Just Getting Myself Prepared To Let Go Anytime...

I met this married man (with two kids) via work. We're both from different countries and he only travels to my country for work maybe once or twice a year. We have been speaking on a casual basis via email at work, and even after work prior to his trip over and have both somewhat had a feeling that something like this would happen before we actually met. He was here for two weeks and after spending the first day together, which resulted in a kiss, i had spent every single hour when he's not in work with him. I fell in love with him, he says he loves me too.

I've never felt this way about anyone before (as cliche as it sounds). We read each other's minds, we know and recognise what each other needs, have a lot in common, understand each other the way that no one else does. The feeling is mutual and since its early days, i still find myself amazed at these phenomenons as like i said, is brand new and fresh to me.

I am trying not to expect anything from him because I love him and ultimately want him to be happy. Now that he's back he says he needs time to re-think his marriage situation and figure out what to do that would be right for the long-term. He says that his priority is with his children and that whatever choice he makes ultimately will be because of them. I'm preparing myself for the worst, loving 1 person is probably not worth the sacrifice of the love of 2 innocent young children who cannot take care of themselves. I know I'm a weak person for not controlling my feelings and letting this happen, but this almost never happens to me.

He's planning to fly over for a week soon to see me. I did attempt to end this when he went back BUT it seemed like it would be a waste of time to end it now after what we have been through not to discover if there is any potential for a future (according to him, and i agree). Two weeks together after all is a bit too short to decide whether or not to leave his wife for me. He tells me that he has an "okay" marriage before me, but just that it had been dull and mundane for the past 3 years and meeting me has made him realised that its a bigger problem than he thought, and he needs to decide if its worth staying on for the kids, or would it benefit everyone if they got a divorce instead.

As for me, I have given him a timeline (a silent one he does not know) of half a year to figure this out. If not, I will leave and let go. I think in that way I have given both of us a fair chance, and I just hope when the time comes, I'll be ready to let go.



P.s. Love is truly a rare thing. I never found my soul mate until now but the circumstances are wrong. So if you're in love and with the one you love, please cherish what you have for you may not find it ever again. x

thisaddiction thisaddiction
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 14, 2010

How are things going for you? You might fall more in love with him, and in 6 months you won' be able to get out. Hope all is well...