Loving a Soldier

I've had the great opportunity to fall in love with a soldier.  We have been dating for about 3 months now.  It was great when I first met him.  We have sooo much in common.  It's like we both fit together so perfectly, similar yet complimentary.  We both love music and being outside.  We love to laugh and hang out with our families.  He's more affectionate and I am more reserved.  He's soooo smart and I'm very social.  We just kind of blend :)  He told me first that he loved me about 2 months in, and said it was me and him.  The only problem is, I've just found out he is going to Iraq for about 6 months (?).  I have never dated anyone in the military, but I can only imagine what wives and girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends of military personnel have to go through.  I've started to notice little changes in him already.  He says I don't think you will be able to handle the fact that I cant tell you everything about my job.  Because he is in intelligence, he has no one to ever talk to about anything that bothers him with his job.  I don't ever push him, but it took me a little while to realize when I say How was your day honey, that it stressed him out.  He just couldn't tell me...  He does show some signs of Post traumatic stress disorder and hyper-vigilence (from a few years of tours).  He's had a panic attack with me before in a restraunt, and has a tendency to stare at groups of people, almost fixated.  He has problems going out during the daytime sometimes, he may get really paranoid that something is going to happen to him.  I am just learning about these things and I just wonder if it is OK to feel very confused about if I can deal with this?  The thought of not having him around and not loving him feels worse than having to deal with these issues.  I've never felt like this about a person, and I think that it is why I am much more patient with him than anyone I've ever dated.  I'm wondering do I need to break up with him before he leaves (about 2 months from now) so that he can actually get himself prepared to go and if we decide to date when he gets back, he won't feel so stressed about "leaving someone behind."  What is the way any of you have dealt with this?  I don't want to break up with him though, especially if I thought it would hurt him more... I hope one day down the road we can make it work, but I just don't know how to act in his best interest and in mine.

uncgirlla uncgirlla
4 Responses Mar 18, 2009

you say what you need to say. you need to be honest and loving - with him and with yourself. these boys need support, and if you are going to break up with him than do it now, not string him on and break up with him the day he is going on a mission and needs all his wits about him instead of mending a broken heart. emotional stability and reliance is what gets them through often and gives them hope when all is said and done. if you are to be in his life, than give it all and realize that even though he is miles away, his heart will stay with you. if you are not feeling strong enough feelings for him, than let him go and let him go in peace. when you love someone truly, especially a Soldier, distance is just that...distance. do not ask about his day, it's enough that you tell him to sleep well and gets his rest when he can. they are not really going there camping and to sit around the ba<x>se doing nothing...<br />
I'm dating a Soldier, and he's the best Man I have even met, aside for my Grandfather, ret. army COL. The great side about dating a Soldier is, you will always know where you stand, they do not do mickey-mouse relationships, they are either all in or all out. If he tells you he loves you, than you can bet your life on it that he fully does. <br />
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good luck to all who begin dating a Soldier...there is no better love than theirs...but it's hard to earn and hard to go through, even though it's worth every moment.

Wow Kinga, that was written SO well... You actually put everything I'm feeling into words...Thank you for that

I will be going through a similar situation in about a year or so and I already have a hard time dealing with my boyfriend having to cancel plans for dates because he gets off of work late. I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I can deal with him being in a completely different country.

My story is a bit different but my boyfriend is a solder & is deployed in Iraq. We're pretty much engaged with the ring and all but he wants to officially do it in person :) I got through pain missing him but, im staying strong. I believe we are going through the same situation & i could give support. Stay Strong !!<br />
Keep in touch.

gosh, i'm in a kinda similar situation. but only been seeing this guy for 6 weeks. i'd love to know the rest of your story. PLEEEEASE get in touch. jessica_seal@sky.com<br />
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