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How to Find True Love

Love is by far the most exquisite, the most powerful, the most transformative, the most challenging  teacher.  It's messy and miraculous.  Art, beauty, palaces, history has been made in the name of love. It's who we are. 

But so why do so many people complain and whine about love? Because too many people are in unlove.  They are relationships out of need, escapism, they are not full at 100% they went into relationship hoping the other would love them back to health.  That doesn't work. That is unlove.

True love brings heaven on earth.  I have had true love in my life and I can tell you miracles abound all around you.  It's as if every aspect of your life expands, things fall into place, it's out of this world.  You are a like a magnet and keep attracting more of what you've been wanting to create in your life.  Things are effortless. 

True love happens when you are full at 100% and you meet your match, someone who loves himself first and knows he does not need you but simply chooses to be with you. So how do you get there? What's the secret sauce....

The key to love is loving yourself first.
what does that mean?

Here goes:
you yearn to be fully loved but do you love yourself like no other? Do you stand by your side? do you support yourself first, do you honor your gifts and beauty? do you love yourself in sickness and in health?

or do you: criticize yourself, wish you could change something about your appearance, keep comparing yourself to others and hope that a stranger will swoop you off your feet and make it all better? Yes we women were all raised on the Prince Charming concept and I feel really bad that men have had to deal with the consequences of being measured up to an illusion of perfection!

So let it all go ladies and start your journey to love. Open your heart wide, get to know yourself, see where you are kind and when you let your thoughts destroy you, like knife to your throat.  Watch your darkness and allow the love from your own heart to heal it back to health.

Love is a teacher.  True love  means you are committed to love, you are both independent and choose to be together.  it is choice not need. you come together for love, and then....the learning starts.  It takes a good year for the masks to come down and people to start knowing each other deeply.  It takes at least that before you have a real big fight and you get to see how each of you stands in love.  Are you walking through that fire together?

When there is love, there is understanding no matter what.  And when the love is gone, relationships end....don't change the story, please remember and honor how deeply you loved and were loved.

but because you love yourself you know that even when relationships still love yourself so no one can truly break your heart.....and when you are ready, when you have grieved the end of the relationship and integrated it all up, look up to the sky, open you your arms wide and yell "bring it on, I'm ready for more!"

CosiCeleste CosiCeleste 36-40, F 33 Responses Dec 29, 2007

Your Response


VERY well expressed, sweetie! :)

I am in FULL agreement!

You speak a great deal of sense, and you seem to be very lovable.
Thank you so much, for being around.
Peter xx

in love its wot yu do that befals yu

the love is river which foll for ever ! <br />
if river dry so v cant c water

i can't forget her, i'm tired.. what should i do?

Very well written! Hopefully someday I can love myself so I can love another.

This is by far, the best I've seen on this subject. I've told my daughter, my G-d daughters and many other females, that in order to truly love, one must love themselves first (for how can you really give, that which you do not possess). Your words are eloquent yet poignant.<br />
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This should be required reading for every adolescent both female AND male! The very least that should happen is, it ought to be made a "sticky"!<br />
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Very nice note on love. Love is really a teacher. When you love someone, you deeply attached with that person. This is actually a love for yourself. You get your comfort zone with that person and you love to continue that relationship. If at any point of time due to his mistake you lost him or her and never return back then you are hitting yourself. DON'T play this in Love.

Beautiful Awareness of Love! Very accurate & valuable words!<br />
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Everything, Everything is Composed of The Substance of Love! As It Becomes Aware of ItSelf WithIn, It Transmutes~Transforms & Transcends Into Power...This is It's Natural & Archetypic UnFoldment.<br />
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Love Is Impersonal (WithOut) Until It Chooses to Become Personal (WithIn) through Intense Desiring, which is Awareness of Self...The Dreaming Princess Creates the Hunting (Stalking) Prince, and Life Appears from Nothingness (Womb of Goddess). The Sheath Creates The Shaft (Livingness)....The Two Meet...and through the Frictional Encountering (Dual), Find Balance In Motional Expressing Between Each Other, And Become STILL...As One. And Disappear Back Into Nothingness.<br />
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This is the Cycle of Lyght, and It's Denouement. Love Cannot be "Looked For"...Your words speak True, Be Aware of It Within YourSelf...Is All that Is Needed...Believe & Trust This...And S/He Will Find You, for She Is Everything & Everywhere Always...<br />
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If You Turn From Her...She will Turn From You. Thus, The Immortal Fyres Both Generate & ReGenerate In the Intensity of Pure Love...Intense UnBending Intent To Hold Her Always First in your Heart...Then, the HeartFyres Burn ForEverMore...<br />
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Such a Simple lesson...

