What Do I Do???? :(

Okay, I really need help on this situation. I'll start from the beginning. We met online... I saw his pic and profile first, and he really caught my eye. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. I emailed him, told him my name, and told him to drop me a line. He emailed me about a month later:

I hope you have been having a great week thus far. I am so intrigued and I have to have patience you know. LOL You gave message almost a month ago, and unfortunately I'm never on here... darn it. I hope to hear from you soon.

If you would like to call me feel free.

Until then Ciao Bella

I called him the day I got the message, and turns out, he's a Jazz saxaphonist. Since our city is kinda small and all the musicians seem to know each other, and I'm in music ministry at my church, I threw out a couple names to see if he knew them. Turns out, not only did he know everyone I knew, but he's a friend of my older sister's! Immediatey after talking to him, I called my sister. Turns out this guy is the same guy she's been raving over the past couple of months, but he's fairly well known here. Two months before this day, he had an album release concert that I was supposed to go to, but didn't make it. I loved his CD and wanted to get it. I had no idea, this was all the same person!

My sister calls him, and not long later, he calls me back, stuttering-lol. He tells me that even though he and my sister are friends, nothing romantic happened, but he did like my sister for a while. He also said he didn't want it to seem like he was jumping from one sister to the next, but would still like to get to know me. He asked me if I was ok with it. I wasn't sure at first. I called my sister back, and asked her what the deal was with her and Chuck. She also said nothing happened, and she would be ok with it.

We went out 2 days before Valentine's day. We hit it off immediately. He was playing at a local venue that night as a special guest, so he asked me to be his date. He was on and off the stage alot, so half the time he was with me, and half the time he was playing, but I still had fun. He flew out to NYC on V-day because he planned a trip with family b/c he didn't have a date when he planned it. We talked that whole weekend though.

We had a blast on our second date. We drove out to Canada so he can buy another sax.  A few days later, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I told him yes. Not long later, he's staying at my house. Little by little, his possesions end up in my house: toothbrush, underwear, xbox 360, etc. He starts talking about marriage and having a family. I told him I'm open to remarriage (I married a drummer at a young age) and I've always wanted to have kids. One thing led to another, and well, you know what happened...

Before all of this happened, I had a situation. A friend of my ex-husband's popped up out of nowhere one night, forced himself into my apt, and tried to rape me. I did notify the police. More than likely, he's going to jail, but the police can't find him. Not long after that, a married man from my church has been conducting himself very inappropriately toward me. I was close to talking to his wife about him, but my brother advised me not to. He advised me to go to my pastor. I did threaten to go to pastor on this married man, and he backed away.

My boyfriend knows both situations, and he dumped me, saying that his safety is in jeopardy hanging out with me. I was hurt, but I knew this could be a good thing since we moved so fast. I didn't call, no text messages, deleted his number out my phone so I wouldn't be tempted, no more pics of him in my phone, I didn't even listen to his CD.

It's only been about a month since we met. I'm "late", but I don't think I'm pregnant. He's actually disappointed because he wants me to be pregnant, but I don't know if I handle the stress of being with him. He came by and asked me two nights ago to give him another chance and he seemed really sincere, but I'm not sure about that now. He's really pulling on my heart. He told me he loves me and wants to marry me. I've been trying to call him since that night, and he's not picking up his phone, nor answering my texts. I know he's doing a show out of town, but he could at least text me and say "I'm ok". Most of his friends are females, he's too chummy with his exes, at first he always made sure I knew where he was and what he was doing, now I'm #2.

I originally planned to take it slow with this guy, not sure how I ended up so deep so quickly with him, and it scares me because I don't want to get my heart broken again.

I know all this is long, but alot has happened while dating this guy. I've done the musician thing twice before (ex husband and choir director) and both ended in disaster. My stomach is in knots trying to deal with all of this! :(  Maybe no musicians ever again in life???? Any suggestions????



marshay marshay
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

He sounds like a complete **** what you mean his safety is in jeopardy? What kind of man is that? Get a real man.

Maybe take it slower next time. Nothing good comes from rushing into things hun. Good luck.