14 Year Gap!

I am 23 years old and I am engaged to a 37 year old. Now let me tell you a few things about this one. We are 14 years apart in age and have been dating since I was 19, he was a 33 at the time, and we lived together for the past 2 1/2 years about. We will be together 4 years in August and that's when we are getting married. My family have been somewhat supportive. My mother has had a hard time only for the fact that they are closer in age--like 8  years, and my stepdad and him are even closer in fact it's a 4 year gap for them. My dad on the other hand never approved in the beginning and 4 years later still can't move on and accept it. We are planning a wedding and I feel like I shouldn't even have the people at my wedding come that never supported the relationship after these almost 4 years. But you need to learn that it's all about you and that other person, because they're the one that's going to be the one you want to be with forever. And even if they are much older, you might die before them, you never know. Also, another reason for dating an older man is the "been there, done that" I can't tell you how much that comes in handy. Had a baby? "Been there, done that." Bought a house? "Been there, done that"Ever bought a car by yourself? "
Been there, done that. Have a steady job and getting paid good--yes!!! Those are some really good things if you like a man that can teach you and you can learn from them, rather than learn together. I don't know about you but I like to ask my man a question and get an answer. Not a responce of "I don't know." Because he hasn't grown up enough to experience anything. Well ladies, that 's the words of the wise. I have learned that there are some good things that come out of being with an older man. Either you do or you don't.

foxxymeeko foxxymeeko
22-25, F
33 Responses May 14, 2008

I actually had this problem, I married my old middle school teacher when I was 20 and he was 34; he was only 26 when I was a kid- but all I get it criticism

I've been dating a man for a year and a half now, he's 14 years older than me as well (I'm almost 22 and he's 36). I'm in a constant battle on whether I should continue with him or not. I love him, and it's not an age issue, but (wow this is embarrassing to say) we don't have sex as often as I'd like and it plays on my self esteem! Before me he hadn't had a girlfriend (just "had fun" with girls) and now with me weeks can go by without any sex and it doesn't seem to bother him! Although it bothers me a great deal and I've talked to him about it countless times, he always assures that he is attracted to me and wants to have sex with me but is always TIRED. That's all I hear, most excuses are that he's TIRED. I understand he works long shifts 6 days a week, but I'm so unsatisfied with our relationship and it hurts my feelings! I'm so confused because I DON'T want to leave him, we love each other and he's the sweetest man with a heart of gold. It's just that we don't have sex often enough, we don't go out and have a good time, there's just not much excitement and I don't know what to do but I can't leave him! HELP

My boyfriend (33) and I (19) have been together 3 years now, live together 2 years. I can agree with you, i've learned so much from him and he has actually learned a lot from me also. We have accomplished and established so much together. I try to imagine where i would be if i didnt have such a wonderful partner and i have no idea where that would be. Im very grateful to have such a great lover! However, the criticism seems like its never ending.

I know this is way old but I was on google..researching.. I am 22 and after dating my age mate who was my first bf (dated for 3 yrs).. I am "talking" to a 35 yr old man.. while getting to know him, I like what I see. told my mom about him and she thinks i'm just joking around.. Idk if I am but I think I'm open to dating a that old. haha one step at a time.

I am so glad i found this i am 20 dating a man who is 34 he wants us to get married as soon as i get finished with college and he has a great job and we can move anywhere we want with his job so moving for my job will be easy my only problem is i am not sure how to tell my parents. I also what to know how there marriage here has been going?

I have the same issue I am in love with someone who is 32 I am 18. we talk everyday and every day I like him more and more and we have so much in common what do I do. He wants me to go out with him but I do not know, what will my family and friends think?

I'm going through the same exact thing °·°

I met my now 40 year old boyfriend about a year ago and I was 24 I truley do love him he has 2 wonderful daughters one is 18 the other is 17 an he also has a 7 month old boy. My biggest thing tho is he has never been married and I tell him all the time "I love you" but he just won't say it back what do I do?

This is old but I am extremely glad I found this. I'm 19 and the man I'm dating is 33. We work so well together mentally, and physically. I wish people would understand how true our feelings are.

