Never Felt Worse...

My husband and I have been trying to conceive a child for over a year. Being only 24 and 25, we were naturally quite surprised by this. Being in the military, there is a whole other process to getting tested and checked out for what could be wrong. This process, by far, was one of the most humiliating and upsetting experiences in my life.

First, I made the appt with my primary care MD, which is required in military health care, as you can only see an OB/GYN on referral. After explaining to the nurse who checked me in why I was there, she gave a little giggle and said "maybe you are just trying too hard" and told me to wait for the Dr. That was really great for me as well. The Dr. came in, read the chart as to why I was there and said "there is nothing I can do for you. This is a GYN issue. Here is a referral, go to the insurance office down the hall and tell them to set you up with GYN because you are infertile." In those exact words.  

So I go to the Insurance office with my referral, and the woman there says, "oh, since you are infertile, I can't set up that appt for you, you need to go to GYN, here is your paper. Just be sure to tell them that it is because of fertility issues." Again, as if I wasn't already feeling horrible enough, she basically had to announce to the world what my problem was. Her office door was wide open with people walking up and down the hallway. I was mortified, but took my slip and continued on the the GYN dept.

There, I gave the girl my slip at the desk, and yet again I get the "ok, the next available appointment for infertility issues is...". So I made my appt. and left. I don't think I have ever been so embarassed and so ready to cry in public. My husband and I want nothing more that to have happy, healthy children, but that experience truly made me want to just curl up in a closet and cry my eyes out and never speak of this again.

Fortunately, the Dr. I saw is very good, and ordered lots of tests over the nect few weeks, including tests for my husband. I know I shouldn't feel so discouraged, but it is so hard not to when you are a military wife and so many of the people you know have lots of kids. I think the worst is every time I go to wives meetings and there are lots of pregnant women or people who talk of nothing but their kids. I was trying to have a conversation with one expectant mother, asking her when she was due and whatnot, and she says: "Oh I just forgot how wonderful it feels to have life inside of me, don't you just love that feeling?" Not exactly a question I can answer.  But I cant blame her, she didn't know.

We are just praying that God will give us healthy children, and that there is a reason behind our inability to have kids in the time we thought we could.  Sorry for the extreme venting, but I stopped telling people we were trying for a baby and really have no one to talk to about our troubles. Any advice would be more than welcome.

Hope1006 Hope1006
1 Response Apr 4, 2009

Hi Hope1006,<br />
<br />
I am sorry to hear about all the insensitivity you have been dealing with, from medical professionals who really should know better. It is wonderful that you and your husband are both getting tests done now, to figure out what has been preventing you from getting pregnant. Once any medical/physical concerns are addressed, you can then figure out what the next steps will be, to move closer to your goal of getting pregnant.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, please take good care of yourself. This might mean limiting your time (for now) around other women who are pregnant, or who have several small children -- especially if you are not yet ready to share your current situation with them.<br />
<br />
I wish you and your husband much comfort and peace, as you move forward with your goal of having healthy children.