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In Love With a Seminarian...

I am deeply in love with a man I could never have. He's a seminarian. [Catholic seminary] He feels the same way about me but now, things are getting awkward between us. Last weekend, we were in a friend's birthday party and he didn't even say hi to me. I felt really depressed at that time. It was our only chance to talk since he's coming back to the seminary the day after. I love him so much and I know that he loves me too.

What should I do? Should I let go or should I fight for him?
ganda ganda 19-21, F 65 Responses Jan 8, 2008

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we both have same situation but i just let our relationship go on .

Letting it go on will not let your boyfriend discern celibacy correctly. The only way for him to do that is to actually be celibate.

I have a seminarian boyfriend. actually he is a theologian now. he keeps on saying how much he loves me. and I'm happy about that. i love him so much, and i cant easily let go of him. many times we broke up, but nonetheless we still return to each others arms. FEELINGS DON'T LIE. i cant afford to make myself believe that i can love any other man than him because the truth is its him only I'm in love with. I know its not easy for me to wait, but i know waiting for him means loving him everyday. I'm not selfish and neither he is. We just care to love each other and fight for that love. love is not always a bed of roses, sometimes it needs sacrifices for that love to continue. because at the end of the day. if its you both for each other, nothing will hinder, and if not, you will say to yourself, at least i did try. but We must be positive and keep on praying. We must not forget God knows how much we love a person, and God loves us and wants us to be happy because He loves us more than anybody. Faith in that LOVE is what we need.

hi.. i am a seminarian. i've been in the seminary for about 6 years now (seminary studies are taken for 10 years)
a prof in one of our subjects asked us to make a term paper. i was assigned with the topic about a seminarian's relationship with girls in general.
i read some of the posts here and found them very helpful.

thank you very much.

hi all,

I am very glad reading all of this because i feel i am not alone with this kind of situation. Like you girls I also have a seminarian boyfriend. We are almost a year now, we are always happy even He is in seminary because we had a constant communication like calling and texting every now and then. But right this very moment I feel sad knowing that my Father is against the relationship i have with my boyfriend, I don't know what to do. We are inlove with each other. Please help me if I will still go with the relationship I have with my seminarian boyfriend or not?

Hi Renemee. I'm a seminarian at Saint Joseph's Seminary College in Covington, Louisiana. I find it quite surprising that you and your boyfriend have been together for a year because of your situation. My question is this: has your seminarian boyfriend told his spiritual director and formation adviser about your relationship? In my seminary, such relationships are not allowed. That's a chapter in our lives that we're expected to have closed. As a seminarian, your boyfriend is discerning the priestly vocation which has another vocation attached to it: celibacy. By the nature of discerning priesthood, your boyfriend should also be discerning celibacy which can only be done by living out the celibate state. In my honest opinion, I feel that you are most likely clouding his discernment of celibacy. It's not fair to you either because you are stuck in a waiting game to see if he'll choose your or the Church and that's not fair for either of you. What I recommend is breaking up and letting him discern celibacy. If you love him like you say you do, then you'll support him. If it is God's will that he leave seminary then he'll receive that call just like he received the call to seminary. The bottom line is that while he is in seminary, he needs to be discerning priestly celibacy and that can only be done by living celibate just like dating is to discern marriage. He also needs to be honest with his formators and spiritual director. I hope this helps

Reading all your statements, things around me got so complicated. A seminarian's courting me now and Im falling for him. If ever we'llbe together, as you were all guys saying, it might be very difficult.

In the first place, if the guy really loves you, he shouldn't be inside. Sorry to say this but he is confused, and it seems you'll be a reservation. Don't fall for the wrong person. Cheer up. There are still better guys out there, who'll love and take care of you. It maybe is not the right time. Let him discern. Don't think too much of him. He's just playing around.

Im in the same situation. I fell inlove with a seminarian. He was now in 2nd yr theology. He used to call me every night. He says sweet things to me. He even talked about we getting married. I fell though, and when i told him about my feelings for him, he told me that we must not end there. I was hurt. So much. I know i will never stop loving him but i need to set him free, though it really hurt a lot.

He has some more guts to mention about marriage. A confuse fellow. Let these guy chase you girls. Who are they? Just a confuse. Don't be a victim of these kind of people. Empower yourselves.

