Is It True Love?

I am in a relationship with a man 19 years younger than me for about 2 years and living with him on weekends for about 6 mos. I am 40 and he is 21. We met on cougar dating site Sugarmommameet.com. I was married for 17 years and have three sons, one of which is only 2 years younger. He doesnt know that, he thinks my bf is four years older than him. My oldest son isnt very comfortable with the situation…not so much the age as he sort of saw me with another type of person. My other kids love him even though they are only 6 years younger ( twins) than my bf.

He is definitely the love of my life, my soulmate and he tells me the same. He moved from Washington State , leaving everything behind to be with me and works very hard everyday to stay in my high cost of living area ( New York) because I can’t leave until I finish raising my kids. He has raised a few siblings being the eldest of 7 kids and he came from a lot of childhood hardship (His father left his mother with all these kids and she was an alcaholic) . He is a strong man both physically and emotionally. He has asked me to marry him, even begged me to, for more than 6 months. He tells me it hurts him that I won’t. The only time I have seen tears in his eyes is when I say “I can’t” (marry him) . He tells me it hurts I don’t trust him to love me unconditionally. To be honest, I truly want to..I have been married twice before and both times I knew it was a mistake. He tells me daily that i am beautiful and he will love me despite what aging will do to my outside. I am also lucky like all of you to look younger tha I am, but I do not look like I am in my early 20′s. He looks like he is in his mid 20′s. We talk openly about my fears….that I won’t be able to keep up with him in the future, about my obsession with looking young enough, concerns that he is really too young to know what he will be okay with in the future. He is more mature than a lot of men my age …I have never dated someone younger and never thought I would. But we have an undeniable connection. We are so much alike it’s eerie sometimes. My best friend is supportive although she feels I am putting myself through too much pain trying to stay with him and knowing in the back of my mind that it “has to end” sometime. We have talked about the issue of children . He says he doesn’t want kids. That he did the child caretaking and wants to travel like I do and have his hobbies ( which we have the same). He says if he is supposed to have kids it will be with me…if we don’t he wasn’t meant to have them.
I am so conflicted. I lost so many of my long term friends already because they are appalled by my being with him. I love him so much, but I am always hurting and trying to memorize his smile, his laugh etc for the time I feel will come and I won’t see it anymore.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 11, 2013

You're in your prime and he's barely out of high school or in college by how old this comment is. Not that I'm saying it's wrong, marriage is a commitment on both sides regardless of age. If you think this isn't going to work out in the long run, then your probably right. Your the one with the experience, and already carry heart break. As for him it's his first love. If he truly loves you ask him to wait. It doesn't mean you break it off, find ways to get to know each other better. In the long run you might find that it's your true love, or it's best just to stay friends. But what do I know, I never dated before. XP

I am dating a man 20 years younger and can't believe he will stay faithful to me with all the opportunities he has or that his will last . How is your relationship going now ? Has he ever strayed and have you accepted it ? I would love to know .