Still struggle with this daily... I was raised in a conservative home but my mother was open to conversations about sex, just not always accurate lol. I married young and immediately entered in to a sexless marriage. I tried, I truly did. Lingerie, perfect dinners, candlelight, trips, ****, etc... Nothing worked. He was gone all week long to work and I was always thrilled when he came home, hoping something would spark his interest in me. He never strayed, he was a very faithful man. But his drive was nonexistent and hard to handle. He always told me I was beautiful and sexy. He showed me off to his friends. But wasn't interested in me sexually. And we didn't have children at the time. After 5 years, we decided to conceive. That's the most and best sex we ever had. Don't get me wrong, if I wanted to ******, he always made sure I did. He would use toys or his fingers, but that was about it. He wasn't impotent. But just wasn't interested in intercourse. I just couldn't handle it anymore and divorced last year. That wasn't the only issue we had, but it added to the fire. He now asks me for sex and wants to be with me, but I have such strong issues right now. He actually made me feel undesirable, unattractive, and very irritated. I'm trying to date now and I'm very comfortable with my own sexuality. I'm not frigid in the sack by no means. But I still have an issue with being open to let someone be intimate with me when it comes to actual intercourse. I still feel undeserving. But I don't want to be satisfied with ************ or mutual ************ for the rest of my life! Any advice to break out of that celibate shell? Lol
catiemae87 catiemae87
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 29, 2014

I know what you mean... I lost all ability to climax with a partner for awhile--emotional block. I could literally feel like a cinderblock-sized chunk of anxiety sitting in front of my chest. That has dissipated, but I still struggle with a lack of confidence in a man's attraction to me. I'm otherwise very self confident, very open sexually, very comfortable with my body and all that. This one aspect, though... It's slow going.

I can say, for me, it is slowly improving. I'm careful who I attempt flirtatious conversations with, attempt to pursue. I suffer no fools. I only continue with men who build me up. I know my confidence is shaky there.

I think time with the right partner will improve things for you. It sounds like YOU are fine. It's your interactions that are a problem. You can relearn your responses. It'll just take time and reinforcement with a good partner.

It's a tough one. When a woman doesn't feel desired it can really make her question her sensuality.
I guess it's one of those things that time and,hopefully, the right guy can change.

Therapy with an individual therapist experienced with helping women overcome their sexual inhibitions.

It also can help to make friends with women who are confident about their sexuality. They can be great role models. Avoid the women who think that sex is something shameful and dirty.

I will try that. The issue is, I'm very confident about my sexuality and very very open, until it comes to intercourse. It's like a wall for me. I will do everything else all day long, but that stops me in my tracks. And I still struggle with the desire issue. I always think " they might desire me enough for foreplay, but there is no way they want me enough to actually have sex with me." Some think it's crazy, but it's a real issue I have

It doesn't sound crazy, catiemae. Most of western society gives women very mixed messages about sex. Women are taught more about abstinence than they are taught about the health and pleasurable aspects of sex.

I thoroughly enjoy myself sexually. I pleasure myself and ****** daily. It's just the desirable part I struggle with. Hopefully it will improve with time