Yes, lately, we unexpectedly saw each other at a common friend's party and ended up sleeping together. We almost did a sin, but i stop him. I know he does't love me and what we're doing isn't right. It just hurt so much that the one you truly love can't be yours. I cannot compete with God. Lately, i always end up sleeping in the seminary, for im close to their order, but they or he himself necer allow me anymore to sleep in his room. I guess the others knew about us, though there is no 'us' really. I'm battling with my heart right now. I know there's someone better, i'll not take the risk if i'm just the one who loves.

Wow i am so encouraged to see that this has happened to other women. 2 months ago my ex boyfriend told me that he might be called to the priesthood and is going to discern. We both were heart broken...and although i appreciate his honesty and i want to give him his space to discern...i can't help but feel abandoned sometimes...especially since we seriously talked about marriage.
What is amazing though is that in these past 2 months I have gotten to know of God's love so much more than I have ever had in my entire life. Its hard because at first I was so immature and thought...God why are you doing this to me?? But as each day goes by - through prayer and perseverance I am seeing a bigger picture....but still I have my severe highs and lows. Just because I'm trying to let him go doesn't mean I want to...i still hold onto the hope that one day he'll come back....but i know that by putting my trust in him I'm not putting my trust in God. I always feel like I'm battling every single day. I think the hardest part is we are dealing with both a breakup and a test of faith. I know what i need to do which is to surrender this to God completely...but I feel so overwhelmed by this intense pain in my chest.
I read on another blog (yes I've been doing my research lol) that this time is my discernment too...and just as he needs to figure out how he should serve God so do I.

Ganda,
I have been in this similar situation for the past 2 years. I'll spell out my personal situation and then give you my advice. I meet my love in Highschool, we were friends during that time, four years after highschool ended we reconnected at a b-day party and had a romantic and intimate relationship for almost 2 years. We had spoken intentions to marry one another. One day he says to me he feels called to the (Catholic) priesthood. Both of us were heartbroken. I ended the relationship on the spot so he could discern properly. He has discerned for over 2 years now. Over those two years we tried to be friends, we tried to ignore each other, we tried to act as acquaintances, everything would be good for a short while and then turn into a disaster. Only when we *both* made a commitment to God to be pure and view each other in sisterly/brotherly love did we click again. He'll be entering seminary this coming Fall (2013).

Darling, I know it is very very difficult to be in this position, but if you truly love him and God you will pray for grace and peace to come upon both of you and then let go. You will never stop loving him, but you must mold your love into a pure, holy, and *detached* love. My ex and I are just now starting to share ourselves (emotionally, and spiritually - with the occasional hug thrown it!) Our friendship is better now than it has ever been before. He is dead set on being a priest. God has written it on his heart. But both he and I are also very much in love. A catholic priest cannot marry, but he can have a special bond with another person.

Work on purifying your heart, mind and intentions. The holier and closer you are to God the closer you will be to this man you love (regardless of whether he goes on to be a priest or your spouse). Fight temptation with prayer, and offer up your pain to Jesus. God is good, ALL the time. Trust in Him.

Hello, I was searching for books about being-in-love-with-seminarian, then I've got into this. I didn't know that many were in the same boat as I am. I am with a seminarian, we are going 3 yrs this april.

I would just like to say, that if you two have the same feelings with each other, and you are willing to wait without having your high expectations on happy endings, then might as well follow your heart. Being in love is for all people, no exemptions. Just because he is a seminarian does not mean he should not love, or receive love. Being a seminarian does not mean he'll be a priest for sure. It is a long process. As what my seminarian boyfriend always reminds me, whenever I am in guilt feelings, "We are just seminarians, we are in discernment process..."

I know how it feels to be judged by many people for having a relationship with someone who is in the seminary. But, I know in myself that I should not let those words affect me. I also did promise to God that if ever time will come that He needs my seminarian boyfriend to serve him, I will not hinder that call. Though It will hurts a lot, I will let him go.

