Must Fight This Overwhelming Sense Of Sadness

About Three years ago my then youngest started secondary school (she was 11 years old & i already had my eldest there) Well i dont know what happened, it seemed to hit me like a sledgehammer. It felt like a big dark cloud came over me i just couldnt stop crying. Days turned into weeks i just didnt know what was going on. It felt like i was grieving, my little girl was gone, that part of my life was gone and i could never get it back. I always felt sad when thing changed, when they outgrew their clothes started primary etc but nothing on this scale. The following year my husband & i decided to have another baby, i was so elated. We now have a beautiful little girl who will be coming up 2 in November. Although i love her with all my heart i still get those dark feelings, not a strong as they were 3 years ago though but there is something still there. Will i have this now for the rest of my Life? I am trying to fight it each time i feel low and when i dwell on something that makes me feel depressed i try really hard to turn it into something positive. I have joined some exercise classes as i feel this will help not only my mind & health but also gives me an interest that doesn't include the children. Maybe this was part of the problem before, maybe the children were my whole life that i didnt know what to do with myself when i felt they didnt need me anymore. I just hope that sometime in the future i can feel free of this horrible feeling.
HB41 HB41
11 Responses Oct 6, 2010

I am so thankful I found this website. I am sitting in tears trying so hard to not break down right now. I have been filled with such an overwhelming sadness about my youngest son, who is now 10. It just hit me this past winter and I cannot seem to shake it. I just miss my children being small and needing me. I feel so alone and my husband just does not understand. I have a 15 year old also who is giving me a hard time as well and I just feel so sad. Where did my little ones go that looked up to me for everything? I continue to count my blessings everday and try to hold my head up, it is just so tough and I feel so alone in this.

Wow, so it's not just me that is having these feelings. So true the thought of the little ghost children. So sad. I miss my little kids and all the fun adventures we went on. I'll get over this, we all will it is the natural order but it sucks!!!

my 13 year old daughter took down all the "little girl things" from her room the other day. stuff that has been there since she was born, just thrown in a laundry basket. my heart is broken. I also feel like i have missed the last 3 years of their life ( I have been fighting cancer). My girls have had to grow up so fast with what we have been going through, and now those years are gone. I am not coping well.I thought I was, but I had a argument with her this morning and have been a mess since. She is in her room talking /facetiming/facebooking and texting so much. I have set boundries but I miss her so, and hate having to "make" her come out and spend time with us. I feel I am losing her.

I am really sorry to hear of all that you have been going through with your illness, i hope you are in recovery? Its very hard to cope at the best of times when your young ones are growing into young adults let alone when you are having to deal with an illness too. It's hard to tell whether your daughter is naturally making the transition or if maybe your illness probably frightened her and its her way of coping? Its only a thought, i am not qualified in that area. I really hope things start to get better for you very soon. xx

Thanks for your kind words. I am feeling much better today.I am in remission at the moment.with a 50% chance of a cure. fingers crossed. Still having all sorts of wierd feelings about that. My heart stopped beating for about 15 minutes during last treatment, so I am still dealing with that whole thing too. I sound like more of a mess than I am! Nice to talk to someone who doesn't know me. Hard on my family to talk about this stuff. I can and do talk to them. Just they have been thru enough and I don't want to dwell on it to them all the time. Nice to know these feelings of loss at the kids growing up are normal! How are you doing?