Favorited, I just fell in love with you for writing this!

Captivating and Interesting. My quest for love is great

Captivating and Interesting. My quest for love is great

That sounds great.<br />
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Unfortunately, there are so many things about my life and myself that need to be fixed, it will be years before I'm even dating material.<br />
There's nothing about my life right now worth sharing with anyone.<br />
So at my age that means 'No' to lots of things I wanted for myself, it's very discouraging. So much work that it's probably more realistic to plan on being alone.

Thanks for writing this. I wish I had known this half a year ago, it would have saved me from one costly lesson. We can't change the past, however. Here's to what the future holds in store.

Beautifully said, thank you for sharing this.

That's an amazing story :) Thanks..

All I can say is 'wow'! Thank u so much for writing this. I am completely what u described. I am in unlove. I want out but yet its/comfortable worried how or if I will ever be in love the way I desire. I know she loves me & I love her but not way its suppose 2 be. I am 35 soon 2 be 36 and I can't say I've ever been in love. I am sick of setling for anything less than wht I want. How do u break away??? Does love find u or do u find it. I have allot of soul searching 2 do but ion the mean time I have faith tht my love is out there looking for me...I have so much 2 give.<br />
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Thank u again,<br />

All I can say is 'wow'! Thank u so much for writing this. I am completely what u described. I am in unlove. I want out but yet its/comfortable worried how or if I will ever be in love the way I desire. I know she loves me & I love her but not way its suppose 2 be. I am 35 soon 2 be 36 and I can't say I've ever been in love. I am sick of setling for anything less than wht I want. How do u break away??? Does love find u or do u find it. I have allot of soul searching 2 do but ion the mean time I have faith tht my love is out there looking for me...I have so much 2 give.<br />
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Thank u again,<br />

Fantastic story cosi. This is the most coherent piece I've read on the subject, certainly on this site and probably anywhere else too. I so agree with the main premise - that you have to love yourself first and that the rest will follow from that. Thank you for so eloquently expressing what I feel. We don't need others to complete us - we are already perfect and our partners should complement and add to us ...

I like your words...thanks

I like your words...thanks

Hi CC!<br />
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Very well written story I'm sure my skills in that regard will pale and I'm not picking a fight at all I just think it's the complete opposite of the way true love is found/established/preserved. I'm in the planning phase of a documentary film on true love so I've been pondering my own opinion on the subject (which will be the basis of the film). <br />
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You contend that in order to find true love you must first love yourself. I think if you're right true love would be impossible. Too many of us are just to flawed and we know it. <br />
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It's just the opposite. <br />
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I really believe true love is born of a feeling of complete inadequacy. For me if you are "possibly" my true love, I'm going to feel so "inadequate" around you. "How could you possibly be interested in me?" - "I don't measure up", "You're flawless (even though no one is), "I'm not worthy of your attention, yet you appear to be crazy about ME?" <br />
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I see inadequacy in couples all the time - but it's almost always the woman who feels it and guys tend to be very dominant in the relationship. I'm reminded of the song Under My Thumb by the Rolling Stones. It's typically one-sided. <br />
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For me then I think when it's real love, true love, those feelings of inadequacy HAVE TO BE MUTUAL and so over-powering for both (not just for the woman) and it creates this dynamic where in both are so in love and yet there is this constant tension each feels (I believe it's fear actually) and it drives both to be better people. So both then work hard, they over-compensate, they both become incredibly selfless, out of total love but also it's a little out of inadequacy. And it doesn't end, because the better I become chasing how great you are the harder you work to keep up, and we make each other, together so much better then we could have ever been separately.