What really concerns me is your boyfriend's answer to guilt feelings. Yes, we are in discernment of priesthood but that doesn't mean that it's ok for us to date. Since he is discerning priesthood then he needs to discern celibacy which can only be done by living as a happy celibate. If he can't live as a healthy celibate now then how can he be expected to live as a healthy celibate priest? It doesn't just happen on the day of ordination. It takes practice. If he lives celibate in seminary and it doesn't work out then great, he should probably leave and discern marriage. But for him to correctly discern celibacy he needs to be living in that state in seminary formation. I also feel that he is not being honest with his formators if that is his view on priestly discernment.

I am experiencing such thing too. But we don't have to do anything.
We just let ourselves love them in a way that we will not expect something in return because they are made for God and not for us.
I know that it is the hardest thing to accept, okay. the feeling is mutual but we should understand that they love God more than us.

GANDA...

I think we dont have to do anything.
We can't hold people, we can't control events.
What we can do is to focus on OUR OWN self.

Let go, Let God.

"Do the little thing you can, and He will do the rest."

As for me, i want to ask for your prayers that I may be able to use this feeling of "love" for the good of both of us, and the people around us.It is not our fault we feel this way, we are just human. But he is in a process, still discerning for his vocation. And I cannot just ****** him from that for the sake of my poor feelings, it is nothing compared to God.I want to be an instrument that God can use to test and purify his intentions, not to be a distraction. I sing for the mass and he plays the song. I don't want to focus on us alone, but in every note he play, in every song I sing.. God is there, ears wide open. Ofcourse He can hear us, He can hear our heartbeats. He can see the glimpses we throw each other. God is there.But sin involves free will!it's not a sin to be in love, because we can't choose how to feel for somebody, it is a grace from God.But the moment we choose to do things which are offensive to God, that is where the evil comes in.So, I just cherish the moment I get to be with him during choir practices.5 Sundays left, before his First Profession of Religious Vows :)And we will be singing for God on that day :)

hi girl... we are in the same boat ... or should i say in the same situation....and i guess to stay in a situation where we are right now would be the best thing to do ...
i would not say you'd let him go because he is still in a discernment stage and better wait for the time where he could realize that the vocation he had right now is really meant for him ....
-let's just wait for their decision, i guess so-
and if time would come that they will let go of us then we'll let them go too ...

Let him go girl

Dear one, do not be d cause of another man's downfall and if a man refuses to answer his vocational call let d reason be best known to him. If truly is to represent Christ before the synagogue, God will definitely arrest his spirit for His service. And God will grant u your fit. May the spirit of God be with us all. Amen

hi brothers and sisters! It's my opportunity to read all your thoughts. I don't even know that there are lots of people experiencing that kind of situation the way i am right now. And yes! I am 16 and fully-in-love with a 20-year-old seminarian. We've met each other past 6 mos. I am deeply in love with him, and it came to the time that, everything he gave me, a chocolate,food,remembrance, or even a simple stuff, i am supposed to keep them. Frankly speaking, i never felt this thing before 'cos i know that, i am too young to build a relationship. I am a choir member, I serve God for almost the entire of my life. I know the feeling of being in love with someone you're not receiving a replacement from them. For me, this is one of the hardest/crucial decision i am going to made. Still, at this moment of time, i am asking Him for a sign. Because I know that God will provide what I really deserve. For me, the best thing to do is to: trust God.. full-of-heartaches but, that's life!
GOD BLESS EVERYONE! <3

Hi keepintouch...
I am a seminarian and was also in love to a choir choir member who used to serve in the seminary. She was just 16 years old and I am now 20. I used to give her some stuff for me to get closer to her and in return she also gave me some wonderful presents that made me happy every time we shares each others thought. We became closer to each other and… that was maybe the reason I fall on her. But the problem is that, she doesn’t know how much she mean to me. I am I little bet afraid that I might loss my friendship on her. We knew each others love life and she asked me if I was been in love. I said yes… I told her that I am in love to someone that she knows but I did not tell her that It was her.,,,

Fight for it... I know... that she loves you but he was just afraid of something that might happen between your friendship.

Get out of it now or you will be heartbroken the rest of your life. I know from experience. You will never give your heart completely to anyone else if you continue to fall into the deepest love possible with this guy. He is only confused snd using you and he doesn't know it yet or he makes excuses to justify messing with your life. I am dead serious about this and wouldn't wish this pain I have experienced on any one!!! I will be praying for you.

i am also inlove with a seminarian...
i fight for him..but then,he really thinks that its god's call for him..so i set him free.and because i love him.

i'am also a seminarian and i love to be with my girl and boy friends!! thats it just make him as your inspiration...