I'm 18 dating a 32 y/o and I love him with my whole heart. I know it's so tough. Parents are not always so approving but in their hearts they want to see you happy, so I would suggest saying that despite the age difference I've never been happier in my life and it would mean the world to me if I had your support. I used to be very flirtatious and would get an absolute kick out of any guy that would give me their attention but with my boyfriend it's so different, the thought of cheating has never gone through my mind. I am so deeply in love with him and he is all I want. His protective nature, maturity, nurturing nature, and his wisdom never makes me hinder on my decision to stay with him. He is the love of my life and no matter what anyone says I truly believe that yo should trust your heart and do what makes you happy because in the end you are all that you've got right? Well you and him ;)

The heart is ageless in it's dealings with love, follow your heart and not the minds of others. I am married to a much younger woman who fills my heart with joy and I her's. There is no guarantee's for tomorrow, make today a day to remember.

Love this thank you for sharing!

You have found the truth, older men have a greater ability to have the knowledge to know how to love and make decisions. He knows how to protect and guide his family as a good husband needs to. There is 30 years difference between my husband and I. We first met when I was 16. We did not start dating until I was 19 and we are now married and have known and been together for 16 wonderful years
All the best to you both. Be true to each other and love each other as if it might be the last day of your life and you will always be happy together.

I'm 27 and about to start a relationship with a man who 53. Has it worked for you? how is dating someone who doubles your age? any advice?

Well my dear love doesn't have an age. I'm 18 dating a 32 y/o and I've never felt so happy in my life. If he makes you absolutely incompasotated with happiness they screw what everyone else thinks do what makes YOU happy. If your friends or family disprove than all you have to say is hey this is what makes me truly happy, and I don't ask for your approval, I ask for your support. Know that you are loved no matter what
Cheers xx

Our stories are eerily similar. I am currently 23 and my boyfriend is 37. We have been together for 3 years now and have talked about marriage in the future. He has already been married and divorced and has two kids from his previous marriage. I have talked about having a family, which an important issue with me.

I have lost some friends along the way, due to my relationship with him. It's funny because, the same people who claimed to be friends of mine, have always been judgmental too. You are right in saying that it's about the two people. No one else is in the relationship, so no one's opinions should matter. My mother supports us being together and thinks that we are a good match. Age is a number. My mother has said to me that she doesn't understand how she got so old. I am feeling similarly as I look back on my life and all of my accomplishments.

We live once on this earth and I feel like we should all be able to make our own decisions. We should be with the ones who love us and make us happy. True friendships know no bounds. I believe the same for romantic love.

Many younger women are looking to date older yuys, mainly because older guys are relatively more successful in career and understand better how to treat their women. Many couples with age gap work out fine and get alone splendidly.
Agelessmate is a club for older man dating younger woman.
Welcomt to www.agelessmate.com
Wish you will meet your true love on www.agelessmate.com

Many younger women are looking to date older yuys, mainly because older guys are relatively more successful in career and understand better how to treat their women. Many couples with age gap work out fine and get alone splendidly.
Agelessmate is a club for older man dating younger woman.
Welcomt to www.agelessmate.com
Wish you will meet your true love on www.agelessmate.com

In reference to JJJ24's post. What she says is worth listening to. I'm 53, my gf is newly 30. We have a great relationship because she doesn't "idolize" me and I work very hard at not "teaching" her stuff, but I can see it in her eyes when she discovers something "new" and finds out I've already "been there, done that". I hate that look of disappointment. So, we spend a lot of time doing things I've never done before, which suits another part of my nature: I love new experiences. So, my recommendation is, for anyone in this situation, to always seek out new experiences together. This might be something as simple as learning to ski together or as dramatic as moving to country you have never experienced before.

Thanks, that is a useful advice. Or the older person can revisit the same topic with new vigour.

and trust me when I tell you.... him always knowing more than you and teaching you will never go away... you will get tired of it. He won't be able to help himself because he has already gone through it and he wants to TEACH you... When your in your 30's you don't need a teacher for a husband you just need a HUSBAND. I speak to you with words of someone who is living it. I've been with him 15 years and this is a major issue in our marriage now. I'm 37 and he's 50. I am full of life and he's slowing down. I want to be adventurous and still feel full of life. It's very hard and I feel sometimes I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Be careful and think it through seriously!!! The excitement of being with an older man does go away honey.

JJJ24, I think all relationships are different and all have their challenges. However, you have described my relationship pretty well. I am 49 and she is 37. At this age, both of us have a good deal of experience with life, but our education levels are different. She is just starting college now, but has been dumbed down by 12 years of intense religion in a very poor, uneducated area. Whereas, I have a BS in computer science and have always lived and worked where everyone had at least a bachelor\'s degree. So, it\'s not so much life skills but things like she doesn\'t believe in evolution and thinks the world is only 4000 years old. And she says things like, \"Granite, it\'s raining out, but...\" So, she calls me an elitist and I correct her English, (which she hates, but she does correct it and remembers, so it\'s not like its the same thing over and over), and we try not to discuss religion and magic too much.

