Love My Older Husband

My husband is 20 years older than me and is my dream man. I met him at work back in the mid 90s and loved how refreshingly mature and drama free he was. I had dated a string of guys about my age (mid twenties at that point) and they were nice and everything, but there was just something lacking. I felt so much older than them and like I was the relationship coach or something. It just wasn't appealing.

I think I've always like older guys. My first boyfriend was only four years older than me, but he was very, very mature for his age. I kept trying to connect with guys my own age, but it was a failure every time. I just couldn't relate all that well to them and eventually the infatuation faded. All my crushes were on older guys. They were always the ones I dreamed about.

One of the things that I love the most about my husband is that he's experienced everything that I'm experiencing and he's able to guide me through it. I spent way too much time growing up having to figure out everything on my own and it was stressful and painful. My husband always knows what I'm going through and supports me. He has the patience, wisdom and kindness that only come with age.

I feel more loved, more appreciated and more understood in this relationship than I have in any other relationship I've had in my life. He sees me as I am and loves me unconditionally. He accepts that I'm a flawed human being. He's never given me the feeling that he was just biding his time with me until some better came along. He's thoughtful and kind and caring. He treats me like a princess and I've defintely thrived from having him in my life.

I had my concerns when I was getting together with him. I was worried about him dying before me and being a widow for a significant part of my life. It's still not a prospect that I like thinking about, but I came to the conclusion that I'd rather have 20 good, happy years with someone who treats me really well than a lifetime with someone wouldn't get me the way he does and wouldn't be nearly as good.

I also worried a lot about what people would think about our relationship and the assumptions people would make. I still worry about that sometimes, probably more now than I used to. I kind of gave up caring what people thought of me along time ago, which made it a lot easier to get into the relationship. I just started introducing him to my friends and my family and with expectation that they'd see what a great person he is and that's pretty much what happened. I think I worry about it more now because I've gotten a bit more conservative since I've gotten older, but I still basically don't care. I was worried about what my parents would think of our relationship, but that had absolutely no problems accepting him. My mom's only question about it was if the age difference would make it hard for us to find things in common, but that's never been an issue. People who don't know us probably make all kinds of stupid assumptions, but so what? They don't know us. The only person who has ever said anything negative about us was this guy I used to work with who said "You finally found yourself a sugar daddy." Yeah, I was pretty floored by that comment, especially since I was out earning him at that point, but after I thought about for a minute I realized that that comment said a whole lot more about the guy who said it than it did about my or about my relationship with my husband.

I'm glad I'm with someone older. I feel like he's my soul mate. He's been the greatest gift I've been given in this life and I love my life with him.

Slackajawea Slackajawea
36-40, F
13 Responses Feb 28, 2010

I love your story. I can say that i truly relate . Ive always enjoyed dating older men. Ive tried to date younger to please my family and parents, being afraid of how they would feel about our age difference. I'm learning that I can't do everything to make them happy because I'll never be happy. I am dating a man that is 23 years older than I. I can truly say that i am in love... we are madly in love with each other and see a future with each other. Reading your story has put my mind at ease of trying to please other people and caring what other people think. Thank you for sharing your story i love knowing that there more open minded people out there. :)

Wow this is amazing . My boyfriend is 22 years older than me ive been going out with him for months now and i feel very happy with him even though my parents still have no idea about our relationship , wat should i do i really wana tell the, about him . Even though hes older than me everything just feels so amazing with him . Any advice ??

I loved your story since I have met someone 20 years older and I feel better about him in 2 months than everyone I've dated in my entire life

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I am so thankful for people that share the same way I feel, Thank you God, I don't feel like I am dumb and sick for loving someone 26yrs older than me.

i have worked with this manfor 14 years and we have a common ground of alot of things ..we have been through the good the bad and the ugly together ..he has been a BIG part of my life and things i have learned about people ,life humour etc ..we have always hada connection with one another but he has just recently admitted it to me ..and vise versa ..he treats me like a lady and he is a gentleman ..we have not kissed or anything but the desire is there ..he is a young 63 and i am 44 ..we or he rather discussed what people would say etc ..and now are on holidays so i am obivisouly thinking things through ..would hate to ruin such a great friendship etc ..i have kids and he has none so no worries about that not see him as father figure opposite !! any thoughts from exxperience ?