I have a CRUSH on seminarian and it's driving me crazy. He just had a vacation here in the Philippines but his seminary is in the States. It was only by chance that we met last May when I attended mass in the parish where he was staying. Well he doesn't know me, he was just introduced by the parish priest. He is very attractive and nice. I thought this 'feeling' won't last and I kept on shrugging the idea. But a week ago, I saw him again and my feelings just intensified and now I'm starting to think that this is some kind of a destiny. Goodness, I dunno. :|

First, you must detach yourself and feelings from this person to discern gods will for the both of you. True discernment comes from being detached and building a daily prayerful life a relationship with God. God speaks he wants to tell you his will you are his child and his will is best for your path. He will not keep his will from you in a relationship with someone it is a two-way communication where two people are speaking, you and god. He speaks in a small still voice after many hours of silent listening in front of the blessed sacrament,he is truly sitting there body, blood, soul and divinity waiting for you to ask him tell him your desires. Wait upon the lord, "be still and know he is god" working. It may take some time 3-5 years of building that trust and movement of your heart but you will know over time. If it is from God no-one can stop it, it will grow and and continue. If it is not from God you will know and at some point not feel for that desire. Dont rush god is after your salvation not the now time meanwhile, build on being the right person for god so that god can make the prepare the right person for you. Discern and find a spiritual director they can help your emotions and desires. God speaks through dreams,images, still voice, and a call into silence in the blessed sacrament, daily mass. This is gods holys yesterday, today, and forever God doesnt change his beings!!!! Peace and love of Christ with Mary

I believe, seminarians who are in their philosophical studies (college degree) are allowed to have girlfriends. but if they're already on their theological studies, that, iam not sure of. My bf is a novice in one of the religious orders. when the coming school year opens, he'll start his theology. the last time he texted me, i felt that he's a bit confused, he told me that there are serious things his rectors instructed him to do. And that sounds a bit scary to me. could it be the dreaded separation? i asked about what is it, but he wont talk. ARE SEMINARIANS IN THEOLOGICAL STUDIES ALLOWED TO HAVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS OUTSIDE? IS THIS THING THAT WE HAVE ILLEGAL IN CHURCH'S EYES?



thanks in advance!

we have the same experience too.my ex bf is a seminarian also...i love him so much but then there are things na kailangan naming bitawan..at first nung magkaibigan pa kami i ask him f itutuloy pa nia ang vocation nya sabi nya hindi sya sigurAdo..until such tym nag message sya sa fb,saying gusto daw nia ipagpatuloy pagpapari nya..at first galit ako but then i realized na kung t6alagang mahal ko xa susuportahan ko sya...i set him free..sobrang sakit uu pero alam ko yun ang magbibigay kasiyahan sa kanya kahit yun din ang kaungkutan ko

Get out of it now or you will be heartbroken the rest of your life. I know from experience. You will never give your heart completely to anyone else if you continue to fall into the deepest love possible with this guy. He is only confused snd using you and he doesn't know it yet or he makes excuses to justify messing with your life. I am dead serious about this and wouldn't wish this pain I have experienced on any one!!! I will be praying for you.

gracestyle you are correct, during College Seminary, psychology school, they can have a girlfriend and it is encouraged so they can see if this is truly their calling. But when they reach Major Seminary, Theology, then no they can\'t. That is when they take their final classes and really learn to be a priest, then their senior year they become a Deacon, then they are ordained. He has to make the decision before entering the Major Seminary.

We have the same experience, too. My boyfriend is a seminarian. I am 17, and he is 22. yes, we have 5 years age gap. I respect him. I love him. When we were just friends, I asked him if he continue his vocation and become a priest, he answered, he don't know yet. We are happy now. Mag 1-1 yeaar na kami this coming June 2. We met i a convent 4 years ago and became friends. My mother knew about our relationship. She was the first person knew aside from the both of us. She like him as my boyfriend. And I'm happy about that. When she see him in the church, she'll say- "oh si R***" tas magngingitian kami ni mama. Pag wala din siya, tinatanong kung san siya pumunta. Open ako kay mama. Pag nasa simbahan kami, we just look to each other and smile. Siguro yung iba, hindi nila alam na we are in a relationship. Nang nalaman ni papa na seminarian yung boyfriend ko, sinabi niya sa akin na baka ako daw magiging rason kung mag-s-stop siya bilang seminarian. Medyo naguluhan ako nun. Parang I felt na nagkakasala ako kay God kasi parang nakikikompitensiya ako sa kanya.

