People Feel Uneasy Around Me

Hey, I had a few minutes to spare so I thought I'd whine a bit about myself, and pretend it matters.
It's the same everywhere I go. I meet new people, and feel very uneasy around them. I dunno what to say, how to say it, how to stand somewhere (really) and generally I don't know how to deal with humans. Social interaction is alien to me. I see people joking around, being funny and friendly with each other, an having fun. But I can't laugh. I don't find it funny, I appear to be emotionally paralysed. Blocked. I can't be a part of a group, you know, *belong* somewhere. I'm always the weird outsider standing there. Conversation is often brief, and awkward. When people are joking with me, I can't laugh or say something back - I can only shrug and say "yeah".
People sense that I am strange. It's instinctual. Women hate me for being weird, it's a defense mechanism. People in general don't speak to me anymore after a while. I think they are afraid of me. You know, afraid of the creepy and quiet stranger standing at the sideline.
What makes this even more tragic, is that I suspect I was made this way in high school, where I got rejected and put down on a daily basis. I have had no social life whatsoever. I never recovered. Since then, I feel like a second-class citizen, or just not even human.
I live in my head. I think 100 times more than I speak. I was taught to do so, as my self-esteem hit rock-bottom. Now I'm trying to recover by getting new hobbies, but it's the same story every time. I was considered a weird creep in my Jiu Jitsu - club. I quit because I felt depressed and demotivated. At my new job, people distrust me, and fear talking to me. I'm very quiet and introverted, and people fear the unknown. At my new hobby, flying gliders, the seeds of mistrust and fear have already ben down, after only my second day. Everybody I talk to acts weird, as if they want me to leave them alone. I'm 20, and have never had a real friend before, or a girlfriend for that matter. I don't know what giving or receiving move feels like. At my new club there was this one girl. I was smitten, but I managed to hide it well. She was neutral at first, checking me out to see what kind of guy I was. The second day I am avoided as if I carry a infectious disease. Knowing that being me blew it again, I ignore her too, being careful not to make eye contact (I have always feared eye-contact with females).

In short, I feel like I have a massive scar, a burden of loneliness and madness I will carry around for the rest of my life.

TimothyParadox TimothyParadox
22-25, M
8 Responses Aug 8, 2010

I spoke for me. I hope you're doing better now.

Thanks, but nothing has changed. Still totally alone (I only have contact with mom and dad, and that's it), no one to come home to, a dead-end job, and more mental disorders than I can list.

O.O i was just like u. But now i deal better with this problem. <br />
I hope u get better too ^^

It could be some sort of personality disorder, chemical imbalance or perhaps a tragic event during your life that could have caused it. I know for a fact that the best way to deal with this is confront your personal discomforts and try to initiate conversaitons with people.. Even if it's about the weather you might be suprised of peoples reactions. Best of luck with your struggles.

I finally took steps and sought out a psychiatrist. I am determined to make 2011 the brightest year in decades.

Hey, looks like there are more people with problems like that.<br />
I also have this problem of "emotional numbness" and social awkwardness.<br />
But you should know: It can get better. I'm 16 at the moment, and I'm far cry from<br />
the condition I was in when i've been 13. Sure, I know puberty and so on, but I think<br />
it rather was that I've met a good friend back then. I'm not sure where I would be standing<br />
now if I hadn't met him. It's not like he was "the great hero" or something like that, he was<br />
simply someone who was not that prejudicing and mean like most other people. He simply<br />
respected me, and that made it easier to get back into society. Look for those people, and it<br />
should get better over time.

i do the samething . i try not to make eye contact with the opposite sex but when i do wow i get deep stares back but nothing like a weirded out stare. i cope with it by just talking about stuff that i like even if they arent intrested. try to find some common ground. when at work we have safety meetings i feel like the air got sucked out of the room i get excessively tense unless i have something to fidget with in my hands. for anyone else who has this same problem . i think it has to do with the infrequency of nonephenifren or whatever the **** its called. that pleasure chemical in your brain you get . the lack of having it for such a long time causes a burst of it or something. try small doses first then you should fly right into it.

Hey man, I would say my sittuation is not as bad as yours. I would also comment on the fact that if you understand that "a girl is checking you out," then you also understand the ins and outs of social interaction, This means that you are not as bad as you might think you are. It is also your understanding of your problem that makes you percieve your sittuation as a lot worse. May I say at this point that if you understand what is wrong and that there is somthing wrong then you are half way to fixing your sittuation. May I suggest that you stay away from social interaction for a time. You and other people mixing isnt working in its current context. You need to do somthing without people that gives you fulfillment and enjoyment and makes you feel better about yourself and this will lead to more confidence. a healthy 1 hopefully. You will then bring this confidence with you to social interactions and people will respond to you a lot better, At the end of the day F...... people. My thing I do is listen to music before I go to bed.

I feel exactly the same way. Social Interaction is so awkward and strange. I have so many thoughts that I want to express, but I fear bringing attention to myself, and people realizing just how weird I am. My being in college, friendless, has made my situation even more difficult. It`s partly my shyness, but I feel like there`s something else wrong with me. I`m sorry that you feel this way, and I`m sorry that I talked about myself. But I want you to know that there is someone like you, (which is what you did for me) and that I understand what it`s like. I can`t offer any advice, because I, myself am still in this situation.