I will be 34 years old in November and the man I want to marry is 61 years old. I have known him since I was 23, and I have always had feelings for him. He is the kindest man I know. I want to marry him, but he is concerned with me getting tired of him. He says in ten years he will be in his seventies. I have no issue with that. Love, in my opinion is not based on age. This man brings joy to my heart. He is amazing, smart, caring, funny, and gentle. I love him even more because he is so worried about how I will feel in a couple years. He has no idea that his concern only makes me love him more. Every woman wants to be treated like a princess.. and he does that for me. So to everyone her that has doubts and issues with the age difference, consider this
It matters not what anyone else has to say about your love life, because it is yours. And the person who loves you is treating you the way you want to be treated?? I say to hell with opinions and concerns of outsiders. My man is mine. I LOVE him and I want to spend all the years God allows us... together..

I am so glad to read this I am 31 and the man I love is 57. Everyone thinks he is with me for sex. But the small things and so many of them that he has done for me. I feel it without a doubt he loves me the same way I do.

Don't worry about it. Others don't know the relationship you have with him. I would be concerned if you were in your teens or early 20s, but you are 30+.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too am in a relationship with a man 20 years older than me (I'm 27, he's 48). I have never been with an older man before but he is everything I've ever wanted. I have never felt this kind of connection before. I also worry about the future because of our age gap but he is in great shape and I hope that I can add even more youth to his life. Your story was exactly what I needed to hear.

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I started to date a man 20 years older than me and I feel I love him already , but I have a problem because he feels insecure about been older; he thinks I going to leave him for a younger man .It hurts to me to hear him say thinks like that.I hope he can learn to trust me.

My husband is 22 years older than me and he was insecure too, until I left him after 13 years. That gets tiring especially when the accusations start. We've been separated for a year and I've enjoyed being alone and peaceful. People say how can I go so long without sex. If I don't have love, then I have very little drive. Simple for me.My husband has spent our year of separation trying to get me back instead of leaving me alone to find a younger man. He claims he trusts me now. We'll see, I'll take him back, and now that I have love, I have a very strong sex drive suddenly and my husband is 1000 miles away. It sucks, we should break up again. :P

I am looking forward to being where you are right now in 57 more days. After 4 years of dating and 6 years of being in love with my best friend, I am ready. Thank you so much for sharing. Some days I feel like locking ourselves up in the house and not going anywhere. He is truly the love of my life. <br />
I always wonder if we are the only two people who are in this type of relationship. It is truly reassuring to know that we are not alone. Congratulations. Btw, I am 27 and he is 55 and no there is no golddigger relationship. We mutually support each other and I may become the sole breadwinner after this year.

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SO HAPPY TO JOINING & know I am not in the wrong place:)

I so love your love story!! I think we're on the same boat. I'm married to a very nice guy whom is seventeen years older than me and I'm loving every bit of it. Ever since I know that I'm attracted to older men because for my opinion they're more mature and loving plus my husband has a very good sense of humor. I feel you about worrying about what's gonna happen if your husband died earlier because he's way older than you, actually I can't help myself thinking about that too and honestly I cried everytime it occurrd to my mind because I just don't wanna lose him but I stop and tell myself to not be negative and just enjoy every moment with him. I'm just so happy with my love life and I want every one to know ;) I don't care what other people thinks because of our age difference and you're right that they don't know what's really going on between your relationship and if you're happy it shows. And I know you're happy and satisfied the way I read your message. I just wish you and your hubby happiness and Goodluck! Thanks for sharing your wonderful story ;)

Thanks, RomanticMusician. I'm sorry to hear that people were judgmental regarding your relationship. Age is just a number and the heart doesn't understand numbers, only love. Best wishes to you and you man!

You ARE "more mature" THAN MOST FEMALES;<br />
and I "doff" My Hat TO YOU.<br />
SURELY "older" males DO 'have much to offer' (OUTSIDE of m-o-n-e-y.)<br />
I "can only hope" OTHER Young Females 'WILL READ YOUR STORY".....and "hear" what you ARE saying.<br />