I'm ready na kung ano man yung magiging decision niya. Kung pipiliin niya mang magpatuloy, kahit mahirap, just let him go. But if he choose you, then you are lucky-- we are lucky. :)

I'm also Kurtloveallistare :D

I'am a seminarian and I have a lot of friends ,girlsand boys. I treat all my girl friends as a normal people outside...... in fact they become my inspiration to push thru my studies and aspires me to become more good person so they were not devils instead angels from above :D

It's not wrong to love a seminarian or who is on his way on becoming a priest. God gives them choices, and i think the reason why there are girls out there who fall in love with them and those seminarians who fall in love,too, are God's test. He wants us to be happy and to find our own path. That path is upon the choices we make.



So, no matter what happens, whether they move out or stay in the seminary or their "formation", Nothing changes . God still loves them. Remember, there are other ways we can serve God.



I hope this helps. You can read Paulo Coelho's book. By the River Piedra, it's all about this. :)



-R.

kuya or ate, paulo coelho is really good :D I like your comment :D BTW, I'm also a Seminarian :D

I've read that book several times. I even considered it as my life story at some point. He's out of the sem but is dating someone else for more than 2 years now. I haven't completely moved on though. I still miss him sometimes.

like you guys,I'm also in a relationship with a seminarian, he is 6 years older than i.. we are just in our 2 month and 2 weeks of relationship.. His brothers seminarians knows about us.. they we're also happy for us.. he was courting me since 1st year college and now we are in 2nd year,, we have no any problems, we see each other at school.. but we cannot be together.. we have time to be with each other every friday afternoon from 2:30-4:00 with a friend of mine to pretend that we are just friends. . it's very difficult for us but we are trying to understand and consider the relationship we have. just last march 09, 2012 in the afternoon friday,, we met each other in front of the cathedral,, i thought we will not see each other because i was absent. he called me we talk very little, he got my phone, there he said that their rectors know about the relationship he has. he was asked to choose between vocation or relation.. of course hearing such ,i felt I'm carrying the whole world,.. i paused for a moment and told him to pray and decide what will be his decision. on that they they will have their retreat. i am hoping that he will have his decision properly,, whatever it may be,, i will accept and respect him.. coz i LOVE him so much :)

Get out of it now or you will be heartbroken the rest of your life. I know from experience. You will never give your heart completely to anyone else if you continue to fall into the deepest love possible with this guy. He is only confused snd using you and he doesn't know it yet or he makes excuses to justify messing with your life. I am dead serious about this and wouldn't wish this pain I have experienced on any one!!! I will be praying for you.

ako in love sa seminarista.. pero ang weird nya, ang hirap talaga.. minsan pinapakitaan nya ako ng pag interest o na gusto nya rin ako pero may time naman na bigla nalang di mamamansin.. Promise ng promise na pupunta sa bahay pero di naman dumadating.. Magdedate kami tapos biglang ilang Linggo di nanaman sisipot.. ang sakit sakit na.... Tanggap ko naman na magopapari sya di ko naman sya pipigilan, gusto ko lang mahalin sya at maging part ng life nya...

This is another reason Catholicism doesn't make sense to me. God said "be fruitful and multiply" or as the Catholics see it "be fruitful and multiply.........that is unless you are a teacher of my word because in that case you should never experience the miracle of making a life or the miracle of experiencing the gift I have given you called love. And hey, forget the fact that people will be coming to you asking for advice on matters such as children or love and you will have no real experience to help them" I'm just saying............

This is another reason Catholicism doesn't make sense to me. God said "be fruitful and multiply" or as the Catholics see it "be fruitful and multiply.........that is unless you are a teacher of my word because in that case you should never experience the miracle of making a life or the miracle of experiencing the gift I have given you called love. And hey, forget the fact that people will be coming to you asking for advice on matters such as children or love and you will have no real experience to help them" I'm just saying............