The Way I Feel...It has been a month now since she left. Still I am not over it. At times I am happy, others its like her fragrance has come knocking and brought all the memories about her...
She was and still is the most beautiful thing that happened to me. A sweet dream which didn't come true. It hurts like hell. As if somethings pressing your heart - hard. It is contracting. Things going dark as it gets smaller - as if you're fainting. You don't even realize when tears come by and dry down. The sudden shock is enough to kill.
That inertia...the way you wish it had taken a different course...that they were still with you.
I still feel jealous when you talk to boys and laugh at their jokes. Why can't I be the reason of your happiness? The one that brings that beautiful smile of yours. Why I didn't sit for hours wondering at that smile when I could have..
If I knew it was the last time I'm hugging you, I would never have let gone.
Did I ever tell you that when you look at me, I feel that nothing will ever go wrong.
I miss that feeling of comfort you gave me.
I miss the time when I could just be like a small child knowing someones there to 'take care', someone to turn to.
Now I feel so alone - so locked up. A part of me is dying in there. And no ones there to listen. Who would care? Why I didn't appreciate when you did!
Something I missed...
I still think about you at night.
Its not myself I worry about. Its you. How will you face the world without me? You're so delicate...I couldn't leave you for a second then, and now you expect me not to bother asking to How are you?
When you try to ignore me when we meet, the way you behave like you didn't notice me, when I know you did; you go away, try not to be with me, find excuses - I feel like dying on the spot. Am I of so much trouble now? Have I turned so bad?
What's my worth if that is how I make you feel??
But there's one thing I want to tell you all: Its good that all this happened to me. I would never have been able to know what love REALLY is had it not been for this. Her love can't break me. How can it? She was the one who brought out the better side of me. You brought me together. Integrated me. Gave me meaning...
Moreover, its not over. If my love is strong enough - she'll come back...