone that I will be number 1 with and that loves me no matter what. The hardest part is that he did and offered me everything I needed and wanted in a relationship from getting up at 4 in the morning to lay with me and cook me breakfast while she leaving at that time of morning for work. The trips and dinners just hurts that I might not find someone that fullfil my needs in every way. I just gotta keep moving forward the best way I possibly can to get over him B. Dennis.

oh this is sad :( im so sorry * big Hugs * I hope things are better for you now

Well we broke up because his wife found out but I know that if I let him he would come back to me. I have been in this relationship for 6 years and I really thought he loved me and I think he did but like you not enough to leave his wife...I am heartbroken and I want to get over this pain but it just seems like in never going to go away...I cry all the time because at the end of the day he threw me to the curb...it hurts so much because i never thought he would do that...but here I am heartbroken and crying all the time...I just want to move on....I do see him in a different light...i dont look at him the same...thanks for the advise...I will stay strong...

My MM was not only married, but also 30 years my senior. I didn't care. I was so blind sided by the love I felt for him I didn't care about the consequences. We were on a job for work out of town and we had to stay in a hotel. It was 6 weeks of having him all to myself. We went to the gym together, had dinner together, watched movies together...everything. Before we knew it we were in love. When the job was over and we had to go back to the office it was eating away at us because we couldn't let coworkers know and we had to sneak out for lunch and converse through hand written notes (no emails, no texts, few phone calls) because we couldn't speak freely in the office. It was terrible. We were both miserable because we couldn't be together the way we had been during those 6 weeks.

He said he wanted to be with me, but that if we were to have children it wouldn't be fair to the kids or him because he would be 70+ years old by the time they were in high school/college. He also reminded me several times that he still loved his wife. Now we're both at a point where we want to quit our job so that we don't have to deal with the emotions anymore because he won't leave his wife and I love him too much. I regret ever getting to know him. It couldn't be helped at the time, but I'm wishing now more than ever that I had been stronger and said "no". No I'm left with a broken heart while he lives happily ever after with his wife.

I've endured the same emotional heartache as I have been seeing a married man called Keith Thorogood who claimed he would leave his wife Eileen Thorogood for me. Unfortunately he never would. So now he will pay the price.

Hi , I also foolishly feel for a married man, my partner in work. He got on so well, we just clicked. Everyone could see it. I was oblivious. All I could see was him. I couldn't of been happier. Our affair went on for over a year before his wife found out. She overheard him on the phone to me saving he loved me. He ignored for about 3 -4 days after that. I had no clue what was going on or been said. Eventually we met & he filled me in. Of course he played down the affair & said it was only a few weeks on (deplorable 2 admit but she was pregnant at the time & had the baby in the mean time. So we decided 2 stop it all. I said no more . It wasn't 2 weeks & he was trying. 2 get back with me again. And I let him , because I love him & felt sorry for him. & it's been on off from then till now. Over that period, I said no more & he always came crawling back and I let him. Nearly lost my closet friends & family because of him. No he's had enough & said he can't do it anymore. So I'm the heartbroken dope left feeling all the pain now. Said he doesn't want to get back with his wife but I don't really believe him . I hate going to work now seeing him coz it's killing me. He's not my partner in work anymore but we still work in the same office . It's been 3 weeks now and it's hell. I'm been as strong as I can and not contacting but I have gave in once or twice. Please any advice would be gratefully appreciated . Like many others , never would of dreamed of been in this situation , at 31 years of age

Thanks so much for this post! I just ended things with a married man and it is killin me but I know it's for the best. He wants to continue contact but I have to keep reminding myself I deserve better! They never leave their wives! At least that's what statistics show- unfortunately my heart didn't think about that when I fell in love :( on to better things!

Im 20 years old. Ive been dating a married mab for over 5 years and now i really dont know what to do i meey him when i was 16 and we had a baby together that is now three years old. Hes been with his wife for almost 15 years. I always tought he would leave her for me like he said he would. Its been almost six years and i get treated very bad he says he dont love me nomore that he hates me. All because one night i went out and had a couple drinks with some girl friends. He tells me hes going to have more kids with her. Im so confused and sad i wanted him for me i try to get away but i cant i want to be able to live a happy life i just dont know how..

Bubbles you need to get the hell away from that man. That is nonsense. He has no right to mistreat you. He tool advantage of an underage minor and had the nerve to get you pregnant! He is a low down dirty dog as far as I'm concerned. He needs to be paying child support and you need to move on with your life. This man mistreats you because he knows you are young and he has control of your mind. I got out of a long abusive marriage so I know what it feels like to feel helpless and hopeless but you have to be strong for yourself and your child. If you want to talk more send me a private message...I am here for you, sincerely Choco ; )

Totally agree with Chocobliss11. He took advantage of you, and is trying to control you. You can't have him, yet, he wont let you get on with your life. What a low life animal he is. You need to expose him to his wife, and introduce your child to her if need be. He should be paying you child support. Some men a pure sh it disguised as humanbeings....

