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How to Find True Love

A personal story in the experience: I Am Deeply In Love
L ove is by far the most exquisite, the most powerful, the most transformative, the most challenging  teacher.  It's messy and miraculous.  Art, beauty, palaces, history has been made in the name of love. It's who we are. 

But so why do so many people complain and whine about love? Because too many people are in unlove.  They are relationships out of need, escapism, they are not full at 100% they went into relationship hoping the other would love them back to health.  That doesn't work. That is unlove.

True love brings heaven on earth.  I have had true love in my life and I can tell you miracles abound all around you.  It's as if every aspect of your life expands, things fall into place, it's out of this world.  You are a like a magnet and keep attracting more of what you've been wanting to create in your life.  Things are effortless. 

True love happens when you are full at 100% and you meet your match, someone who loves himself first and knows he does not need you but simply chooses to be with you. So how do you get there? What's the secret sauce....

The key to love is loving yourself first.
what does that mean?

Here goes:
you yearn to be fully loved but do you love yourself like no other? Do you stand by your side? do you support yourself first, do you honor your gifts and beauty? do you love yourself in sickness and in health?

or do you: criticize yourself, wish you could change something about your appearance, keep comparing yourself to others and hope that a stranger will swoop you off your feet and make it all better? Yes we women were all raised on the Prince Charming concept and I feel really bad that men have had to deal with the consequences of being measured up to an illusion of perfection!

So let it all go ladies and start your journey to love. Open your heart wide, get to know yourself, see where you are kind and when you let your thoughts destroy you, like knife to your throat.  Watch your darkness and allow the love from your own heart to heal it back to health.

Love is a teacher.  True love  means you are committed to love, you are both independent and choose to be together.  it is choice not need. you come together for love, and then....the learning starts.  It takes a good year for the masks to come down and people to start knowing each other deeply.  It takes at least that before you have a real big fight and you get to see how each of you stands in love.  Are you walking through that fire together?

When there is love, there is understanding no matter what.  And when the love is gone, relationships end....don't change the story, please remember and honor how deeply you loved and were loved.

but because you love yourself you know that even when relationships end....you still love yourself so no one can truly break your heart.....and when you are ready, when you have grieved the end of the relationship and integrated it all up, look up to the sky, open you your arms wide and yell "bring it on, I'm ready for more!"


 
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Posted Dec 30th, 2007 at 3:58AM
Brilliant! There would need to be a great deal of trust in oneself, and one's capacity to love oneself through anything. I have been thinking about my capacity for love lately...if one is sensitive to pain...even healthy self-love can feel painful sometimes. Sometimes it is a good pain, like that slightly sore feeling after a good workout, but what do we do with that pain that takes longer to process? I have been taught that it is better to go ahead and feel it because it will probably be there anyway, but I don't want to always feel or react like an open wound, either. Which type of love do I apply in what scenario? I have moments of clarity when I sit, but most of the things that have worked in my life often go against the idea of doing what is rational. I suppose that could be called healthy risk taking...just rambling here, I guess...
     
Posted Dec 30th, 2007 at 10:07AM
That's called loving your darkness. "being sensitive to pain" is a fear you have that you keep in how you tell your story. We define ourselves by our stories. It's time you change your story. I'm sure you could look back at your entire life and see when you were strong. I invite you to look at your life with new eyes. I understand this fear as I've had it in the past. Then I realized all the areas in my life where I had clear boundaries and knew to say "No" that story has not been with me since. We all have stories, life just gets better as we consciously choose to align ourselves with one that reflects our true self. That requires knowing yourself....here are some tips to get through this.

If you are new at loving yourself it's going to feel more than awkward and unnatural. In life either we learn by example or counter-example. I have self-love because I grew up in a household that doesn't have that. As such I had to go through the darkness to learn to love myself. It's a good sign if it seems irrational, that means you are pattern breaking. Here's a start:

DANCE: If you get stuck in self-criticism or there is pain, dance! there is nothing like putting on a tune that puts a smile on your face and for you to start dancing that emotion away. The trick is to get out of your head and get your body moving. Some happy tunes include "together" by bob sinclar (you can find the video on youtube) love generation etc...

JOURNAL, not self pity journal but more a brain dump. Brain dump for 3 pages don't lift the pen off the paper. Go back to it later and you will be able to track your mental patterns and associations that keep you in the darkness. Is it victim? self-pity? competition? (competition is defined by comparing yourself to others...that is one of the worse because women tend to use it against themselves)

TRACK YOURSELF: what were you doing who were you with when your emotions dropped? What what your trigger? Then love it. Be curious find out the treasure behind it.

BE CREATIVE. There are two things that are important in life especially for women:Love and Creativity. As a woman you have the physical power to be a vehicle for life. That doesn't mean you must have children, it means that since the beginning of time women have been honored for that capacity to create. So why is that important because Fear cannot be present when you are either loving or creating.

I have a friend who started programs at hospitals to bring in local artists to work with the terminally ill. The results were dumbfounding. Express yourself, paint (by that I mean just slather on a punch of acrylic colors and why not feathers and sparckly things while you are it...have it be you, draw, dance, write, sing, whatever....open up to discover the amazing treasures you have inside and you didn't even know you had.

This is a good start
     
Posted Jan 8th, 2008 at 7:14PM
This has been extraordinarily insightful even if I am still confused about some of it. Why does love have to involve fighting?
     
Posted Jan 9th, 2008 at 6:56PM
Shaylon, love and fighting do not HAVE to be together, however what I refer to is that each of us has a very unique and precise way of experiencing and viewing the world. As such when you are in relationship with another chances are there will come a time when you will disagree. Love is how you choose to navigate that. Love is also about truly being who you are and engaging with the other in that way. Love means you get to disagree and still love each other.
     
Posted Feb 1st, 2008 at 10:33AM
It sounds like a fabulous concept.
     
Posted Jan 28th, 2009 at 4:07PM
This is very inspiring. I hope that one day I can love myself enough to be sure my relationships are by choice and not by need.
     
Posted Jan 29th, 2009 at 9:05AM
So true!! I'm at this point life now after 21 years of my life in darkness!! I'm starting to love myself and it all begins from me :)
     
Posted May 20th, 2009 at 9:30PM
Well said. Thank you. I needed to hear these words about love and unlove to remind myself that I am lovely as is, right now. Even when exhausted, and especially when in the midst of changes, even when I can hardly pull myself out of bed to work, and especially as I turn to face the sun every day.
     
Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 5:58AM
Thank you for these words.....something I was drawn to and means a lot for me right now. : )
     
Posted Sep 20th, 2009 at 5:10AM
wow. your words are really inspiring, and makes surprising sense. thanks for sharing this :)
     
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