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Husband Is Dying From Lung Cancer

My God. I never in a million years thought I would grieve for my dying husband. It's been 20 years of such cruelty to me and I always thought I would be glad when he died. I know that sounds horrible and one day I'll post my story about that.

But now he is only a shell of the man he used to be and I am realising that there are many things I have loved about Gary. It's HORRIBLE to see someone going through such misery. And even worse is the mental agony he's going through. He cried and says he doesn't want this to go on. My heart melts and I wish I could do something to help him. I cuddle with him and he likes to hear my say that I'm not going to let anything bad happen to him.

He's already been through his chemo and radiation. He's stage3a. He was dx'd laast August. And the survival rate for one year is 50%.

Have you even seen anyone dying from lung cancer? If so, what can I expect next? Right now he coughs alot and says it feels like his chest is closing up. He gets breathless very easy. Just carrying a bag of groceries make him feel so lightheaded.

I would appreciate any comments. Thanks. Donna
DonnaTries DonnaTries 51-55, F 10 Responses Mar 27, 2011

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Hello am new to this site. My name is Michelle and i have just lost my husband aged 44 to lung cancer . Am torn apart. So my heart goes out to you donna and to all you guys that are going through this journey with a loved one. If anyone would like to ask me any questions am willing to answer if it helps in anyway.

Donna.. I'm very sorry. To watch someone die of cancer is a terrible thing. My own husband, 31 years old, just died in December from what started as stage 4 lung cancer, but moved to his liver, stomach, and bones. I love him deeply. I miss him so much it turns my insides out. Please, be strong for your husband. Let him know he is loved. I held my husbands hand as he took his last breath and I shouted at him 'I love you!!!!'. Isn't that what you'd want when you die? It's what I'd want.

Hi my husband has small cell cancer he had them and rad and bet it 90% but the ct showed it moved to his liver they r telling us he has 3to6 months how can they tell us that after he bet the lung cancer they is some chem may buy us a couple pack more of months it that want ypur husband was told any help u can share with me i would app thanks mona musto

Donna. I to Have a husband thats dying from lung cancer after having a liver transplant. He was told 4 months out of the transplant that he has stage 4 lung cancer. He is now getting short of breath and is in constant pain. I feel sorry for him but he's not even triing to help himself. I work 46 hours a week that can not be helped. Nobody in his family calls or comes over cause they don't want to listen to him. Everything is left up to me and he is so hateful and does not care what he says. I am triing real hard to be sympathetic. I can't even stay in the place we live once he's gone. I know I sound selfish and I'm sorry but I always cater to him and it's not enough for him. I don't want to see him in pain or suffering either but I don't know what to do anymore. Let's hang in there together

Dear Clare



God Bless you, your beloved husband and your little son. You are going through a very tough time and it is heartbreaking. I watched my beloved die of lung cancer. he had mets all over his body and ultimately died of liver failure.



In your husband's case the exhaustion may be due to the chemo and radiation. Let us pray that the cancer can be controlled so that he will be with all of you for some more time. however we all know death to everyone is inevitable and one thing we can be certain of is dying.

What I would advise you is to be open with your husband and bring up the topic of death. When you open up with him your fears, he is feel free to talk with you his concerns and this will help both of you. Otherwise it will be what is called as "the conspiracy of silence". He thinks he is dying , he knows you think he is dying, you think he is dying but each one is afraid of talking of death and so the sick person feels alone and unable to share his innermost feelings. For us I was in a way blessed that we could discuss about death and so it opened up a whole new experience. After all our discussions of death, we planned to live one day at a time and fight and not give up. My husband had 2 good years where he was well. We had a good time despite his illness and chemo and radiation. We went for short holidays and did all the things he wanted to do. he wanted to learn to play the piano and he learnt to play a few songs before he died. Then when the cancer returned again and he had it in his liver, we were told he had weeks to live. Again we were open to each other. Wept in each others arms and made the most of our time together. Although I am now feeling the loss of my beloved, what consoles me is his last days and the way he died. I know he was at peace with himself and everyone and that we spoke to each other and were one till the very end. In the end everything will be OK for him as he will pass away and will no longer suffer pain but you will be left behind. But God gives us the grace to take one day at a time. Because of the way we chose to live his last 2 years with openness to each other, we were there for each other. Although I knew he was dying and it was painful, it also had an element of the deepest love, which I cannot describe. But when I look back, despite the pain of missing him, I remember the last 2 years of our life as one of blessings and even the memories of the last weeks of his life and then his death are ones that fill my heart with love. Only one who has experienced this can describe this.