Thirteen months ago I feel in love with a married man. I didn't plan it, and I didn't ever believe that I would be involved in a relationship with a married man. The first 6 months his wife lived out of state with their kids while attending graduate school. I knew from the beginning that the plan was for them to be "a family" again when she was done with her degree. I guess deep in my heart I hoped he choose me and divorce her. When she returned, we planned on ending it...but we didn't. I loved him deeply and honestly, had never been treated so well by a man. We saw each other weekly or every other week, we talked 2 to 3 times a day, we texted all day long...and had the best sex I'd ever had. In my head, I knew this wasn't right and knew that he would never leave his wife. He never lied to me and told me that he wanted to be a full time dad...and he was a great one. My heart was just so in love with this man. We had great times and could talk about anything and everything. I told him more than I've ever told anyone in my life. I know he never planned on falling in love with me either and planned on ending it when his wife returned...but neither of us could do it.



Well, yesterday his wife went through his phone and saw a text I had sent. Needless to say, sh*t hit the fan at his house. From him, I got the call I knew would come if she ever found out. "We need to be over". He followed up with a Facebook message this morning about how sorry he is and that he's sorry he hurt me. I believe him...but I also know that he has made his choice and that I was always number 2. I'm not surprised by that...I already knew it...but the reality of that is crashing in on me today.



I know there are so many reasons he has chosen to stay. His wife has been a stay at home mom for their 5 kids and has never worked. She has made it clear she will take "everything" from him; including the kids, back to the state they both came from before moving to our state for his job. His parents are fundamental Christians who have threatened to disown him and cut off all ties if he "tears apart his family" (he tried to leave 3 years ago, that's why she left for graduate school). If he chose me, he'd lose everything else. I love him enough to let go. And frankly, I love myself enough to let go too. I deserve better. I deserve to be first, and I deserve to not be "hidden". I want to be someone's priority, not their secret.



But it still hurts so badly...I really do love him more than I've ever loved any man before; including the man I was married to for 20 years. Thanks for listening...I just needed to tell someone and this thread seemed like the place to unload since I can't talk to anyone else. My friends all know him and love him...but they don't know he's married. Now to figure out how to explain that the man I love so much, and was just here 3 days ago, and I have broken up so suddenly.



Thank you for listening.

Thanks for your post! I empathize! I just ended my MM situation today and im in so much pain! He is never going to leave her and I have to accept that- he lied to me and I believed him :( ugh! I've learned a hard lesson! I know what you mean about the great sex and being able to tell him anything! That's how we were too ! Oh well... Life goes on! Thank you

8 yrs down the line and im only realising that he has been a manipulaitive so and so. Every thing was on his terms. I suffered a miscarriage courtesy of him and he left me to cope with it on my own. I had to drive from my work place ( as a nurse ) to my local hospital and try to explain to work colleagues why i was on my own..very embarrassing and heartbreaking. I endured a d and c and had no-one to meet me at the the other end,,,his wifes cousin worked in the ward so he couldnt come...since then ive put up with all his excuses lies and deceipt. Hes made me feel like im the lunatic in this so xalld relationship..his latest ploy is he will report me for harrassment if i dont leave him alone. Do i want revenge or just just leave him to it?

Per wandawatson069's request, here is an update to my story. After much convincing from my MM, I gave him yet another chance. He finally left his wife and moved in with me in May, 2010. I was thrilled to death that he FINALLY followed thru on leaving his wife to be with me. His actions finally spoke louder than his words. The first month was hard though....his wife was calling and texting him every day, all day. She wanted him back. Then things went down hill even more when he got a job that he absolutely hated. He came home every night exhausted and aching so badly. Then, the depression set in. He missed his friends, his grandchildren, and the job he had. I tried everything I knew to pull him out of it but he got worse. The affection/attention he used to show me was next to nothing. I would talk to him about it but it fell on deaf ears. It was so frustrating to live with the man you love and not getting any affection in return. After 6 months, we talked for 4 hours one night and he said he wanted to go back to the life he has always known. I agreed. The lack of affection/attention had taken it's toll on me too. The love I felt for him turned to frustration and just plain gave up. I tried everything I knew how to make him happy and nothing worked. So, in November, 2010, he went back home. We parted as friends and agreed to keep in contact occassionally. Yes, he moved back in with his wife but he had no place else to go. Of course, she was happy to get him back.We talked a couple of times that first 2 weeks he went back home. We both agreed that we were glad we tried and had no regrets.Then, after 3 weeks of being home, he wanted to come back!!!! I told him no.....that I didn't trust him anymore. How would I know that he wouldn't do it again? I wasn't going thru that again. He blamed his depression and job on his decision to leave. I told him that he could have stayed and worked things out by finding another job, talk to me, and share his feelings like he used to....and that if he really loved me, he wouldn't have been able to walk away from me.He still tried calling, texting, emailing, etc....to get me back. He wasn't wanting to take NO for an answer. He actually called me one night and told me that he missed and loved me so much and he was going to leave right that second to come home to me. I stood my ground and told him NO. The calls, texts, and emails became angry. Then, he'd apologize. I finally realized that communicating with him in any way only gave him hope that he could change my mind. It worked before, so, why would he think any different. I ended up having to ignore him....not answer any communication at all. It's been 4 months since he left and he's just recently quit trying to contact me. I will always care for him and be glad that we tried. I won't have to ever wonder what could have been.Recently, I met a man that is free and single. It is sooo nice to date someone that I can call, text, or see whenever I want....no sneaking around behind anyone's back. I will never have another long distance relationship or date a married man again. Life is good again. I am happy.Thanks for all of the comments to my story. It was a great comfort to hear other people going thru the same thing. Good luck to those that are with a MM. I hope you can let him go or he leaves his wife and your dreams come true.

