My Experience Dating Someone Who Has Displayed Traits For Asperger's

I am dating a guy named "C"-(Name omitted for privacy) who is 40 years old and has displayed behaviors that is seen in someone with Asperger's Disorder. He is often angry, depressed, anxious, and has a preoccupation of talking about things that happened a long time ago that he needs to move on from. He has issues with cleanliness because his apartment is often very dirty and smells bad, but he doesn't seem to care and thinks people will be ok with that.

I am not ok with it and when I said something to him about it he got angry because he expects me to visit and stay over with the place looking like a pigsty and smells like a landfill. This is one of the reasons C's brother does not bring his children over to visit with their uncle at his place because it's a health and safety issue with "C" not cleaning his apartment to age-appropriate standards. "C" is not retarded and has an above average IQ yet what isnt clear is how he acts like people are to say nothing about his behavior, but is oblivious and does not seem too concerned about changing.

This is why those who have behavioral disorders like Asperger's are often not able to have stable and healthy relationships. "C" also seems to have issues with addressing personal issues like leaving his dirty underwear in the middle of the hallway of his apartment that are soiled and smelly. I had a private chat with him about his underwear being soiled and he got pissed off when I mentioned he needs to check and wipe himself better. It seems like those with Asperger's also have issues with hygiene because I had to talk to "C" on a couple occasions about him having body odor and needing to wear deodorant. He will resort to age-inappropriate behavior like using hand or dish soap to shower with instead of going out and buying himself some soap for the shower.

He has also gotten too overly affectionate and has the need to kiss and hold my hand in front of people as his way of validating his place in my life. It has gotten to the point that my friends and family have said things to me about what they see and it's humiliating. One of my best friends flat out told me that "C" is weird and was trying too hard to be her friend and that's hard to hear from someone close to you. "C" has no idea that half my friends don't like him because he engages in conversations that are not age-appropriate and is trying to sound cool when he looks stupid. I didn't realize how much of a handful someone who's got Aspergers or behavior to this disorder can be a handful to deal with. I am no longer happy with him anymore and to hear him say he misses me and loves me I feel like he's in denial of what is happening in our relationship.
Queenbee7519 Queenbee7519
6 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I can relate to many of the behaviors (and even the hygiene issues).

I recently dated a woman, who I think has Asperger's syndrome. A wonderful, beautiful person. I enjoyed her company a lot, as she is a smart, educated, and caring person, with many interests that match mine. Spending time with her one on one was one of the most enriching experiences of my life. We traveled together a lot, never run out of topics for conversations and it was simply amazing. I have rarely experienced such a joy from someone's company.<br />
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However, social situations, especially in larger groups and with newly met people, presented a problem, with her displaying either reluctancy to interact with others or engaging in conversations on inappropriate topics, which, of course, concerned me and caused some embarrassment at times. i also struggled with the lack of the emotional exchange, which is important to me in a relationship. I asked about it and she couldn't really explain it, even though I knew she loved me.<br />
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My advise to adults living with Asperger's would be to be open about it to their partners at the point when the relationship is strong enough to survive this revelation. If the partners can understand Aspies' behavior and don't misinterpret it, these relationships have a much better chance of surviving.

I rather go out with a woman like that because I have the same problem too.

Queenbee, just reading your entry. My long term boyfriend has Aspergers. We read books about Aspergers, discuss his problems with social situations and work together to keep each other happy and comfortable in the relationship. He is very intelligent and gentle. It seems to me from reading your comments that you are very unhappy with your relationship. Whether or not your boyfriend is an Aspie shouldn't conflict with your own self esteem. Perhaps some time away from the relationship might give you some perspective on your situation. Men with Aspergers who are aware of their neurological differences can be wonderful partners. I would have to agree with an earlier comment that your partner even if mildly autistic is very depressed. Make sure to look out for yourself and your own well being first.<br />
Best of Luck, T

To JP5040.....A friend and my sister are both psychology majors and my sister is a mental health counselor finishing up her master's in psychology and is training to be a psychologist and my friend just graduated with her master's in psych and recently told me that a lot of what I described my boyfriend's behavior falls in line with someone who's a high functioning autistic with above average IQ which is what someone who has Asperger's Disorder has. He's had developmental issues much of his life and has a lot of issues with socialization and knowing what kind of conversation is appropriate for an adult since he doesnt stop and look at the person(s) interest in what he's saying. I had taken him to two family functions and both times people didnt really talk to him and cut the conversation short when he started getting into conversations and comparing things to comic book characters he reads on it made me think that his socialization skills are not where it should be for a 40 year old adult.

I have the same condition too along with A.D.D. but I'll make sure I clean up after myself and I managed to push some things back a bit as I got older. But I never been in a relationship once and if you had someone like me, I don't know if you'll consider me better or worst.

he has had developmental disorders for much of his life and the behavior has fallen along the lines of asperger's because the entire relationship is very one sided.

Queenbee, Asperger's is not a behavioral disorder. <br />
It sounds like this guy is depressed. I hope you can get him some help.