But she loves me like no one else has ever loved me. And she is working very hard to break down my barriers from my previous relationships and the women who have hurt me, so that I can love her with as much intensity as she loves me. And the sex is AMAZING and very often. So, it\'s not perfect, but she is tired of younger men that don\'t appreciate her, and, with my experience, I am fully able to appreciate her, and I let her know every chance I get.

While what you say is true, it is a gross overgeneralisation. I have met people in their 20's (late) and 30's who tend to slow tend like as if they are in their 60s. My father who is in his 60s can outrun most in people in their 30s and 40s. Maybe you can ask your husband to get back in shape.

My husband and I are 13 years apart. Do not think that this will never be an issue in your marriage, because it will. You boyfriend is in his 30's now, when your in your 30's he will be in his 50's.... you should really know what you getting yourself into before you get any deeper. I know from EXPERIENCE!

I'm sorry that your experience has been so tough. But you're wrong to think it is always like that. Most guys I know that are dating women 15 and 25 years younger are keeping up. Maybe the difference is that they found themselves attracted to women who are able to keep up with them. It just happens to be that women their age are not able to do that.

I am so happy that there are others out there in the same sort of situation! I am 17 and my partner is 30. There are 12 1/2 years between us and getting married on our 2 year anniversary. It has been so hard because of peer pressure and such but stories like these help me keep my head high and press on!

Hi! I am 18 years old and my partner 31! im really curious just want to know if u guys got married? I feel so related!!

I wanted to ask you how did you parents feel about the age difference? My boyfriend and I are 13 years apart and I don't know how my parents would feel about it.

I am so happy that there are others out there in the same sort of situation! I am 17 and my partner is 30. There are 12 1/2 years between us and getting married on our 2 year anniversary. It has been so hard because of peer pressure and such but stories like these help me keep my head high and press on!

I was seventeen when I started \"Not dating\'\' *wink wink* the man I\'m with now. He was 31. I kept him hidden from my family and told my friends he was only 25 for a long time because I knew exactly how they would respond and I hadn\'t really made up my mind about him yet, so I didn\'t want them freaking out over nothing. People who knew would look at it and say \"Well he\'s only after one thing\" like teenage boys aren\'t? But we had actually known each-other long before we started dating so I knew he wasn\'t some crazy sex-monster. We were friends first. At seventeen, it just started turning into something more. The guy I was with at the time was my age and just couldn\'t give me what I needed. Intelligent conversation, hanging out without the pressure of sex (which he never got, poor guy he tried for two years) a new perspective, so on and so forth.

He was honest with me about everything he shared and treated me better than even the members of my family. I was eventually forced to tell my parents because he sent my flowers for my eighteenth birthday.. which there\'s no way to hide that and they\'d already suspected I had a \'secret boyfriend\' they just weren\'t happy when they found out the details.

So my parents met. He answer every single question they asked even going so far as to fork over his SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER so they could do the worlds most thorough background check. Some of my family is still not sure about it. But I\'m happy to say I am 21 and still in a relationship with the same man and we are as Happy as ever.

Some of my family is still not happy with it, and I\'ve had to battle my mother (Who has spread lies about him constantly behind my back) but my brothers, dad, and grandma have spent time with him and have seen him in the same light I have.

Just take it slow, really think about what you want. I really suggest not rushing into something. I know this is the man I\'ll spend the rest of my life with, because he is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, and everything I\'ve ever needed or wanted. And if it\'s the same for you, then don\'t let anyone stand in your way. Do what makes you happy because nothing is worse than giving up your happiness because some gossipy people didn\'t like what they saw.

\"like teenage boys aren\'t [after just one thing]\" really resonates with me. Why is it parents are so suspicious of an older man, but not teenage boys? As a teenager, I pressured my girlfriend for sex every day, and got it, but it was just to satisfy me and then we\'re done. And I wasn\'t a big jerk like some of the guys. At least I treated them well.

Now that I\'m older, I\'m still as adventurous as ever, but I understand women pretty well now. I know it\'s more about the emotional than the physical, and I know how to show my girlfriend that I love her - even if it\'s just taking out the garbage after we discussed household chores the night before.

I feel sorry for my 15 year old daughter who probably will be dating guys under 35 for at least another 10 years. Poor girl.