well I have been seeing a married man for 12 years, when we met I was married as well, my marriage was not good we had been having problems for years, he had a drug problem and the ups and downs were tearing us apart. When I met I will call him Dave I knew he was married and it was ok I just needed a friend someone to talk to I didnt think it will turn into love. Dave never made any promises to me, he never promised to leave his wife I didnt expect him to, but I did expect him to love me and be there for me I so needed that he did make those promises, but those promises are hard to keep when you are married, as I fell deeper in love with in it became harder for me, I needed him more, wanted him more, wanted him to be in my life. I do believed that he loved me but he also loved his wife you cant love two people without someone being neglected and that someone that was being neglected was me..... as time went on I became miserable, sad, lonely, depressed, I tried to end our relationship only to get back in it..... my mind said no I cant do this anymore but my heart wouldnt let me let go, for 12 years I put myself through this, this married man definitely had his cake and ate it too, but I allowed it. To make a long story short he has decided to end it, he says I deserved more, of course I always knew this but my love for him wouldnt let me move on, he went out of town with his wife came back and he has been avoiding me every since, I have tried to call him, get him to call me, I have emailed him, went he finally did respond he says its for the best, of course its for the best I agree, but my brokenheart is not handling it very well, what hurts me the most is he wasnt man enough to talk to me before he decided to end it, the way he ended, it, he treated me like crap on the bottom of a shoe, I agree it was for the best, because as time went on there was to much pain, I wanted more and he couldnt give it to me. I thought I was more than just the other woman, I believed we were friends as well, I was so wrong. I was used for 12 years, but I ALLOWED IT...... ladies it is not worth it, you are so much more than the other woman, love yourself enough,,,,, as my father use to say to me, WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE THROWED AWAY... its has been four months and the pain is still very fresh, there is a mixture of pain, anger, my heart is completely shattered, but I know in due time it will heal. I pray to god everyday to get me through this. Again ladies, we are MUCH MORE THAN THE OTHER WOMAN.

This sounds alot like my story except we met up through work and he actually did leave and move to the City I live in. His family would not talk to him and they had an intervention and convinced him to let his wife move up here. He let her thinking she would not stay as he didn't think she'd like the city or being away from the adult kids and grandchildren. She has proven him wrong on everything he ever thought. I can't do it anymore either. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I have to see him everyday as we work closely together. I hope you are doing ok and things are getting better everyday!

This sounds alot like my story except we met up through work and he actually did leave and move to the City I live in. His family would not talk to him and they had an intervention and convinced him to let his wife move up here. He let her thinking she would not stay as he didn't think she'd like the city or being away from the adult kids and grandchildren. She has proven him wrong on everything he ever thought. I can't do it anymore either. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I have to see him everyday as we work closely together. I hope you are doing ok and things are getting better everyday!

This sounds alot like my story except we met up through work and he actually did leave and move to the City I live in. His family would not talk to him and they had an intervention and convinced him to let his wife move up here. He let her thinking she would not stay as he didn't think she'd like the city or being away from the adult kids and grandchildren. She has proven him wrong on everything he ever thought. I can't do it anymore either. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I have to see him everyday as we work closely together. I hope you are doing ok and things are getting better everyday!

This sounds alot like my story except we met up through work and he actually did leave and move to the City I live in. His family would not talk to him and they had an intervention and convinced him to let his wife move up here. He let her thinking she would not stay as he didn't think she'd like the city or being away from the adult kids and grandchildren. She has proven him wrong on everything he ever thought. I can't do it anymore either. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I have to see him everyday as we work closely together. I hope you are doing ok and things are getting better everyday!

Any update Prisster? What happened? Did you ever hear from him again?

I waited for 10 years, so 3 is not so bad relatively speaking... :-)

hey friend... i do agree.. but married man has to think a lot on that front... their child who is the worst sufferer... but if any one can predict their future than they will not make such kind of mistakes.. even i went thru same problem... but i came out of it.. dear friend just forget as a bad experience & start loving ur life... it is very beautiful.. if there is no ups & downs in life... then it will not be enjoyable... i have fallen in love twice b4 marriage.. but without success.. anyway dear dont feel bad abt wat i comment... Life is all abt sacrifice... always stay happy, keep smiling & take care



Regards

Raj - raj_3464@rediffmail.com

good for you .. you did the right thing. I know it must have been difficult but there was no future there if he didn't leave his wife by now. Good luck with your future!

good for you. I'm happy that you came to this realization before it was 10 years down the line and you cant get out of it.