Trying Hard Or Letting Things Go Their Own Way?

What is life all about?
I am so confused at the moment....for a long time I thought that living life would mean giving it your best, trying as much as you can for your dreams and things you believe in. But I don't know now...somehow I may have tried too hard....there was this period in my life when I was so anxious and worried about everything in my life, about what might go wrong and about how things would turn out in the future. I got so anxious to the point of having insomnia and panic attack. I still have them now....they've gotten better at times, but come back now and then and every time I can't sleep for a like a week it just feels so horrible, and yet I still have to manage to go to school and concentrate and do my best there. I've learned to let things take their own course now, and to be in the present a bit more and to ignore the anxious thoughts I sometimes get.
It's just so hard for me...when I get so committed to my work I start to disregard my health, and when I do manage to give myself some pleasure in life and to put my health and well-being above work I'm like this burned out person that doesn't want to come back to working anymore.
I can't concentrate very well these days, and because of loss of sleep (and perhaps some kind of mental exhaustion since I worried too much) I forget things I learned at school so easily. Self-confidence about my capability as well as my enjoyment in learning have dropped quite significantly as a result. I really don't know anymore.....should I just let things be and not aspiring to do well anymore? Or am I supposed to keep my hopes up and still try hard believing I still have the abilities to do well no matter what?
I know this sounds like such a trivial thing, me and my learning at school. But it's not just that...I used to enjoy what I learn so much, and now all I feel is frustration and uncertainty, and when I do manage to try harder on my study I would always have insomnia again.
Just how is life supposed to be lived? In the present and not worrying what may come tomorrow, or trying your best for your dreams in the far future?
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May 23, 2012