Anger Misdirected

I'm so sorry for making you feel the way you feel about me now. I was doing my best to get through that I didn't realize I was turning my anger toward you rather than keeping it where it belonged, at myself.
Yes, there was a period of hurt, almost like mourning, and I was angry at myself for letting myself get in that situation again, to love, be loved, and part of someone's life and thoughts. You were more valuable to me than I could ever explain, and then to be cut off, for good and personal reasons, just kind of pushed me over the edge of feeling like I'm not meant to even have a really good friend, because they all go away or get taken away.
I didn't mean to be so selfish, I really did want things to be going well for you, I just hated not hearing about it anymore. Mostly I hate that I made you think that I'm that bad of a guy, that you can't trust me, that I just wanted someone to rely on me when all I really wanted was someone who I could just be myself with and talk to.
I realize how much of a burden I can be, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for pushing so hard in the end, I just came to used to how things were before and I didn't know what to do with all those feelings.
And now I pushed you away for good, made you think ill of me, made you never want to talk to me again. Well, I accept that.
I don't regret ever knowing you and sharing what we shared, I just regret what happened because of it, on your end, on my end, and I regret how it ended. I wish you knew that I am someone that you really can trust, to be there whenever you needed me to, and to never give up, and to love you through everything you ever go through.
I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of letting go to do. I'm sorry it couldn't have happened sooner, maybe I'd still have you around.
But thank you for everything, I wish you knew and trusted that I mean that. Hell, I wish you might even see this, but that's doubtful.
I hope you find all you're looking for in life. And maybe one day, you'll give me another chance, maybe when I'm a better person.
You'll always be in my heart and be one of those parts of my life I can look at and know has been a positive impact, just because, for a brief moment, you loved me.
So, I guess this is goodbye for good. Although it doesn't feel very good. I never wanted to tell you goodbye, I'm only respecting the fact that you do.
JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss
22-25, M
1 Response Dec 11, 2012