At this difficult moment I am praying for you, that God hold you and your loved ones in his hands and comfort all of you.



Blessings and hugs

I watched my mama die of lung cancer and it wa the hardest thing ever. I couldnt imagine what it must be like to see your husband go through it. But im afraid i will know that feeling if we both dont stop smoking. I need help.

Dear Donna, Teresa and Freemp,

I also know exactly what you are going through, I am a 31yr old mum of a little boy aged 4yrs, whose Husband/father who also has Stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 35yrs old! who was dianosed in March 2011. Im so so lost my Husband is one in a million, my soul mate, my friend. He has been told he is 1: 1000 to have this type of cancer which has now travelled to his bones (spine, collar bone, rib and hip) and is also in the lymph nodes and adrenal glands :)

He has been given 2 types of chemo, radiotherapy to all the bones. He is absolutely exhausted and is half the person he used to be, all i can say is its soul destroying to sit back and watch the person you love, adore and the father of your child try to battle this cruel monster.

i feel so lonely, Empty and scared of not knowing how long i have with the one person i share everything with.

My family are wonderful and help out with taking our son away from it all, but when night time comes i feel im all alone. i try to stay strong for them both and tell my Husband everything will be ok, but deep down i know its just a matter of time.

No one can ever prepare you for such an emotional rollercoaster, i no deep down i will never be able to get over this. I just WISH and PRAY god will help him not to suffer any more pain.

If anyone knows of any support groups and would be most grateful for your help and advise.



Thankyou so much for sharing your stories, i give my love and preys to you all



Best Wishes

Clare

Dear Donna



Do not give hope as what your husband is experiencing could be the effect of radiation and chemo which makes him tired. Those statistics are old and now there are some with even Grade 4 cancers who live for over 5 years. My husband had Grade 3b and he was fit when he was diagnosed. Got diagnosed after a routine work medical checkup. But chemo and radiation knocked him down and he was so tired and breathless and had cough due to radiation pneumonitis, He recovered and remained well till he later developed metastases and died 2 months ago.

He was stable for 2 years and then suddenly got unwell. We were told he had weeks to live. he went downhill very fast and died 37 days later. We had the support of palliative care. My husband trusted in God and we believed that in all things God works for our very best. He was very peaceful. He was able to prepare his funeral service, readings, prayers and hymns. We spent the last few days with him, enjoying his company, knowing he was dying. He was tired most of the time due to the cancer and also the morphine, however his pain was controlled. He died in our home, in our bed, in my arms. It was very very peaceful. He went into a comma 15 hours before he died. He was breathing loudly but it was not distressing.



We have 2 small kids aged 9 and 11. We all miss him terrible and our grief is great. At times the grief is unbearable , however now the pain is decreasing. I still cry often. Now I often think of the good times. We were very close and like best friends and now I am left alone with our kids. But with God;s grace I am coping.



How the death occurs depends on the area affected. My husband's lungs were cleared of cancer, but it spread to the liver and bones. He died of liver failure. Wherever you are, see if you can get palliative care. They helped me understand the process and are now helping me and the kids with grief.



However I would say, do not give up as yet.



Hope this helps



My prayers are with you



God Bless



Freemp

Yes me too its hard unless u are going through it u will never know what its like my husband had chemo today and its killing just like th cancer is my baby son who is 10 is having a really hard time he wont leave his dad side its a battle for me just to get up and then a battle to make myself act like everything is ok when all I wanna do is scream. I am so mad , mad as hell why did this happen to my family and all the other familys who is going through this too. Maybe we can help each other try to get through this and if nothing eles just someone who will listen. I am on fb teresa marie adkins maynard in kentucky if u ever wanna chat. God bless u and ur family

Thank you very much Teresa, for responding to me. I feel that there are not many people who can really understand what we've been through except for those who have been through it. I'm so very sorry you had to deal with watching someone you love to go through this awful disease. I hope we can see each other and chat one day. (hugs) Donna

I am so sorry I am to watching my husband bestfriend soul mate and the father of my son's and Paw Paw Jack to our grandbabies. Yes I have seen my grandfather take his last breath with cancer he just closed his eyes and never woke up.... But I dont think I am strong enough to watch my husband do it he has done 4 different types of chemo about 36 radation to his hip and he had 12 radation to the head and also done the chemo pill nothing is working this is the last round of chemo the dr will give him if it dont work then I dont know what we will do. He has stage 4 lung cancer he has been fighting 14months. I give it to the Lord he has to control it because I have lost all control. I am so so so sorry u and ur family is going through this just remember alot more is too God bless u I will pray for u and ur family if u ever wanna talk I will be here for u

God Bless

Teresa