Hi Barsueca, How are you? for some reason i didn't receive an email to notify me that you left a message? I'm doing fine My eldest daughter has just celebrated her 18th Birthday! Its all about passing her Driving now eeek! She went out clubbing with her friends for the first time the night before her birthday, apparently Monday is the new Saturday for college kids :) I really hope things go well for you, how long until you know if you have been cured? How's things with your 13 year old? Is she your eldest? Yes you're right its good to be frank about how you are feeling. Bye for now Take care. xxx

I honestly thought I was the only one feeling this way. My son just turned twelve, and it has hit me so hard that he is getting older, and although I don't feel he will ever go very far from me when he gets old enough to leave home, things still will change, and I am having a hard time coping with that. My husband is 10 years older than I am and when we married he had kids, and we raised them together. One is 23, one 22, one 19, and my son is 12. I was sad when they left home. In 2007 we had a daughter, but she passed away, and I am no closer to getting over that, and to add this it is very hard. I know he has to grow up and have his own life, but my fear of losing him is overwheming at times, and I don't know how to cope. My husband is very supportive, and that helps, but he still is not in the place I am right now, so it is not easy for him to understand. I hope all of us devoted moms find away to see light at the end of this tunnel. I will be praying for us all.

oh karen, I somehow missed this post earlier. my heart truly goes out to you. to actually lose a child and then this on top. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle it. they would have to put me in a strait jacket... do let me know if you find that light at the end of this tunnel, and point it out if you please. ((hugs))

hey sadinthesouth. unfortunately, I have yet to find any relief. I hope you do soon.<br />

I am so glad to hear that someone else is dealing with this. I am struggling with this right now. My only child is 10 and he's heading to 5th grade this year and, while I can still have more, I'm in the process of divorce and it has hit me like a ton of bricks that my sweet boy is growing up. I don't just want any kid, I want THIS kid to stay a kid. It's painful.

I am so glad to hear that someone else is dealing with this. I am struggling with this right now. My only child is 10 and he's heading to 5th grade this year and, while I can still have more, I'm in the process of divorce and it has hit me like a ton of bricks that my sweet boy is growing up. I don't just want any kid, I want THIS kid to stay a kid. It's painful.

Ahhh! mtnrain, I'm sorry to hear you are still having a tough time :( Just remember you are not alone in this.<br />
A very odd thought came to me the other day, i actually thought i liked Teenagers :0 & that sometimes they can be quite pleasant & Funny to be around!!!<br />
Just thought that may give you some hope for the future, i'm not sure how old your children are?<br />
one other bit of info that may be of some use, has your doctor suggested CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) , it helped me enormously.<br />
Anyway Sending big hugs to you xx hb41

oh I know what you mean about memories and looking at photos, I can't even do it,<br />
it is sooo bittersweet, my eyes just fill up with tears. I have been to the Dr. and he said my<br />
hormones are fine. he had me try some anti depressants, which did nothing. I am so discouraged.<br />
I want my children back. I want my life back. : (

Ahhh Jd133, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through the same as i did, it does get better thank goodness. I think it is more to do with knowing that the really happy times have gone forever (with the kids that is) and I think the knowledge of getting old plays a big factor. I still sometimes now get the off days but i do wonder if this is to do with hormones Lol! i have also got my little one who has not long turned 2 so she brightens up the day, i'm 42 by the way so i wouldn't rule it out completely. quite a few women have had babies at 45. But you know your circumstance. I hope things work out for you i really do. Mother Nature can deal some pretty nasty cards sometimes. All the best Jd133

Thank god theres someone else out there like me! I cried so much when I read this.Thank you so much for sharing your stories. My little girl is 11 and the exact same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. She is the youngest of 4 and in her last year of primary school, and I know I will be a wreck when she starts high school. I always felt sad when the kids outgrew their clothes or started kindy or primary school but nothing like this. All of a sudden, out of the blue like you it hit me like a sledgehammer, one night a few weeks ago I woke and this feeling of dread swept over me, my kids are growing up and I cant do anything about it, that part of my life is over. That was the happiest part of my life and I want them to be little but i know I will never have that again. Memories of when they were little keep flooding back and looking at photos of when they were little is so hard. I have also thought about having another baby, but at 45 am too old for that now.I feel that theres no light at the end of the tunnel, they are only going to get older, move away from home, then what, it will be just my husband and I in a quiet house. Im so sad , its hard to deal with am I always going to feel like this.