&gt; if you are "possibly" my true love, I'm going to feel so "inadequate" around you
It's interesting, but you realize that it can only work properly with someone who is truly flawless, otherwise it's a lie and a self-deception. This is how a person could feel toward God, and He will still respect them, but do the same with another person, no matter how "perfect", and it'll be a disaster.
&gt; but it's almost always the woman who feels it and guys tend to be very dominant
if it's the other way around, it's good night, nurse
&gt; those feelings of inadequacy HAVE TO BE MUTUAL
I am not sure this works in real life

wow. your words are really inspiring, and makes surprising sense. thanks for sharing this :)

Thank you for these words.....something I was drawn to and means a lot for me right now. : )

Well said. Thank you. I needed to hear these words about love and unlove to remind myself that I am lovely as is, right now. Even when exhausted, and especially when in the midst of changes, even when I can hardly pull myself out of bed to work, and especially as I turn to face the sun every day.

So true!! I'm at this point life now after 21 years of my life in darkness!! I'm starting to love myself and it all begins from me :)

This is very inspiring. I hope that one day I can love myself enough to be sure my relationships are by choice and not by need.

It sounds like a fabulous concept.

Shaylon, love and fighting do not HAVE to be together, however what I refer to is that each of us has a very unique and precise way of experiencing and viewing the world. As such when you are in relationship with another chances are there will come a time when you will disagree. Love is how you choose to navigate that. Love is also about truly being who you are and engaging with the other in that way. Love means you get to disagree and still love each other.

This has been extraordinarily insightful even if I am still confused about some of it. Why does love have to involve fighting?

That's called loving your darkness. "being sensitive to pain" is a fear you have that you keep in how you tell your story. We define ourselves by our stories. It's time you change your story. I'm sure you could look back at your entire life and see when you were strong. I invite you to look at your life with new eyes. I understand this fear as I've had it in the past. Then I realized all the areas in my life where I had clear boundaries and knew to say "No" that story has not been with me since. We all have stories, life just gets better as we consciously choose to align ourselves with one that reflects our true self. That requires knowing are some tips to get through this.<br />
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If you are new at loving yourself it's going to feel more than awkward and unnatural. In life either we learn by example or counter-example. I have self-love because I grew up in a household that doesn't have that. As such I had to go through the darkness to learn to love myself. It's a good sign if it seems irrational, that means you are pattern breaking. Here's a start: <br />
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DANCE: If you get stuck in self-criticism or there is pain, dance! there is nothing like putting on a tune that puts a smile on your face and for you to start dancing that emotion away. The trick is to get out of your head and get your body moving. Some happy tunes include "together" by bob sinclar (you can find the video on youtube) love generation etc...<br />
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JOURNAL, not self pity journal but more a brain dump. Brain dump for 3 pages don't lift the pen off the paper. Go back to it later and you will be able to track your mental patterns and associations that keep you in the darkness. Is it victim? self-pity? competition? (competition is defined by comparing yourself to others...that is one of the worse because women tend to use it against themselves)<br />
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TRACK YOURSELF: what were you doing who were you with when your emotions dropped? What what your trigger? Then love it. Be curious find out the treasure behind it.<br />
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BE CREATIVE. There are two things that are important in life especially for women:Love and Creativity. As a woman you have the physical power to be a vehicle for life. That doesn't mean you must have children, it means that since the beginning of time women have been honored for that capacity to create. So why is that important because Fear cannot be present when you are either loving or creating. <br />
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I have a friend who started programs at hospitals to bring in local artists to work with the terminally ill. The results were dumbfounding. Express yourself, paint (by that I mean just slather on a punch of acrylic colors and why not feathers and sparckly things while you are it...have it be you, draw, dance, write, sing, up to discover the amazing treasures you have inside and you didn't even know you had.<br />
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This is a good start