I am in somewhat of a relationship with a man who is 15 years older than me. We have been on one date, but we talk all the time. Pretty much every night. He already has about four different date ideas running around in his head (all of them are wonderful!). We went on our first date yesterday and we already have another date scheduled for next weekend. I am 21 and he's 36. He's had a bit of a sketchy past (which the parents are concerned about), but he has been completely open and honest with me from the get go. I leave for basic training in May, so I am not sure where this will go, but where ever leads I am fairly certain it will be wonderful! He's a lot of fun and so easy to talk to. We like a lot of the same music, same movies and same things in general (mini golf is our next date and we are both psyched).

Dating or marring an older man gives you the benefit of someone who has experienced more, while you give him the feeling of youth, excitement and adventure. My wife of two years, dating for four is 15 years younger than I. So far so good. Any and all relationships are work so keep busy, communicate and stay in love. Good luck!

I am 52 and my wife is 37 and we are 14 years apart from each other and we love it.

Thanks ladies, you all give me hope, I'm also at the other end of the gap I'm 38 and she's 22, we met online a year ago and I we hope to meet each other for the first time face to face soon. I never thought it was possible but you prove it really can be.

I feel I am in the same situation, I'm currently seeing this guy who's 32 years old, he has 2 kids and I'm 19, and I honestly don't know what to do, because I do like him, a lot but I just got out of a rough patch with my family, and I feel like me being with him would roughen it back up. I'm really lost, I feel there's no way that this can work. But I do like him a lot. I'm just kinda scared that because he is 32 and he has 2 kids, he wants a relationship more than he wants me. I don't want to be a space filler, or arm candy, or a convenience, I want a connection, and I want someone who is able to still change and not accept his life as it is. Because eventually our paths are gonna be so far apart, hes a tattoo artist (not a very good one) and I'm in university, so one day our lives will be different and will tear us apart

Queenbean, I'm in a relationship with a 12 year gap. I'm 48 and she's 36. A 13 year gap can certainly work, but it's a strike against the relationship. That is, it will always be an issue, especially since you are both so young. If everything else is wonderful and your heart just soars every time you see him and he treats you like a queen, and you see that look in his eyes that says he can't live without you, then you can get past the age difference. But, that's not how you describe your relationship. I read 3 strikes already: age, you don't respect his work too much (and your divergent paths), and your family doesn't approve. That's 3 strikes. Add in that he doesn't sound like he fills your world with happiness, and I think you should probably move on. Good luck to you in whatever choice you make. You sound smart and well-grounded.

I'm on the other side of that age gap. I'm 52 and dating a woman who is 28. We've been together for 8 months now and our relationship continues to get stronger. I almost never think about the difference in our ages since I'm not usually conscious of how others view me, or us when we're together. After several relationships, including a marriage of 30 years, this is the best relationship I've ever been in. Hopefully, the last.

Props to everyone standing up for love and realizing that age is nothing but a number, compared to the feelings of your heart which mean everything

Reading ur story and all the comments has really helped me open my eyes to my own relationship Im soon to be 25 in less then a wk my man is 40 (15 yr gap) we've been together for a year and a half , and I gotta say tho its been my best relationship sometimes I forget the "been there done that" fact . thank you for sharing ur stories ladies :)

Hmm I don't know, I find myself being told "oh you haven't gotten to that point yet so I don't expect you to understand" thus, making comments that make me feel like a child next to a grown man.

I fully understand this story has helped me I am 22 years old and I am dating a man that's 36 he's real good to me treats with respect I love him.

wow, your story hit hard because this is EXACTLY whats going on in my life, i am almost twenty - dating the man of my dreams who is 33 going on 21. =] lol glad to hear your story good luck!

Three Cheers to you!!!

age anit nothing but a number if you happy and hes happy , keep doing what you doing.

I am in your same boat, just maybe a couple years behind you.<br />
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I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 32 and we have a 12 1/2 year age difference. But i've known him since I was 16 and he was 28 as we were both in the same group of friends, I was just the youngest one of the group and he was the oldest one. When I was 17 and moved out on my own to my own place (which turned out to be down the street from his place) we started fooling around (under my encouragement, not his) and we just clicked so well and it formed a very healthy relationship which anyone who knows us approves. We've been living together the past 2 years and we both have an excellent balance to each other. I Support You!

I so agree here........been there done that is the best. I love to learn from my man.....we're 9 yrs apart (22 and 31) and I think it's a great distance. I honestly could not take another man who couldn't make any informed and smart decisions.We balance eachother out so well......I excite him and he calms me.....It's a very fulfulling relationship to be in..........

Honetly 9 years isn't much :) When they say aga gap relationship it is >10 years.