I Am Dating a Younger Man
It's only been a month, but what a whirlwind. I am dating a man/boy who is 13 years younger than I am. I have a daughter who is 4 years younger than him. I was enjoying his company. He made life more interesting. I thought I was content in a fun good time kind of relationship until he threw a bombshell at me. He said he couldn't see me anymore because he was starting to care too much for me? On the phone, of all things. I told him that it was a cruel and selfish method. Then he threw another bombshell at me by saying he had a hard time expressing himself to me? I'm confused.?! The stories he told me and the life experiences he shared with me were beyond intimate and revealing. He was brutally honest about so much of himself. Seriously, some of the things he told me should never be revealed and the rest I would be ashamed and embarrassed to tell another soul. Then he says he can't talk to me. I'm trying to rationalize it by saying that it is because his heart has become too involved? Am I right? If he can bare his soul to me for hours on end about his life and his feelings - why then can he not open up about our relationship and his concerns? He knew what he was getting himself into from the start. Why now?
When you start to love someone shouldn't you want to be with them? I don't know what to do or say in this regard? I want him to be happy. I do care for him, but he wants to have kids and get married. My kids are all grown. I understand the need to pro-create, but he also said he still wants to talk with me and hang-out? (<< age obvious) I am willing to allow him that happiness. It just hurts to be so quickly disregarded while he says he loves me.
I told him I wasn't looking for a serious relationship with anybody right now and I'm still not ready for serious settle-down kind of a lifestyle. I had my children young and I never got to live a foolish childhood-teen year life. I guess you could say I'm reliving my youth. I work long and hard throughout the day and I love my job. He works, but it depends on the weather. He travels hundreds of miles but never fails to call me to tell me he misses me. He comes back for a few days at a time and stays with me. On the weekend we both like to veg out. That's why he was perfect. We liked the same things, we talked so easily, we enjoyed each other's company, and we had fun. He claims he still wants to do that! How? How can he continue to be with me when he knows we won't ride off into the sunset together? How can he expect..ugh! I think i'm having a difficult time phrasing my concern properly here.
I think he's confused and because of it he's confusing me too. How can I stay in a relationship with him and stop him from loving me at the same time? There is no way. But, he insists that's what he wants. I would love it - because, as I said, it's been great. I am still young, I'm 40, I love the sex, he's a lot of fun, and he has so many beautiful qualities. I am in love with the person he encompasses and I wish he was older. He's the epitome of everything I've ever wanted or needed in a man - but he's too young!! I know that. Yet, I'm having a difficult time letting go. I don't want to lose the way I feel when I'm with him.
Frankly, I am surprised that I am not in love with him. He served his purpose. Was it my fault? Am I an evil woman? Did I seduce this young man into something subconsciously? Was I trying to prove something to myself?
I won't lie. I cried. I was more hurt by his method of departure and my inability to get my say in how our inevitable separation would happen. I suppose I wanted to be a part of the decision making. I needed to have a little control over when I let him go permanently, but he's taken the reins and given me an ultimatum. Take it or leave it.
What would you do? I care but I don't. Does that make sense? Could somebody please psychoanalyze this situation and respond to this long-winded story?
