I Don't Know Who I Am If I'm Not A Mother...

Last week I found out that I can't have children as I have no eggs left and do not ovulate properly anyway.

At the age of 43 and being single, most people seem to think I chose this life of so-called freedom! Well I didn't and I would do anything to change it.

Ever since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was to have a whole bunch of kids. 10-12 of them would have been ideal. I never wanted a career, I only wanted to be a wife and a mother. But for me that never happened.

And even though I knew my chances were reducing as I was getting older, the hope inside of me seemed to be growing. Until last week. Last week changed everything.

Now I don't know who I am anymore. Who am I if I am never going to be a mother?

I hate it when people say 'you can always adopt'. People that say that are idiots! Well meaning yes, but still idiots! First of all, don't ever say that to a person who has just found out they are infertile. Give it some time before you start offering advice. Comments like that seriously don't help in the slightest and can be worse coming from people with children.

Secondly, adoption isn't actually an option for a lot of people. As a single woman over 40 in Australia I am not eligible to adopt. This applies to domestic and international adoptions. And even if this wasn't the case, adoption is hugely expensive and the waiting list is 5-8 years long.

So please people, before you throw around well meaning platitudes, please do some research and know what you are talking about.

My heart is broken in a way I have never experienced before and at this moment, I don't know the way forward. I feel so alone in this as I don't have a partner to lean on and none of my friends really understand. Some just can't see why this is a big deal. Its a big deal because I feel like I have lost the meaning to my life.
doolies91 doolies91
41-45
2 Responses Dec 12, 2012

i am 38 and only just found a life partner, and having to rush fertility treatment before i reach 40, that's when they stop funding for ivf, my advise to you is do what i did and find your self a good muslim man who is loving and willing to marry, as they make excellent husbands, then find a friend that is willing to donate eggs to you, pity you are not in uk i would donate some of mine to you!

I'm deeply sorry.If u need a friend i would to be ur friend.